STUCK IN THE MIND

Some times life seems to get stuck in neutral. And we can feel it in our thinking. Just leaves us in limbo. Which is not necessarily a place we love to be.

Oh I think goofing off is a great thing. Heck, I would make it a law that you get a certain amount of such time every day, if not every hour.

Alas, no matter the prevailing wisdom of such rare opportunities we do not have the freedom to make that our life. More is the pity to be sure.

Despite that fact having the mind in neutral doesn't end up always being a joy. Especially when we need it to be otherwise.

Those are the most aggravating times for me. I'm in the middle of some planning of something critical and my mind decides to take a vacation in la-la land.

I love taking vacations, but not when I'm in the middle of some major crisis. That just doesn't cut it for me.

However, one doesn't always get a chance to think otherwise. We just don't have the capacity to rise above such neutral brain moments.

So the only choice is to fake it. Which is the power of double talk. Oh my how it can cover the most sluggish of moments.

Providing you are good at it. Now as for me that is a normal situation. Passing out baloney is something I don't have to even think about.

I just have to be sure I do it in a way that the other person doesn't know is baloney. That is the hard part.

I have to be absolutely skillful in conveying my act so it looks sincere. You can pass off most lies if they are believable.

And making them sound believable is the challenge I have dealt with very often in my situation as a Mayor. So I have had lots of practice.

Not enough to be overconfident though. Just enough to know when I have to summon enough grease for my stuck mental gears to get through a given situation.

That isn't always easy, but I do manage. So far at least. There is always tomorrow though. A time when I try to prepare for by the simple need for insanity.

Well, that is the way I like to think of it. Hopefully, it works for me. But then when you make up the truth as you go, most things work for me. Ah the joy of not following the rule book.

LONG TIME, NEVER SEEN

Ah, the sweet pleasure of ignorance. Those are the precious moments when you aren't even aware that you've been spared grief. Until later and all you can do at that point is be grateful.

Now there are the times in this when you naturally savor those special moments when fate blows some pest in a different direction. In my case that happens to be in relationship to the occasions when I am spared contact with some relative.

My relatives are for the most part just way to influence by the Limburger family genes. That is something, sadly, that makes them prone to the same backstabbing, lying and conniving moods. Which since they are like me, makes avoiding a good thing.

Adding to my joy are the times I have to deal with my wife's relatives. They are little different. In their case they are more inclined to be direct in terms of insulting.

Which is because they aren't worried about sucking me dry for anything. They have connections with Mr. Mammongrabber, our local kingpin of profit.

Instead they prefer to drop by and remind me how my being allowed in their presence is such a rare blessing. Thank you is not the attitude I am inclined to remember.

So if given the option, I do prefer first of all, no contact whatsoever. But that isn't what happens, especially during the holidays.

Which is why I savor the times when I get a chance to get some phone call from one of them saying how for some reason they can't visit. And the lies I can muster to explain my fake sadness.

Oh yeah, that is a blessing. Course I never do bother to explain it is a lie. And you know they never ask either. So it works out great for all of us.

What would be great is if these moments always happened. Now that would be the best blessing.

Only I don't have that kind of luck. I am working on ways to improve it though. Just haven't worked out the details.

My main thought here is that might adopt my assistant Willie Bendover as my son. Then I could send everyone over to visit him.

Well it is worth considering. And it might work right up to the point that I actually had him get a visit from the first relative.

I imagine after that he would expect to be unadopted. Ah, well, it is to dream and sometimes that is all one has.

FUN AND SHAME

Well what can I say? Fun is fun and if you do it right, I mean really right, you know to where you cross over that invisible line between legal and seeing life between bars. Oh yeah that line.

But you know to often we cross over that line and then have to lie about trespassing. Otherwise we would end up having to admit all the fun the other side offered. And that would be shameful.

After all, we aren't suppose to have fun doing stuff that isn't legal. It just isn't right. Nope how can we honestly be expected to savor such things as the letter of the law if we keep erasing it?

Now come on folks, be honest, would you really be thrilled if suddenly they said, okay, screw the rules. Just do what you feel.

It might be the way we feel, but are we going to admit it? I don't mind doing it myself. But then not publicly you understand.

However, I do feel I have a good excuse. Okay, maybe not in the minds of others, but in my mind I do.

Being a politician I do have to abide by the standards of society. Some might say that was an unfair excuse.

Hey, I don't make the rules you understand. Okay, I guess I do help to make the rules. Still, I am only one person.

Which means, I can avoid admitting blame for all the laws. I do influence them, but heck why should I take the fall for the nature of how the system works.

At least it all sounds good. And a lot less prone to anything shameful than if I had to admit that I loved the shameful part.

Ah that is the joy of the system. It does enable me the joy of hiding behind the law. I might have to wear a mask when I cross over, but what the heck.

While I would love to contemplate this reality more the truth is I have to finish this posting. I have some pressing engagements.

Actually, the engagement isn't pressing, not at first. But if all goes well it will be. Just depends on how much booze I can afford before she agrees to cross the line.

Ah, travel is such fun. And that is the one thing I do enjoy at times. We just have to agree to no pictures.

Lies help too.

REMAKES

What is better than cloning a winner? Come on if you are into success, you got to admit this works. Hey, just ask the folks in Hollywood. They are experts and this kind of thing.

Well, at least I give them credit for being experts. I didn't say it always works, just they have had all kinds of practice.

And when you think about it, why not? I mean if you got a movie that was a winner, why not massage it a bit and make it again?

Which seems to be the thinking in those circles. Otherwise I don't imagine they would dare to inflict such options on us.

But the important thing is whether any of us thinks it is a good idea and no matter how many times it sucks, they still are going to do it again and again. Why? Because we keep paying for it.

No there are all kinds of parts of society and life that seem to lend themselves to remarks. Even people.

You can take, for example, celebrities. Now they can do something totally disgusting and thanks to the miracles of good publicity they get to try it again.

We just seem t love the idea of recycle things. Giving them life a second time. And if by chance they don't work well, shoot we can do it again just the same.

That might perhaps in part account for why we have such a cavalier attitude about discards. Just if something is broke, we toss it away.

Till we get in the mood to feel more human and caring. Then we will resurrect it for the heck of it.

And we will remake it according to our fantasies. It might not actually work. It might be a disaster, but you can count on the fact that will we make it seem like a good thing.

