BETTER NOT SAID

BETTER NOT SAID

Ah, the simple haste of tongue waste. Those dribble of thought you never let your brain think about.

However, from what I've seen this is very normal in life. Oh we do love to talk about exercising restraint, but we never actually do it.

Just love to make it sound like we do. And that is okay. As long as it stays a game. A little side road that gets travel we hope nobody sees.

Now for myself I guess I prefer the times when I have somebody else do this. I sort of enjoy actually inspiring it to some degree.

Guilt is such a marvelous tool. You can take time to actually count the ways you can respond to such verbal goofs.

Yep, I love it. A chance to sit down and let some person squirm something they said. Just so much fun to watch them do it.

But that is okay. I love the times it does work out. They do get rare at times. So it is great to make the most of the ones that do work out.

Now most of the time the one thing that truly determines success is dealing with a person who has a conscience. That really is the critical issue.

Because a person who doesn't care won't feel bad. They won't have any regrets. And that means they will not let you hold it over them.

I'm sorry is nice, but it can be faked. Something people do that sounds good, but isn't always sincere.

So the only way you can tell is to watch the eyes. Will they actually have that puppy dog look?

Got to wonder at times. I mean it is easy to miss. And you can judge by words either. That doesn't often get results.

But that is okay. I don't mind. I just really cherish when it is successful. Yep, it almost makes up for the other occasions.

Not completely though. Wish it did, but it never does. Just keeps us from being able to celebrate if there is not smile that is a lie.

Got to love those. I know I do. And those are the times you will have every reason to enjoy the time.
Well I do at least.

CHEERS FOR TEARS

Now you might not think this makes sense. But I love it. I really find it so wonderful when you leave a jerk in tears.

What else could it mean? Awww, now you know I have to go there. Yeah, it is so marvelous.

And I don't wish to hear any of this whining. I just am tired of that silliness. Yep, now I am just being honest.

Come on even if it sounds tacky the one thing we can appreciate is that we all deep down love it when we see a villain bite the dust. Oh maybe we like to pretend that isn't true, but behind the lies we are ready to cheer.

And I think that is a good thing. Such a sweet and thoughtful option. Yep, you can't place a price tag on that kind of joy.

At least I can't. I prefer to savor those special moments. Just make them part of scrapbook in memories.

One you fill with snap shots from each glorious moment somebody falls down and can't get up. And should it include pain, all the better.

I will admit that there are a few who probably will say there are reasons to avoid this attitude. They are welcome to that option.

As for me, well I prefer honesty. Maybe not in all things, but this sure works for me. So I love to see it happen.

So I guess the key is to be sure nobody can tell you are cheering. That cuts down on the likelihood of them getting upset.

This is a time for the old dodge. Where you lie about why you are smiling. Yep, there are all kinds of ways to do that.

And if you work it right then you can get them to smile too. Oh they may claim it isn't why they are smiling, but sometimes you can tell otherwise.

Which is win you have a real victory. Having won over a convert can be so satisfying. And for that I am always happy

Course the victory can be hard to claim. You have to sort of pretend. A wink is part of the game.

Just can't always admit to it. And that is okay. Because the other person's eyes often tell the real story.

TRY OUTS

Well there are all kinds of try outs. Most don't get call that. This is mainly related to things like sports.

And maybe acting. But it goes unmentioned in the realm of other things. Such as work. You don't find employers calling it a try out. Or even a chance at back when they are considering you for a promotion.

Nope that is never where it heads. But you can bet it is how it turns out. Because they will remember if you struck out.

Oh they will remember if you hit a home run too. Only they may treat that as something to determine if they can take credit for the score.

So you end up making the team. Only you are left on the bench in terms of attention. So you get the chance to wear a uniform, but not to really play.

However, I support this approach. I honestly do. And mainly because I get to pitch. Oh I guess I never had any time when I didn't play.

But then I sort of got drafted by the fact that my grandfather did own the team. Well in a manner of speaking.

See he was the Mayor in my city years ago. And had plenty of connections that became mine in due time.

So for me it wasn't much of a try out. It was more of a draft. And I'm hardly complaining though.

Fun to be able to make others try out and give them the impression I am doing the same or did it in the past. Gives them the illusion I care.

That way they don't get upset when I am telling them it is easy. How they can pass any test and be happy about the illusion it is all easy.

I figure you know I have a right to be entertained too. And what better way to accomplish it than through the fun of stress.

Fun for me at least. Yep, got to smile about it. Can't let it bother you. Just play the game. Well I get to make up the rules.

And that I never mention. Just gives me the special thrill of seeing them try to live up to what I can't do myself.

Yep, I could be so happy when this becomes part of my dad. As for the applicants, well that depends on how much they groan from the try outs.

CHASES IN STRANGE PLACES

Well can't resist this at times. Those occasions of visiting some place different, even weird.

And doing it unwillingly. Not because anyone said to, just because you want to. Which makes it all the more fun.

Now the problem is making sure strange doesn't mean a doorway to like hell. That is when you do have to be concerned.

Because they don't quite put that on the door either. It is more like, hey come in and well talk.

Then you open the door and it is too late. That is not the time to find out it was a trap. Not the best choice at all.

So the preference is to be sure it is safe first. To check it out and determine if this is an option that will truly lead to success.

And let me tell you that is a big issue with me. I mean honestly have the time to digest your options and make the right choice.

One does have to be careful though. Fear can really ruin the moment. Oh not fear of consequences.

When you get down to it the issue is fear of being caught. The courage of pure lusts will normally win out over one's apprehensions about the strange.

As long as we don't have to fear the consequences. Just a hint or real risk is enough to make a person think twice.

Now the best part is when you can find some moron to lure through the door first. That is a pure joy.

Takes a bit of work. Being convincing that it is safe. Making sure they don't panic in case there are any screams coming from inside.

