LIES, CORRUPTION AND POPSICLES

I've always looked at the dark side of life as having a shelf life. By that I mean a lie for example just is only good for so long. It is sort of like a popsicle. Sooner or later it is going to lose its flavor and form and melt away when heated by the truth of whatever.

Likewise corruption is the same thing. Oh it might last a little longer, but it just seems that sooner or later it too will dissolve. The big difference of course being that a lie might just melt away and leave no visible evidence. However, with corruption it will leave a stain of some kind. People will notice so no matter how good it might have tasted once, when the good guys get through it is going to be pure garbage.

See that is the big difference between good and bad. With good you might have somebody try and mess with it out of jealously, but nobody is going to as a rule punish you for doing good. They might reward you, but at the same time you don't have to worry about any cops busting down you door to punish you for doing good.

I sure wish you could. That is because in my town it would be the perfect way to get rid of that insipid do-gooder Lance Allworthy. I can't decide, which I would want more, to get rid of him or that darn harp music I hear whenever he is around that I'm the only one who seems to be able to hear.

Now you would think just once I could figure a way to sabotage the dude. I mean even a traffic ticket would be nice. But NOOOO, it never happens. I had a cop I paid as mayor to pull him over once and write him up, but when the cop did pull him over and got one look at Lance's dazzling pearly whites, he just melted and beg to help Lance out with some cause. Heck I was lucky in that sense because with Lance if you try and mess with him some mysterious divine force zaps you. I could have had that cop come back to me and bust me for god knows what. So I guess I feel relieved that things didn't end up worse than the did.

Which all goes back to why to me I treat the whole idea of evil plots and lying like popsicles. I just know you can keep them up forever. You have to let them serve their purpose and then before they melt you go out and by a new box of popsicles, um that is lies.

That is the problem I think too many of the bad guys forget. They get a flavor of lie or corruption they enjoy and get hooked on it. They never give thought to the idea if you keep buying too many boxes of the same flavor of corruption sooner or later somebody is going to get wise.

I that doesn't work then you can expect the popsicle police in terms of the goodness people who want to stop corruption will be in the store looking for popsicle abusers. And they will find them even if you think you got a decent discount coupon.

So be wise if you are a popsicle kind of liar or corruption devotee. Once and while get smart and change flavors or otherwise you could end up with a cavity in you lifestyle from the people who don't like evil popsicles.

THE MORNING AFTER

Ah, is there a time of any greater mixed blessings than the morning after? Now if you aren't one of those who has had much experience with this, which means you are probably some kind of social amoeba. Which to me translates into a person of a single cell personality or in other words basically not having any or one like a piece of cardboard.

But enough of speaking of those who are emotionally challenged to do other than there impression of an cadaver. For the rest who understand and know the meaning of the morning after, then they will probably also appreciate the reason I associate it with a toilet bowl.

That is assuming you're morning after as been as involved with hangovers and a stomach that is puking because it hates your indulgences with booze or whatever. And I feel that this is one of these times of sharing intended to say, "I understand."

You see the problem with things like making it from here to the toilet bowl types of morning after is that you just never get any sympathy from people. They just look at it as the result of you doing something stupid.

And I think that is unfair. That is because would life really be worth living if you didn't have the joy of a few times of total disregard for sanity?

As far as I'm concerned everyone does this to some degree. We just don't all admit to it and if that involves some type of carefree totally stupid behavior you can be a dull person will object or criticize it.

Now they can do the same thing in some other venue of stupidity and that is okay. But they will still think you are a moron and have no sympathy for your random act of foolishness.

So for all those party animals out there who just want to have fun without a lecture I say, salute. I say let us praise your independence and right to be you.

That is what I will say on the night before. However, the next day I will most likely be saying, "oh my god, when the toilet bowl looks like a porcelain heaven, I'm in big trouble."

Fortunately, amnesia about stupidity is a wonderful side affect of such times. So by the next night or two at the very least I can practice the art of saying, "Tonight I'm just going to take it easy."

It will be a silly lie you understand. Like nobody else ever does that. As for the toilet bowl, well I know it doesn't talk, but sometimes in the gurgle of its flush I swear I hear the sound of laughter. Or maybe that depends on what brand of stupid juice I drank the night before.

TAKE THIS JOB AND...

No, I'm not going to complete that with the obvious. That would be well, too obvious. So instead I was thinking more of taking this job and 'give it to a person who really wants it or deserves it.' Perhaps the other would be, 'take this job and change it so I don't have to feel so bad that I suck at it.'

Now most of the time it seems the focus is that the job is what sucks. And I'm sure there are way too many of such jobs out there that really do suck. But not all of them.

So how come if you have a cushy and decent job you aren't doing better and doing it right and enjoying it? Ah, now that is question I'm sure some don't want to answer.

Let's face it when you see the celebrities and wealthy looking totally miserable and hardly looking all that thrilled by their situation. Is there a message there or what? I doubt it is one we will bother to learn though, not from what I can see.

And you know what, the place where jobs suck the most is in the arena of politics. All that lying and sucking up to people you hate is hardly what I can the seedbed for happy flowers. It is more like a job you do and tolerate the crap because you have no choice like the rest of the world.

Given all of that is it really surprising that too many politicians end up with some scandal in their lives? Come on give the guy a break. He probably always was a jerk, but as long as he was hiding in some nobody, nowhere job, then nobody cared.

Suddenly he gets elected and this demented and depraved mind is unleashed upon the maze of red tape, lobbyist and all the other crap that gets spread on your life as a politician. And for some reason we think this bozo is going to improve once elected? I don't think so.

I imagine there are a few people out there that are decent and law abiding. I also imagine they are probably the dullest and more boring people earth. No offense folks, but basic goodness to me is tantamount to living under and rock and lacking any imagination.

Sorry to paint it so bleak, but I think the normal desires of most people are kept hidden rather than have to admit them to anyone publicly. I salute that approach.

The only problem is when the morons who get elected don't learn the basic tactic of figuring a way to keep the demented and perverted side of life adequately hidden. It really is not that difficult.

You just have to be able to bribe enough people and now where the reporters don't hang out. Then you can be careful, but in a good way.

Pity some of those don't figure that part out good enough. Personally, I think they should be booted out of office for being stupid. Which is a lot better than having them hang around and embarrass the rest of us that are being careful.

YOUR TAX DOLLARS NOT AT WORK

Why is it that a corporation can waste money and get a tax break and we only shrug or groan while if it is the government we want blood? Maybe I'm being unfair on this subject, but I don't think so.

From my view it is a double standard. Even though the loss of tax dollars when a corporation screws up costs just as much in its own way as if the government screws up.

Perhaps at the core the problem centers around idea that if person is voted into office then in part those that voted for him are just as guilty. But nobody wants that kind of blame so instead we prefer to just get upset, piss and moan.

Oh perhaps we can avert a little of the abiding sense of guilt by one lie or another, but otherwise will just find a reason to grump. But that is the part I wish to take issue with if I can.

In the first place I would like to point out that as a rule most politicians probably were involved in corporate America at some point before running for office. It doesn't matter, it just is important because if that was the person's model then wouldn't follow they would make any other function apart of that system?

Does that make it all better? I didn't say that, I'm just suggesting we are silly to expect people of a given life philosophy that focuses on greed to abandon that approach when in public office.

Shoot even those who pursue spiritual lives have demonstrated they have trouble being other than occasionally corrupted by the process. So how can we expect people following a system inherently flawed be other than flawed?

Is that a valid question? It is from my point of view. And I don't say that just as a politician either.

Although, admittedly I'm not honestly defending they system. What I am doing is reporting.

