WHATEVER IS FAIR

A great concept. But I think when that is said, fair is often sacrificed. Mainly because it depends on who is defining what is fair.

A very definite problem too. For it seems the people who take time to talk about fair are the least likely to really be fair.

Now the first rule in that regard to me is that you avoid expecting fair from a guy who lives in a mansion. I doubt he got it by being fair.

For me the same applies to the bible thumpers. That one sort of puzzles me. I mean they have God on their side, so they should have even more reason to be fair.

Lots of luck having that happen. Oh if you want them to cut our your heart and then say I love you they can do that real good.

But fair? Nope, just isn't going to happen. Not any time soon as far as I can tell. Which means I don't have any reason to spend time worrying about their idea of fair.

And naturally I have to include the politicians in that camp. We are very good at not being far.

But at least we make you feel good about it. You know, I nice big fat lie to make sure the person has a reason to smile.

Oh I suppose it would take too long of a list to mention all the members of the hall of shame when it comes to fairness. I personally think we ought to hand out trophies for those who are most creative.

Yeah, a nice little recognition for being the best at shafting people. I think it would work great.

Might be a pain though because the same people would end up winning every time. And that would certainly be in keeping with the theme.

But then it might get complicated. You know after a while it might result in some ties. That would really suck.

Because we couldn't end up having anyone be able to deal with it fairly. They would all end up cheating.

Yep a real complication to be sure. One that I know would be a good one too. For nobody would enjoy that option.

So I guess we would have to work on that option. Would sort of be important too. But that is okay, I have time. You always have time when you cheat.

WHATEVER, WHATEVER

Oh yeah the old, it doesn't matter it is all cool routine. Whatever is such a great word. You aren't saying you agree with something or hated it, just don't care.

Not caring can be such a blessing. You don't get mad, you don't stress out because it doesn't matter at all what happens.

I love that feeling. Sort of like being bored only with a dash of relief because you are not going to have a reason to be upset.

Really feels so good. And let me tell you that is one of those truly cherished times in life. I really do savor them myself.

Not that they are a good substitute for the times when life is worthy of smiles, but better than when you feel like crap. And that is one time I really love to avoid.

What can I say? It is a living. And for that I am grateful. Yeah, it deserves that reflection in my mind.

Which is why I enjoy when I can have those neutral moments. A special time of blandness that leaves you with a reason to smile.

Not because you are happy, but because you are not sad. Which is really something worth while at times.

After all who wants to be unhappy all the time? And you can't be happy constantly either.

Wish you could, but there are too many devoted to stealing another's happy. Can't be avoided.

Nope, wish it could, but there are some out there that really derive their joy from other's misery.

I have to admit that I have done that at times. And amazingly it just sort of drives me nuts.

Because I can't always enjoy it. Something comes over me, I don't know, getting bored with the routine, maybe even a hint of conscience.

In any event there are times after I have plundered somebody's bank account I still end up saying, whatever. Kind of said, but better than feeling guilty.

And if I work it right then I am really happy. I go off to dream land with a nice thoughts of whatever resulting from me having a big bag of money and able to spend it anyway I want.

WHATEVER DOESN'T KILL YOU

WHATEVER DOESN'T KILL YOU

Well I'm sorry, but I do not subscribe to that silly concept about whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. To me it is whatever doesn't kill you, doesn't kill you.

One of those trite sayings to me that really isn't true. If I get nearly croaked by something and live I will not treat that as more than survival.

And if I ended up with being branded or scarred in someway, I sure am not going to feel stronger. Might feel lucky to be alive, but stronger, nope.

In any case, it sure does sound good to say. Maybe stupid on so many level, but cool just the same.

I do wonder who the person was that came up with that silliness. Probably some guy with no neck who has this fetish for breaking beer bottles over other people's heads.

Kind of the image I get. Might be silly, but what can I say, I'm a silly guy at times. And that is not good to some.

It just is another of those little detours that happen in life. One's for me that when I hear it I want to strangle somebody.

But naturally I do resist that option. I might be pissed, but I am not going to do that. I prefer the other methods.

In some cases for me that means calling up Mr. Mammongrabber and asking for the assistance of his enforcer, Bugly Ugly Savage. A very useful tool for getting your message across.

Of course you know he doesn't strangle these days. I think his current obsession is turning them into pretzels.

At least the last I heard he doesn't try to eat them any longer. I mean there are some laws even Mr. Mammongrabber can't get the police to ignore.

However, when called upon this alternative form of inspiration does certainly get results. Maybe not the ones that some prefer, but one's that I can live with.

And then I get to sit back and enjoy that feeling of not paying attention to that old saying. That makes it all worth it.

As for that person who came up with this crap, well more power to him or her. I wish him well.

About all I expect he will get if he keeps going around peddling that kind of stupidity. Maybe I'll let him talk to Bugly Ugly.

WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW

Boy there is sure a great deal of truth with this one. What you don't know is always a problem.

It can really snarl you insides with problems. That is when it turns out to be unexpected. Like finding out your one night stand is expecting.

Not something I like to find out. And that is a discovery I don't wish to have come up very often.

Of that you can be certain. Yep, I do really try to avoid such situations. They really suck.

If only I could get others to appreciate that reality. Just so very hard at times. Mainly because you know there are too many who seem to delete on adding grief.

I should probably say it is more that there are way too many who like to avoid pain. So they want to dump it on you.

Which I do applaud for their creativity, but not for the way it kicks my butt. This mainly happens with things like my employees.

They find out about some time bomb and decide to share it with me. Oh yes this is such a joy.

Normally this is a very big deal at work. For those are the ones that so often try to be sure I get the headaches they don't want.

Like I need this? Hey, I'm the Mayor, I should give problems not get them. You know headache shouldn't mean I have them at the top.

They should fall upon the lower folks. I hate to be cruel, but I consider that to be my right.

I just wish there was a way to convince others of this reality. But there isn't. Maybe with more practice I can train my help to improve.

But so far that hasn't happened. I'm still hopeful though. A chance to impress upon them the need to do more than sit back and say, I'm sorry.

