POOR AND NEGLECTED

It my mind these two totally go together. If you don't have any bucks you are going to be neglected.

People can talk all they want about the importance of caring for others, but you know what, it is just for appearance sake. I know people will take issue with that.

And I say let them. I don't mind people creating all those tales of charity they love to banter around. Works great. Dumb, but sounds good.

Really, I hate to be cruel or something here, but honestly, I think in reality most of the time people are not going to the truth. See, I start from the simple premise that in truth we all are greedy rats.

You can talk all you want about noble spirits and such, but as a rule people will react to bucks quicker that anything else. So if you got them you get attention.

And if you don't, well we will do lunch as long as you're buying. See I never mind giving people attention if they are paying for it.

Actually, that is my basic attitude in general I have to confess. The ones with bucks and power will get my attention because I hope to get something in the process.

For the ones without that kind of clout, well if you have plastic that is not maxed out, then great. Otherwise hit the road.

Hey, should I just take time to pretend here? Would that be better. I say forget it! Come on kids, let's get real.

I know that is a terrible attitude in the minds of some, but at least I'm being honest. At least to the degree it applies to me.

However, I prefer to be practical. I shall spare myself the agony of expounding on the impossible.

That is what I call it when you expect perfection. Or even goodness to always exist. A touching taste of lunacy, but not reality.

And after all, you do have to cope with reality. Well we can lie about it naturally. We all do in one way or another.

But for me, ah gee, I don't know, it is just more fun to accept the obvious in human nature. Gives me such satisfaction.

Then I can dart off to lunch and celebrate the goodness of mankind. With enough booze i can actually believe it till I sober up.

IN BALANCE

Why is it everything that balance should count for never seems to be in balance? Try dealing with expecting the government to have a balance budget sometime. Yeah, that will happen.

Then there is the ever popular issue of things like a balanced diet. Ahem, good for you, but who does it? Come on be honest.

I think the only time we worry about a balanced diet is when it comes to say balancing a pizza box on our head so our hands our free to hold other crap. It doesn't keep us from saying it is a good thing.

Oh there are so many other areas were balance is really important to me. Like with say, tires. We all know they need to be in balance. At least the tire people tell us it is important.

And you can pretty much be aware that no matter how many times you have your tires balanced they will need it again. Even if they don't you will need it just the same.

Now in keeping with this marvelous deal the other aspect of in balance is with life itself. Oh man let me tell you if there is one area that life never gets in balance it is our behavior. But it sure sounds good.

You know, get plenty of exercise, eat right, save your money, don't fool around and always tell the truth. Yeah, we all are going to seek that kind of balance to life.

Well maybe in the movies at least. In real life, forget it. There is no way that we will try that hard to keep our lives in balance if it means we have to stop having fun.

You can forget that option. Grease will win out over sweat any day of the week. But then I'm just being honest.

Not sure everyone enjoys that kind of honesty. And if they do seek truth, we sure don't want the kind that makes us crave any changes that might make us other than have a good time.

So balance is a commendable choice. But not if it makes you miserable. Like that old saying, "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy."

I sure don't like dullness. However, I don't like work either. So my motto is "all play and no work, makes everything okay."

You may quote me naturally. If you dare. I will deny it if needed though. If that means I might get in trouble.

Ah the little things are always so touching.

JUST CAUSE

Well as I see this it is when you have a chance to do something that might be considered wrong, but in the situation it is acceptable. The most extreme case might be for example if you say shot somebody who was breaking into your house.

Shooting people is normally not an acceptable option in our society. And one I do agree with, especially if I say get catch in the middle of say counseling some needy housewife. Husbands have a tendency to be less than understanding it you do this in their bed without any clothes on.

And you can be sure that in such situations I am very thrilled the attitudes towards shooting are in place. Plus those great times of fate when I happen to be faced with a husband who is a bad shot. I think I have improved on that problem by making sure I find out before hand if a given husband happens to be a hunter for a hobby.

Fortunately, the good thing is that jealous husbands are also as a rule a tad incapable of holding a gun perfectly still. Anger seems to help with that problem. Which is good for me.

Gee here I am trying to focus on something important such as just cause and getting trapped strolling down memory lane. As much as that does thrill me, it doesn't really mean much in terms of contributing to all I want to say in this posting.