Why? Because before you can change something you have to be prepared to understand it. And I think most people do understand it to a degree, but aren't prepared to truly delve into the reality that it is all flawed.

I think what we need most of all is to wipe our brow and go 'whew' whenever the government does anything right. That's because unless we are prepared to someone find perfect people then we better prepared for the fallout.

So when you see government blundering and know that is the reality of our tax dollars not a work, we should smile and be grateful that there are the times it does work. Not enough to be a source of pride, but enough to know it is better than not at all. Hey, I didn't say was a good thing, just time to feel good about what is crap.

FOR HIRE

The concept of hiring people is a wonderful idea. It is legal and even though sometimes a given employer's idea of employee's rights might border on the territory of slavery, we still find it a worthy format for compensation.

From my view the one problem arising out of this whole arena of labor is that people don't always agree on the issue of what all being hire mean. Specifically, to me it is a matter of a person agreeing to perform certain tasks in return for compensation. And in the process the corporation reserves the right to redefine the nature of said tasks as the situation demands.

That is the part, which always ends up being rather fuzzy in some cases. Primarily from my view it is because of a number of problems. The first being the philosophy of the employee. By that I mean their attitude towards their jobs. If they hate the job they will be more prone to get pissed anytime to change their workload or duties.

On the other hand if you have somebody who is prone towards masochism they will savor any change even if it ends up being abusive. Which isn't always a bad thing if you are signing the paychecks.

The problem in that regard is you can't always tell the kind of attitude a given person has during the interview process. And applications or resumes don't help at times either.

Anybody can put on his or her "I'm sane and normal" face for a few minutes during an interview. At least from what I've seen more than one person is able to pass for a decent person long enough to make you think hiring them is safe.

It isn't till later when you walk pass their desk and make some passing observation about say a minor mistake they made you find out they aren't that sane. At least you have a chance to duck before they whip out some automatic weapon and fill you full of holes.

Perhaps you are dealing with somebody not prone to such violent forms of expression. They might just be content to do something like freak out from criticism or do something others see and think you condone that will be totally embarrassing.

However, if you have done your job right in the hiring processes, which I see as a matter of dumb luck, then you get somebody who works hard and doesn't complain much. At least not to you.

They might tell the whole world you are a jerk, but when you see them they are all smiles, the rats. And naturally they will take every opportunity to make you suffer for any mistakes you made whether you actually did anything wrong or not.

I suppose one might presume from my comments I don't think there are any good employees. The reality is that from my view there are a few. The law of averages would say you would find one occasional. Just not often enough from my experience.

SAGGING PILLARS OF STRENGTH

I doubt too many people actually would regard the image of a pillow as one of strength. Pillows are after all more something we think of as soft and comfy.

So when you have some person get up to give a speech on strength that looks like swallowed a couple of pillows it does sort of go against the meaning of the word from my point of view. I'm not trying to ridicule the person understand, just merely pointing out that such an image sort of detracts from the credibility of them commenting on the issue of strength.

I might be the only one who feels that way, but I doubt it. It is sort of the same kind of feeling I get when I see somebody living in luxury sitting around in their mansion and talking about hardship. It is just a bit difficult to take that person all that serious from my point of view. I'm not saying they didn't work for what they have. Only that it just seems like that their appreciation for suffering would be affected by the lack of personal suffering.

I don't really wish to tread on dangerous ground here, but I'm speaking more in general terms of the problem of setting standards that you never apply to yourself. If you have the power you are going to do it. But let's be honest doesn't that sort of dig at you if you are sitting there working your butt off and the guy commenting on it being real easy is sitting in the shade and not sweating at all.

For me the one problem is that I'm among those who could be called the elite. Oh I'm only a big fish in a small pond to be sure, but as a Mayor I do have my share of special privileges.

And you can be sure I'm not about to part with them if I don't have to. I just have trouble accepting that if I'm going without something it will improve the other person who is still going to get the short end of the stick. That might sound like a justification, but it works for me that's for sure.

Actually when it comes to gleaming as much as possible for me there isn't much that doesn't work. It is always such a blessing to be able to be in charge of the rules. So when I make the rule that says, Rash gets the most, I sure don't complain.

I guess if it wasn't for all the darn lying I have to do in order to make the other person buy it that wouldn't be so bad. But then I do get a good chance to work on my creativity in the process.

And if I am having a real good day then I have the joy of even stretching things a bit where my own sagging pillow of a body manages to discuss strength. Heck, if I'm really warmed up you should hear my little speech on keeping fit. Naturally I only give that one when I can hide behind a podium. I mean I don't mind lying that much as I do being obvious about being a hypocrite. It is so much better if I only get those stares and not the comments instead.

WELCOME TO MY DEMENTIA

Alright, I'm ready for those who will say, I've lost it totally. That there is no way porcupines go with onion rings no matter what you are going to say.

Well I would say you are right. There, I said it. Are you happy now? But you see that is my whole point. Don't we live in such a great country where a grimefighter/ trash collector and also super hero can post a blog on things that don't go together if he wants.

Now you might agree and then say something like, you can do what you want, but why bother us with it. To which I like to point out how we are talking most of all about art here. Yep, that's right, the basic give of being able to create something different and unique.

Besides you never know when the occasion might arise when these two things could end up going together. Like when you might ask? Well how about as some zoo. Yeah, you could have somebody checking out the animals and stops at the porcupine exhibit while snacking on some onion rings. Hey, it could happen. Maybe not any time soon, but it could happen just the same.

Then you could read this posting and say, "Well I'll be dang, old Philo wasn't such a crazy after all."

So anytime you think you got life all figure out and things make complete sense I hope you will remember there just might be a think or two you haven't got right. And if you get to that point don't worry, you can depend upon old Philo to be right here waiting.

I might even arrange for you to have lunch with come porcupines. Of course you would have to be willing to bring the onion rings. I mean fair is fair, if I can scrounge up the porcupines the least you could do is figure out a way to bring some onion rings.

Now remember though and don't try to take the easy way out. I said onion rings and not French fries.

Because I certainly plan on doing my part and be sure I bring a real porcupine. Not a stuffed one, not some raccoon with a broom glued to his back, but a real porcupine.

I'm sure glad I pointed that part out. Man I would hate to get all excited about making this posting make sense and then screw it up with some fake onion rings or a stuffed porcupine.

Perhaps though I'll keep those in mind for future postings. Yeah, if you can link porcupines and onion rings then you ought to be able to link the fake stuff.

I wonder if I would need to mention they were fake? Guess that will have to wait till I get around to locating a real porcupine. I'm sure they hang out somewhere cool. And if I'm really lucky they will have some onion rings too.

BRING IT ANYWAY

I always enjoy working with experts. Not really experts you understand. Only ones that think they are experts in their minds.

Such people are so helpful. You can never succeed in explaining to them the smallest details well enough to get them to just take you word when you need something. I'm not talking about big things. Normally it is small things, that might seem earth shaking to me, but they never see them as important.

So naturally you end up having to try and explain to Mr. or Ms. Genius why want whatever. Which gets to be really annoying because normally they end up interrupting and never actually hear what I say. But they think know what I'm going to say and that is even worse from my view.

The other day for example, I need some staples. Which is obviously because I had run out and needed them for my stapler.

Admittedly, most of the time my secretary handles any needs in terms of office supplies. But I do have a stapler and in this case I had some papers I needed to stapler that I didn't want her to have to see. Primarily because with my secretary she translates any such papers and a total form of anxiety.

She always imagines that somewhere in the papers I'm planning on cutting out her job. It definitely isn't one of my priorities. I'm smart enough to know that it would be next to impossible to get anyone to work as cheap as she does. Oh I could find a brain dead person I suppose, but I doubt they would try to do a decent job.