This sucks when they dump a crisis in my lap and give me those puppy dog stares. Like that really improves the situation.

It never does though. And it only adds to my grief. But with practice I know I can give them the type of inspiration to improve. Or perhaps sent them off to add to somebody's problems. Which is very nice too.

MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY

Why is it that the people who feel this way never admit it? They are always the ones who act as if they are the most tolerant and reasonable people on the planet and the whole time they are closet dictators.

It is like as long as you don't notice my horns or that whip I'm holding we will get along fine. Course they never put it that way.

They just are such a pain in the butt as being demanding. And the one thing you can be sure is that they will never ever be honest on that aspect.

Now one can be opinionated without being so intolerant that nobody else can stand to be around you. That happens a lot with some people.

Which is where the fine art of politics is so essential. For me the concept of my way or the highway truly was tailor made for politics.

It is just with politics the skilled politician can manage it in a way to set this standard while making you think it is your idea. And if you work it right, the person actually will thank you for the abuse.

Yep, those are the most special moments. Victories of the mind where you never find a shot to get a the win.

And the defeated end up so grateful for their defeat. Why heck they will even regard it as an honor if you phrase it right.

Trust me, well I guess as a politician that isn't the best choice of words, but in this situation I think I do a good job of making sure I set standards they we can all live with. Sounds really good doesn't it?

And believe me I am darn happy when this deal is crafted in a way that makes it work for me. Which almost always how it works out.

Well from my view. Those stunned looks and questions on confused faces are to be cherished.

Since with the right wrapping my tongue around somebody's brain leaves them totally clueless I am always thrilled. The things we cherish in life can be amazing at times.

But what can I say? It is a living. And let me tell you a mighty find one for me too. I take pride in that accomplishment.

So I do hope some of you will manage to come and visit my city. Be sure to bring a big bag of cash. And a I smile. I always like to see people enjoying themselves even if they are just too confused to know they are miserable.

TAKE IT ALL

Yep, this is a good philosophy. Well it is to me. I love the concept of winner takes all. Well as long as I am the one who is the winners

I'm not as sure that I love when the other person wins though. I will admit that part. Maybe not the kind of philosophy that some would regard as a good thing, but I like it.

Oh yes, I agree that is a double standard. But so what? Double standards are common in life. A lot more than some would care to admit to.

Meanwhile I will grant others the illusion of claiming they more generous that me in that regard. They want to win, but want to be good loser.

Nice theory, if only a theory. Really let's be honest here winning is always more popular than losing.

Why wouldn't it be? With winning you get trophies and joy. With losing you only get to say you tried.

I for one do not regard that as a good option. Oh to some it might be, but not me. I want to improve the odds of success even if you lose.

How do I accomplish that? Simple. By never losing. Okay that might sound impossible, but it really isn't.

All it requires is creativity in the rule department. Yep, a little messaging of the rules will always make things better.

At least for me it will. Because I always altar the rules in my favor. And there is nothing more satisfying than having a win, even if you don't admit you cheated.

It is the illusion, which really counts. Oh I didn't say others accepted it. Just is from my view reality.

So I got my medals by stealing and lying. Hey, I got them, that is what counts. And that for me is what makes a person a winners.

Well, maybe not in a way that others will agree, but what the heck, I figure a win is a win. And you can be sure I keep that record so it comes out a I want.

Which I figure is what is important. But then that is my view. Not something that will work for others.

But that is there problem and I want to be sure I keep it that way. To let them stress while I enjoy.

Then I can savor the moment so to speak and that makes it all worth while. Well to me at least.

LIVE AND LET SIGH

Yep, what is better advice than making sure that you take time to always show tolerance to others. A truly magnificent philosophy.

Which is probably impossible to actually accomplish in reality. Why? Because people are jerks.

It just really hard to truly spend time focused on trying truly help others when all the do is bitch. And if they are basically trolls in terms of personality even harder.

So the only option here is to find a way of smiling while lying to make Mr. or Ms. ogre butthead a reason to think they are cool. Not because they are, but so they will stop acting so grouchy.

I didn't say that in any way it will improve them. In fact it might even make them a bigger jerk.

But if you are able to direct them in an opposite direction towards some sucker that they can spew their grief phlegm then it is best. They will let you have a break and think you even like them.

So that way you can move on and try to enjoy life while the monarchs of dull are able to share their dullness elsewhere. And they will hopefully find that fulfilling in their own demented way.

Now the real joy in all of this is something that can honestly bring happiness in a weird way. Which is my view of real tolerance.

This translates into a simple need to be sure that there is harmony in the world. A point of calm obtained by making sure everyone gets to be nuts on their own level.

And let me tell you as long as I can inspire them to share their dementia and other quirks elsewhere then I'm happy. Which means I do end up grouchy too.

Now some have this crazy idea that tolerance means everyone gets alone. WRONG! That is just plain stupid.

And hardly realistic. Which is why I say I belief in the need for more privacy. Let people have more places where they can weird.

See, I feel the problem is with the issue of conformity. We really need to stop this silliness of thinking we can expect people to somehow want to be like penguins.

Oh that sort of is expected at times with things like where a person works, but you have to make allowance for such situations. However no sense making it apply to everywhere. At least that is Rash's rule.

WONDERFULLY HOPELESS

One has to admit there is a certain joy in life from knowing when things are completely hopeless. You can relax because no one will blame you for the failure.

It really is a good feeling. That sense of being able to screw up and nobody complains. Heck if you work it right they will reward you.

And talk about sympathy, oh my this is one of the truly great opportunities for such things. A chance to sit back and be made out to be a hero.

I tell you there is no better feeling that to be viewed as a champion when you just lost the big game. And to have that moment of triumph after a dismal defeat, ah let me tell you that is such a treat.

It really isn't impossible to accomplish. Just have to swallow your pride and be prepared to lose big time. That can be hard to take a times.

But heck the, "we lost and are proud of it celebration" can last for days. Boy some of those are down right thrilling.