Just an extra bit of encouragement. It does help if they are truly gullible. Then you don't have to work quite as hard at the process.

And the best part is if they actually survive. Now that is a good feeling. You just sit back and feel better.

Oh not about them surviving. More about the fact that it is safe for you. And that does give person reason to feel good.

Providing they weren't lying when they went through the door.

HOME ALONE

Unless you are eight years old and wake up to feel you are abandoned, this is probably a good option. For some of us a true blessing.

Now I do admit that I am often not able to savor time alone at home. Somebody always seem to be home.

Or if I play hooky from work, the people seem to find that day as a special reason to come and find me. And that ruins the joy of solitude.

Just completely take the edge off the happy. Now the hard part is when my wife and I both want this time by ourselves.

This becomes a chore of figuring out, which of us can lie best about being sick. And let me tell you we both are good actors.

So the practical approach is to try and figured out a time when I know she has some demands on her time. That was we don't have to lie about it.

I imagine she does it too. And so it becomes this nice little game we play. Sort of a matter of asking, which one of us has the best hookey strategy.

This can be tricky. I mean we are both very practiced at this thing. Heck I'm sure we both have lists of excuses too.

Still, I must confess that I would be happier if I won all the time. But then my wife does have advantage.

All her chores can be pushed around. Changed to fit her needs. Whereas I have the duties of Mayor to work on.

This means no sneaking away without a lot of effort. Doesn't mean it is impossible, just needs a working strategy.

About the only good to come out of the chaos is the joy of the back up plan. That is the type where I find a place to hide if home is occupied.

Oh it isn't that hard. Motels work great. But the do have to be out of town. Too many know my car.

And that means I can't rent on either. Because the darn rental people will rat me out. Even with a bribe.

Got to hate when that happens. But that is okay, since I always find alternatives. Which is why my assistant had more than one car.

And I have spare keys, including the trunk where I keep my disguises.

THE TIME IS RIGHT

Ah, timing in some things is everything. A precious gift when it works in our favor. So sublime in its blessings.

Now if you misjudge this. If you fail to in any way make this work by force instead of opportunity, then it can be a headache.

Alas it is the fickle nature of such things. But when it works right it is such a joy. And if it doesn't, such an agony.

Because you can sit there and imagine you have the perfect time for a plan and then you find out too late you were wrong. Oooh is that such an involuntary bowel movement.

But in sweeter seconds, when the world cooperates and a smile flows in harmony of the wedding of opportunity and hour, ahh the joy. A true time of celebration and happy thoughts.

Gosh when I say that is sounds so glorious. Alas that is a view and hope, but hardly a prayer.

Course the praying part is a tad of beyond what I would need to express anyway. I'm not sure it would be answered anyhow.

So I shall dream in my thoughts of richer times. Of harvests of gold where there are no tears.

Hmmm, me thinks I've been hanging around the teachers too much again. Well not my idea of expressing myself.

So I will do my best to get back to the basics. Which are again what really counts. Those fundamental issues that really do generate a blessing.

For me it is the purest joy of having. Yep, above all else this is where the rubber meets the pocket book. Hmmm, clever if I say so myself.

So in my ramblings I hope I have made it clear the gem timing really is. And so much more so when it works as intended.

When it flows like a river in waters of possibility and you catch your limit of something to really make you smile. Ah, that is a gem, a silver of gold.

My goodness, or perhaps badness? This is definitely drooling some literary juice isn't it? Well all in the timing I suppose.

As in perhaps it is time before the yawns come home to smile and say so long. Then dance my way home in happy face steps. Being a good time was had by all.

TEST THE WATERS

This is very sound advice. If you live in a swamp or sewer you better make sure the waters don't have something toxic in them.

Now the difficulty is that you can't always be sure on if the water is polluted. It might even come in some bottle.

So you assume it is good. But later you find out when you get sick that it was bad. I mean really bad.

Now I am of course speaking of more than water. I'm talking about the issue of what flows from people's mouths.

Yeah the raindrops of promise, lies and general deceptions. If the person is skilled enough and has some kind of filter, oh man does it seem to taste so good.

But later it really is something that is other than tasty. It just totally leaves you with a bitter taste in your mouth.

And that is not a flavor most people really savor. Nope you can be sure they will not swallow it willingly.

So you can advertise that you are offering them something bad. Nope you can be sure that doesn't help.

And from my view I do have to admit that I have done my share of bottling water. And some of it I will admit is not that pure.

But then you know I had no choice. Well okay, I guess that I need to move on here. Which is to say I have sort of follow this one point of confession.

Mainly to say that I will accept that this is part of the way I have to do things. Not going to apologize for my, er, watering techniques.

I mean can I help if it people need to drink. And they don't really care when it comes from as long as it is wet?

See that is the problem with this. You have to be sure you remember refreshment is the issue.

Now some forget that. They think that the issue is quenching one's thirst is what counts. But it isn't.

So you know you have to be sure you take the sip as instructed. Otherwise you can't complain if you get sick.

See even bad water is useful if you just lie to yourself enough first. On that I rest my case, of er, water.

NECESSARY

This is the nature for me like when you expect somebody to take their medicine or eat their vegetables. We just have a naturally resistance to doing anything that we know instinctively sucks.

No one is going to persuade us that it is a good thing. They will never embrace this as something they will look forward to as a joy.

Still it is necessary. One of those things in life we cringe about, but tolerate just the same.

Not with smiles, but hopefully not with frowns. I have taken to looking upon such moments with a certain degree of hesitation.

As if it is a big deal and you can't admit it. So you need a degree of play acting. That is if you want to envied.

See when you get to the important part to this, it is simple. It isn't what you get stuck doing or why, it is how you appear to react.

For if you can remain calm and appear to even enjoy it that is the best part. Then you can smile and look so in control.

Others will admire you and then the stories will circulate that you are amazing. Well it sounds good.