At first I tried to solve my staple needs by not telling her. However, the moment I opened the door to the supply closet, whoa, disaster. She screamed and practically fainted.

Then I made up this story about doing a general inspection. Edna did calm down to some degree, but honestly she was still in a tizzy when I hurried down the hall.

Now my next plan of attack was to try and seek out some other department where I could borrow a few staples. That's when I encountered way to many experts. Oh everyone expected details.

I got to the point where I just wanted to yell, "Forget why I want them for crying out loud and just bring them anyway." Only I did avoid that choice.

Alas I had to eventually sneak out the building and find a local stationary store. By the time the experts got through and the grapevine was operational oh brother they had lay offs coming and even worse.

So naturally I took the rest of the afternoon off and then by the next morning that crisis was over. Just in time for the next one when I commented we were out of sugar in the break room.

THE THRILL OF IT ALL

Now to me there is nothing more essential with fun than doing it for the thrill of it all. That really is important and very special. At least, as far as I'm concerned.

The way I look at it the real problem in our world is the lack of thrills. We have plenty of dull and boring, but not enough genuine and good natured thrills. I'm not talking about the types of things like sky diving types of thrills.

I'm merely referring to the things that stimulate one's sense in a positive way. What it is depends on the person, but you can be sure of a couple of things in that regard. One is that any manufactured form of thrill is going to be very popular and very expensive.

That is because it is really hard to find on our own. My opinion perhaps, but all that I know is most of them things like amusement parks thrive to some degree as do plenty fo theaters that cater to the ever changing desires of their patrons.

But the problem is such activities are regarded as frivolous and unnecessary to survival. So they are treated as luxuries instead of need.

Is this really fair? I don't think so. I think we normally are brain dead most of the time in our routines. We only wake up the moment our bodies sense something exciting is about to happen. Then it is party time and pass the whatever while we forget how much life truly sucks.

However, I doubt that is the way anyone is going to public admit it reality. And naturally if you did you would be in big trouble. Because you would risk fraying the already fragile garment of social order. Um, that really does sound catchy. I think I'll have to remember it for some future speech.

How would it look if we suddenly said, "Okay, everyone call off sick from work for the next two days and do something utterly wasteful and useless. Just do it for the thrill of it all."

Oh yeah, like that will ever happen. We simply can't afford that option as a society. It doesn't mean we can privately (wink, wink) accept it.

So let's play the game then. Tomorrow you shall step on that old labor treadmill and work, work, work.

Okay, that will be the official rhetoric! Privately we can gather in small groups and whisper, "there's a party at..." and snicker with a nice nod of the heads.

That way we can maintain the facade of order and correctness without being disgusting about it. I know I'll vote for it whether anyone else does or not.

Party on and pass the bucket of bolts. A new slogan to fit and old condition!

OLD AND RUSTY

No, I'm not talking about junk. Not in terms of things rusting in some dump somewhere. I'm thinking in terms of people this time. Naturally I'm speaking of old people.

Actually, I should qualify that. I'm not speaking in terms of those who are elderly in terms of years. I have no doubt I have probably confused some by that comment.

From my view a person can be old in terms of their thinking without actually being old in years. And when I mention old in that regard I'm not talking about mature. I'm talking about somebody who is so set in their ways, they are living in another time zone in terms of reality.

It only follow in my thinking that the same person will be rusty in terms of a willing to risk or try new things. They are the consummate pessimists because they have convinced themselves how giving up is far better than trying something different.

In my opinion such people honestly might was well dig a grave and crawl inside. If you are going to stop living in any way what is the point of keep on going? That might be cruel to some, but I think it is honest.

True, it is said, but it still is part of what I face everyday where I live. You always have to battle the defenders of the 'no faith.' That is what I call those who want to preserve the status quo no matter how much it sucks.

You can do what you want to point out how stupid there point of view is and how miserable they are, but trying to get them to change is pointless. It is sort of like seeing a person in a pit full of crap and standing next to a ladder who is crying "woe is me," but is smiling and has no intentions of escaping.

Inside, you might feel a twinge of sympathy for the person, but honestly how easy is it to feel the person really needs help? It isn't for me.

And as a Mayor of Mediocrity believe me that problem truly does wear me out. I meet all kinds of people who talk as they want help, but then have a million excuses for why they will never change. Somewhere in all of it normally I will end up being blamed for the whole problem.

Which is okay since such complaints are always lacking any facts because they are driven by emotions. So a lie generally takes care of the problem since they are dealing in truth in the first place.

That doesn't mean I enjoy the process. Just that it means I have to expend a great deal of energy trying to figure new and creative ways to say the same old lies. Which can be boring at time. But it is the only kind of oil that truly works on the rusty minds I deal with who retired from life at some point, yet still keep functioning at some silly level that I have to deal with.

SAME TIME, DIFFERENT SIGH

Do you ever feel too many days of your life are a rerun? How come it is always the days that suck that end up on rerun? Wouldn't it be great if only the good days turned out to happen over again?

I don't think I would complain if the days I truly enjoyed occurred more often. And maybe somewhere out there some people do know lots of days that are the best they can ever be.

However, in the small, lethargic purgatory where I languish, that just isn't the case. Heck, I'm lucky if I can keep under control any infectious outbreaks of yawns. Not because they are dangerous, but I'm really afraid if they happen too often people will actually find the process a pleasant one.

It isn't like I don't try to inspire people towards excellence. But it does get to be a challenge when one considers the general reaction to some form of encouragement is for the person to ask where they can go and take a nap. Does that sound like I'm working with real pliable material here or what?

Every once and a while I do manage to savor a rare moment when my efforts put a dent in the armor of indifference so often worn. Normally it never lasts, but for a brief time I get the joy of feeling like a hero or a reasonable facsimile. Oh yeah, those are the times that dreams are made of. Some of them are even ones I can repeat without risking anyone knowing what a depraved pervert I really am. Er, anyway I do love the times of other than another sigh.

I guess it would be wonderful if we could reduce the times of potential boredom. That would mean one would have to also manage to not do all the routine things life demands constantly.

Which would most likely include work. Now I haven't figured a way to succeed in improving the state of being where there are more smiles than yawns and still be sure all the crappy daily jobs get done.

Alas, we do want heaven, but we sure need our trash picked up too. That is the dilemma one can't avoid, which is why this problem isn't completely an easy chore to fix.

I had thought of perhaps having to liven things up a bit by making people changed jobs constantly. Give them a little variety, but then that could be depressing because we might find out just how truly incompetent everyone truly is.

Well, while I toy with all the possibilities, I shall venture forth for another brain storming session at my favorite local watering hole. It might not result in any improvement, but after enough refreshment somehow things don't look like they need as much improvement. And that for me is always better than another yawn, even if it does wear off by the next morning.

LIVING DANGEROUSLY

As I see it the most basic meaning to this is you are living in a way that involves risk. There are all kinds of risk, but one thing we all understand is that such living involves a certain degree of courage. It can also involve a whole lot of stupid if you are trying to life with the kind of risk that can put you behind bars or other dire consequences.

In reality we all live dangerously to some degree. Or perhaps your body is immune to the potential dangers of something like cholesterol when you are gobbling down some big, juicy burger. Ahem, that means it is embarrassing to me also, but I will try to move and not keep dwelling on that flaw in my life.

Anyway, for me there is the type of dangerous where you risk something as simple as say a parking space if you are running late. Or perhaps it might be doing something that will risk an impression with somebody you don't care that much about impressing.

Those are mild kinds of living dangerous. They have simple risks that nobody worries about that much. Basically the safe kind of risks that most of us have the courage to try.