Basically, to me the whole thing I see in any of this is that just cause is an excuse. Albeit it a good one. But an excuse just the same.

However, it does work and that is what counts. Which is so much more wonderful than when something doesn't work at all and you still try to get by with the excuse.

Being a Mayor I do have a little more flexibility in this thing than the average citizen. But not as much as say the big boys at the federal level.

Now the have the power to make just cause anything they darn well please. And am I jealous. I'd love to have that option.

But alas they don't give it to me as Mayor. Which means I have to work harder at coming up with lies that work.

So you can appreciate how I would prefer to have the option the big boys have. I mean with so many they can even spend a lot more time being vague about it too.

Man how I envy that talent. It just makes me drool at times. But then since that will never be my option, I just do what I can to make just cause in my city work for me.

And as long as I don't hold too many press conferences to have to explain that often, I'm good.

BIG AND PRETEND

The basic rule for me on this is that if you are going to pretend, it better be big and impressive. There is just something that truly enhances the quality of a lie when you make it over the top.

People just assume thank goodness if you are making it sound that incredible you must be telling the truth. Now the exception here is making sure it is something actually believable.

If you start talking about the impossible that is a different story. You can't go around talking about something like aliens and get believed.

So the first rule is make it credible. It might sound amazing, but that is okay. Which I truly enjoy.

See you can lie your ass off and as long as it make sense, you're safe. Add one thing that makes it stupid and impossible and they will not believe it.

Now I realize that to some this might seem like a waste of time to even talk about. Those are normally the ones I enjoy talking to the most since they are the ones who often fall for such comment.

It is just so much fun to work with the ones who think they are genius at knowing everything. Because they are the ones who are often the dumbest.

Ah, it is such sweet perfection to let this little time flow when idiots bloom as flowers of satire that we all can savor for its humor. Hmmm, guess I've been hanging around my keyboard too much.

Anyway, I am totally content with my attitude on this. In fact I'm totally content with most anything where I get my way. And the things I don't well, that is what pretending is for.

As for the big part, well, I say go for it. Yeah, why not. Okay so you fall on your face, so what? I mean let's face it, if you are going to buy it buddy, then make it worth it.

That is what counts. Just come on, take a chance and risk it all. If you take that gamble and blow it, you'll know it was worth it.

However, if you bomb, and it was for something petty, then you'll hate yourself for it. And what the heck since you will lie about it anyway, all the better.

See now doesn't that make you feel better? Yeah, come on, be a jerk and be proud of it. Because you can depend on the fact that everyone else is doing the same.

And if not, shhhh, it will be our little secret.

TELL ALL, BUT KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT

Now is it really hard to understand how this is supposed to work? Basically it is where you have a need to explain some disaster or event, but not in a way that gives specifics.

That is because there is something to be gained from telling the story. Maybe you want to impress someone or something. In most cases for me that involves some young girl.

So naturally we do have the problem of not wanting to look like an idiot. So this calls for some very creative explanations.

You just can't avoid making sure that the facts end up being favorable. Unless you enjoy being made to look completely dumb and stupid.

Which I prefer to avoid. To do this I have to keep my mouth shut on any details that screams clown or brain dead.

Now critical to this whole process is making sure nobody that really knows the facts happens to have a chance to be present. Unless they plan on lying about the facts too.

That will depend on who it is. There are some people who understand this process there are some who do not.

This in part is an issue of knowing the person well. Time is good for that. You get to know who can be trusted to embrace this system and who you can't depend upon.

Then it is a matter of making sure you don't bother with the ones who end up doing other than helping in that regard. And the amazing thing is that there are so many of them at times.

Wish there wasn't, but it is funny how somebody just can't see the benefit it keeping secrets. Honestly, it is such a headache at times.

Another chore is being sure you take the time to sort out the ones who can be expected to take the hint from those that are beyond help. And that is most important if you expect to ever see things improve.

I know how much better it might be if say I just told the truth. But then I might have to give up on the chance to get lucky.

So far that has not been the option I care to consider. Yeah, I know my priorities suck, but what the heck, you got to have the right to look forward to some things.

I mean it isn't like I can depend upon life getting better. Not without help and even then it isn't guaranteed.

We just do what we can to keep smiling.

ONE MORE TIME THEN IT SUCKS

Confidence is a good thing. Over confidence is an accident waiting to happen. It is to me being stupid too.