What I personally cherish most of all is the occasions when I get to rewrite the facts. Now that is the best part.

By the time I get done with the new version, add in some critical drama elements, my goodness it is a myth worthy of a sitcom. And that is class.

For really bad situations, where the occasions requires, I have solicited the help of a ghost writer. Cost a couple of bucks, but well worth the revision.

Actually, I have been sort of working on trying to come up with a nice computer program for this type of thing. To give more people a chance to have a shot at creating their own fairy tale ending.

Would be good to you know have a nice option such as adding in one's choice of villains. Then also choices in terms of added scenarios about disasters.

By the time I got done it would not doubt be a best seller. I could have losers everywhere lining up to buy a copy and re-invent their failures.

Why there is no end to where this might lead. Heck with the right publicity I might even be able to distribute this to the whole world.

I love the idea of letting people in oppressed parts of the world have a chance to feel good about themselves. Maybe to the point that nobody even remembers the true story eventually.

Then I can write myself in as emperor of the world. Well, just a thought.

FRANCHISED

Ah favorite dream. Yeah, to have a chance to license my corruption. It has such a sweet taste to me.

You know a chance to share my wisdom with aspiring conmen everywhere. Let them benefit from my experience.

It would be wonderful, but I can't seem to get to figure a way to make it happen. Honestly, just doesn't work for me.

I guess I do say that a lot. But then it is because it is so darn true. Really is essential in some many ways.

Not that I am complaining. I just have these ambitions. You know to rise above my dismal greedy life to one of pure avarice.

I don't imagine that is a dream I will realize. Too many others are on the same path I guess.

All wishing they too could grab for the brass fleece. Er, the ring I guess. In any case the shiny things you want more than anything in life.

But we don't get to have them when we want. So we end up lusting for them and dreaming about them.

Somewhere in all the insanity we get our chance to savor a moment of hope. That little dream you know could work.

Then comes the chance to make it all better. Well on paper at least. I size up my dreams and hopes and figure it will work.

Only in reality it often doesn't. That is when the crap hits the fan. Yep, it really is something else.

But you know, I haven't given up. Honestly, I don't abandoned thinking of just one more time.

Yep that old let's try it again. And it really does sound good. It might not actually end up in becoming what we want, but it sure feels good.

So I sit and plot. And plot and sit. In the end I just feel like I'm ready to move on and then I do.

Well in terms of figuring out who to screw next. Ah, it is to dream. A real thrill for me when I have that one path open up that might lead to some place special. As it paradise. A few borrowed funds never hurts either.

SAVE IT FOR NEVER

Now this is a big problem at my house. I have too many times when my family things something that is totally worthless is a treasure.

I'm sorry, but crap is crap. And garbage is garbage too. All I have to is get my family to accept that.

And if that wasn't enough of a problem, I do have to deal with the issue of the people who follow the same policy at work. As Mayor I would like to thing I might have some input into that process.

At least in theory it is suppose to work that way. However, things get sort of lost in the process of application.

Oh, I'm not saying there isn't an attempt made to create the illusion of cooperation. And they even make it look real.

But like to many situations that just never translates into actual reality. I mean it all sounds fun and great. Just never how it happens when applied.

Which is always such a pain to deal with. All those lies and excuse are really such annoyance.

It is just hard coming up with enough of them to make my dodging the reality work. I get tired from all that creating.

And I don't have any way to get thanked at all. Nope, not in anyway. And you would think I might have some chance at accomplishing that.

Still, the primary issue here is with people who you know don't want to do something. They are really the big problem.

For they will do they best to out lazy me. Which really is not easy. I am so proficient at not doing things.

So when these people want to give me lame excuses for not getting rid of crap, I sure do take time come up with some appropriate counter. Which might even be enough if they would take the hint.

But then they want to have a committee to discuss. Which is one of my old ploys. And it doesn't work for me either.

So in the end, I normally wait till they are all on break and make the offending crap disappear. Wish I could do that with a few of the help, but is too radical.

I can dream at least.

DONE AND DONE IT AGAIN

Yep, this is when I am most happy. The times when I have a chance to repeat something truly wonderful.

Now admittedly not everyone would share my concept of truly wonderful. Nope, I will acknowledge that is the case.

Which is fine naturally since I don't mind not having the competition. Just sort of takes away from my focus and joy.

So I will embrace the right of freedom for all. And that always includes myself. Yep, I feel I am entitled to such joys too.

The hard part I suppose is to be sure is not being able to get a specific definition on the concept of doing it again and when that is great. For me it is easy. I base it on pleasure. Simple enough right?

Not really clear on why that is so bad. But let me tell you a lot won't accept that as true. They will get a little less than thrilled if you say, I did it because it gets my juices flowing.

But that is okay. I will grant them the right to be miserable. And I still don't mind, except that they do have a tendency to want to keep me from having a good time too.

This does not keep me from my goal. Party is never a word lacking a y in it, which I think of as yes.

Okay my interpretation, but I like it. Some don't. But not my problem. They are entitled to their misery.

And to even repeat it as often as they wish. I won't stop them. Why spoil their fun? Honestly for some misery is fun.

A strange sort of pleasure to be sure, but that doesn't seem to affect some people's thinking. And that is fine with me.

In any case I think I will just keep my agenda as it is. Which is find. I just hate to you know get bogged down with all this need to make things up.

But if I don't I have to tolerate all the complaints. Boring! Yeah that doesn't work for me.

However, that is not my problem. So I will just move on savor life on my level. Which if I work it right, is prostrate next to a nice friendly lady.

Like I said, my idea that counts.

GO FORTH AND...

Well, this is definitely a nice option. Love the idea of going forth and having a chance to savor something good.

The and part does sort of make that open to options. I like it that way. You know a chance to pursue any number of options.

I'm not sure and is always interpreted that way. Not as far as I can determine. Wish it was otherwise.

After all lets be fair about this, pursuing happiness is condoned by the government. It is in the constitution.

So there. It ought to be fair for all of us to understand. Just no problem with anyone complaining.