Of course this is all based upon mood you understand. Nothing concrete or written with a logical approach. That would never do!

It is much more fun to make this sound preplanned by not making it look like it was accidentally or the whim of words for a moment. That you can count on.

In the end we all savor the joy. Well providing the remake doesn't smell too bad and you can never be sure on that part.

We all got to savor that reality, even if we pretend it doesn't exists.

SEQUELS IN LIFE

Oh yeah this is so much fun. Doing some things once is always a good choice, but when you have to do them again it can really be a pain.

And if the next event is tied in some way to the first event that you don't want to remember on man is that the pits. Like it wasn't bad enough you had to mess with it the first time. Now you get to do it again. This is not a time for a happy dance.

It can be a great time for complaining though. Oh yeah, if the first even pissed you off the next one will be bound to make you even more so.

What makes it worse is not being able to do anything about it either. Which can really upset you if you were so pissed after the first event that you definitely vowed it will never happen again.

Then it does happen again and you have to deal with all those pain in the gut moments you hate the most. But that is okay because you know that this time will be different.

That is because you are going to sit down and take care of it for sure. No more guess work, no more promises or plots. Just a plain willingness of resolve to make sure the world is perfect again.

It sounds good at least. Wish it really worked that way though. Only it never does. Nope, regardless of how hard I try this is more a fun statement than reality.

And even if I know it that doesn't in any way make me the least bit inclined to actually think in those ways. Nope being logical is not the option I prefer in such situations.

Oh it would be wonderful if that was the option, but it isn't. This is more a case of well, not allow the situation to get to me too much.

There are always ways for this to work. I prefer the method that is time honored. It is one that relates to things such a denial.

Which is so thrilling when you allow yourself to be creative about it. Not just spending time lying, but so much more.

You need to resort to various forms of assistance that will really give you some much needed relief from any possible guilt. That is a very important thing to avoid when you can.

Drinking never hurts. And I have tested that method on many occasions with very much success. Ah it will always warm the heart when it works.

Alas I can't always recommend it to others. However, if you do happen to want to split a six pack, I'm there for you.

Just stop it

Simple enough advice isn't it? Nobody ever takes it though. That you can depend upon. In fact most of the time people normally don't look upon advice as a good thing. We might listen, but we won't apply the advice.

Mainly I guess that is because we prefer to screw up for ourselves without help. Not that we enjoy being wrong. That part we definitely are not excited about unless we decide to lie about it.

But regardless of that fact, we definitely have those moments that do leave us other than happy with our own choices in life. I hate to admit that, still it is true.

Perhaps if we had a way to always blame somebody else it would be different, but normally it isn't. We just savor the moment as best we can and hope nobody yells out, that was sure stupid as a choice.

Yeah, I worry about those moments. Maybe you never do. However, I have enough forehead slapping moments I don't feel I have a choice.

Just have to do my part to avoid admitting them. Which can be extra tough when there are those sitting around with reasons to make you feel like an idiot.

Ah, those are great to avoid. Really a wonderful time to just sit back and be grateful when you escape such disappointments.

It can be tough, that is for sure. A real challenge to the mind at times. You just have to let it not get to you in terms of morale.

What a pity we can't just manage some way of escaping this insanity. Really, wouldn't it be great to avoid the times when somebody has to remind you that you have those moron moments?

Well, it is fun to be able to dream. I love dreaming. Just too bad they aren't reality Now that would truly give us a reason to smile.

But with my luck what would happen is that the dreams would be the first thing to end up being stopped. Yep, I can see how that would suck big time.

Fortunately, I'm grateful I do luck out at times and get the best of both worlds. I'm able to get my dream and tell somebody to just stop it.

Those are the precious moments in my thoughts. What can I say? We don't always get what we want.

Hopefully we at least get some of the things we dream and never the things we deserve. Well at least for me that is true.

QUIET PLEASE

A wonderful sentiment when it is accomplished. Which is never when we want it. More like it happens only when somebody decides they want quiet. Not when anyone else thinks it is a good idea.

As for me, well I think this is best when I achieve this in terms of not dealing with employees. Now that is really fun.

It is so thrilling to be able to find the right times to be sure my employees are forced to keep quiet. Providing I am able to do it on my terms. Which is so satisfying.

The big trick is to be sure the employee doesn't know your real motivation. You have to make it sound like you have no choice.

Then they sort of get comfortable with the idea. Just aren't that thrilled about having to shut up when they don't want to. So they get grumpy if you don't handle it right.

Which naturally is the one thing you definitely try to avoid if you want to stay sane. And not risk having somebody go crazy on you. That is something to avoid.

And you can be assured I work very hard at that part. My favorite way to accomplish this naturally is with the use of committees.

This is the most perfect option you understand. Because nobody can complain when you are busy. You have all these wonderful witnesses.

So if you have to sacrifice your time in order to get something done it is a good thing. Naturally, that excuse does actually get some slack in terms of those want part of my time.

But you have to make it believable though. You can just claim you have to have a committee meeting.

Now the hard part is when you really don't have any meetings scheduled. Then you have to fake it.

Only you can't let the person know you are faking it. That definitely doesn't work. Nope, I tried that and you will get caught.

What I do is create enough bogus committees so they appear to be real. As Mayor I do have that right.

And it truly does satisfy when I can keep the pretense working. It can be tough admittedly.

But we do what we can to make it all work.

UNDER THE GUN

Now the gun in this case is stress from a deadline or other source that makes you feel if you don't get something done, your going to be shot by consequences. Really is a crappy feeling too.

I can't speak for anyone else, but I know I don't enjoy this option. It really is not on my list of favorite things.

Of that you can be sure. I wouldn't even list it as on my list of things I even want to remember in any way.

However, I don't always get a choice in that part. Wish I did. For if I could legalize some never in this life time types of options on this subject you can be sure I would.

I have to admit the idea definitely is appealing. The closest I come is with being able to make laws so I can avoid a gun at my head by pointing towards somebody else.

For me that is progress. I won't say how others view it. At least not the ones who get stuck with the gun pointed at them.

Happy is not the word I would use to describe their view on this. And I don't think it would do any good to try and list what they do think.

My postings are perhaps not the best place to share their comments and opinions. You can just be sure, uplifting is not a word for them.

In any case I think the joy for me comes from doing my part to assist in the proper education of others. This is my charity act of stress management.

See without my valuable assistance think of the number of people who might be deprived of the joy of learning how to cope with such issues. They could end up with such a hopelessly slanted view of reality.