See the big problem with success is forgetting when it comes from hard work and when it is just dumb luck. Not being able to tell the difference can result in the difference between more success and a disaster waiting to happen.

I've seen it too many times. You get some temporary string of victories and suddenly thing you are invincible. Which no one is.

Just doesn't keep some from thinking they are. Then when you finally have a loss, you lie about it. Oh it was a fluke, no problem. It won't happen again.

But of course it does. Because you really didn't cause the victory in the first place. Only, being able to admit it can be tough.

And the inability to do so has sunk more than one ship of dreams. Which is not a good thing, because most people traveling that ship do not bother to include any life boats or life preservers. I waxing by metaphor if you will excuse me.

To me the essential deal in this situation is believe it or not being honest. Now I didn't say it was with other people. No, no, no, no, no.

But with yourself absolutely! You must be willing to face your reality. To the point of at least knowing how you can either improve it or change it.

I know it is an odd situation. Seeing the need I advocate for lying to others. But what you are doing that for is to protect the truth you don't want them to know about.

Okay, my rules you understand. Not others. But that is what I have to deal with in order to survive. And if you do not survive I don't care if you can claim to be the current champion of whatever.

So oddly as it might I do have a need for honesty. Not enough to get myself in trouble. Just enough to merit keeping me balance to the point that I can effectively cheat.

Yep, I said cheat. Okay another fracture in the seam of reality I suppose, but an important one.

You just know that it really is a way I have to use to balance things in my view. A way to be sure I don't end up with an unnecessary losing streak.

And that is what I care to avoid no matter what. Sometimes more than others. Like if the price of losing is too costly. But then I would prefer not to say anything that might incriminate myself.

NOW OR FORGET IT

Ah yes, there are the times of option when time is of the essence. You can't afford the luxury of long debates. It requires an immediate decision. One where you very life might hang in the balance.

But then at the same time, you might not even give a crap and are just blowing the whole thing out of proportion because you can. Yeah, that happens a lot where I come from and everywhere else for that matter too.

However, it is fun to at least play this little game of who is going to panic first. That is where there really isn't a winner. Just the survivor gets bragging rights.

I don't know, but part of me likes these moments. They are so special when you have a chance to embrace them with the right philosophy.

Which of course all depends on just how flexible the person is in terms of what they consider to be a good idea of a joke. That is really the key.

There are just some people who can't learn to smile in the right situation. You can't please them anyway.

And when you have a situation where you only have a short amount of time to deal with a problem then it makes things even more a pain. Like I don't appreciate that.

Which is part of the whole reason I have to think about looking at it as I do. I don't want time to debate it or argue over it, I need to do it now.

Course with me the decision always as long as it isn't my butt that gets chewed then great. That is the main concern.

And even if the now or never deals don't always have a good possibility with it, I still will go for it providing somebody else behind takes the risk. So I can stand there and be all brave and sure to go for it.

It all lasts right up till the never part kicks in. By then I'm off doing something else and whistling to myself in complete innocence like I have no idea what happened.

It really is the little things that makes life so special at times. And when you are like me, the more times you can do that without it causing grief the better.

The main key I think is to create the illusion of confidence. It always warms my soul when I can do that.

Course I get it a lot warmer when I hide it somewhere that those I've lied to don't have a chance to find out about it. That is the big key, never pay for your mistakes when somebody else is there to do it for you.

TO BUFFET OR NOT TO BUFFET

This is a not a choice that one makes out of joy in all cases. For me it is a choice I make normally when I have relatives come to town.

See, the issue is a matter of how do I manage to salvage some fraction of dignity and my pocketbook while keeping the jerks I'm related to happy. Now I suppose I could take the position of telling them to forget coming to visit, but then that would only give them extra reason to bad mouth and they already to it enough as it is.

So in order to hopefully retain some small modicum of illusion that there is something good in all of this, I play the host. But I sure don't do enjoy savoring the event with any more investment than necessary.

Which makes places with buffets the most appealing for me. I can stuff those visitors for as little as possible. Providing I find one that is opened.

See the problem is that where I live these type of places often don't last very long. Oh we have new ones open from time to time, but normally they never last passed a few weeks.

I think it is because we have too many people who just know how to work these places into bankruptcy. You know they find creative ways of turning a meal into a week's worth of groceries. Just rumors I've heard you understood.