Well at least their shouldn't be. But does that work that way? No. You have too many that can view this as not a proper use of freedom.

So I go ah-hah. Since when does that apply to me. Just because you don't think so, doesn't mean I do.

Feels good to say even if doesn't apply the way I want it too. What can I say? I do believe in freedom. And all the more for me.

So if that means I need to do a little massaging to keep the facts correct, I will. And there for while some may not go forth and do anything, I will.

Yep, that will be my motto. Only problem is that we need to be sure others don't get in the way.

I hate when that happens. Because they are not going to in any way help me out with this situation.

What is needed is to move ahead. One step at a time. Oh yeah, and I just keep stepping while some don't.

Alas that is a way that doesn't always get us the choices we want. I wish it did. But I have invested myself in the joy of planning.

Yep, while some won't go forth and make the day better, I will. For me that means I will keep up the good work.

As in work for me. In which case I will move ahead and hope that nobody bothers me about it again.

Hope burns bright, even if we don't want to pass the matches.

TESTS FOR TESTS

Yep, this is the fun thing in life. A chance to exam if you can handle taking tests. Funny how this is so important.

But not everyone is good at taking tests, so it is only fair if you check people out first before you decide to let them take tests. If they can't handle it, well they better to know that up front.

It is much more merciful that way. Saves them grief and me headaches. Plus I don't have to worry any complaints either.

Which makes life even more valuable. But then the challenge is to be sure they don't give up on life.

That can be difficult at times. Morons do have feelings. They are so prone to get upset when reminded they morons too.

Which is why I do my part to encourage them. Okay, so that is part of what I do in order to make them feel good about themselves.

It can be a challenge though. Some are not inclined to accept this aspect of life. They would prefer to be lied to.

And that is the problem I have to endure. Not let these people get discouraged, but not have false hope either.

This can be a challenge admittedly. They are not always as inclined to be as happy to accept their condition.

So you have to encourage them. You help them see their real value in life. It might be as a dishwasher or security guard.

But not at something that requires any special thought or energy. And if you steer them they can end up being quite happy.

Course you may have to sort of expand the definition of the job. Make it sound very important.

It might be dumb and stupid, but what the heck, they normally believe it and that is what really matters. I do love when that happens.

You know, a special sense of joy when I get to help somebody improve in life. Might not happen all the time, but when it does it is great.

Now the big challenge is to be sure that I convince them it is a good thing. When that happens all it really great.

FILM AT ELEVEN

A great thing when it involves seeing the face of somebody you hate being the subject. Not so good if it is your profile.

But I imagine we all understand that feeling. Might not be saying other than the obvious, still I did see a need to say it just the same.

Why? Because I think we love to pretend how we feel is not how we really feel. Now that is okay to some degrees.

Providing we have a good time about it. Which does not seem to be allowed. Oh you can dream of others being in big trouble, but it is not considered to be good in good taste to gloat of another's demise.

That is the part that really bothers me. Because it is like as long as nobody catches us doing something wrong, then no harm no foul.

Like that ever is really true. Let's be far about this, think it, you want it, you truly feel that way.

Which I am quite happy to embrace myself as the cost of doing business as Mayor. Oh I get those who say, honesty is important.

What they want is for me to spill my guts, but they never admit a thing. And that is all fine for them, but I end up looking like a jerk.

No thanks, I'll pass. They can keep that aspect for themselves. I plan on taking the simple road.

Simple translates into doing it without complications. Screw the other guy and never offer any excuses.

Yep, that makes it work for me. And I am very comfortable not even admitting it. Actually I do turn it into a bit of a game.

What I do is to sit back and plot the demise of somebody. Oh I never admit it you see. Don't want to risk revenge.

Then at the right time when the person is in trouble, I celebrate my victory. Afterwards I go back and take the time to maybe console the person's wife.

Which can bring its own form of revenge. Got to love those days when that time of joy comes.

Sort of makes up for the times when I have those dreams about seeing my face on the news at eleven.

BORROWED

Ah, the wonderful joy of borrowing. If you work it right, you can do this to the point that everyone will end up letting you keep what you borrowed.

The first trick is making sure you remain vague on what you are going to use the time for. Then you keep promising to return it, but always have some excuse to avoid it.

Which is a good thing. For most people will get bored and forget it eventually. Money is the best thing too.

For there is nothing tangible to prove you borrowed it. So you can pretend you forgot or even manage to forget to return their phone calls.

Of course the big reality is that you can expect to borrow it a second time. Now that never works.

Well most of the time. Once and a while there is a person who gets a bit crazy and will actually decide to trust you a second time.

Now that would really be great. A chance to screw over somebody twice in the same life time is really fantastic.

Which I really savor as a wish with the idea of reincarnation. Just imagining coming back a second time or third and financially raping the same dude makes me drool.

Well that is my version you understand. Most would be more spiritual than that. They would talk about karma and learning in the next life, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I say forget it. I want it all and more than once. And a borrower I will be in this life so it will be that way next time too.

As for the loaners, well heck practice makes perfect, right. So why should they not have more opportunities to do the same thing, even more so.

Now from that perspective then I do certainly feel extra happy to imagine the times I have yet to borrow. And to not wish to defile my calling as a borrower by doing so every chance I get.

Yep, that works for me. And I love being useful in that regard to the point that I even do so with city funds.

Really makes me feel good when I can raise taxes to pay for having borrowed from city coffers. I really cherish such proud moments in life.

I only wish I had more chance to share them with others. But then I will have to wait till amnesty options are avialable.

SLEEPING ON IT

Aww, what a joy this can be. A chance to relax and not feel any pressure in terms of what you do next.

I truly have to admit this does not make me a happy camper when I can't have it as an option. I mean I think it ought to be something of a law.

You know I would enjoy that. Just the thought that nobody could bother you with questions at certain times.

I don't think that is too much to ask. It is all I want. A few times where I don't have to think very hard.

And if I can work it to have more of them than days I do work hard even better. Only I can't quite make it a habit of letting people know that.