So what better service could I be than to help keep them aware of the reality. So they can prepare for those times when life disappoints.

And what disappoints better than having your pocket book suffer? Now I ask you is that a good object lesson or what?

Pity more people don't seem to share that point of view. Alas, one just can't always be able to help others see the merits in such things.

I do what I can in my small way. Such as increasing taxes whenever possible. Just following through with the concept of giving till it hurts or no pain no gain. Course with the latter it is the voters pain and my gain But I think that is a good arrangement. Wish my voters did though.

TOUCH ME

Ah now come on this should be such a thrill. A chance to have someone truly touch me in a way that makes me have fun.

Now this is opposed to the idea of having someone make fun of you. That is not the joy I look forward to.

Of course the hard part is always finding people who are open to my concept of the fun me option. People are kind of funny that way.

They aren't against having fun. Just the concept of making sue it is for somebody else. Unless they get to have fun too.

That is sort of a big issue. Which I can understand. I mean most of us don't sit around and suddenly decide, hey, let's make some other dude have fun for a change.

It just doesn't work that way unless you are going to get something in return. Then no problem!

Oh yeah, tell me you don't feel that way too. Yep, let's consider that to be a great way to deal with life.

Come on now, tell me you wouldn't be thrilled to have somebody come up to you out of the blue and decide to make your day in a good way. Wouldn't that be special?

I think so. And I feel if we got behind this idea it would be the best way to have it take off and end up a blessing.

Now I am of the inclination to think that it would help if I volunteered to be the person this was tried on first. You know to get the bugs out of the system.

It might be a tad of a challenge, but what the heck, I'm willing to make the sacrifice if needed. I just would be willing to see how it happen.

Then naturally after it proved to be okay, we could end up having a whole new view of what is right and decent in life. And then life could slowly improve.

All because we changed things by thinking in terms of fun. Then we can rise above our lethargy and dullness.

I think that would truly be such a glorious transition in life. To sit there and savor those special moments when life just turned into a serious of blessed sighs.

I can live with that option. And all it takes it a little resolve on our part. Yep, we can all savor such options. I'm sure with the right amount of effort we can all benefit down the road. I'll be waiting for that call.

DOING IT

Oh yeah, we all got to have joy with this one. Doing it is so important. So satisfying and when we do it right, so fantastic.

But then you do have to be careful about the type of doing it we are talking about here. There are some doing "its" that suck even if you do it right.

Hate to disappoint by not going to the obvious on this one, but my idea here is related to other types of doing. Such as projects around the house.

Now where is it written that we really have to spend our weekends doing this? It isn't in some place I have found that I know of.

You'll never convince my wife of that. She figures Saturday is the perfect day for me to work like a dog taking care of crap that I don't even care about.

Oh yeah like I look forward to working all day during the week then all Saturday too. Yep that makes my day.

But naturally, my wife doesn't see it that way. She views this as us time. Which means us are going to do whatever is on her mind.

Us does not mean her doing any of it though. Just that us only means I'm there for ME to do the work.

And let me tell you, that is not my idea of how to enjoy a Saturday. Nope, I could easily pass on the whole thing.

But I can't put it that way to the princess. Instead of how to appeal to her sense of lust. As in shopping.

What I do is strategically place a few sales ads from the mall for her to see. Those are normally enough to get her attention.

Of course I always act like I'm going to do the chores she left me to do. I put on my work clothes and dig out the tools.

But after she is gone, I call a handyman to do the chores. Making sure that he is gone before she returns.

I then put the phones on forward to my cell phone so I can make sure I can answer the phone while at the bar or whatever. Now that is a nice change.

And if I work it right, I get back, the job gets done and the only thing that got a workout is my pocket book. I can live with that one.

Just not with the wife finding out.

COPING

A wonderful fantasy. Not particularly realistic I suppose, but nice to imagine. Most of the time I don't see this as a reality.

I know a lot of people who might associate it with being mature. But I think mature includes honestly.

But as a rule I don't think that most of us truly handle panic and stress in a mature manner. We love to lie about it I think.

After all if you are a leader you truly want to be regarded as mature. Coping is a big part of that.

Only perhaps not the element of control we aspire. Why? The basic fact is because we are human. And to be human is to be capable of less than perfect behavior.

So why would we presume it would be different when it comes to the area of control? Because, it somehow sounds better.

Honestly there are some amazing strange people out there. They love to think the world is the kind of place where we are do totally capable of making the world what we want.

My response is STUPID! That kind of thinking has always lead to disasters. Only you can't get people who think that way to accept it.

Just not something you can ever change. Not without surgery for them. Only it isn't the kind that you can expect to have result in the person surviving the operation.

I consider it a mercy stroke. Such people are well, better off if you take away their stupidity. At least in my book.

But then I don't imagine anyone will let me vote on that part will they? I wish they did. However that isn't the way it works.

In any case I do have hoping that coping will someone turn into daily life. Have no idea why.

Some would be so inclined to ride the loony train instead. Really is so wonderful I suppose.

But then heck, were would the fun be in thinking that if you can't control things it might really be significant in life of other issues? Nah, who can let that affect them?

Guess I will not let that concern me will I? Nope, I know I don't control things. Just is more fun to join the party.
The one where we all wear funny hats and call them brain inspirations.

HANDLING IT

Oh man this is so easy to say. Not as easy to do. For the record, handling things doesn't happen if you don't actually handle IT!

That to me is the first and foremost rule of this issue. Don't take time to tell me you've handled it if you haven't actually touched it! Please, don't drive a stake through my heart with that one.

Which naturally always happens no matter how many times I point that out? Why, well besides the fact that the person is a moron, there is the sad fact people assume you are also an idiot.

Is there an upside to any of this? Yes, it is when something actually gets done. That is the part that truly is a plus.

I'm not talking either about talking about doing as part of the doing. Sorry, that doesn't count to me.

I know, I'm silly about such things. But I do not like standing before the press full of confidence that my admiration had it finest moment and then find out it was crap.

That definitely doesn't get myself in a mood for celebrating. It might work for some, but not for me.

Nope, I expect people with hands and arms to not tell me that they have handled something when it they didn't do a darn thing. And that is not the joy I love to claim in life.

In any event the real complication with all of this comes from the times when you have no choice, but to take somebody's word for something. Man does that suck!