In any case they end up not surviving such plots for very long. So I do have to plan my visits of my relatives accordingly.

That translates into making sure the moment they call and let me know they are coming, I do my best to find the cheapest option possible.

I will confess that I got desperate once and actually creative my own buffet restaurant. Only for the sake of my relatives.

It was a decent illusion as far as I was concerned. True, it was hard finding a waitress outfit the size my secretary Edna Frump needed. She is rather er, challenging to the concept of petite.

Then the other problem was convincing my assistant Willie Bendover he looked good in that bus boy outfit.

But I managed. Long enough to get my relatives fed. I was grateful they didn't attempt to go into the kitchen.

That way I didn't have to lie about those dented cans that I got on sale. It is really the small things that count the most.

Which is why I'm always grateful for places with a true appreciation of the idea of economy when it comes to selling food.

GOOD MEALS

From time to time as part of my regular duties as a Mayor I have to attend some formal dinner. And that means sitting down with a bunch of stuffy and boring people while eating some gourmet meal that often has small portions. Ones that don't even taste good at times either.

So I sit there in my tuxedo, feeling really annoyed and frustrated while I listen to some middle aged crone of an unhappy housewife tell me how tough her life is. Normally, that is the type of environment where listening opens the door for a chance for some motel memories.

But not with these gals. They are all, well, a little less than er, let's just say they are not the kind you dream about. Unless you are really weird and have an incredibly sick sense of lust. No thanks to that on my part.

And while I'm sitting their lamenting my lack of date options and hoping the food would taste too bad, I have to contend with all these options of silverware. Personally, all I need is one of each, not three or four.

I wish you could get the people who host these events to appreciation that face. I do not need an appetizer fork, salad fork, entree fork, a wonderful in the heck is this for fork and also a dessert fork.

Now maybe I would find merit in this if I was worried that my germs on some fork would end up causing me grief later, but I don't think so. What do they expect my germs are going to somewhere grow into demons if I use the fork more than once?

I might understand this if say they wanted to be sure I didn't like leave my fork for somebody else to use. Or likewise.

But they make sure they always remove them so fast. Which sort of makes me assume there has to be some special reason.

All I can think of to be honest is that the fork people have some reason to need to use up all the forks. Okay, I'm being silly, but isn't life silly anyway?

This is just my way of protesting what I consider to be an unnecessary use of silverware. Does it save lives? Does it somehow improve live as we know it?

Not at all. What it does do from my view is result in making a lot of extra work for some poor underpaid dishwasher.

And at these affairs you can be sure the guy is even paid less than other deal. So that means more work for the same pay. And even though I applaud that kind of thinking, I have to admit, I could do without the extra forks

Besides, I always feel stupid because most of the time I pick the wrong fork!

BUG ME

This is not a request in case you were thinking I was looking for such kinds of help. Honestly I have plenty of cockroach types to deal with in my life now.

What I'm talking about is being the kind of bug that is helpful. An insect who feast upon the crap I deal with every day.

Kind of hard too many types who will truly volunteer for that kind of option. It isn't like you can expect to find very many who think spending time messing with your crap is their life's ambition.

But once and a while you do find that rare soul. And when you do, man are you grateful. Providing they end up actually doing what you hope they would do.

Sometimes they do disappoint though. That I will admit. Those are not moments you savor with real gusto.

Not that I complain when the person wimps out. I mean I figure the person is more than a little crazy to have agreed in the first place.

So needless to say I don't through a fit if they suddenly find their brain and figure that they don't want to be stupid any longer. It is a real tragedy in terms of having the benefit of a pure grunt to do the worst things imaginable.

However, I have improved the turnover ratio considerably by making sure I don't let the person discover how crappy the job is sooner than necessary. If you ease the person into the stuff sometimes they really can be seduced into not quitting for quite a while.

One of the best methods naturally is to use some form of stall method. It works really well at times with things like raises and changes.

I love words like review periods. And if you work it right, you can tell the person the review policy changed and then the period for reviews was extended. Basically it is all baloney to avoid giving the person a raise.

There are other options naturally too. Things like when the person orders some supplies. You tell them the supply form has been changed. Then you point out how the new forms are currently unavailable.

Now if you are really good you can also suggest the person buy the supplies themselves and submit and expense report. Then you let them know that expense reimbursement only happens once a month.