It is when you get beyond the ordinary that you have to really worry. The more uncertainty the more people will not live dangerously.

You can see that with the fact of those who take the easy road of working for a guaranteed wage as opposed to commission. They may not feel they are a good salesman so better to take the small bag of cash you know you will get next week for sure than have to deal with counting on your ability to sell whatever.

I'm not finding fault here, I'm simply making an observation. Why, because I want to. Okay maybe it is more than that. The plain truth is that I've gotten a tad frustrated lately trying to cope with some of my employees whose idea of living dangerous is watching an R rated movie.

No, I'm not exaggerating. Think about it. Would you be content living in dullsville and being mediocre for a daily living if you had options?

I don't know that I mind them being boring and dull. It does cut down on my having to worry about one of them being clever enough to try and steal my job.

But jeez, come on, don't pretend you like it. Come on have the courage to be honest and admit I'm a loser and proud of it. I'm way too much of wimp to ever risk anything so I'm just going to sit in my little miserable cocoon and tolerate the misery.

I could live with that approach from them. Hey, nobody says it is a crime to be bland. It might produce a ton of yawns, but so what?

I just wish I could get my employees to appreciate that. Nope, no such luck. They are all too busy trying to explain the risk involved with sorting your sock drawer on Saturday because you can't get a date.

RALLY AROUND THE TOADSTOOL

Let me tell you when you live in the capital of dull there isn't much that people can't be inspired to rally round. That is as long as it doesn't require them to actually make any commitments.

If all you want is talk and don't expect any results or changes then Mediocrity is the place you want to live. Well perhaps calling it living is a bit of a stretch. It is more like existing. Which seems to be enough for the voters and citizens in general where I live.

That makes life a little easier for a snake and lazy scum like me. Coming up with words and not actually doing anything is so much easier than having to solve problems.

Of course we don't truly spend any time actually admitting that is our nature. No, that just wouldn't do. It would mean being honest and confessing that we love dull. Nobody is going to want to make that public. At least not on purpose.

The result of this foolishness is that I have to tolerate the most absurd obsessions with causes imaginable. And when I say rally round the toadstools it is exactly what I mean.

Believe it or not we did have one committee, which honestly did devote itself to trying to protect toadstools. I'm not sure they even knew what a toadstool was since I glanced through the flyer for their meeting and it has a frog sitting on stool. Needless to say, I didn't make any effort to attend their meeting.

That is only one in a long list of similar thrilling events, which are only memorable in the head shaking category. And in my city there are way too many instances of that kind of joy to spread around.

What is a nightmare is when somebody whose butt I have to kiss in order to stay in office gets infected with this insanity. Lo have I endured sitting through speeches attempting to inspire people to more awareness of the dangers of bird droppings. Like there is really a whole lot of issues of people ending up going blind from staring up at some passing bird who succeeds in crapping in their eyes.

Am I conveying the oddity of this or not? I hope so because if you are looking for bland as a life style then you are welcome to relocate to our little cesspool of lethargy and savor a yawn or two.

However if you are by chance one who sees him or herself as a concerned citizen and is diligent about saving something that is ludicrous, please stay where you are. Unless you really have a wad a cash and no friends so you are willing to buy a mayor just to feel good about yourself.

In which case, you can always contact me and will take. I'm not making any promises you understand, but I have sold my principles for bucks before so there is room for discussion.

THE NEXT TIME

Ah, how sweet is that promise one makes to oneself to do better the next time. And the wonderful part is that we don't even have to actually do better. We just have to promise ourselves that we will.

Some people might ask why even bother? But you know it really is a lot more beneficial than perhaps some people are willing to concede.

First of all we feel so much happier thinking that next time we aren't going to be a spineless wimp. It just rivets the mind with hope and delusion naturally.

Plus there is always that possibility will find some courage somewhere that we missed prior to that moment. We might win the lottery too or any number of other strokes of fortune could come our way.

But if it doesn't we can still say, the next time and feel so darn good thinking that will be reality. Which as far as I'm concerned it a good thing.

People need hope. They need dreams. And if along the journey we find ourselves savoring a moment of joy over being something that we will never be, wonderful.

I have seen plenty of those who don't practice this time honored method of seduction. They are very miserable people from what I've witness.

How can you be otherwise when you can't see any clouds, but storm clouds? I mean some clouds bring storms, others bring a much less severe form of rain. It is beneficial without being harmful. So it is just a matter of perception to some degree in my way of thinking.

But that is me. I'm very comfortable pretending. Some might call it lying, but what the heck, it is a good thing to me.

And it is very helpful in terms of my role as Mayor. I don't know, but to me I just find lying to myself makes lying to others easier to do without any sense of guilt.

So along the way I peddle a few dreams and a few smiles. That is until the next time happens and I'm forced to think up some other lame excuse to cover that situation.

Life can sure be fun and exciting at times. Even more so when you find ways of avoiding facing what is the pits. It is all so joyous as long as you keep smiling and not frown.

I hope this little posting of advice warms a few hearts. It never hurts to feel the joy where it counts. That depends on what you do for counting I suppose.

Some count blessings, some other things. I count the opportunities I don't have to look bad as the best of all.

STUCK ON YOU

Some people are such incredible examples of glue. You can't get rid of them no matter what you do. Which is really not a fun thing since what you want the most is to get rid of them.

I just wished there was some easy method for finding a glue remover for such people. Essentially for me such individual want to stick to you because quite honestly, they are lonely. That isn't very surprising in life. Despite the fantasy of things like the movies there are truly a great many people in the world who are other than the life of the party.

Some manage to adjust to a life of being a social loser by living alone and finding a way to feel good about it. They take up hobbies, get pets or sign up for internet dating.

Those are just a few of the options naturally. But it works for some people. And they are to complimented for trying to find positive or at least tolerable solutions to their problems.

There are always the exceptions though. They are the ones who can't function in such a climate no matter how much it is their destiny. It might not be a social pill they want to swallow, but how they choose to avoid it can be really, really exhausting on others.

Being a public figure only complicates this process for me. Even though I am a mayor it and therefore have to deal with the public it doesn't mean I enjoy having to listen to every sob story on the planet or care about them.

I do have my own life to life too. And I have my share of personal problems also. So you can imagine how with all that goes on I am rather pressed to help find solutions to the needs of others without spending every second dealing with them.

Most people understand this. That is why they don't come to my office or house and camp out in hopes of finding a shoulder to cry on.

Which only leaves Mr. Personality to knock on my door and decide to be a social form of glue. He or she wants to be pals. He or she wants to tell me their life story and without even listening to mine in the process.

What is the hardest is when you deal with someone who starts out seeming normal ant the next thing you know, zap, they want to hang out with your forever! Those are the worst kind since you often don't find out about it tell they've got your cell phone number or worst.

About the only solution I ever get to this situation is to find somebody else to be the human fly paper that this person can get stuck too. Yeah, it is a pretty crappy thing to do to somebody else. But sometimes life does call us to make regrettable decisions I suppose. At least in my case once the person is stuck on somebody else I get the chance to enjoy a little peace and quiet and that works for me.

INFLATION GENERATION

Isn't life wonderful? Now I think for so many people the answer to that question would depend on the day and time you asked them.

The one thing we do know about life is that whatever something costs today, it will no doubt cost more tomorrow. Yes, the dreaded monster of inflation is always lurking around.

Actually, I think it is a little like a domino affect. I'm not sure where it starts, but somebody decides to raise his or her fees for whatever.

Well then from that juncture naturally the person having to pay that individual's fees is going to have to raise his costs in order to keep from losing ground financially too. From that foundation before long everyone is demanding more.