I just have those occasions when I don't have the time or inclination to go and ask to see proof when somebody has handled things. Just can get too complicated.

However, I do try keep tract of the times when somebody really does have a good batting average on this. There are some you just learn to trust. They will really hit a home run every time.

There are others naturally, you can trust no matter what happens. Heck you'll be lucky if they even show up at the ball park.

The big pain is when you got a rookie. They haven't even gotten to the plate yet. So you have no idea how they will do till the try.

I only hope they do it without decided at the last moment to head to the showers early. Normally they do not bother to tell you either.

FOLLOW ME, SORT OF

Oh yeah, I love to be the leader. That is in leading myself. Not others so much. Actually I should say, leaders others is great when they truly follow.

Too many suck at the following part. Which makes leading them the pits. And for me if I have to lead by having a bunch of stupid stumble bumps tagging along who are brain dead, forget it.

You can call that being picky if you want, but not to me. I call it being realistic. A very appropriate place to be if you ask me.

Course nobody is asking me, which is the main problem. I mean where did this idea come from that being in charge meant you had to listen too? I never voted for that.

I know, because I keep very detailed records on such things in my private files I don't show the government where I faithful account for each bribe received. So you can bet if I had been paid off to vote for something I would remember. So there!

Meanwhile, I still struggling with this whole idea of being forced to tolerate questions from those I have to tell what to do. Just shut up and stop bugging me. Jeez, this is annoying.

Okay, I don't want to hear any more griping about being forced to do crap. Come on if you are destined to be a troll, then cope.

See the problem is we have too many people who think they are going to someday be kings. Now maybe a few wil.

But in reality, most will stay trolls. Even a few who were suits and drive luxury cars. Just is hard at times to get some people to embrace that reality.

Life might be easier all around if they did. We would have so many fewer problems. After all, to me a troll is somebody who truly has to be a servant to somebody else.

Which is pretty much everyone when you think about it. Just some aren't willing to accept that fact.

I consider that to be a problem we need to work on. Which is why I only want to cope with this whole deal in a way that truly helps.

I do this by the means of simply making sure each person gets the kind of experience with trollism they deserve. It is a hard job at times to embrace, but I do my best.

Now it is time for me to go. I have a few trolls to be sure get what they deserve. And that is a job somebody has to do. So I accept that mantle even though I know it doesn't always get me popular. Just the joy of teaching.

DRIVE IN

Ah, the former palaces of lust from the past. One of those cherished places one always savors for its joys.

Only time has a way of stripping away those palaces. You can't salvaging them even if you want to.

So you end up looking for substitutes. Which lead people I think first to those fast food drive in places.

Only you couldn't get as lucky with those places in terms of dates. So you had to settle for stuffing your face instead of stuffing other things. Resulting in severe cases of one kind of frustration that lead to so many overweight people. My theory you understand.

That lead from my view to the point where the basic human desires got totally surrender to accept there were no more safe and cool places for dating. So in time the drive in fast food places were changed to drive thru places.

Just another decay in the reality that we were running out of cheap place to go in order to get lucky. So we had just look at fast food places as somewhere to get through fast. Holding onto the illusion that something good might happen in a car.

From there we declined to the obvious. Drive thru everything. Thus cars became a place to function for other than the pleasure spots they were when there were drive ins.

So now we just concentrate on the crap we have to do and not the joy we really want. Which is to me sad.

I think we need to fix that problem. But it doesn't have to be the usual drive ins. I mean who went there to watch movies?

I never did. And why bother even having the movie then? Just a waste of time if you ask me.

Nope we need a new approach to drive ins. I think something like the Limburger Drive in for self entertainment.

Yeah, that sounds cool. We cold probably even revise the snack bar to sell certain entertainment accessories.

Naturally that would have to include lots of batteries. But I imagine it would work. Oh yeah I'm all for it.

All I need is to get the right kind of options in terms of places. I'm sure I can work that out. I imagine there are some places I could convert like say cemeteries. We could most those over to old folks homes. Save them a trip when the time comes.

BACK UP

This can be a good thing in a car. But when you have to back up from some opinion it isn't always a joy.

Which is one thing I never admit that I do. There is no way I will dare to acknowledge such a thing to others. Not when it means they will expect me to do things different.

That just isn't doable for me. Mainly because it always ends with something stupid happening.

By stupid I mean you are not going to get me sucked into some place where you can expect me to always say I was wrong. It just is not a good idea.

Okay, I admit that it is a little less than you know being understanding. It is more like being selfish and having a ego.

But I do excuse it as having to do with being a Mayor. After all I am suppose to be in charge. To inspire confidence on so many levels.

How can I do that if I appear too wishy-washing? That would help with the cause. Nope I have to defend my position no matter what.

The only part that is nice is how it allows me to practice my lying. Ah, that is such a joy. I have to confess I do savor that part.

It does my heart good to have those special moments when I celebrate my creativity so well. That is such a blessing.

And I also get a chance to avoid looking like an idiot. Who can ask for more than that? Not me.

Nope, I'm just content to sit back and cherish my imagined glory. It would be enough for me.

Actually, as long as I can write reality as it works for me, I'm happy. It is so important and worthwhile to getting through life.

Really is important when you are living a lie all the time. And in my case that will never change.

Unless by some crazy chance I end up with some situation where I can manage to never get caught saying something that isn't true. Good luck on that part.

But since that isn't likely to happen, I'll just be content to mill around in the wonderful satisfaction of my delusion.

A nice place to visit, but I do have to live there.

THE FUTURE

This is sometimes a subject that makes me want to go blah. Oh yeah, when I think of the future there are occasions I just go, why?

I can't help it. I might feel different, but the problem is I can make sure the future is great. Wish that was my choice.

I could definitely live with that option. Just a few times when it would be so cool to know for sure what I plotted would happen.

Then I could get all excited. How could I otherwise? It sure might give me a reason for a smile.

Alas that is the substance of dreams and not reality. Wish it was reality. But then it does pose some big problems.

A lot of people wish they could tell the future. Now we are only talking about seeing it, not changing it.

See that is the problem. You can't actually control it. Now if I could see it in a way that it became only want I could make it then that would be something.

But actually if you saw tomorrow and it was the pits or you saw something terrible, would you really want to know? We all would love good news, but honestly what if is bad news?

Not sure that falls under my need to know or even my desire to know. And frankly what I would love the most is to be able to make it what I want.