In realty you might get hated. Some will resent you not being as much out of control as them.

Which is a form of agony I will be happy to endure. Those eye staring at you as if you are strange.

That can be worse. A chance to be the source of gossip. Hopefully, it will not all be to bad.

But if you do take the time to work it right this will be a source of joy. Imagine being viewed as amazing.

A model of the ideal. Well not quite one others will tell you they consider as a model of inspiration.

Mainly because they know they can't be like that. So they will sneer behind your back. Ah, you may even feel it.

Which is to be cherished. And that is always a thing to be remembered in the circles you dwell without truth and love it.

OUT OF CONTROL

Is it a shame when you run out of the gas of will power. Yeah, that is never a source of joy.

But who says you have to let anyone when your will's gas gauge is on empty? It isn't something I cant to admit.

So the first rule to me is don't admit it. If somebody asks you just give them the old what routine.

Meaning if they see you are acting different in strange way you just take time to be sure you don't agree. You say you are feeling fine.

That is a good start. Not necessarily a successful one, but a good start. Because it means you have a chance of fooling them.

Which is the most important part. At least it is to me. After all truth is so much better when it is the way you want it to be.

So come on. Tell it like it is. With a smile and then fake it afterwards. You will thank me in the morning.

Or anytime you can get away with it. Which for me is all the time. I just hope this inspires.

Got to have the moments of real inspiration. Well if you can fake it and that is good too if you can.

I say this so you don't feel all alone. Like some freak who never get to be in control. Which is why faking it is good.

So make it a game. One you can win any time you want. A chance to be sure you can actually savor driving some one nuts.

Because your mask stays on better than theirs. Oh yeah that counts. You sure will be happy if you can fake that part.

Ah it is all part of the joy. When helps hide the screams or whatever else you need to hide.

Hopefully nobody finds out either. That ruins the effects of the charade. So go ahead and love it.

We all need that. At least once and a while. And that is better than never. It is to smile if you can.

And I do it all the time.

GOOD VIBE-SAYINGS

Ah you got to love these. Those honeyed words that make a moment special and encouraging.

And that is so much better than some day of doom. Yeah, who needs those? But you sure hear them enough.

Well I do. And they suck. But that is okay. I just don't to duplicate that process. I try to pass on the good vibes.

Which sort of is a challenge when you are dealing with a rock. Those are the people who just let things bounce off of them.

They never really let much soak in. Which is not that surprising. And that is what I have to avoid.

For the problem with the rocks is that they end up smashing you. Which is not a good thing.

But that is okay. Because the best way to deal with them is to find somewhere else for them to be tossed.

They do seem to thrive on flattening others. And so you just have to give them a chance with somebody else.

Oh my now that is the fun part of it. You know when you can make sure you connect one rock to another rock.

Then they get to pound on each other. If you are lucky you have a chance to let them be so brutal it makes for great entertainment.

Which is so much fun for all the onlookers. Heck if you can work it right you can even sell tickets.

Sort of like a wrestling match, but not fixed. Which makes it even better. And with the right effort even better.

Perhaps a nice promotional deal will help. They can be fun. You just spread a little gossip and let nature take its course.

Before long you end up with all kinds of fun. All that finger pointing alone is a joy. Really does make for smiles.

I like to keep score myself. Take time to make sure I promote it to the point that it becomes a major event.

Hey, I got a right to have a little joy out of this deal if I can find it.

DOWN BY THE RIVERSLIME

This is one of those things that doesn't exist. Not officially. That would not be acceptable by most standards.

Okay we all know the drill. Pollution is bad. Pollution is evil. And whatever we can do to eliminate it is good.

Now the problem is we don't want to part with our toys. No, no, no, never. Oh we will let others do that, but not us.

If it sounds like I am mocking this you are right. I am not saying I love pollution, just that I acknowledge it is a reality.

How can you have products made that have waste as leftover and not appreciate somebody has to take care of them? And sometimes nobody wants to.

Makes perfectly good sense to me. We love the joy, hate the chore. Rule of human nature.

Only problem is nobody quite wants to acknowledge the rule. They want to play, but never pay.

So in the process naturally the dudes who make the toys and have crap leftover are supposed to pretend this is no crap. Of find a way to get rid of it that nobody has to think about.

Yep, a real joy of a choice. I love it. Pity it doesn't happen to be a choice that some agree with.

Now in my city we have simple solutions to such problems. We just have a special arrangement with the businessmen.

Not that we tell the public. But they don't seem to worry about it much. Course we don't quite brag about it either.

And when the river does sort of glow, we just tell them it is the new and improved treatment stuff from the sewer plant. That seems to work good enough.

Well enough so they don't complain too much. And we do have to work extra hard to make sure the public swimming pools are open.

You know so nobody swims in the river. They get kind of upset if the end up glowing. Thank goodness the water in the pools was purified.

Well enough to it doesn't glow. Course I don't swim there myself, but then I have never been partial to water that might so of eat my pores.

BUT THEN

You sure have to hate these little additions. Those cliff hanging words that take you from paradise to agony.

And they always come from the source you figure is least likely to cause a problem. Some gullible lackey with no creative.

A first class patsy you figure is basically expendable. And a poster child for utter and complete ignorance.

That is until he or she does something to mess up your plans. Which is when the add the dreaded, but then.

Meaning they have some exception to your plans. A detail or fact they didn't bother to mention.

But since they are clueless you know it wasn't planned. Sort of a knife of naiveté they used on your heart by accident.

Only they aren't smart enough to have done in on purpose. You still bleed a lot, however they will say they are sorry.

And actually mean it. Just even when you stop bleeding you can count on the fact they might even do it again.

Which is really scary. Because they will do it despite the fact that they have no idea who to intentionally inflict harm.

So you only have the ability to take note of such people and avoid them or at least wish them on your enemies. Yeah, that is the best options.

These are the kinds of people who would do great at working for a telegram company. The kind where you were sending exploding telegrams.

