Drafted!

My owner used to be such a nice man
worked as a chef and made me such treats,
then he got all obsessed with patriotism
signed up in the Army reserves,
now I don’t care if he wants to be
all that he can be,
but he’s expecting me to join in
with all the crazy things he does.

I don’t mind him making his chef’s hat
from white to camouflage green
or even that he somehow
expect me to help use my tongue
for doing what he calls “KP.”

Was just getting use to his idea of drilling
when he joined this UFO hunter group,
so suddenly his brain when nuts
and it is space aliens at war.

Here I sit and wear his latest helmet creation
like a melon is really laser proof,
but he’s sure got panicked
since joining those UFO stalkers,
which means I’m stuck
forced to tolerate whatever helmet he invents.

Hope he gets over this phase eventually
because when he makes me put on
that aluminum foil space soldiers uniform
all my pals on the block can do
is talk about it behind my back
and I know it isn’t to stay
old Tom is looking cool.