They can get so grumpy if they think you are being a lazy jerk. Which can really cut down on people being cooperative.

It is said when they get so out of sorts over something such a double standard. What can I say?

From my view I feel this is important. For I think it is necessary to have a special level of respect accorded leaders.

As a source of inspiration. Which seems perfectly reasonable too me. After all it should inspire others to do better.

And that is a good thing from my view. Yep, I want to impale myself with lethargy, celebrate being a lazy butt.

Don't care who knows it, don't care if I end up with somebody thinking that sucks. Because when they get elected, then it will all make sense for them to be the same way.

Will I complain? Absolutely. Yeah, I might accept they have the right to be a jerk, but I will squawk like the next person.

Why? Well why not? I think it will be might option. Which is another reason for me to not allow myself to get voted out of office.

That way I don't have to add another aspect of being a hypocrite to my name. Got enough reason as it is.

So I just will make sure I don't fall out of my ivory tower, then I can sit and pretend I care, while buying all my stuff at the highest prices. Then making the tax payer pay for them. Its a living.

GONE FOR GOOD

Now for me this would be a wonderful option providing the gone part had to do with something you wanted gone. If it is something you want to keep, well then you might not be smiling.

Like with baldness. Having hair that is gone for good is not a joy to me. I just wish it was hair that I wanted to get rid of as in nose hair.

I would even celebrate if that happened. But when it comes to the hair falling off my head, celebrating is not what I do.

Too bad hair is willing to listen to logic. I know I would appreciate it. And I imagine a lot of others would too.

So that translates into another gone you would prefer to not have gone. I do have a nice long list too.

What is said is all the stuff you wish would disappear and it hangs around. Such as pests. I'm speaking certain people.

There are way too many pest that insist upon being your pal. No hint or even a direct comment will get them to stop being a pest.

And you can be sure that is not my idea of a good I want to claim. I do plan on making this a tad opportune means to change things.

Now how do you get rid of pests? Well you sick pest on them. Yeah, there is nothing better to get a pest upset the having a pest visit them.

I really don't mind, but it has to be done in some cases. Really is so darn important to some degree.

But that is all part of the ever expanding claws of plotting. Hmmm, like that phrase. Really works good too.

Just have to find somebody more annoying than the one bugging you. Not always easy either.

Especially if you manage to attract some crazy person who has no equal. I seem to get my share of those.

And there is no cure. Except to be sure they don't get away with that any longer than is necessary.

But with enough endurance you can overcome those little pest. And if you work it right they will be gone for good. Or you will end up on drugs and in a nut house.

WHO WE ARE

Can everyone answer this easy? I doubt it. At least I don't think so when I talk to some people.

Their words are about as clear as fog. Honestly they don't have a clue on the reality of their abilities.

Either they think they are god or some scum of the earth that is worthy only of being squished. And both choices really suck.

Thank goodness there are not too many devil wanna bes out there. I'm grateful they are silent most of the time.

So I'm thrilled I only have to deal for the most part with the ones that you would enjoy pushing off a cliff or the ones you will rather they found some esteem to keep them from the need to always be prostrate when answering questions.

This is not a good thing in ether case. And let me tell you I would give anything to be able to just deal with sane people.

Like that will ever happen in life. So I content with the insanity and do my best to savor when I can turn it to my advantage.

Which happens when I get creative enough. A simple process whereby I find the one point of calm that gets the nuts to be less nutty.

This is a hard process at times. People can be so unpredictable. They just drive you insane with their insanity and that is not a good thing.

So in order to survive I follow a simple path of me first. Yep, abuse the sheep and slaughter the wolves.

Notice I did not say slaughter the sheep. With the right kind of training they can be reasonable pets.

Plus if you let them replicate then you have a steady supply of them for future needs. Let the flock spread baby.

As for the wolves. Well if you can't kill them you be sure you castrate them. Otherwise they end up molesting the sheep and you might get some mutant offspring.

Those are even a bigger concern because you have no way of knowing how they will turn out. And there is nothing more annoying than a sheep who thinks they are a wolf.

Best of be sure you turn any suspects into stew. Beside sheep are so good at multiplying so you know they will easily be replaced.

FORGED

Now this is one concept that is worth cherishing. The idea of making something the way you want it.

And being able to do it in a way that doesn't lead to being accused of counterfeiting. Really not the option that give you a reason to celebrate.

Still we do love to stamp our image on the creations of our minds. And even better when something is ends up being accepted by others.

For then we can feel like artists instead of conmen. You know as if there is something noble in it all.

But the problem is not everyone enjoys our artwork. Heck they may even claim we stole it from somewhere else.

This will not end up with smiles. And let me tell you I'm not thrilled to end up in that experience.

But you know there are ways to avoid that crisis. Basically the old dodge technique. Yes, you stick the blame on somebody else.

Okay, nothing new on that part. But why mess with something that works. Yep, the old time honored traditions often are the best.

I know I never veer from the ways that prove to be so helpful. And the amazing thing is how often others don't even notice when you have made them bend over.

That is because they are too busy looking for that shining bauble you claimed was lying on the ground. Of course it really is not there.

But they will look anyway. And that is the most important part. Yeah, I love when in the end they are left feeling stupid.

Plus they can't be upset with you since they never realize you were conning them. They think that bauble is real.

You just act shocked, like huh? Gosh, I'm sorry, I could have sworn it was really there. Why don't you take another peek?

And you know what? They will. In fact they will do it several times if you talk to them right.

The whole time they are having their pockets picked. Plus they might even say thank you. I feel a little guilty on that part at times. But it soon I get over it. After all, guilt is something you can soothe with greed. Rash's rules.

LONG TIME SINCE

Yep, yep, long time since is such a good thing. When the since part is related to something you want there to be a long time from it happening.

Like dealing with people you would love to drive off a cliff. Or have befall some other catastrophe that you don't have to think of other than a good thing.

However, this is more a dream at times that reality. There are just too many occasions when you wish this was the case and it is not.

The long time since never stays a long time when you prefer it. Instead the long time comes back when you want it the least.