This is all naturally predictable and a natural order of things. Not necessarily a good one, but one we all understand.

What I have trouble figuring out is when the price of some product goes up there are occasion when the quality goes down. Or the size is reduced so instead of paying more for the same you are paying more for less. I ask you is that fair or justified? Not to me. I didn't say I could change that reality, just that I don't like being on the receiving end.

However, I do love to deal with it on the doling out end. I love sitting there and telling the voters we have to raise taxes and at the same time have to cut back on services. The only difference when I do it is that I'm saying it mainly because I'm trying to save some extra bucks out of the budget for myself.

I imagine somebody might be asking if I have a conscience. To which I would say yes. I just do my best to ignore it and so far I have managed to accomplish that pretty darn well.

As for everyone else, well what can I say? I am aware we do live in the inflation generation. People know the word and what it means. So for me I can sneak in a little extra costs to give myself some gravy and that is a good thing from my view.

Of course I don't tell anyone that naturally. Unless I need their help to perhaps suck some extra funds. That is another glorious element of inflation I do enjoy. Team efforts are always so wonderful.

Shoot the real shame is that you can talk more about the championship in such situations. And that is the real pits.

But I would rather take my crown to the bank (in a secret bank account) than wear it. Fame is one thing, but a padded pocketbook is so much more satisfying. That is of course a Limburger philosophy. I do have a feeling there are others who believe it, just not ready to admit it.

DREAM ON AND YET

Ah the sweet balm of imagined possibilities. They are always so therapeutic when taken as a medicinal day dream.

And as long as it is play time then it works great. What takes them to a point of becoming like a millstone around the neck is when we translate them into expectations. Those are daydreams we honestly feel are going to happen.

Even that can be wonderful as long as somewhere in all that daydream we weave in a little reality. Which from what I'm experienced doesn't happen very much.

Instead, we write on own version of tomorrow. Then we plug in all the characters, scenarios and consequences that are favorable to OUR story.

When reality comes with its predictable "NO NO, you can't do that" man do we get pissed. And naturally when your dreams get squashed you always are looking for someone to blame other than yourself.

Excuse me if I yawn at this point. Not because I'm upset with somebody else doing that, but with myself doing that.

Yeah, it is fun to mock that mind game being played by others, but it isn't as much fun when I do it to myself. The only problem when life turns hopelessly dull and boring what else is there truly to do in order to keep from going nuts? If you find the perfect answer to that one let me know.

In the meantime, the only balance I've managed is to insert an "yet" into the daydream tapestry. That is where I sit down and stop before that rollercoaster of hope gets out of control.

By saying yet I force myself to say "wait a minute" and then my mind stops long enough to look at the facts. Which can be very disappointing and depressing at times, but not have as upsetting as when you treat your dreams as reality and they bomb when you put them into application.

Still, having said that, I do have the problem of always remembering the word perhaps. That the one word that translates you never know. Meaning there is always the chance something good will happen unexpectedly.

Does it happen enough? Not to suit me. But enough to let me still believe in its magic once and a while.

From what I've seen I'm not alone in that either. I just savor the time though when I get the people who are over the yet portion and not still in the day dream mode. Because the one thing I have learned is that if you are involved with them in the day dream mode, when reality strikes you end up being the one they blame.

ONE MORE CHANCE

For me this is a term that suggests you are going to draw a line in the sand and no longer tolerate some behavior that is simply totally unacceptable if it ever happens again. So you are going to give the person one more chance while the whole time wishing you call down fire from heaven to barbecue the individual's behind.

Therein to me is the fundamental problem. In reality for whatever reason there are times we are saps. Essentially, we ourselves to be a victim for one reason or another. And so when we vow to give the person one more chance it is almost like a prayer that we saying to hope this time the person will honestly act differently. Naturally they almost never do. So we truly left to feel extra stupid in some ways, but not in a way that we will admit to.

When do the one more chance occasions happen the most? At times when dealing with somebody we trust who probably doesn't deserve our trust. What is it that prompts us to trust them? It can be any number of issues, but I think in part it is because we think in so doing we will benefit in some way. This can so often be for reason that are emotionally driven too as opposed to logical. It is all part of being human, which includes the right to be stupid at times.

I can myself sit here and take time to digest this situation and still end up in the one more time situations myself. Yep, knowing the facts doesn't keep me from doing like everyone else. Isn't that just so darn wonderful?

Okay, don't answer that. I don't need you to. I spent enough time not looking in the mirror and lying about the facts myself, so I don't need any help with knowing the truth I prefer not to know about.

Still, I guess I feel it deserves to be mentioned in a posting. I suppose because I'm silly enough to think that by doing so it will make things easier for some other clown who might change by what I read. That's hardly all that realistic, but it sounds good.

The question might be how do we avoid such situations? That seems like a reasonable thing to ask. Maybe not very easy to answer or an response we are going to truly want to hear, but a reasonable question just the same.

And I guess for me that translates into the simple fact that there are times when we probably need to give ourselves one more chance. If it works when dealing with others why not apply it to ourselves.

One can even sit down with a small mirror look in it and give a real big lecture to the person in the mirror. Then don't forget to say that I promise speech to do beter.

And if you are in the mood you can write up a contract that you witness yourself sign where you outline what you will do to change. Afterwards, of course, you can throw the mirror and paper away since you will do your best to forget them both anyway. At least you can tell yourself you'll only do it one more time.

TRANSITION PHASES

Ah, this is such a glorious word for "don't bother griping if I've screwed up because right now I'm too confused to do otherwise." Only instead of saying it that way, we keep it simple by referring to it as a transitional phase. It certainly sounds so much more impressive.

However, the fact still remains that it is a wonderful phase that I have personally used on several occasions. Such as when I want to excuse some major foul up at city hall. I just whip out the old excuse speech from my file of excuse speeches and begin doling out the crap, while hoping nobody will remember when I gave the same speech in the past.

Yep, it is in some ways my form of taking care of the usual problems with the simple standard of verbal whitewash that has worked on so many other occasions. And the great thing is that it almost works when you mention the transition thing.

It is as if people really grasp that meaning because we all know what it is like to be in transition in one way or another. Most often that is probably when we have had to move for some reason.

And who loves moving? All that packing and lifting of boxes. I tell you it exhausts me just watching those movers have to work that hard. Plus when I think of the fact that I generally ending up underpaying them it makes me even more aware of how hard it is to move.

I figure there are plenty of other people who feel the same way about moving so I think they naturally sense the cringing anticipation of unwanted change that the word transition conveys. Which definitely works to my advantage in terms of garnering sympathy. And you can be sure that I definitely do keep that in mine whenever I find it necessary to explain gross stupidity without making it seem like anyone who works for me or me either for that matter is really that dumb.

It is to be sure a challenge, but one that I do savor when the time is right. That normally happens for me about midnight when I'm having a panic attack over some blunder and desperate to figure a lie to explain it all.

I suppose it would be better if I could just go to the voters and explain that we made mistake. It might work if I hadn't spent so much time lying about it in the past. But then maintaining that illusion that we know what we are doing is so important to inspire confidence.

Otherwise I risk the occasion when the voters might decide to vote for somebody else that wasn't totally incompetent. I know there are some who would presume that actually doing the job would be a good idea. I agree as long as they don't apply the rule to me!
I mean I consider this an investment. All that hard work of making up transitions that are really transitions deserves a reward. My interpretation you understand.

SMOOTH BEGINNINGS

I don't feel there is any better feeling than the times when things start out as planned and expected. It is literally like a dream come true. And the swell of confidence from such an event is truly intoxicating.