That part you know you can't do. Although it doesn't mean I would prefer it that way. Actually I'm not even greedy in that regard either.

I don't want everything I crave to become true, just a few things. Enough to feel like life was the least bit hopeful.

Now I admit that I'm a tad selfish in that sense. I'm not looking for world peace or utopia. Those things would probably be impossible anyway.

Perhaps not impossible. Just not very realistic. I mean let's be practical. What kind of miracle would it take for people to truly get along in this world?

Frankly I think the only way you might achieve it is if all the people disappeared. Yeah, that might not seem like the perfect solution, but right now I think it is the only one that would work.

Since that isn't going to happen though, I'll settle from my dreams.

TIMING

There are some things in which this is so important. You just never know when the ticks of a clock will be a thing that spells fortune or doom.

It would be fun to maybe just throw the clock away, but that never seems to work very well. Wish it were that easy.

However, because it doesn't we are forced to make allowances. Which for me translates into doing what I can to waste other people's time.

I'm sure you've heard of labor saving devices. Well for me that includes people. Providing I can get their cooperation on pissing away their time.

That is often not as much of a problem as you might thing. It is really amazing how with the right type of lie you can get people to do so many things for you.

But that is the joy of my office. As a Mayor if I pay attention to somebody who is normally ignored, oh man you can pretty much make them do anything.

Which always makes my life so much more blessed. It just feels so good to be free from stressing out over time.

The main thing for me that causes stress is the little crap. You know those chores where you have to do something totally dull and time consuming that amounts to a yawn.

Those are the ones I love to avoid as much as possible. And the fun part is making them sound like they are the most important duty in the world.

That can be a challenge with things like car washes and picking up dry cleaning. You generally have to spice them up a bit.

Paranoia is a great way to do that. Just a hint that something terrible lurks as a threat if you don't complete some chore.

Ah, how that will appeal to some. You just give the appropriate hint and they will do anything to get a shot at the chore.

Just is so fun to make a person thing some absurd. I tell you there is no way I would be able to have expected anyone to have believed that there was a risk of soap shark at the car wash.

Still admiring my luck on that one. But it isn't every day that you get the joy of having God bless you with the gift of a complete moron.

That kind of blessing just doesn't happen enough for my tastes. But when it does, I almost feel like praying. I said almost.

LIFE AND TIMES

Ah well this really is such a cherished deal to me. Honestly, I love the whole concept myself.

Mainly because you can pretty much do this later and paint it anyway you want. Oh yeah it works great. With the right effort you can be anything you want and be as great as you feel you deserve to be.

Now that is wonderful if you ask me. The good thing is if you wait long enough nobody will be around to call you a liar. Isn't that special?

I think it is great. The best option you can have in the world if you allow yourself that choice.

The big problem is that you can't have this when you want it. There really is a timing issue.

Which can give you a headache. If you depend upon things being you know available to be massage then you have to worry more than if you just want to remember.

People who don't conjure facts don't have to worry about this. But with me when I have all those lies I come up with, it is really a pain at times.

I know this all seems odd, but honestly it really does make a big difference for guy like me. After all I'm a politician and that means I have to lie.

Okay sneer if you want, but it is true. If I was to resort to always telling the truth, I would be in big trouble.

Mainly because of the fact that it would end in me being totally alone. At least as politicians go.

After all there isn't much reward for telling the truth. Okay in our illustrious history we did have a couple of President's know for their honesty.

One got kudos for telling the truth about chopping down a cherry tree. Try that today! You would have the darn environmentalist all up in arms today. Yeah, tell me that wouldn't happen.

Then there was that other really tall president known as honest. It wasn't flowers that John Wilkes Booth gave him at Ford theater, thank you very much!

And somebody thinks I'm going to do things different, forget it. This doesn't fly for me. I'll stick with massage the facts as needed.

I might have to look over my shoulder to see if some actor is toting a pistol, but hey, that's the breaks.

BEGGING FOR NOTHING SPECIAL

We all know with usual specials you are promised something in return for your money or time. It is suppose to be a bargain in order to appeal to your greed.

Which I think is a good thing. Everyone is always thrilled to get more for your money than you expect.

What I'm talking about here are the head scratching moments. That is when somebody tries to get me to believe that you can actually do great by giving them something you have.

It is a great myth from my view. And truly fabulous if you actually are the one getting. Not so hot if you are on the giving end.

But that is okay. I'm still working on how to make this best work for me. There are times when it does seem to work better than others.

I'm always grateful for those. Really does make me so happy. Just another fabulous opportunity to use inspiration and pure greed to gain in life.

Now as a rule there are plenty of people out there who might assume you know I'm treading on the charity route here. However that isn't the case. It might seem like that, but it isn't.

Nope, for me this is about my favorite thing, raising money for me to get reelected. It really is the perfect fund raising scam.

I think of it as a scam, others would think of it a different way. Which is fine, but the plain fact is from my view I regard it as a form of charity.

Why, well for one thing, I get money I didn't work for. And like charity I do use this as a promise to help people. Yep, I do make campaign promises.

So to me I'm baiting the whole deal with a chance for someone to actually get a shot at something in return for their contribution. Naturally, I make every effort to create the illusion that my money is going for something worthwhile.

But in reality it is going into my pocket. And I have every intention of spending it too! That is the fun part of it.

Oh there are times I have to pause and make an effort to actually do something worthwhile. I really hate those moments.

They are the annoying ones. Just a time I get really upset if it costs too much on my part. But then I'm grateful I can lie my way out of them most of them. Enough that I get totally thrilled with the memories of money begging for nothing in return.

UP. UP, SPLAT

Ah, there is such joy in life at times. It comes when you can dream. Or at least feel like you can.

Just a little moment of wonderment that lets you think you can fly. Course you can't, but it is fun to believe you can.

While it is entertaining to visit such wonderlands it is a whole different issue to think you can live there. By such delusion have lives be rendered accidents waiting to happen.

And when somebody decides to go flying without a plane all you can do is sit back and watch them while waiting for the predictable splat that always follows. It is a time when you really are glad there are no parachutes for such sky diving efforts. There is just something satisfying about seeing them go splat.

Not that I necessarily am thrilled to see them in pain. More like I'm thrilled to see them get the only type of object lesson that seems to work.

That is not to say there aren't times when I'm thrilled to see the suffering too. It just isn't my only thrill.

I think I could savor such joys though as a regular form of entertainment. Providing, I was able to avoid being among the clowns putting on a show.