But the tricky part is not letting the long time have access to your life. Yeah, that is the challenge.

Changing phone numbers or moving helps. Maybe not very much, but it is a start. Only you can't exactly achieve this when you want.

Wish I could. Oh man this would sure cut down on the agony of unwanted reunions. If you could manage to do that at all.

Which is fine if you have that option. But again things never work out that way. Nope, however much luck it might be, it never work out that way.

I do remain hopeful though. That somehow we can manage to control the future. Or at least our part of it.

Truly this is a dream. Not even close to reality. Still, I keep think I can wave a wand and suddenly make it all better.

Just enough to give the unwanted a want to stay that way. I am very hopeful that I can achieve this.

Only I have to work at it. By lying naturally. Which includes plotting against my fellow man.

Maybe it isn't perfection or even noble, but it sure helps to bring smiles when it works. And why not?

After all life does give us a few twists we don't want. So why not take that to the extreme?

Come on let's have fun with this. Send the creeps packing by tossing them some crumbs that will lead them to somebody else.

Just a tid bit of good options for those unafraid to lie.

EASY

Well there is certainly a desire in life to find this option. And man wouldn't it be so fabulous if it came about all the time.

But I think at times this is like too many things, more a dream than reality. Not that I enjoy seeing it that way.

I will always wish everything in life was easy. Heck I would be glad to let it be true even for the people I hate.

I could be that generous. As long as the easy part didn't give me any grief. Just being honest on that part.

Not sure why easy can be easier to find at times. Honestly, I think most of us are lazy enough to work hard and not working hard.

So why is this so much of a problem to find? Well I think most of the time it is because we are too concern making life easy will be too much work.

Oh I imagine we would be thrilled if we could make this happen without any effort. Heck there would be a waiting list for such opportunities.

But then since it also means somebody would probably have to be the first to accomplish this I think it might not happen. I know if somebody else volunteers, I'll be there for a hand out.

So I imagine we won't expect such miracles to happen any times soon. Unless we can win the lottery or find some sucker to give us this freedom.

Which does I think help point to the core element in this situation. It is a matter of freedom.

With the emphasis here on the right to be a lazy slug without somebody trying to make you feel guilty. I always hate that part.

Honestly that really does suck. I mean why can't I be a greedy loafer and not feel good about it?

It is like it is some kind of a crime. And let me tell you I'm not happy with that label. I can't say I honestly care about the other person's opinion that much.

But I do care that it might influence the free crap I get. People can be so unreasonable in that regard.

So you have to pretend you are not lazy. Lying can be such hard work too. Which is another problem at times. One I try not to think about.

NICE

Ah, there is something so special when you can say this about something. Really just the idea of such joy makes me want to drool.

But then it doesn't take much to do that. A nice young blonde will do that to me too. Providing it is a woman.

Money also can make me drool. When it is going into my pocket and not into somebody else's.

But then I don't wish to be so predictable on this either. There are others things that will make me feel they are nice.

Sunrise can be nice. Sunset for me are better, but sunrises can fit in there. I sort of have to imagine them though, never awake at that time.

Unless you know I have been up all night. Then it causes a problem. For I might not be able to see well enough to be sure it is really sunrise.

One has to make allowances naturally for such things. Which I do with a sort of sliding scale of thought.

Basically the focus is on nice. That is the most critical part. You keep that part straight and the rest falls in line, no problem.

And nice can be really nice if you have it worked out correctly. But naturally the key is emphasis on nice.

Which isn't that big of a problem if you keep focused. Which means keeping your idea of nice clear in your head.

Now what is your idea of nice might not be the same as mine. But that is okay. I don't mind.

You can have your version as long as you don't interfere with mine. Otherwise forget it. That is a big issue on my side.

And if you are willing to be flexible in that regard. For that really does makes things nice for me.

Which is how I intend to make it come out. That being the nice that I prefer. Course some might not agree.

But then I hardly worry about that part. I'm too busy enjoying my version of nice when I can find. That is pretty much all the time too.
As long as nobody asks to many questions.

HORRIBLE

HORRIBLE

Yep, this is the downside of oh the joy. That is the after math of indulgence and let me tell you that is not a good place to be.

Horrible sucks, horrible is a pain in the butt. A place were you want to strangle somebody, anybody.

But the worst part is that you really want to strangle yourself for being stupid. Only that would make things even a bigger type of horrible.

Now horrible in this case is the bill you get for partying. Like those annoying calls you get from that date you had from the bar.

The one that ended in a motel. And she calls to let you know she missed that time of the month. Being a hint to the obvious.

Which is horrible when you have to cope with the ways you can lie your way out of it. These are situations where claiming you have a twin brother just don't cut it.

Neither does pretending you were abducted by aliens and one of them was using your body. Actually had one gal that nearly worked on.

Yep, that sure give me my own version of horrible. One I don't care to experience that kind of event very often.

And if I work it right then I do manage to avoid such things. But it requires my brain to be engaged before I act stupid.

Which does happen when I think about it. But that is okay since I don't mind. You have to try sometime.

And the best part is that you can avoid the horrible when you need to . Just with a few precautions.

I know, because I can give them all to you . Just make sure you follow the advice in my handbook I sell.

You can get it most any place that horrible lurks and is found. Like the bookstore. Well the adult ones at least.

Which is okay, because I can say that I am published. And as long as the laws don't find out my real name that does with the alias, I'm fine.

Just another precaution of horrible you have accept. You will once you get my book. Just say Elmo sent you. Er, well at least say he sent you. Safer that way in case the guy you are talking turns out to be a cop.

TRUTH IN LENDING

Boy is this a silly idea. Like it is really going to happen. I hate to be you know so negative on this, but since when does the idea of truth and sales people go together?

And most of time you borrow money to buy something, either directly or indirectly. So sooner or later you will most likely deal with some sales person.

Which all comes down to the basic reality that somebody is going to lie eventually. A nice cheery thought to be sure.

At least I brace myself for such realities. Honestly, I figure if I go in knowing I'm going to be lied to and ripped off I won't get upset.