It is just too bad that such beginnings weren't always harbingers of how the rest of a given plan unfolds. Sometimes disaster lurks in the shadows of the unexpected. And you are so drunk on pride you got blind in the process and never see the crisis till too late.

I'm not trying to be a pessimist here necessarily. What I'm speaking of is the need to be cautious. Essentially, to not indulge in the silliness of unnecessary boasting or claiming victory till you have a complete accounting of the facts.

If I wasn't one for confidence or optimism, I wouldn't engage in so many plots and plans in the first place. Despite the detours, I don't like myself get derailed from riding that train of opportunity as far as I can.

And regardless of the question marks created in my head by a smooth beginning it doesn't mean I don't enjoy them. I just hold my breath for a while till all the other elements are more fixed. Then, hopefully, it is party time!

I suppose my main goal with this posting is to prove that contrary to some opinions I do have a heart. Okay, it might not be of gold or even full with any kind of goodness, but I do have feelings.

Maybe some people might say I lack any real sense of conscience or other elements to suggest I actually in position of a soul. But hey, none of us is perfect.

I am after all just a hard working local politician in desperate need for a little understanding. You will notice I said a little. As in enough to be sure you buy my lies.

And hopefully along the way in the midst of my con jobs, I have those smooth beginnings. That is when I don't have to work as hard at lying to get anyone to believe my baloney. Ah, those are the most precious of memories.

It is a pity I can gauge such moments with any honesty. When I sit there and find out I've got a first class sucker on the hook, the tears of joy and relief come to my eyes.

I just explain them as being for something else that sounds better. Then I hope and pray I can get through the rest of my story and crap without ruining the effect.

All of which is given a little extra reason to sing a song of "oh happy day," if in the end, I don't end up stumbling over too many rocks that somebody tossed in my direction as reaction to my comments. Those are the times when that glorious piece of cake beginning has a tendency to feel a little less smooth and a whole lot more like standing and waiting for an avalanche while being totally nude.

NEVER BEFORE (SORT OF)

Do you believe those comments in newspaper articles that reference some event by saying it has never happened before? How the heck can you honestly verify it in some cases?

Frankly I think that is the whole point. They can spread their baloney knowing that there is no way good or bad to prove their claim. Kind of clever don't you think?

I do. I love when you can claim incredibly impossible crap and nobody can prove you are lying. That's a really blessing.

It is like with all those places that claim to be the world's capital of whatever. Or the countless places that claim to sell the world best burger or some other food.

Nobody ever demands that the place back up that claim no matter how bizarre it is. Which makes me jealous. Because as a politician if I come up with some big enough lie people are going to demand I prove it wasn't a lie.

Plus there is always the issue of the title "world famous." That title is nebulous at best since let's face it is anyone going to travel around the world just to verify the claim? I think not.

While we are on that subject there is also the issue of when somebody is touted at the World Champion. That gets really questionable say in a sport that is only played in part of the world. It is like with boxing or wrestling. How the heck do you end up with more than one world champion of the same weight class? They do manage and nobody seems to be too upset by it.

But you know if I was to try and claim to be say, world best politician, oh man would that get a reaction. And not a good one either.

Again I cry foul since that is a rank form of prejudice. We should be able to apply the same rules to politics as other areas where they are allowed to claim their are world whatever? Fair is fair right?

With my luck though I imagine that people would prefer to get rid of the other people claiming to be world whatever rather than cut us politicians a break. Shoot I would ever be willing to pay for the belt or trophy or whatever that would be needed for the politician championship.

See that is the problem. There are too many people who will never appreciate just how sad it is that we have this double standard regarding the whole world thing.

However, I suppose unless things change I will be the lone voice of reason on this subject. Still, I think I will consider checking into the price of a trophy. I wonder if paying for the letters on it would be tax deductable?

DO IT AGAIN (SOMETIME)

Oh yeah, great experiences are those you just want to have on more than one occasion. The so-so ones though you aren't in as much of a hurry to experience from my point of view.

It is just too bad that all the experience you do enjoy aren't of the mind-blowing, explode my veins till I'm out of head with joy types of encounters. And let me tell you when you live in a city called Mediocrity what qualifies as mind-blowing is definitely very different that it might be in other more exciting settings.

What can I say? Dull in my city is almost considered a law. Originality is not on the list of preferred lifestyles and neither is the word creativity.

As a politician I do savor the fact that with such a boring town I'm not that surprise too often by people who are inventive enough to truly do something unique. It is more like I have to struggle to keep from screaming over how truly monotonous things remain.

We do have the usual problems such as crime and corruption, pollution and other issues facing any city, but we just deal with them with more yawns that imagination. Solutions are generally sought from the archives so we can let some other generation do the thinking.

It does cut down on the concerns over things being too stressful at times. After all when nobody expects anything fresh or new you have less complaints over the choices made.

We did it this way before is considered as a stroke of courage rather than a desperate attempt to avoid admitted we might be possibly brain dead. Which is sure a lot easy to deal with than the risk of having someone want a contemporary cure for an old problem.

I don't think I'm completely uncomfortable with this approach. That is providing I stay in my office and don't have to look at the places in our city where they have real problems.

The other time it is difficult is when I have to go to some other city for one reason or another and see any hints of progress. God can that be depressing.

I solve that problem though by rushing to the nearest bar. A good dose of booze always dulls any memories about reality. At least for a while till I can get out of that city.

So as they say, "life goes on." I'm not sure if anyone with a heart or soul would consider what we have as life, but then there are so few of those passionate types in my city.

The few we do have of the female persuasion are on a list I keep in my computer under the category, "for a good time call." Yeah, I do love turning to those sources for inspiration. What a pity it isn't the type of inspiration that I can share with most people. But then considering the results I get from such events, I don't know I would want to share them anyway.

FOR FUN AND PROFIT

I call this a definite plus when you can make money and enjoy the process at the same time. It can definitely be a challenge to earn that money and do so in a way that makes you smile about the work part too.

Oh the idea of making money does give me a reason to smile. But the manner I have to use in order to get the buck is the part that isn't always fun.

It is when I do so from say conning somebody out of money. Now that is truly satisfying since it is both creative and rewarding. So that is definitely fun.

What isn't fun is the brown nosing part of my job. God does that suck at times. Really makes me have to puke.

So when I have to lie in a way to tell some middle age women with the figure of a egg and face of a gorilla that she looks beautiful that isn't fun. But I do it in order to be sure that I get whatever I need.

Now lying to get something I want to somebody I want to lie to is a different story. Like telling some poor lonely housewife she is the first woman I've felt drawn to in ages is a lie I don't mind telling. Providing it ends up with her showing her appreciation in a way that I consider fun.

I appreciate how some people might look at my approach questionably. Heck, let's be practical here, I'm sure there are people who would regard me as a despicable being without any redeeming qualities.

To which I simply shrug my shoulders. Which is of course the only thing I can do since I have no plans on changing my approach.

In fact I can even imagine why I would need to. After all, what I say is not unique. There are plenty of people I know with the same approach. They just don't bother to actually spend the time telling others what they truly think.

Sad it is I guess that I must be on the vanguard of confession about the inner workings of reality with the con job set. But alas I guess it is a duty I accept willingly without need to complain.

So we shall move ahead and I shall always savor the time needed to be sure I share with all those involved the information needed to grasp the pure facts whether they favorable or unfavorable. It is just a matter of what we do with the details.

In my case what I do is use them for planning my next move. Which keeps the fun in the profit. Others can worry about the morals issue. That isn't the fun part I can to worry about in any way. Ah it is sad to have to battle the flow of expectation and do it with a smile, but I manage in my own way and if I'm lucky some profit too.