I know this is being two faced. Hey, I never said it wasn't. As far as I'm concerned that is okay from my point of view.

Why? Okay I suppose I could give some stupid and silly explanation. That would be all it would be.

The plain fact is that I appreciate the joy of my power. I'm basically selfish and not interested in giving up the perks of my power if I don't have to.

Nope, you can forger that. Which is what all of this for me is about. I get the chance to see who are less fortunate, in terms of their delusions and power end up savoring the fruits of their misfortune and condition.

Anyway, I hope you understand that in my world as long as I can have the chance to maintain some special benefit I'm going to do it. Call it what you want, but the plain fact I know it is only temporary.

So I refuse to let them take away my joy while it lasts. Time will do that soon enough from my point of view.

In the meantime I just sit there and let the joy fall from the sky and savor each precious splat as it happens.

NO WAY

Yep, let's face it, there are times when there is no way to do something. I'm sorry for all those pie in the sky romantic types that believe in the tooth fairy or fairy god mother or whatever else, but it is reality.

Which is for me a basic reality that you have to be sure you accept such realities. After all some people expect the impossible.

Now by the very word you are talking about something, which isn't going to happen. So why in the world would a person think it could happen?

I wish I could answer that logically. But you can forget logic with such situations. I do at least.

The main reason is because people who talk about being logical really aren't. They can act like they are, but the truth is their idea of logic is often rationalized emotionalism.

Yep, that is a fact from what I have seen. Just a whole lot of people who under duress of a given problem think their panic should make sense.

Course it does providing you don't actually think about it. That can be the main problem. You might see the stupidity in what they believe, but getting them to see it can be tough.

If they do happen to be capable of honestly seeing the insanity of their view, then it is fine. If they can't then it can be a major headache.

Which sadly does merit being discussed. Because there are too many of such people in the world. And that makes it suck for the rest of us.

Unfortunately if such people only kept their dementia to themselves that would help, but they never do. They have to spread it around.

And trust me the one thing I hate is having to mess with them. But you have no choice. They won't go and hide in some closet and live their fantasylands without involving others.

Instead they end up deciding to pass on their Oz insanity to you. So go ahead and sing some where over the rainbow till you feel like you want to pass out.

Just don't bug me with it! That is not a good thing. At least not to me. All I want is for you to take your daydreaming butt somewhere that you and all your imaginary friends and go play elsewhere.

That is what works best for me. As for you, well if that is your joy, I wish you well. In the sense you well better do it where I won't be a well you piss in with that stuff. Enough said? I hope so.

MAKE IT

A wonderful philosophy if you ask my opinion. When you can't find what you need you make it.

Okay I can imagine there are a few who would take exception with that concept. But honestly, my view is there is never a situation where creativity isn't a good option.

Now maybe you can say make like a human being. Okay I know one can reproduce, but that isn't what I'm talking about.

I'm speaking of making something work that doesn't work now. Which might sound vague, but it isn't.

See the problem is to me that we often just look at something that doesn't work and give up. We don't allow our minds to fully explore our options.

Can we find a substitute that works just as well? You know a means to complete our desires without the same option.

Okay that might seem like a lame version of making something, but I bet you will find a lot of people who never explore it. More than you think.

As for me, well if I want something and a given option doesn't work I will make one that does. Yes I will.

Just at times you have to get very creative on the subject. You know not limit yourself in your thinking to things that will not let you realize your dream.

As for me I like to do a lot of possibility thinking in that regard. Honestly, I want to capture the moment big time in some way.

That means looking at times at what poor sucker I can dump on as a possibility to make my wish come true. Now you would really find that a great of making something work.

It is called taking from the poor, who would be poor anyway and giving to me, who should in my view have it anyway. So why not just accept that reality?

I do, which is why I make IT happen all the time for me. What can I say, if it doesn't work, steal it.

Oh come on now, let's be far about this. All I'm doing is redistributing the wealth a little. Taking from those who would squander it anyway and putting it to better use.

I suppose I should find a better way of saying thank you. I just have been so busy you understand. A person really does have to spend so much time on occasions doing the right thing in this regard. Well right for me I guess.

HAVE A NICE SUMMER

Do we really need someone to tell us this? Like we need a blessing to enjoy the summer. True there are times when we don't succeed in such things.

So it is understandable how some might decide it was important to wish you to have a great summer. At least leaving it open in terms of what makes it great.

That part is always the best aspect. My idea of a good summer wouldn't be the same as some other people.

Which is in part because my concept of fun has nothing to do with the time of the year. Yeah there are some who based the idea of a good time on the season.

I'm talking about the clowns that decide to head off to the beach in the middle of the summer. They put on that pair of swimming trunks that hardly fit that egg shaped pale body and sit on the beach, pretending they are enjoying themselves.

Naturally they will get sunburned and even more bloated from all the crap they stuffed in their bodies in the process. And in the end, never get any exercise from the nap they need after filling up on sugar. But they call it fun.

Not me. You can forget that part. I would not look upon that as a good time. Now if you were talking about somehow getting a shot at nailing some beach bunny, well then I would say it was fun.

The problem is that I don't like all that mess. Oh I do like it when I see some great looking gal in a bikini. But I don't know, if I stroll up to some beach bunny wearing my black suit and sun glass and get that much of a response.

Wish it did. Sure would cut down on the problem in bars of having to buy some gal a drink before herding her off to some motel. And cheaper no doubt too.

Course I can cut the expense a little if I borrow my nephew's limo. Yep, that saves on the price of a motel room. And if the bar is stocked, which in Neville's case is always true, then even better.

Still, that doesn't manage to get the gals into the limo. I have been working on various means of improving that problem though.

Right now I'm trying to see if I can succeed in appearing as a lifeguard. You know carry one of those little surfboards. Not sure on how to explain the suit though.

Then I was thinking too I might instead take a shot at yelling shark at the beach. Offering some gal a place to be safe in the limo. The only problem is that I might end up getting some granny to respond. And who needs that.

But then I got all summer to work on it.

GOOD AS OLD

This all falls under that good old days insanity. That's what I call it. You always have some people of questionable thinking who get all mushy about the past.

Honestly, thank you very much, but I'll just stick with the current reality. I do not want to dredge up the past.

It was crap enough when I lived it the first time. Not all of it, mind you. Just you can't you know actually enjoy the good past a second time.