I just wish I really was able to not get upset. But since I spend so much time lying to others it makes it tough to ignore.

So instead of being able to completely ignore it I just lie back. Does it make since or end up with me being better off? Not really.

Still I feel better for trying. Maybe not enough to enjoy the reaming I get, but enough so I can tell myself it was all worth the cost of interests.

The way I cope is mainly knowing I can figure a way to screw somebody else. Kind of backwards sort of revenge.

Yeah, you take it on the chin and then do the same to somebody else. Course it wasn't there fault, but it is to me the principle of getting even.

Okay I have to fudge on the getting even just a tad. I don't get even with the person who reamed me out, but somebody gets some grief.

Now it might not seem like a good philosophy to some, but it is better than pretending. Which is not what I prefer to do.

This is just a case of being objective. Which comes down to making sure you don't let yourself be unhappy.

And that means simply, finding a way to stop grumbling. What better way to accomplish it than by taking the time to hate yourself.

So instead you hate somebody else. So much more fun that way. Just a smile or two for bringing everyone a reason to feel more than grumpy.

Course somebody will end up losing. But we can work out those details later. As in never. Always a nice diversion from the options of sitting with the paper in your hand and screaming, why, why?

GIVE IT THEN TAKE IT AWAY

Yep, this is a great philosophy that I enjoy. A chance to build people's hopes and then crush them. I love it.

There is something truly marvelous about giving people hope. That I truly savor. I really enjoy seeing that sparkle in their eyes.

Then later to totally crush them by taking it away. I mean it really is amazing what that kind of impact has on some people.

And if I work it right, they never even realize I planned the whole deal. Yep, it is such a treat.

Now as a Mayor this is so easy to accomplish. A few promises to you know get them thinking life will improve.

And how they just seem to get so trusting the moment you offer them a hand out. It sure does inspire the greed.

It is wonderful how some people can show the most selfish side of their nature if they are inspired by what they think is a free gift. And it will actually make some very human or nice.

That is the upside. Really enjoy when I see a jerk act like a human being. That makes it all worth while.

But then I can't forget he was a jerk in the first place. So that means I have to figure a way to totally see he gets treated like a jerk.

And that means a speech. A wonderful heart felt speech of regret. I've even gotten skilled at forcing tears.

That so is the best part. They really believe it. And they are still crushed, but not for a second do they think it is my fault.

What can I say? That is truly a work of art. If you can rip out a guy's heart and make him think it wasn't on purpose, that is pure magic.

I just have such a joy when this act all goes as planned. And it gives me such satisfaction to smile when they are sobbing.

Now the ultimate is when you convince them to give you a chance to do it again. I love that part.

But then it is all a matter of timing. Like right away so they don't have a chance to think about it being a pain.

ENDLESS

Oh my does this leave me without joy at times. Now if you were talking endless supplies of money that would be great.

But this isn't about that. Just a theory I guess, but it seems like the only things that last far too long are the things we hate.

And that is not a good thing. Well unless you like being miserable and there sure are plenty of those around.

I just don't fall under that category. Nor do I plan on joining that group anytime soon. I will let somebody else savor such honors.

It is called being silly in my opinion. Which is how I prefer to view. Let's face it, would any of us be thrilled by something such as endless pain?

Not if you are sane. Yet you can be sure somebody will try to pass it on to others. Which is really the part that is to be avoided.

I mean really I do prefer to concentrate on not letting others work this on me. They can do it to themselves, but not me.

I have enough endless crap to deal with in life. And I do not care to add to the list. It is endless enough for me now.

Why some would are as good at this I don't know. They want to be sure they give you endless from their supply.

Honestly, I don't wish to be shared in such a way. Which never keeps some from trying. See it seems to be the obsession of some to get rid of their endless by giving it to me.

That is not what I list as my favorite moments. I do not wish to repeat such experiences. That is where I am going to focus my efforts.

And the best way for me to achieve it is by dumping my endless on somebody else. Yep, it sucks, but so what?

Love that phrase, so what? Really sums up things quite well. When you get down to the bottom line, the so whats in life are plenty.

Being able to appreciate that is so nice. It saves on the grief. Which makes the whole thing decent.

At least for me. A little grief and life is perfect, when it is for somebody else. Ah that really does make the heart flutter. Well to a small degree. Which works for me. And that is always the best thing.

COMMENTS

A good thing when not made by an idiot. That part I can't handle. I mean it really does make me nuts when somebody comes along wanting to share an opinion and the person is a moron.

I'm sorry, but that is not a good thing. Well not from my view. I want to hear decent comments.

Like you are the greatest person who ever lived. Now that will make me smile. Really I love it even if it is crap.

Come on tell me you don't like that too. Unless you are one of those strange people that thinks being criticized is a good thing.

In which case there really is no help for you. Not from my point of view. You should just turn in your comment pen and forget the whole thing.

My advice you understand. For are not likely to really say something worthwhile. At least nothing I want to hear.

Oh I'm sure you will keep comment. Most clowns with nothing helpful to say always do. They seem obsessed with saying what the think.

Actually I normally will try to pretend to listen. The emphasis is on the pretend part. For in reality I'm not listening at all.

Which in reality is the most amazing part. For that never is important to them. As long as they can feel they told you what they thought, they are happy.

None of which in any way helps me. And let me tell you that is important to me. Very, very important.

Honestly, I find it essential from my point of view. Because I don't care what you think of yourself and decide is genius, if it bores me forget it.

I don't want to hear about it. Never. Well unless I'm really bored. Then you can count on the fact that I will consider listening.

Not to hard though. If you suck at giving advice then don't think my brain is ready to get excited by your words.

Go an peddle them elsewhere. With somebody who isn't busy. Somebody who thinks you are a genius.

Like with your mother. Yeah, I'm sure she loves every thing you say. But otherwise forget it!

ENVELOPES

I love being able to mail crap. Just such a wonderful feeling when you can get rid of something and make the person receiving it think it is a present or surprise.