FREELANCE GREED

To me this is the best kind of greed there is. Some are lairs of reaction to a given system. By that I mean somebody working in a big corporation who is working within their system for a big fat raise. He will step on anyone and anything for that raise. Ah, corporate America really does have some big feet in that sense.

But the thing is, the man is subject to the system. And the same goes for a multitude of other types of greed. Now one might argue that the independent tycoon if you can call them that is a person who is freelance in terms of greed. However he still does have to rely upon the financial system for his bucks. So he is independent, yet he isn't at the same time.

My idea of freelance greed is someone who is able to suck people dry without being dependent on any market or prevailing system. That is a rare commodity. In fact it might be translated into some small businessman who operates say at flea markets or some swap meet. After all, they don't have to worry about as much crap as some.

And sometimes they can really pile up the profit in terms of over charging. It is sort of like the guy who gets paid cash for a job. You can be sure he's not going to tell the government what he has in his pocket from any job.

I think I enjoy this kind of greed mainly because it often doesn't even look like greed. You can some guy running around in an old beat up truck who looks like he is barely squeaking by and the whole time he's making maybe 200 per cent profit on whatever he is hustling.

Which is why I truly love it and am envious at the same time. I mean shoot, if I tried to get away with charging that kind of bucks in profit I would get totally reamed by the public. But since this person is working so quietly and casually nobody even knows.

I will admit that I do admire that kind of greed, but I'm not giving up my luxury car just to make it look like I'm poor off so I can swing more profit out of a deal. What I do in some situation though is rent some old clunker so when I go to a meeting they don't know I'm better off. It is a sympathy ploy you understand.

I do confess it would be so much more blessed and fun if I could just leave the impression I was broke and then really had mega bucks. But the problem is I'm just not willing to do all of that for a couple extra bucks.

Instead, I do it the conniving way. I keep my toys and work harder at ways I can suck more money out of the city and voters without them knowing it.

That can be exhausting at times. And believe me when I pass some guy in his old beat up truck that I know is really well off, I do get a little envious. Not enough to do anything about it different. Just enough to talk about it in a posting where I can say I like it even if I can do that officially.

NO EXIT

For a guy like me who always walks that precipice of risk for what I say, having a good means of escape is very important. In fact there are times when it can be a life saving option. Such as when I'm comforting some lonely housewife and her husband comes back unexpectedly and I barely have time to put on my pants before, um anyway I'm very skilled at figuring out the issue of good means of escape.

For me, no exit places are the ones where you have lied yourself in a corner. That is to make a commitment which you are stuck keeping because the consequences of not doing it are worse that doing whatever it is.

No exits are tricky. They can be so darn deceiving too when you are talking about dealing with people.

Basically, for me it is a case of when I totally misjudge somebody. I think they are a sucker who will believe anything and I let my guard down. So I get over confident and when they ask me to sign something I agree because I figure they are too much of a wimp to ever follow through if I don't do what is in the contract or agreement.

That's when they catch me with my pants down. Jeez is that a pain. Instead of being free I'm stuck. I'm left totally and completely without a single viable exit to take to shirk my responsibility.

About the only redeeming aspect to this whole mess is when I can find some way to getting a pass out of my predicament by pawning off the problem on somebody else. My favorite dodges in that regard are my assistant and also my secretary.

Yeah, I know that kind of sucks in terms of letting them take the fall for my blunder. But I didn't get to the point of success as a weak-kneed, spineless, conniving jelly fish of a scum bag politician by worrying about the feelings of others.

Well, I should qualify that. I do care. In the sense I don't want them to know that I don't care. People who think you care are more prone to bend over when necessary to take it in the end when you lie to them.

But that is all for the necessity of making sure I avoid as many of those no exit situations as possible. I really have to work hard at times to scheme my way out of them. However that is a far better type of work to actually doing any real work.

And as they say, life goes on. At least, for me that translates into the terms of avoiding my responsibilities whenever possible.

Which is a great situation as long as I avoid the issue of the public finding how what I'm really like. That kind of truth is one form of no exit that I definitely never want to reach and I've done my best with the help of my buddy, ace reporter, Hugo Muckraker, in making sure I don't reach that end.

FRESH AND REFRESH

I'm thinking in this situation of fresh as in something new or unique and refresh as in when the same item affects you in a good way. There really is a difference between something that is fresh and its power to refresh.

For example you can have a new or different tax that is fresh in terms of not happening before, but I can't imagine anyone feel refreshed from a new tax. Unless it is some bureaucrat with a really distorted sense of what helps people.

I mention that because to me that is part of the problem with the way such things as lawmaking work. It is a basic ironic function in our society that the person with the power to make rules seldom has to worry about the effect of that rule.

Hence, there are no personal consequences, not abiding reason to worry that failure or harm will come as a result of such decision. And if a disaster does take place then the person with the power seldom responds in any degree of haste since he or she isn't personally affected by the situation.

No it doesn't matter how many times this process leads to heartache on the part of someone, we never see it change. Oh we might gripe about it, but we never see it actually change.

Why? Well, I think that is obvious, the guy with the power isn't stupid enough to want to risk his or her own butt in the process.

I really can't imagine any politician saying, "hey, I'm going to try living on minimum wage for a while and see what it really like." That is not going to happen.

But knowing this doesn't in anyway inspire change. Unless we have no choice. And then you know what happens? The politicians come out in droves to hog the credit for the change. So you still end up with people like me in charge and happily coveting the illusion they really know what they are doing.

I merely say this as an observation because you can be sure I'm not going to work to change things. Unless by change you include my adding more taxes or any other form of fresh that works mainly for me.

Yep, it sucks, but I figure there is no point in changing things in a way that might give people too much hope. That would never be a good idea. Too much hope leads to too much expectation on some form of refresh. And really do we want that?

I do hope my sharing this little reflection helps to bring a smile to some faces. Those will no doubt belong to some other servant of the people who is snickering because he knows how much fun making people bend over can be.

It's all in a days' work. But since we are too lazy to work, for us it is all in a day of being silly, like the whole system is in the first place.

OH COME NOW

I think we all understand that most people have some point they reach where in their minds they have a need to invent some story to explain being stupid. It really doesn't matter how smart you are or think you are every once and a while you are going to blow it. And depending on our ego will determine just how much we have to stretch the truth in order to save face and not look like the idiot we truly had been.

Most of the time though what sadly happens is that a person becomes overwhelm by the stress from trying to explain the obvious. When that happens the mind becomes prisoner of the emotions and so one isn't able to approach this issue rationally.

As a result, the story invented ends up going over the top. It becomes such an incredibly putrid and disgusting form of baloney that you couldn't swallow it if you wanted.

That's when if you are the person hearing this crap you end up complaining "oh come on." I mean there is only so much crap a person can handle.

Now what happens at that point when the person knows they've been caught in a lie is that they invent a new lie to replace the last lie you wouldn't believe. Which in some cases will be even more dumb and stupid than the first lie.

Being a veteran of somebody spewing out way too much of this kind of crap I know how frustrating it is to have to keep inventing new lies to replace the one's that don't work. What bothers me the most is that no matter how many times you blow it with this kind of thing, it doesn't stop a person from trying it again.

I suppose about the only redeeming thing to come out of any of this is that with practice at least the lies get more inventive and creative. And sometimes I do even luck out and the "oh come on" lie actually works.

Well it does for a moment. Later naturally when the person gets sick at the stomach from finding how the baloney you fed them was completely tainted with lies, they will no doubt be a little pissed. Enough to remember the moment should you try it again. Which you probably will.

What I love about being in politics is that the 'oh come on' situations always allow you to peddle them in a way that some other bozo gets blamed for the comments. The bigger the government the bigger the number of people you can point the finger at.