In the meantime you submit the expense report with adjusted numbers to give some extra for yourself. Paying them eventually. Not rush naturally.
Ah life is so much fun when you have the right kind of bug me to avoid the other kind that really bugs you.

ITSY BITSY

There are different ways this word has meaning, but for me it is related to the mind. That is the curse of thinking only seeing things in limited possibilities.

Itsy bitsy thinking is different from negative thinking. With negative thinking people can't imagine any hope or opportunity. However, with itsy bitsy thinking you do see a way for things to improve, but only very slowly and on a small scale.

These are people who just are a little too afraid to really dream. So instead they will simply only think in terms of the least amount of effort necessary to accomplish whatever.

Now the problem is on the surface an itsy bitsy thinking can honesty seem like an optimist. You can chat with them and get the impression they like change.

Oh they will impress with all the right words and emotion. Only later you find out they don't really plan on actually committing to the idea they are talking about.

Yeah, that is when you find out they aren't going to actually do anything all that helpful. And let me tell you it is often the worst time to discover it too.

Complicating this whole process is when people change. They can be an optimist or even pessimists. So you start out presuming they will act a given way.

Then later you find out they are totally different. And it isn't so bad if they go from say pessimist to optimist, which is rare, but others they go from pessimist to itsy bitsy, which definitely is not all that much help.

And naturally through it all you have to sit and speculate. You can't truly plan a decent strategy because you never be sure of the consequences.

All of which is my way of saying, you just never know. And you can never think what you know today will work tomorrow.

That is the part that really matters. You have to be careful to never become too arrogant in thinking you have everyone all figured out.

This is called being humbled. In some cases it is a matter of avoiding being too boring. Because nobody wants to hear the words about this from somebody who acts like a know it all.

All in fun actually. Such a great moment in life we can all cherish. Sometimes it makes life expand others suck. But as long as it doesn't take you into the vacuum of thinking you are seeing life perfect and in reality you are just another itsy bitsy thinking then cool. If you become one, well sorry, I don't think we will be having lunch anytime soon. You'l just have to itsy bitsy yourself later.

OH SO TASTELESS

Oh my, the moments when pure dementia possess the soul. Just that little hint of madness that takes over the mind and suddenly things that gross you out sound wonderful.

Kind of like that urge to suddenly fart in a theater during a great movie. Ah come on tell me the thought had never occurred to you.

Well even if you are going to claim you haven't thought in those terms, if you are honest at all I'm sure you've had at least one whim of dementia in your life. If not, well, not sure if I admire you or feel sorry for you.

As for myself, I guess I just spend so much time having to toil at acting normal I just have the moments when I feel a need to vent. You know strip off the mask of conformity and actually embrace the side of my life that is totally tacky.

It is so hard as a Mayor to get a chance to do that. How often I crave the need to have those special moments when I don't have to act like some pillar of sanity.

Now come on folks you have to appreciate how this would matter to a guy like me. Most of my life is illusion.

I have to pretend being the perfect husband and boy is that a fantasy, a confident and faithful servant of the public, which I sort of do when I don't have my finger in the city's coffers and a paragon of morals as well as family values. I won't even pretend to come close on that one.

So can you really blame me for wanting some precious time to let my brain down? Just the rare occasion when I don't have to act like the world doesn't suck and is totally insane.

Of course sanity does have to prevail you understand. However, it doesn't mean that I can't long for the times that I can be free just the same.

The challenge is find them without too many occasions of looking stupid. Being embarrassed is not the prize I'm groping for in this situation.

And so finding a nice balance between what is acceptable and what is gross is just hard to achieve. I do manage at times.

Naturally the best occasions occur when I am able to do something totally gross and blame somebody else. Always have to avoid those temptations to snicker though.

Perhaps that is the hardest part though. Not letting the release of tacky end up being obvious to others.

Oh well, that is something I work on when I'm in the mood. Which is most of the time.

DESTITUTE

Ah, now this is the pits. It is when you are broke. And nobody I know of likes that. Course there are ways of dealing with that problem.

Which for me starts with no longer being broke. But for that to happen you often have to end up making somebody else destitute.

Yeah, I know that is being selfish and frankly my question is so what? Yes, you read that right. I really want to know what is the big deal in thinking that way?