Wish I could. All those fabulous moments I would enjoy experience again. But you have to accept both as reality. You can have either one.

So it means remembering it really doesn't help from my view. Instead it is better from my view to savor future moments and those you can have right now.

See if you are truly getting excited by the present then the past is just the past. However quaint and memorable the past might be, I don't see it as something that will give me a reason to get all mushy and gushy and see it as great.

I just move ahead. Trying to remember the good old days in theory by taking the good parts and duplicating them.

It can be tough with inflation. Honestly, you're never going to for example fill up your car for what you did even five years ago. Good luck on that fantasy.

But you can suck more bucks from somewhere if you are creative and then you can really have the same fun. To a degree that works.

And people think I'm scum for plotting to suck for money out of the city's coffers. Well excuse me, but I'm not the one living in the past.

I'm being realistic. And that translates into the joy of keeping the same level of thrills as I once had.

That to me is the core of this whole problem. Too many darn people who just plain don't to that. They just never bother.

Which is why they are always looking at life backwards. Personally, I'm happy they do. Because that way I get a shot at concentrating on the now.

So by all means enjoy the past. Keep it up. I'll be happy to just smile and collect all the goodies you are ignoring while thinking only of what no longer is.

Some fun huh? I think so. And as long as I get to keep having that fun, oh the happiness I have.

RICH TWITCH

Now this is such a great feeling. That sense deep down that you got deep pockets. No maybe you don't feel you have them at the moment, but eventually you will for sure.

Meanwhile, the body twitches in anticipation. Oh yeah, you got to love it. It is such a fantastic time in one's thinking.

And let me tell you nothing ever in any way makes you unhappy over the idea. Just imagining some pot of gold dangling out there is a great thing.

Unfortunately you can't live in a dream forever. Sooner or later you have to face that payday of facts. Hopefully your check won't bounce either.

That would just make the whole experience less that appealing and memorable. Lot of those happened in life anyway.

Doesn't mean I can't wish it was otherwise. So I dream and imagine. Just like so many others.

Where does one go to savor such fabulous moments? Well it doesn't matter actually. As long as you are able to summon them inside.

Which is really the main issue I think. Being able to finally celebrate the thought and where you can go who cares really?

Now that is what helps get me through the day. Just a chance to indulge in the joy of interlude from reality really does help.

Then comes that sudden moment of concern. An occasion when you have to ask, how come this can't really happen?

Course even thought I know that the happening part probably never will happen, I can still invest a small portion of my time imagining just the same. Which I do naturally.

I have been devoting more time to figure out better ways I might have a chance to make this take place. So far I haven't come up with any viable solution.

Except for the chance to actually take advantage of somebody else in the process. I do that a lot as it is.

So it really isn't much of an improvement. However, I do still keep figuring on some wonderful and sweet day my dreams will become real.

I do lace that wish the qualifier that I can not afford such dreams unless it mean legally. And without having somebody trying to get revenge too. That is a big draw back to the process too.

So blue

You got to feel sorry when somebody is down and out. Just on the verge of feeling totally crushed and unable to function in anyway.

My sympathy of course depends on if they person is truly suffering. My definition of truly suffering is when you end up being the victim of circumstances you didn't deserve.

Like being in an accident. I can have a degree of appreciation for you struggling with that being a sad turn of events.

Not problem for me in such situations. I 'll cough up some dough to help out. Course I'm not too fond of hospitals so I might not visit. Could send you a singing telegram. Only hate to do that. Last time I accidentally sent a strip-o-gram to a guy recovering from a heart operation. Wasn't very pretty, but at least he did have a smile on his face before the coroner arrived.

You got to make allowances for these little mistakes though. I did try to be thoughtful and send flowers to the funeral. Next time I'll be sure I don't order them from a place that has a nearsighted florist. He did apologize for accidentally managed to mix poison ivy into the bouquet. But those things do happen.

Well those are the times you do feel rather sad. Such things do make one less than inspired to keep trying though.

However, I have found it useful to keep trying. That is what really is important in my book. Which is why I do try to always be sure I sort out those who screw up to cause their misery from those who simply did it to themselves.

I mean it isn't like sympathy is free you know. It can get rather expensive at times. When you think about the cost of cards alone that can be a nice small tidy cost for something decent. At least a couple of bucks.

That's a lot of cost when you do it too often. Just really isn't worthwhile. And especially if you end finding out afterwards that some clown did something stupid.

Just takes all the inspiration out of it for me. Not to mention takes money away from really important issues.

But then I realize that there are times when you don't have any choice but to be a ray of sunshine to someone in a storm. So I accept that part of my life.

It can be so tough being so thoughtful and compassionate at times. Really can be a drain on my time and resources.

Just a weakness on my part I guess. It can be really tough to be so easily swayed by the needs of others. I am grateful for when the occasion does come to comfort a widow too. Those are the moments I truly cherish the most.

THE RULES NOT!

We love rules don't we? I do. As long as they are my rules. And if not, I love when I can break them.

Being a politician I do get more opportunity to make rules than some. Not as much as I would like, but enough to let me savor the times I do manage to reap some happiness in the process.

I don't know I have tried to imagine life without rules. But so far I just can't find a way to get by without them.

That is probably because there are too many people who can't be trusted to do what is expected without a risk of punishment. Yep, that really is the only that rules have as benefit.

There is no other way from my view to truly express there value. Most of us don't really need some one to tell us what we already know.

At least I think most people appreciate how certain things are naturally wrong. So we hardly require somebody to give us those details.

However, knowing what is right and actually doing it are not the same. That much we all understand.

So thus we need the rules. Just to tell us if we screw up what will happen. Therefore threats always make the difference.

Which I think is the prime basis for our society. It is a general acknowledgement that none can be trusted. Not a single person at all.

So we do compromise to a degree. We manage to function with an awareness that there is a certain trade off required in life and society.

On the one hand we have to have the rules. In order to keep people in line. But then we allow for a certain flexibility so that a little rule breaking is acceptable.

Oh we never actually say it that way. No, no, no, no. We would never do that. Such options would ruin the illusion.

Instead we just continue to make it sound like the rules count. Which is the only way we can actually manage to regard it.

Meanwhile, we all have the fun of pretending the rules count. Sometimes it even works great for having parties.

Of course the best one are political. Since those are all about fantasy to start with.

HAPPY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE

Bet you haven't heard somebody say this before? Oh yeah, happy is not what we call it is it? Now maybe you have. Which is great if you have. Well, hopefully you think it was great.