Course the turnover in such situations would be very high. Still each new hire wouldn't need much training.

And you wouldn't have to pay them. Oh you could promise to, but since they wouldn't ever live to collect a paycheck then no problem.

Gosh isn't it a shame nobody ever thought of this before. I guess if they have they don't bother to admit it.

Now it does leave me wondering about the risk of accepting telegrams down the road. Hmmn, hope nobody I've lied to reads this.

Well none that has my write name and address at least.

BETTER OFF DEAD

Better is always an improvement over worse. Just not sure it is it is all worth the process of thinking about it.

I mean better implies things can be other than what they are. It inspires hope and that can be dangerous.

Well it is to me. I just don't care for the times when you know this is not an option that improves anything.

But to avoid that problem you have to focus on what better should really mean. And that can be a big concern.

Yeah, if you are dealing with people who are a tad prone to say they are better when they aren't. You don't want to call them a liar, but you can tell it isn't true.

And from my view this is a basic issue that you have to face as part of the challenge of communication. I mean I suppose a lot of us have done the have a nice deal.

Said it or the ever popular "are you are?" But never wanted the question answer. Nope don't even wait to find out.

But then what can I say? It is part of being shallow and uncaring. To which I naturally plead guilty.

I have a feeling I am not alone though. That a few others would be guilty too. If they admitted it.

However, I rather doubt they will confess. Not surprised though. Why should we punish ourselves for such nature conditions?

Well that is my view of it. I just get tired of pretending. I mean better ought to really be an improvement.

Not some silly game of words nobody means. I know because I am very well practiced at them.

But that doesn't mean I enjoy the practice. Not that I want to hear all the bad news either. Nope not interested in that either.

Just would like an in between somewhere. A place were I could dwell without getting pissed.

Might be too much to hope for. Yeah, I know that all sucks. I just am used to it by now. After all I do savor the need to tell the truth.
Just not all the time. In fact hardly ever.

SURE

So comforting when somebody says this. Even more so when they mean it. That is a problem at times

You just have to contend with being unsure if it is true or not. That can be a major concern if you don't know the problem very well.

See the difficulty is one of coping with the "almost" situations. Those are the ones where a person means one thing and says another.

So when they say, sure, they mean maybe. Or worse, use it as a stall until they can figure out a good lie to not follow through on their promise.

Now there are ways to feel them out on such things. For example you prod deeper into how they feel on the subject in question.

It is amazing how easy that will make them disclose something they didn't say. Just a subtle aspect to the truth.

And that is always a blessing when you find out before it is too late. I love that part. Yeah, saves any problems later.

Now the real pain is when they are sneaky. Have the ability to fool you until it is too late. Man is that the pits.

But then I guess it would be nice if I didn't have the need to rip people off as much. It is a hard habit to break.

I keep vowing I will give it up. And it normally lasts for a whole day. But then sooner or later it fizzles.

Then I have to go back to plan A. That is the one where I have to figure out the best way to intimidate.

It is difficult though. Because too often I have to bluff. And that carries the risk of them finding out.

So I hardly see that as a good option. But then I do appreciate that is difficult at times. Such a challenge to make them not weasel out at the last minute.

Now the fun is sometimes just trying to guess. Yeah, doing the best to scope out who will have a spine and who is a jelly fish.

With the right practice it really works too. And that always makes me so proud. Up to the point I find out I blew it.

Then I have to make the next sucker pick up the tab for that one.

HAPPENINGS

Wonderful events we hope will be true. The kind that are invitations to some moment you just don't want to miss.

And let me tell you I certainly support such events. Providing they are not bogus or stupid.

Now where I live this can be a major problem. Because in a city where boredom rules, you get far more yawns that smiles.

This is not the same as sadness. For that inspires some sympathy. You can at least get somebody to feel sorry for you.

With boring you just get yawns. A complete matter of indifference. Which means no effort to improve things.

And that never results in things improving. Just more dullness. Works that in my city at least.

Maybe not others, but doesn't change much from my point of view. Just leads to lowered expectations.

Yeah, I don't find that appealing. And trusting for reprieve from people who are specialists in dull doesn't give much hope for improvement.

It does lead to things such as charades and board games, reorganization of one's sock drawer. Not heaven.

And let me tell you none of this in any way is excitement. Not will it ever become that in any way.

Which is find if you are incurable boring. Have a lot of those types in my city. And I wish I could give them a cure.

So far all I can do is my best to not catch the sickness. It can be hard. Too much of a risk that it will ruin my own sense of fun.

And I sure don't need that. Not when I have a heart beat. As for the others, well not sure on that part.

Sometimes I do wonder. Yeah, they appear to function and think, but life is kept at a level where being in a coma is not much different.

I don't think I care to join the group. And as long as I can remember fun is not about falling asleep, I will keep that thought.

Everyone else, well have fun with your pot lucks or whatever.

HOOPS

I gotta love this. Oh yeah nothing is more fun and exciting than making somebody jump through your hoop.

And even better if you can do it when you want. Now this normally is more likely to happen with an employee.

You really need somebody you can easily intimidate. And if you are holding onto their paycheck, all the better.

Oh yeah it makes for hours of fun and entertainment. Heck sometimes I'm even tempted to you know sell tickets.

Well that is the thought that crosses my mind at times. Oh not always naturally. Just on the occasions when I have them jumping through a really great hoop.

Now before anyone acts all shocked, remember I learned this practice from others. I didn't start out with that knowledge.

And let me tell you it was a lesson I truly cherish. Kind of lesson you never forget and find so useful.

Which is a thing to be relived and savored as often as possible. Now I do confess I am not the only one who was taught this.

And thus there are times that I sort of get stuck having to also jump through the occasional hoop. I do my best to avoid them though.

So embarrassing you understand. Yeah, I really do have to admit it isn't my favorite thing.

