RALLY AROUND THE TOADSTOOL

Let me tell you when you live in the capital of dull there isn't much that people can't be inspired to rally round. That is as long as it doesn't require them to actually make any commitments.

If all you want is talk and don't expect any results or changes then Mediocrity is the place you want to live. Well perhaps calling it living is a bit of a stretch. It is more like existing. Which seems to be enough for the voters and citizens in general where I live.

That makes life a little easier for a snake and lazy scum like me. Coming up with words and not actually doing anything is so much easier than having to solve problems.

Of course we don't truly spend any time actually admitting that is our nature. No, that just wouldn't do. It would mean being honest and confessing that we love dull. Nobody is going to want to make that public. At least not on purpose.

The result of this foolishness is that I have to tolerate the most absurd obsessions with causes imaginable. And when I say rally round the toadstools it is exactly what I mean.

Believe it or not we did have one committee, which honestly did devote itself to trying to protect toadstools. I'm not sure they even knew what a toadstool was since I glanced through the flyer for their meeting and it has a frog sitting on stool. Needless to say, I didn't make any effort to attend their meeting.

That is only one in a long list of similar thrilling events, which are only memorable in the head shaking category. And in my city there are way too many instances of that kind of joy to spread around.

What is a nightmare is when somebody whose butt I have to kiss in order to stay in office gets infected with this insanity. Lo have I endured sitting through speeches attempting to inspire people to more awareness of the dangers of bird droppings. Like there is really a whole lot of issues of people ending up going blind from staring up at some passing bird who succeeds in crapping in their eyes.

Am I conveying the oddity of this or not? I hope so because if you are looking for bland as a life style then you are welcome to relocate to our little cesspool of lethargy and savor a yawn or two.

However if you are by chance one who sees him or herself as a concerned citizen and is diligent about saving something that is ludicrous, please stay where you are. Unless you really have a wad a cash and no friends so you are willing to buy a mayor just to feel good about yourself.

In which case, you can always contact me and will take. I'm not making any promises you understand, but I have sold my principles for bucks before so there is room for discussion.