It is all in a days work from my point of view. Perhaps work might be a tad of a stretch though. Still, I have been paid for being in office so I look at this little tongue detour as part of my job.

It might not be so in the mind of some, But it works for me. Actually there is very little in that regard that doesn't work for me as long as I don't look in the mirror when inventing the truth with my own "oh come now."

BIG DEALS, LITTLE DOINGS

Did you ever get suckered into buying something based on the advertising and then later found out the item you bought was a total joke. Man does that feel foolish.

Yet, at the same I think we admire the con job from a skill point at least. Maybe not in other terms, but for the most part despite the obvious games of fabrication there is a certain joy at knowing something is capable of doing a little verbal razzle dazzle with class.

The downside to all of this is when you get your expectations out of whack and can't adjust to reality. That is when your mind starts up with the whole idea of big deals leading to big doings and instead you get little doings.

And the really wonderful thing is that no matter how many times it happens we still convince ourselves the next time will be different. Can you say STUPID!

I think in reality the problem is that we all love to dream. They are so much more appealing than real life. And anything that can make it seem like our dreams will come true is just well worth hoping.

Which also lead to the desire to brag. We love to impress don't we? I know I do. And anyway who claims they don't is in my view trying their own brand of bragging.

There are ways I suppose we could manage to massage this whole thing in some ways that would make it all see more worthwhile and no so disappointing. I didn't say I had all the perfect answers, just that I'm sure with the right effort we could find a couple of smiles in this whole thing. Even if that translated into nothing other than being able to laugh at somebody else.

I just can't help enjoying this as yet another of those head scratching facades of life. It can suck big time, but we do still hang in their with our distractions.

So I salute the glorious intrepid nature of what we call this fabulous event where by somebody toys with our dreams. For a while a flame grows of hope. We keep it burning by stoking it with our imagination.

Then later when the ice water comes and the fire goes out, some people let it really turn them cold. Others, well like me, they become so addicted to the joy of the fire that we figure new ways to keep it burning.

So the disappointment is tempered by the simplest of realities, that we are creatures who need to feel. I mean that on more than one level. We need the emotion action, but we also need to grasp.

And I'm proud to say I've done my say of both. True, I have on occasion did some false advertising to accomplish it, but what the heck you got to smile sometimes huh?

THIS LITTLE SLIGHT OF MIND

Magicians are known for the art of slight of hand. That give of illusion where you think something disappears or appears out of nowhere.

We all know it is a trick. And if the magician is really good at it we truly enjoy the entertainment.

I wish I was able to be a magician. But alas I'm just too clumsy I'm afraid. My fingers simply never cooperate that well.

So I have to rough it. Since I can't use real magic to make something disappear I do my best to rely upon some verbal illusion.

One of my best tricks in that regard is sincerity. The more I'm able to create illusion of meaning well and really caring the more my little slight of mind works.

What I really love is when I manage to do it in a way that honesty gets people so convinced I'm going to help and care they actually believe my lies I use to explain my failures in that regard. Like having a flat tire that kept me from attending some meeting with them. Ah, that is one of my best options.

And there are so many others joyous facets to this whole aspect of life that give me reason to smile. I just love spending time savoring how often this same formula works, over and over and over.

I truly love when I can do it more than once with the same person. That makes it the most cherished of memories.

But then there are the regrettable times of challenge. Those when no trick, no lie, no slight of mind can ever hope to actually achieve any success.

I'm grateful those don't occur most of the time. That is the best part of it all. I just savor so much the capacity to know there will be another day when the curtain will rise again and it will be show time!

And the nice thing I don't even need a hat to pull out a rabbit from. Since I talk out of both sides of my mouth I can always hide pretty much anything I want.

Now all I have to do is figure a way to charge admission to such events. That down side is if I did they would know it was intended as pure entertainment.

Which is something I can't really afford to do given the fact that I have to lie with a straight face. That sort of precludes letting anyone know not to believe a word that I said.

At least once and a while I do get to charge for refreshments. It just depends on how many pieces of dry out chicken I can pass off as a gourmet dinner.

MOVING RIGHT ALONG

Ah yes, progress. Isn't it a wonderful thing? I think so. And it is even better when you don't have to invent or lie about it.

Real progress, particularly in terms of society and government is in my opinion very rare. The reason isn't particularly surprising for progress happens through change.

And to anyone associated with the government in the capacity of say being a bureaucrat, change is normally the last thing you desire. Unless that change and or progress is the result of your choice. That way you can massage the facts so it appears there is change, when in fact none took place.

As a career politician I am well aware of this fact. I am also aware of the reality that far too many voters do expect change and progress.

Therein lies the inevitable problem. There is always and will always be a big gap between the desires of the voters and those employed by the government.

Hey, I'm just being honest here. I'm sure that more than one civil servant would claim they welcome change. Of course if you let them explain their desire you find out that they aren't quite as motivated to change the way the public things change should occur.

From my view the primary role of elected officials includes the need to somehow satisfy the public's need for change while not causing undo stress to the career bureaucrats that would disrupt their own private red tape utopia. It can be a challenge to be sure.

I do the best I can to accommodate both groups in my city by a simple way. I stall. Yep, I do my level best to create as many committees as possible that can deal with this whole mess and make it look like something is going to happen.

My favorite committees are the ones I invent that have as part of their name or purpose the words, "fact finding or study committee." I always make sure these committees are spoon feed my version of the facts so what I desire ends up being what I want to be the results of their meetings.

Plus I do my best to pick people who are totally unqualified to be on a committee. My excuse is that I am striving for "balance" and fairness. Which is really exactly the opposite of my intention.

In the end the main progress that takes place is that I create more lies and illusions without actually changing anything. Well, except for possibly increasing taxes. That really is the part I love the most. Vagueness and stagnation, but at a higher price is for me the greatest form of moving right along.

I just can't afford to mention it that way to anyone else. Still, when it is correctly expressed in a speech, ah the progress that sounds good, but never happens!

LEARNING THE LESSON

There is always more than one aspect to learning any lesson. One starts by knowing what is suppose to be the lesson. You can't learn it if you don't even know what IT is supposed to be.

Then, providing you have figured that part out, the next part is understanding what the lesson is supposed to teach. And if you succeed in doing all of that then the last element is actually applying what you have learned, which is often proved by taking a test that one passes.

If all of this takes place in school, the whole process is simplified because it is spelled out. You even get a written test of some kind so you know what the lesson was intended to convey.

However, outside of the realm of formal educate, the school of life can be a little more vague in terms of its lessons. At least in some cases it appears to be a major problem.

It does seems that way to me. Otherwise you wouldn't see so many instances of people making the same mistakes over and over.

If that isn't a big enough problem the fact is that historically even governments manage to commit the same blunders way to often. The lesson to me in that regard is that obviously we aren't learning the lesson very well.

That isn't really much of a source of pride admittedly. It is like with war. What really happens during any war? There is generally all kinds of destruction and death.

Afterwards the victor gets the right to clean up the mess and then start over. Later, maybe even decades, as if having taken enough time to get totally stupid, another war ends up taking place, with pretty much the same results. Somebody calls this sane or a good idea?

You have to wonder. But it does leave me with one conclusion. Basically, we simply aren't very good students at the important stuff.

Now if you want someone who is an expert at fouling things up, heck we pay some people to be in a position of authority so they can accomplish that goal. And I suppose that should be a point of pride. Only I haven't noticed too many people doing much boasting in that regard.

Instead, the school of life continues from day to day. And I have a feeling nobody is worrying about if their homework is done.

I guess it is a good thing they at least don't have to make any excuses about why it isn't done. Even if later we all pay for the fact that the lessons being taught were never learned.