Okay, I think I hear the occasional murmur of hypocrite. Thank you! I appreciate it. It is hard to work for at times.

But then you know part of life is accepting such realities. And there are times it is a bigger pain than others.

However, I take solace in the fact that I do get the chance to make more others leap through hoops that I get stuck with. It is a consolation of sorts.

Enough to help me forget the humiliation. Well not completely, but enough so I can be grateful for the great memories of seeing others in the hoops.

It really is the small things in life that seem to give the greatest joy. And as joy these little moments truly do count for me.

Enough that I can nearly forget the pain heaped on me with enough beer.

VOLLEY BALL

Well I do know what regular volley ball is about. However, this is something different. This is where you utter a volley of words to pass the ball of blame.

And let me tell you it is had to win at times. Because others are often doing the same thing.

So who wins is dependent and who hit the best volley. And there sure are some great hitters out there.

I wish I could say I was the best, but man that is not true. Oh I can definitely be a player, yeah do good at that part.

But don't always win. Which is not part of my joy. And naturally I do my best to try and improve my success.

Getting a few helpers always is nice. Those you can use to catch our volleys so they don't hit the ground of reality.

Just take time to bounce them in the air until one can find a decent sucker to accept the volley. See with this kind of game it always is one that you don't have opponents right away.

Sometimes you have to look for them. And that takes time. But you don't want to lose your edge, so you toss the ball and then have your lackey do the balancing act.

Hard to always find a good lackey though. One that really has the right kind of training. Takes practice, but you can do it eventually.

But then you know it is a process. Not always an easy one. But one that you can accomplish with effort.

And inspiring a little team spirit helps. You know the times you act like a cheerleader to inspire help.

But then the important part in such situations is to be sure you don't let them know they are going to be nothing more than suckers. Not right way.

Now if you work it right then you can get them to take time and think balancing is a gift. Yeah that really is important.

Then they won't know who stupid they may look. Which is very important. For if they don't learn to enjoy it, they will never keep doing it when others are snickering.

Hard game, this type of volleyball. But well worth it if you learn the ways to make it all a game you can truly win.

COME AND PLAY

Ah such a wonderful invitation. A chance for some fun. Now wouldn't it be terrific if come and play meant what I wanted it to mean.

But then in real life that doesn't happen as much as we would like. Not that we wouldn't vote for it.

However there are no laws to make it happen. Pursuit of happiness may be in the constitution, but they don't send you to jail if you don't go after it.

Might be interesting if the did. Yeah, that would be such a crack up. Some cops pulling you over for having a frown.

Then reading you your rights. Like you need them to say you are guilty of being unhappy.

So they issue you a ticket for being dull and boring, which naturally has a happy face on it. And you end up going to clown school

Where they make you memories knock, knock jokes and see a group of comedies. Then you have to endure a pie in the face session.

Now those who pass are left with permanent smiles. They are allowed to reenter society as long they agree to conform to the rules of pleasure.

But naturally if they were too uncooperative they would have to be put on parole. Spend time under watch care for their behavior.

Then if that didn't work they would probably need some kind of correctional facility for their condition. And be subjected to regular sessions of happiness torture.

It might seem like cruel and unusual punishment to some, but that would be the only way to get them to behave. And we all could benefit from that option.

Those on parole would be expected to check in with their parole officers at the amusement park. Demonstrate their being rehabilitated.

Which I'm sure would be easy to do. No laughing or other forms of looking as if they were enjoying life and back to prison they would go.

See this is all part of a theory of mine. People who are unhappy are the source of most of life's problems.

That is because they are always trying to make the rest of the world sad. And that means any way possible.

Well I doubt I will get much cooperation on that part. Still I have the law waiting if and when I ever find a place to get it made legal. Till then it is to dream.

AND THE...

Now there are times when a last minute addition can be a blessing. You can cherish those little surprises.

If this is for a good reason. Like say somebody deciding to surprise you with a gift or blessing of some kind, great.

You can sit back and smile. And count it as a good option. However, if you are having a party and this is somebody you hate that shows up, not a source of joy.

Well not to me. I have no joy from having some jerk I hate show up at a party. That will not be on my list of fun things to do.

But having others appreciate this can be hard. Heck with some it is next to impossible. So sad, but still very true.

In any case I am of the opinion that this is something that does bother some people. Or perhaps it is more they lie about it.

I don't mind that part. If it somehow makes them happy to view it that way, find, but it doesn't mean I am going to find this a reason to smile.

Now the way I am going to deal with this is to find ways of not making this work in a way to piss me off. And that is done by a simple method of keeping facts to myself.

So for example if I'm having a party I do it in a way that nobody, but the ones I can trust will find it. Now you have to work a little to let this happen.

Naturally it takes time to be sure you can tell the person who you can trust from the person is a proven jerk. Oh yeah that is a big part of the problem.

Now I do find this process a tad boring a times. And that is what I am working to prevent.

I have to admit that I don't find that option very desirable. I mean I prefer to not even think about it.

But then you can't always find this to be the first option. I am most grateful when it does come my way.

It is a shame I even have to think of these terms. But then I guess one will have to live with this reality.

Unless you can find some sucker to bite off the whole process of and the. Which can be an assistant or other support person.

Providing you don't work by yourself, then my advice is get an answering service.

BEASTS

There are a lot of versions of this word naturally. By that I mean that plenty of people have their interpretation of what constitutes a beast.

It can be a monster, a creature of some fond memory or any of many other options. But it will probably not be an image that is positive.

We just don't treat beasts at pets normally. They are a lot of things, but seldom cute and fuzzy bunnies.

Now a beast can be also a something or someone you view as useful for something you don't like to do. Such as a chore.

Not that I would tell them that. Oh no that would never do. People tend to get upset if you call them a beast.

Oh it doesn't mean they aren't. Just that they don't want to be obvious about it. Nope that will never do.