Okay, I realize being selfish is not regarded as a good thing. That is a given. But have you ever notice the ones that complain about it the most are often the ones who are destitute?

Gee you think that has something to do with it? I do. Oh I won't say they necessarily agree with that view, but it is the one I feel is true.

And I guess I say it because of the times I've seen people without suddenly become less than noble the moment they no longer are destitute. Somehow having gives them a whole new perspective on the charity thing.

Just stating what to me is obvious. If you can't handle it, well go write you won blog. So there.

Now admittedly I am not the great advocate of the truth. Nobody is going to accuse me of being like George Washington and saying I can not tell a lie.

I would gladly say it naturally, but it wouldn't be true. I would just say it to impress! I won't besmirch our first president by suggesting he might have had an occasion where his tongue got snarled on the facts either.

Course if it had been me the first thing I would do is plant the ax on some lame servant. Then even if they did find the stupid cherry tree chopped down, I could reply, "what ax?"

Anyway, back to this whole issue it seems to me that the choice is obvious, being poor sucks. So do what you can to stop being poor.

How hard is that to figure out? Apparently too hard for some. But then that is there problem.

As for me, well I'm going to work out the solution to solve my problem one way or another. The another part is always a tad focus on me first.

I just will lie about it in order to make a person feel a little better in the process. Not sure if it works, but at least I can I tried. Course that doesn't mean I actually spend time telling them that fact.

MATES

Well if you are from down under this means a pal. For the rest of us it means a spouse. And depending on who you are that can either be a good thing or a bad thing.

Actually when I think of a mate it is something or someone that matches to another is a special way. You know like the other half of a puzzle or when you cut something in two. They should fit perfectly together. In theory you understand.

As for real life, well it is a nice dream. I think a lot of marriages start out with that as a goal, but somewhere over the years the edged get kind of frayed or worn and they just don't fit together that well.

Doesn't mean like they always give up. No, no, no that would never do. When you stop going together like peanut butter and jelly well you just pretend it is the same.

Now of course there are some who will run off to the some other relationship in search of new peanut butter or jelly. And others who will keep the old sandwich, but go off in quest of a snack.

But rare it seems is the person who actually takes time to try and make the old sandwich tastes a good as it once did. That is what we like to claim is what we do, but methinks talking is the only thing we do.

Anyway for me, well I like to snack. Not afraid to admit that part. I enjoy a little variety. I just wish I didn't have to act like I didn't.

It is such a bummer to have to make it look like the otherwise it true. Only I can't do that as a politician.

There are times when I would be thrilled to get up and say, "Well folks the truth is I spend most times stalking the bars for a good time."

Like that would go over well with anyone. And even if they do the same thing they aren't going to get up and cheer my confession.

That is the down side to it all. You got to look like you still enjoy the old sandwich no matter how much it doesn't taste good any longer.

So I play that game, we all have a wonderful time and somewhere along the line I get my share of snacks. Isn't that nice?

I have a feeling that most people will say no, even though when their mate isn't looking they are cheering. Yeah, we'll just keep that our little secret and then we would have to fuss over all the pretending as much.

We can meet and toast the joy. And if by chance you are a young lady, maybe we wil even make a few sandwiches.

CRY FREEDOM, DON'T WIMPER

Okay, if you got a gripe about the lose of your personal freedoms, then go ahead talk about it. But please don't whine.

Complaining to me involves a certain degree of logic. Meaning you have an actual valid reason for your being unhappy.

And in addition you actually have a capacity to express it in a way that makes sense and gives your complaint some validity.

What I hate is when you have to deal with somebody who feels like they have a complaint, but honestly don't have any actual ability to do other than ramble. It does not amuse.

Now what is amazing to me is that the complainers are often less vocal about their problem than the whiners. At least they are far more inclined to be decent to deal with.

But the whiners are a different issue. They are far less that fun to spend time discussing anything.

For me it is because they just don't in any way actually end up in being able to enjoy anything. That is the big problem.

What happens is that they start out wanting to gripe about one thing then it is everything. And that never makes me happy.

So it becomes one of those situations where the person is just on a campaign against what is good. They only will see the bad.

You can fix that with any kind of help. And you can't improve it no matter what you do. All you can hope is to put the person out of their misery.

However, that will be no easy chore since you can be sure you won't even accomplish that. See they really don't want there misery ended.