Then it rips their heart out when they open it up and say it is a bill. Now the key to this joy is making sure they don't recognize it for what it is before opening it.

So first of all it needs to be handwritten. But in such a style as calligraphy so it looks professional.

Makes it appear as an invitation. Which you add to the illusion by showing some initials for the sender and a mailing address. As if it came from somebody very rich.

That always gets their juices flowing. Just the anticipation of getting rich or some other fabulous gift makes them all excited and aroused.

This only lasts until the actually open the envelope. I love imagining their reaction. It isn't smiles that is for sure.

And if it is a bill even better. A request for donations is nice too, but not quite as dramatic.

So I prefer to do what I can to let them dangling out there as long as possible in hope. Which means using an envelope that is really hard to open.

Ah, that is another talent. And with me I have my secretary who is such a talent at wrapping things so you can't open them easy.

All I have to do is tell her that is has something fragile inside and she will seal up that sucker so you might need dynamite to open it. Which does require extra postage, but that is find with me.

But that is worth the price when it results in the agony after the expectation after the envelope is open. Just something I have to savor from a distance.

Alas, there are some joys in life you can only have in special ways. As in with your imagination.

Yep, really gives me such smiles when I can sit back and relax, knowing some clown is sitting in his office and going nuts trying to open an envelope. Each second becomes and agony as he can't get it open.

Finally resorting to his teeth as last resort. Cutting his lip on the staples, covering the bleeding with a tissue as he finally gets the thing open.

Then looking at the contents and screaming, No! You can't buy those kinds of moments.

BECAUSE IT IS WRITTEN

Yep, this truly does inspire. The idea that when something is in writing it means more than when we just say it.

It is like if we see it in print then it must be truth. Which is really rather absurd from my point of view.

For how can this be the case? But it does seem to work for people. And frankly that is the best part.

Because that means I can deal with it on a good side when being a Mayor. That is what happens when I am able to you know write some law.

That is all it takes at times. Unless you are talking about somebody who can think and doesn't actually believe that writing is god.

They can be hard to fine. Which is good for me. I don't need lots of people questioning my laws.

My solution when somebody does is to ask them to write me a letter. Which is mainly a stall technique.

Some will never bother. Others will take the time. But it won't be a rush. So in the end, I get space between me and their questions.

Then it gives me a chance to respond back. Again with a letter. Now that is fun too. For I will take my time on that part.

When I do, I normally find someway to refer to some other laws. Again the writing ploy. Isn't that special?

I think it is. And I'm darn proud of being able to accomplish it. Only they will not bother to checking out the other law.

Because they know if they complain about that, I will give them another one and another one after that.

I tell you this is such a nice maze of ink to get trapped in. I savor the irony, for it truly does leave me with a smile.

Then I can totally grin and bear it. As in bearing all the ways I get to avoid making anyone think I am up to something, but the ink says I'm not.

Now that is not so bad, when you can smile and enjoy the moment of truth. I don't get to that point much, but I try to smile about it just the same. That works for me and it always will.

OTHERWISE

Well, what can I say, there are times when what choice do you have? Yep, really we need this option.

A chance to say screw the rules and go for the insanity. Now that is a sweet moment. A chance to savor the times where you don't give in to pressure.

Now that is so joyful. Yep, what could be better than the times when joy is in a thought lacking any stress?

I guess I have said that enough ways at this point. But still merits being remembered. Why, well why not.

See to me the world is full of crap. And we all get stuck in it at times. Never enough to get us totally wiped out, just enough to make life other than joyful.

And the problem is that we can't enjoy any of it in any way. How can you feel good about what is crap?

You can't eat it or savor it. All you can do is try to get rid of it. Which to me is how we all spend most of our time.

That is to say, naturally, that life is mainly devoted with crappy activities instead of fun. Which is not a good thing.

I didn't consider it to be worthwhile. Just something I think we could benefit from accepting.

And that is what I do try to correct. Which is primarily through my own efforts to make it meaningful to me.

Now that might not be true for everyone, but I figure it is the best thing I can do. I consider it a blessing.

Well okay for me at least. But it is a start. And that is what counts from my view. Which naturally is the one that matters in the most.

Perhaps not to everyone. Just the ones where I keep score. Let me tell you that is very important.

I really do have so many reasons to embrace this as my choice. After all the way I see it somebody has to be a paragon of hope.

A role model that says we are not all going to slip on the crap. And some of us have a chance to get up and not keep being trapped by it. I submit myself to this cause, willingly and joyfully.

ANYWAY

ANYWAY

Yep, that is almost a prayer at times. Just you know, when life sucks and ain't getting any better.

So it doesn't do any good to say much. You can only shrug and let the world fly by. Hopefully, it will be a chance to learn not to care.

Is that a good thing? Yep, for things that suck a darn good choice. When you are talking about not being able to change it.

And let me tell you that pretty much sums up a lot of things. Now I know as a Mayor I should have more positive attitude perhaps.

But there are times when it is hard to lie to myself and keep believing it. So it will just be a case of when I've had enough.

Hey, even a guy like me has to look in the mirror from time to time. Not always, but sometimes.

But thank goodness it isn't something I have to do constantly. And the thing is I will find a way to avoid thinking about it as much as possible.

In the meantime when I do have to think about it, I just say anyway. That is my way of coping.

Maybe it doesn't work for everyone, but it works for me. And I am so happy that I have found the perfect way to function most of the time.

Basically it is by letting somebody else worry about it. Doesn't matter what the it happens to be, just dump it on somebody else.

Sound like a sucky answer? It isn't to me. Nope, not at all. I love it. Let some other poor slob take the fall for grief.

I am content with it. I stroll the gardens with that joy. Sounds great. But let's face it that is all crap.

What is true is that just manage to find a way to not have to do other than smile. Only when dealing with something like the special joys of frustration.

That is never a good thing. But I live with it. Just move on to the place where I can be happy by not thinking too much.

All of which is the perfect solution to life in my impression. That is what works for me and you can be sure that is what I go with.

Have for a long time, ever since I discover how good booze solve my memory.