Which is why you have to make it seem like they are really blessed by the effort. Yeah that is very important.

So it does require a few stretches of the truth. An occasional tale or two be sure they feel you care.

Course that is all it amounts to on so many levels. Just a smile passed on while leading the poor person to the slaughtehouse.

Well perhaps that is a bit extreme. Perhaps not a slaughterhouse exactly. More like a place where any illusions died.

Which is sometimes a good thing. At least if you are one of those who is in the beast category.

A beast with dreams can get angry. They can start thinking they can be more than a beast.

End up with some kind of attitude. And that is never a good option for beasts. They just end up finding out too late they are beasts.

See if you can keep them from finding out. That is great. It means they can't know they are just workers.

They have to imagine they are good and wonderful. To see they are full of possibilities. Even if they are not.
Just a matter of communication in a way that doesn't get anyone pissed off.

BEAUTY

There is plenty of this in life if you know where to look. Even in places you think it doesn't exists at times

But the main thing to me is that you have to keep your definition of beauty flexible. Yeah, that is very important.

Otherwise you could totally miss out on some blessed landscape. Which can come in so many different forms.

See some people set standards for themselves that are totally unrealistic. They figure that they won't accept beauty in their life unless it is measures up to their interpretation.

So they spend their lives refusing some beauty that isn't as perfect as they want. Never getting to know or appreciate what lies beneath the surface.

All I can say to that is fantastic. I love it. I am so grateful people have that view. It makes my life so much easier.

The more people who have that view the better chance I have to dangling some lie out there that will sucker them in. I can tell them whatever they want to hear and feel so proud in the process.

Yeah, that really is such a joy for me. A chance to live in the bliss of knowing since I am not as picky I can abuse the discards with pure joy.

My is that heaven or what? It sure it to me. Just another dose of perfection for me that makes me so happy.

Why if I work it right, I can get them to pay me for the right to take some discard off their hands. Just dangle a myth out there and it is perfect.

Well it sure works for me. I love every second I can do that. And so far it has happened a lot.

Just about as many times as I can want and then some. Fabulous blessings come to he who isn't hard nose on the issue of beautiful.

So I do focus more on quantity instead of quality. And let me tell you that is important. All the people who talk about quality are normally the ones who don't get either.

So it sounds impressive, but that is just it all it is. As for the truth, these are the ones who end up with sitting at home alone at night because they are still waiting for quality.

Meanwhile, I have a take it number approach. Just make sure my dance card is always full. And that is a reason to smile in my book.

STEAM

Such a great thing to see in the eyes of somebody that look of utter fuming. They are really pissed and that makes me so happy.

Yeah, I love seeing the look. One that makes them want to kiss, but not willing to admit it. That is really fun.

Just turning up that fire really makes for some great moments. The kind you love to use in a picture.

But then you can't always show it off. Yep, that would be tacky to some. Which is why I keep mine is a scrapbook.

And I do take it out from time to time. To cherish those special times when I had those hot victories.

Now the big challenge is to be sure you do this in a way that gives people a real reason to want to explode. Just a matter of strategy.

Yep, see the reality is if you light a bunch of small fires it works so much better than if you use a blow torch. Simmering is better than a volcano.

It last longer. That makes it so much more entertaining. You get the person totally boiling without exploding it is so glorious.

Just never give them a chance to cool off. Yeah, that is a great goal. Just one that I try to savor whenever possible.

Course to keep in practice and not lose my edge, I do so need to keep working on a wide variety of options. Which includes those I have a friends too.

Yeah it might be sad in some ways, but alas you just can't always get the perfect occasions to cause heat to your enemies. So you have to have more options.

Now that is not all bad. You just blame it on somebody else. The them really suffer a lot in the process.

But I'm not complaining better them than me. And I will find that such a blessing when it works.

Now all I need to do is be sure I take time to pick my options carefully. Some friends can get so picky when you upset them.

And that is why I keep a wide circle of friends. That way I don't have to worry about running out of place to light fires.

Cooking always a joy

OVERDONE

Now there are some people who just don't get it. They just take time to go to excess on everything.

This is not a sane choice. It is other than a good option. Instead it really drive you nuts. Because they can't shut up about it.

And that does not make me happy. I mean if you tell me once I do understand. I don't need a review and then a second review later.

Nor do I want to hear more about it later. Or have you ask me to comment on the event later.

I mean I'm sorry, but this is not a good choice. Just savor your victory or imagined victory.

Give me the simple joy of listening, once. Then shut up about it! Yeah, give me a break please.

But if by chance you do more or for some reason make it really great, then cool. I can love that option.

Just be original about it. Yeah, come on make sure it is not going to make me yawn. I hate that route.

I mean if you are going to talk about some super human accomplishment, don't talk about something that I know is impossible. That hardly impresses.

Or talk about the ordinary either. I don't want some melodrama about taking out the trash.

Fair enough. Other than that some balance would be nice. You know just a chance to show off you good side.

Well the side that looks good at least. Yeah, don't brag and the show me some old rag. Hmmm, nice rhyme, might make a good motto.

In any case I am doing my best here to be sure I keep this in balance. Essentially if you are going to give me dribble at least do it with class.

Don't feed me crap unless you are prepared to make it smell sweet. Toss in something interesting to make it sound great.

And then I might even tolerate the other stuff. If it gets a tad boring, I will survive. As long as you don't do it all the time.

Then it is a time for me to say good bye.

OVENS

Ah the joy of turning up the heat to see what you can cook up. The oven being other people's moods.

Always nice when you can whip up some sizzling casserole of frustration for somebody you hate. Make for some nice cooking.

At least when you see the final product produce some really tasty results in someone you hate. Oh yeah that is what it is all about.

Now it really doesn't take much to adjust the temperature of some people's ovens. They are so often used to that happening anyway.

You know from dealing with some many cooks in life. Like their bosses, the government, some customer service people and a host of others.