What they want is to be in a position to suffer. And they want you to suffer with them. Which naturally only makes me less than thrilled.

I wish there was an easy solution to this problem, but there isn't. One can expect any help in taking away the misery.

About the only thing I can do is to make the person who is a whiner end up dealing with the complainer. That results in fun.

You get to see them each say how the other is a jerk. Which means I don't have to listen to them!

NEVER ON A PAY DAY

The one thing you can count on with life is pay day will not come when you want it to come. It will always arrive late and be less than you want.

I don't care if you make a huge income, it will never be enough. Haven't met anyone so far that felt they were over paid.

We sure will feel cheated though if we the pay check is late. That is one thing you absolutely can guarantee will upset somebody, if their cheek is not on time. It might be small, but if you don't pay them on time, on man we're talking disaster.

So never on payday means plain and simple whatever you do, don't screw with my check! A very special golden rule. And it means if there is gold involved don't mess up!

In any event there is more to this believe it or not than that simple issue. That is from my point of view.

I want you to consider the power this really represents. You don't have to actually without somebody's paycheck. You just create the illusion of it possible being late.

Or in my case I can go around and toss out things like budget shortages leading to possible cutbacks. Oh yeah that really will snag some person's joy.

See the thing is if you make just the right comment you can totally ruin a person's joy on payday. You don't have to resort to any disgusting threats, just leave the illusion that there might be some disruption on the future paydays. That is normally enough to ruin a person's day.

Essentially this based upon the prevailing theory that most people live from paycheck to paycheck. I think that pretty much describes the majority.

When a person does have that kind of situation, then anything that risks that the fantasy of security really does create a special sense of hell. Which is so wonderful for me.

I can't remember the times when I was pissed at some employee and casually strolled around the day before payday. Then I created the idea that something might take place to eventually cause a change in paychecks for the worse.

Naturally the strategy here is to do this the day before so it will ruin even the anticipation of having a good payday. The whole time they will be stressed out over the impending crisis, which naturally doesn't even exist.

Only they don't know that you understand. Which is the whole point. It's just my way of being sure no employee has even the opportunity for payday without a chance for me to let them smile unless I want them to. Yeah, it does suck, but then why should payday be any different than the rest of life?

SPEND NOW PAY LATER

I'm sure that title would no doubt leave a few scratching there heads. I couldn't blame them. I realize that on the surface it might be hard to imagine spending money after you are dead.

I'm using a bit of literary license in that regard. I'm speaking of when you have given up on life on one day and just go through the motions the next in terms of buying crap.

It all comes down to feeling totally like life has no point. So you try to make yourself feel better by buying something. You don't need it, you really don't want it, but you buy it anyway.

Later you sit with that hunk of impulse clutter and it in no way improves your mood. What it does do is drain your bank account a little and that doesn't make anyone happier as a rule. But we do it anyway.

And we'll do it again. Such futility never gives us a lesson, just more reasons to feel crappy. As if any of us needs that.

So all of this becomes a habit. Not necessarily a good once, but nor is it one we will most likely get out of practicing.

Now for me this is a good thing. Because who are brain dead make wonderful voters. They never think.

That makes my job so much easier. I hardly have to work at lying at all. And when they don't give a crap then they don't gripe about being reamed out by the taxes. In fact they almost are happy when you do.

I know that sounds stupid, but then lots of things in life are stupid. I applaud the opportunity to be able to depend upon such dullness of mind.

Now I never tell them that. I don't say hello there Mr. or Mrs. I Don't care because I'm dead from the neck up.

I will lie and make them think I believe not having a real life is good thing. As long as I don't bring up the obvious too much they don't even get pissed off.

I certainly never mind either. For if I catch them are the right time, like just before they have had their morning coffee, they aren't even awake.

Then they will agree to anything in order to avoid having to think. The perfect time I've found to take a poll.

Only I never bother to tell the person who I show the poll results that detail. I don't see any reason to mess up proving it means what I want with the facts.

ROCK AND STONE IT BIG TIME

Well there are times when you just know there is no easy way to deal with a problem. But you know you are going to have to deal with it just the same.

These are always situations where you have to deal with people who are pains in the butt and will never improve. You can count on it.

It is the times when the only solution is to take a rock or stone and bash the person in the head. Only you can do that for real. That simply is frown upon by anyone involved with law enforcement.