Can't say for sure though in terms of other people. Just for me. And let me tell you I haven't said it that I can remember.

I have expected it from others. Yeah, it is a double standard. What about it? I mean I have the right to expect such a response from somebody who is looking to you the civil servant to solve their problem.

I mean honestly, we serve all the public. And that makes it hard to focus on one person. So there are times when we can't truly stop what we are doing just to take care of one person's needs immediately. It is just how it works.

I didn't say I celebrate this reality, merely that is it part of what I have to do. And you have to deal with it accordingly.

But that doesn't mean people necessarily enjoy it. They just do this thing of getting upset when you deal with their problem in a realistic timing.

Which naturally never enters into people's thinking. Not the way I would like. I mean you would think knowing we are even listening would be enough.

But that just never quite works for some. So you end up being forced into trying to help them chill a bit.

I had even thought of something like you know hiring a clown to entertain. Then I gave it some thought and realized I didn't even need to do that.

Why waste the money hiring some clown when all I had to do was let my people just be themselves. The challenge was finding some way of making their antics more entertaining.

But I am working on improving that problem. Just haven't quite got all the details worked out.

However, I do have plenty of time to work on it at least. You know that is easy when they are already partially there.

Just a matter of pushing them over the edge I guess. Perhaps getting them a nice clown mask to try.

Or some floppy shoes. I would love one of those cars that fits a dozen clowns. Maybe I'll see if a file cabinet will work.

COVERING YOUR

Some of us need lots of things covered that's for sure. Among which must include one's behind. But that is fairly presumed.

Now the best way to cover your ass, which is tantamount to not letting someone chew it off, is to give them something else to bite. Oh yeah, there is no better way to fight off that kind of appetite that giving it something else more tasty to feast upon.

Just really is so practical. And obviously you do have to be sure you avoid being the snack yourself. That would just be so painful.

Whereas letting some other clown getting chewed up, no problem! I can really feel quite satisfied with that option.

The hard part is all the screaming. People just have such a low tolerance to pain you know. Really is pathetic.

So what if they lose everything they have and they feel their life it utterly ruined. Now all of that might be true. And it might also be true that I contributed to that condition, but you know these things happen.

I look at it as a case of helping to educate people. The problem we have in our society is too many people get deluded into thinking they can have their dreams come true.

So their get totally out of control in their expectations. You start off imagining you can accomplish things and get what you want out of life and the next thing you know they become way to greedy.

Which only leads to them cheating and lying to get ahead. Course when they do that they always end up conflicting with others who are lying and cheating such as me.

That always gets so messy and disappointing. Really just takes a bad situation and makes it worse. Well in my opinion.

I figure that is far more beneficial to keep people on a level where they have some realistic view of life. When a person thinks they are screwed to start with they normally spend less time plotting to do the impossible.

So you toss them a bone along the way and that appeases. Just enough to keep them functioning.

Which is far more merciful that having them shuffling around and plotting to take over the world. That just will never do.

If that requires me to take away their dreams, then I make the sacrifice. It is a tough job, but I achieve it.

ONE HAND WASHES ANOTHER

A basic rule of hand washing you would think. And real important if you are talking about someone who works in preparing food. They definitely need to do that after using the bathroom.

Which means both hands too. One is just not enough. Unless you only have one. Then I wouldn't consider it bad. Not sure how you actually wash one hand if it is all you have.

Anyway, with this subject the reality is a matter of cooperation. Yep, I'm taking the predictable route with this.

Simply how can you clean up a problem unless you have help? There are times you can get a mess truly cleaned up without some extra hands.

And let me tell you with my life and all the scams I plot that end up in messes I need as much help as possible. It really is tough with the kinds of messes I create to clean them up by myself.

So I always look for lots of extra hands to take care of the mess. The hard part is making sure you don't tell the person why you have the mess.

That can be very tricky at times. It can be so dang hard to think up just the right lies to convince someone you need their help to avoid a scandal.

That is normally the kind of mess that comes out of these situations. A risk to have my secrets exposed.

Boy is that a challenge. You can be sure of that. More than one night I have spent staying up for hours trying to figure out the best way to convince some sucker into helping.

Oh the energy I have spent on that little adventure. It almost gives me a headache at times. But I do survive it.

And if I work it right, man oh man the joy that comes. Somebody else cleans up the mess or gets blamed for it.

That I just truly enjoy. Oh I might feel kind of less than inspired at times afterwards. Guild does that.

But what the heck, I always get over that. Eventually. And that is the time I really look forward to.

Ah, the blessed times when I get to forget my misery and unhappiness. Just a joy to be sure. Not always one I can talk about. Well in front of witnesses.

Guess that is enough said on that one.

ALL IN THE WRISTS

Well now, isn't this a nice title? I think so. You've heard that old saying about there being nothing up your sleeve? This is like that.

Basically it is the gift of trust used for seduction. Nice huh? It works for me, but then most things really do.

Not that I mind, but you just have to make sure you have that proper focus when the time comes. And that is what I try to remember.

See the problem is that you got to remain focused on what really works best for you. And in my case deception work a lot better than anything else.

Wish it was otherwise, but it isn't. And that is what counts. You have to keep clear in your head what matters the most.

For me that is survival. Well perhaps being able to have as much as I can despite what reality gives me. That part I don't bother with.

Only I've tried playing nice and it doesn't work. Honestly I wish it did, but it doesn't. So I have to resort to plan B.

And that for me is always an option whereby I cope with taking the method that works best in my case. Normally that happens with everything I'm afraid.

So I end up just having to deal with things on a level that works for me. Which in this case includes rambling about it.

Excuse me for the dribble. I just am stalling while I hope to come up with a good alternative to explaining why the truth doesn't work for me.

It really is tough. So far I have to say I haven't accomplished it. So I just do my best to make it look like I really tried just the same.

And then I move on to the more practical side of things. Enough to celebrate the joyous thrill of being what I get to be.

Now that I've said all that, I can feel so happy when things are all in the wrist. Because I'll be too busy lying to bother with it in terms of making a chance. The lies being the part you have to hear.

Which all works out very nicely from my point of view. Isn't that special? It is for me. Maybe not for those who don't get the same chance, but for me it does.

And that is the way it is. Which is always such a joy in my view. That is part of what makes life worth living if you have to make it worth something the way I do.