So that will make so many already prepared to expect it happening again. And if the last time was really heated and aggravating, oh my that is a blessing.

I do have to cherish when I can manage to find the perfect way to heat up somebody's oven that I hate. It really gives me pause to smile.

I even have a cook book for such situations. All kinds of little recipes for adding a grumpy mood to a person you hate.

And that joy comes from when you can do this without a person knowing you did the cooking. Just heap plenty of grief on things to make it all come out right.

Now being a mayor I have plenty of options in that regard. Oh yeah, never run out of those.

And it is so fabulous when I can take the time to figure out the perfect baked misery to pass on. Just so many ways I can do that.

What with the options of health inspectors, building inspectors and license bureaus the possibilities are endless. Yeah, I do revel in the options.

Yep, any time I can pass on a little pastry that makes those jerks have headaches I count it as a good day. And am so thrilled to take pride in my baking.

So that is okay. I just will keep on cherishing those special times when the ovens start roasting and I get to watch.

Aw, the joys of cooking that last forever. Got to love it. Yeah all those precious times when you remember so fondly.

By the groans of those who had their ovens lit.

BRICKS

Ah the solid and dependable. Gives you a sense of being secure and stable. Really grabs at you.

Now the problem with bricks is that they are inflexible. When you are talking the possibility of it being an image for a person.

Then you are talking about something that can be such a mixed bag of joy. Because they might appear as durable, but often they are not.

Instead they are a facade. A mask of lies that beguiles you trust. And who needs that? I sure don't.

Nope in my view they are not reliable at all. And the big problem is with how seductive they can be.

Oh you gaze at them and say, hey this guy is stable. A really foundation of strength that will handle any storm.

Only you never find out till it is too late. By then you have already made plans to build a whole future edifice of trust to them and it crumbles.

Yeah, just not a good option. Now it would be nice if that wasn't the case. If you could depend upon something more positive.

However, in the end they collapse no matter how much mortar of encouragement you use.

This is where I become a building inspector. Um, not like city ones who are most unreasonable people imaginable.

I just prefer to make it something where I want to know if these bricks are really trustworthy. Yeah, that is really important.

Now I will admit there are ways of improving on the quality of some bricks. Yep, that is the part I like.

Just have a chance to figure out how to make any brick useful. Even if you have to make some of them expendable.

Yeah, that really accept some bricks are truly useful when crushed. Sounds harsh perhaps, but fact of life.

Oh I don't tell them that. I make them think they can be a chimney or other great item. But in the end I just use them up when they serve best.

Like with other things, my motto with bricks is lay the best!

CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION

Does any one ever ask this where they want to know if you would like a gift of say a fortune? Nope that is not going to happen.

Basically what one can expect in these situations is the question will involve a request in some way. The person wants something.

And we aren't talking something as noble as world peace. Unless you are talking about peace as in piece.

Such as give me some. But then if you keep that in mind up front no problem. And one of the best responses it to avoid letting them ask you the question.

You are just too busy. Or better yet you have them go and ask somebody else. If it is somebody you hate that really is a blessing.

But if the moment comes and you can't do that then you have to tolerate being asked. Now if you work it right you can play dumb.

Act like you don't have the answer. That might be hard if they ask something which you are known to be good at, but then you fake being ignorant.

Now if you really don't know the answer that is great too. That is a time when you don't have to pretend.

Just makes the guilt less of a problem. And that is also a blessing. But you can be sure that doesn't happen every time.

Now the big problem too is if you have to answer then end up with them asking you for something in the process. They can be very clever in that regard.

It take a special talent for worming your way out of that one. And then comes the tales. Those ones about having to take the dog to the vet when you don't own a dog.

Yeah those kinds of excuses. I even have a list of them. Complete with fake addresses and names for my vet.

And the pet too. I call mine Rasputin. Heck it is more clever than spot. Shoot I even have his picture.

Downloaded it off the internet. Plus visited a couple of pet owners web sites to get a few stories to make it seem like I really love my dog that doesn't exists.

True it does take extra time and effort to do that. And that is well worth all the resources I have invested.

After all truly being lazy is a lot of work.

LAWNMOWERS

I think grass was God's clever idea of a really great practical joke. By that I mean that He obvious made it look so wonderful that we couldn't help wanting it.

Only problem is that you can't just plant it and leave it alone. Sooner or later it will grow and that requires mowing. Sort of like a natural hair.

However, even if you don't want it to grow, it will. Unless you resort to artificial grass. Then you can savor it as you wish without and headaches.

But the artificial stuff doesn't have the grass smell. You know it is fake and that means it isn't quite as pleasurable.

So in the end you are cursed. You have to get a lawnmower. And that means spending part of every Saturday during the summer cutting grass.

Which is not my idea of fun. And you can be sure I don't work too hard at that goal. In fact I rely upon a gardener.

This doesn't mean I escape its reality. I still have to hear the darn lawnmower come Saturday morning.

It is mocking me with its motor sounds. Making sure I can't sleep or forget it is there. And there is no escape.

All of this is prelude to a simple observation. Life is full of lawnmowers. Yep, there are all kinds of them.

The demands on your time you hate, but can't ignore. Because even if you find somebody to use them, you still get involved.

Ah, that is something to admire in many ways. Yep, you got to savor how it works. Just know there are lawns everywhere.

It is our destiny. I don't think it is any accident that even money is green. Yep, think about that one.

See, got you wondering huh? I mean they could have made it any color they wanted, but chose green.

I'm not surprised myself. Such are the joys of how little tricks of fate spread their lawns on our lives in so many ways.

So it is matter of finding the right lawnmowers. Not pretending the grass will cut itself and then coping.

Ah, it is to smile. Well if you can be sure somebody else is always using it.

SPRINKLES

Ah, a little smile on you day's Sundae. Those nice departures from doldrums where you have a desert of distraction to savor.

As for the flavor, well that depends upon the person. But there are so many to choose from.

That is for some of us. Not for everyone. Some people are prone to not enjoy all deserts. Well not openly.

We are not talking ice cream you understand. More like the pleasures you don't always admit you crave.

That kind of candy you love to eat, but don't want anyone to know you about. Because somebody said that kind of candy is bad for you.

So you learn quickly to not talk about them. To still want them, but pretend you don't love sugar.

Oh yeah that works. You truly are so thrilled to not have those things to look forward to in life. Okay no smirking here.

Now what I'm talking about is the extra items that come after you get the dessert. Such as when you get a nice all night stand snack and it turns out the cookie is extra, extra tasty.

But then it does have other applications. The point is naturally that you are talking about what gives a nice smile to where you already had a reason to smile.

Now sprinkles you understand are rare at times. And you have to work a little extra hard to find them.

But they are so worth it when you find them. The taste itself is so worth it. And you got to be grateful for that.a

Ah, well the way I figure it this is one of those blessings in life. A special joy that you just can't value enough.

Now if you savor this and agree go forth and chase those sprinkles. You will find them when you least expect it.

Sounds good doesn't it? Impressed? I thought you would be. I know you will give and this plenty of thought.

Well I want to think so. And that will be a joy when you find those sprinkles even if I have to give you their location. For a fee you understand. I need my sprinkles too.

RUST BUCKETS

The image conveyed with this to me is something worn out. An item that is no longer useful.

In addition it becomes a case of something that was neglected. For you don't get rust if it is taken care of.

Basic assumption naturally. And I've seen it too many times. For it comes down to items where nobody wanted the thing after a certain point.

Still we use to till it completely fails. Like it is expendable. And once you decide it is a sacrifice then you don't care.

Only we don't like to admit we feel that way. As if that makes it all fine. Which is a reason to be okay with not caring.

Now when we are talking about machines this is one thing. But then never ends up being just about stuff.

Sooner or later we also apply it to people. Hey, I didn't say not to. I just said it happens. And I understand it.

Now the problem is for most people is they can't admit it when it involves people. For that sounds so cruel.

Instead we do it for real and lie about it. Now I have no concerns over that. In fact I do sort of favor that approach.

After all as a Mayor I do have a certain image to maintain. Perhaps it is phony, but then that is part of the way I want it.

Because if I can keep up some fake image I never have to let the real way be seen. And let me tell you that I a great freedom.

However, the joy for me comes in making this all run smoothly. That involves greasing the truth with enough lies.

I mean really what can I say? This is about acceptance for me. The simple joy of knowing you have to look at the practical side of things.

And you can't do that without admitting life does have its share of litter and trash. Can't help it.

What we can help is pretending we care about the trash. Just toss it and forget it. Tomorrow it might be our turn.

Course when that happens, I will take the easy way out and fake falling into a trash compactor.

SETTLEMENTS

I call this settle for. As in accepting something that is less than you really want. Which means naturally you will never be happy with it.

Oh you will tell yourself all the reasons it is great. But the reality is you will be other than satisfied.

Each time you cope with this consolation prize you just sit back and yawn. You are glad to have it as opposed to nothing, but hardly going to be thrilled.

And you can spend all day telling yourself how this will be okay. You can live with the crumbs instead of the pie.

Oh yeah that really works. And let me tell you I've had to do it a few times. Happy is not the mood I would define that I have from the process.

It is more like, darn foiled again. Then I learn to tolerate my little token and say next time I won't get screwed.

Which is generally what I say after the next time when it happens again. Oh my this is definitely not heaven.

Nope, not to me. And the only real joy comes from when I can figure a way to switch prizes.

That is where you sneak over when the real champion and steal his trophy when he is off bragging. And substitute it with something that sucks.

If you work it right then they never suspect a thing. They are so jazzed about bragging rights they never notice you took the real thing.

Now I do love bragging rights too. Just not quite the same if you don't end up with the real prize.

So you can be sure I double check in trophy I get. Whatever it happens to be. The more gaudy the better.

Yep and then comes the moment of pure gloating. Those are moments you just can't savor enough.

And trust me regardless of win or lose, in the end I settle for the prize. Victories come in many ways.

None better than when you can smile and no you won even when the real winner is sitting back dreaming of his victory. Which is fine, because I'm holding his prize.

Even better when I get the lady who goes with it. Well I find one somehow.

YOU'LL BE HAPPY WITH

Advice can be a good thing. Providing the person is not insane. And I have known my share of those.

Funny thing is they never have a clue they are nuts. They think they are normal. Which makes it even worse.

Because they most of the time have friends who are nuts also. So they have no one to tel them they are in need of help.

And what makes it worse is that they never even find out most of the time. So they just keep plotting along imagining they are cool.

This never ends up with them being the least bit credible in terms of advice. And if they are some stranger it is even worse.

This is when they have that chance to leave a first impression on you. Which is always other than truth if it is aided by references.

Most of the time this doesn't end up being a disaster if they happen to just be slightly nuts. Then they don't do you much harm.

But if you are lead to some conclusion that this person is truly helpful, then you based some major decision on their information. Only to find out later it sucks.

Well what can one truly say in such situations? Oops is nice. Better than some options. But not always.

Then you end up having to add them to your list of not again. That really sucks. Because it never translates into success.

Oh it sounds wonderful for a while. But in the end you just learn to regret it. Something you just have to decide is some learning experience.

I will admit that it is nice to like have the chance at times to be able to try different things. So when they recommend something different I do find the encounter interesting.

Well providing I don't get hurt in the process. Painful moments do not bring smiles. Nope, not on the recommended list.

But tomorrow is a great time to start over. And without the benefit of these experts that were crazy.

Oh well that is the part of life I will always file under learning experiences. And it even includes a cookbook.

One containing recipes I pass on to my enemies.