So you are stuck with trying a method of rock or stone that gets their attention without actually having to go to jail for assault. Oh yeah that really is important.

At least as long as you have a desire to do more with the rest of your life than have some guy named killer. Not my idea of fun.

So it means finding a different kind of stone or rock. And actually they aren't that hard to come by.

Let me tell you there are some very skilled people who know how to get your attention. I didn't say you would enjoy having them do it, just that they are good at it.

Probably the best stone you can use is guilt. Oh yeah, nothing makes a person suffer more than feeling guilty. And it is even better if they didn't do anything wrong.

Only hard part is they can actually be able to deflect the guilt. This only works with people who actually have a conscience.

With the people I mainly deal with that can be a challenge to find. And if you can. then you have to resort to a different option.

Another good stone for the mind is worry. People who are greedy and liars always have problems with this one.

And the more they are guilty of being insecure the more it works. You don't even have to actually hit them with the stone. All you have to do is hint about its existence.

That really works great with buzz words like possible danger. Or talking about the 'they.' It generally a great way of inspiring the person there are dangers when you don't do something.

Naturally, not all these options work with every person. But since everyone normally worries about something, you just have to find the right stone to fit the occasion.

Sometimes if you work it right, the person will supply it too. Those are the best situations.

SOCK IT TO ME

Now, I mean socks, not a punch in the face. You can keep those. Or spread them around to whoever.

But when it comes to real socks, I definitely have issues as they say. My first is that I like them.

Yep, some people might not, but I do. And all I ask is that I have enough to wear during a week. Plus that they should match.

That isn't a big deal to some, but it is too me. Neither do I intend to follow in the insanity of my assistant.

Willie is a very loyal guy, but he truly has his moments. Not always in a sane way, but memorable just the same.

In the matter of socks, his genius was to paint his ankles. I will give him credit it was a nice solution in one way.

And I am glad that he didn't decide to show me how he applied the same principal to his underwear. Which might have seems like a good idea to him, but no one else.

Fortunately, outside of me, he managed to avoid actually sharing his wisdom on socks with anyone else. I am grateful for that part.

I could have lived without being told myself, but there are the times when it is better to have him share with me that somebody else. And in this case that truly applies.

In the meantime, I have managed to avoid having too many conversations on this subject with others who share Willies view of life. Oh perhaps not in terms of socks painted on their ankles, but similar philosophies.

I do my best not to delve into that arena of dementia if I can avoid it. That can be hard to be sure about at times.

However, I do know that the sock mentality in terms of my assistant is generally something that you can see brewing in the way some people talk about other issues. If they speak in strange terms about anything otherwise sane.

If they get around to underwear or sock and paint, it is time to walk on. Yeah that is a wise choice.

Only best to be sure you find out before you get stuck with them in an elevator. And especially if they happen to be a security guard who carries a gun.

Just helpful thought to save you some grief.

ELEMENTAL YAWNS

The perfect symbol of life at times. At least to me. Nothing seems to say, I'm bored to death quite as eloquently as a yawn. And it seldom offends in that regard.

Just seems to you know express reality. And let me tell you at work this is such a major form of communicating. It has to be considering the routine we have to accept.

I'm sorry, but honestly there is no way to make life exciting when dealing with stuff that only screams boring. Fact of life. I didn't say I liked it, but I do respect the reality.

And I do also savor the chance the chance to savor all the fun finding ways to see if I can spice things up. Which can be a big challenge with some of my employees.

It might not have to be that way. But then it would require me to afford to find personality transplants for many of my help.

However there is no store anywhere that sells such merchandise. I even tried checking on the internet. The best I could come up with a deal on vibrators and even then I'm not sure my bunch would know how to use them.

And there is no way I'm going squander my time or money buying those with the risk I might have to help show them how to use them. No thanks on that one.

So that leaves me with the dreaded challenge of trying to keep these clowns from only having a need to yawn. Which can be a challenge considering dull is the order of the day where we live.

Honestly, how in the world do I find a way of making a memo about ordering office supplies a reason to smile? Or holding a meeting for all the employees to discuss city hall policies regarding dress codes?

Well that is probably why we have way to many yawns. And you can be sure I have been working on solutions considering the people I'm working with.

I think the big problem starts with a lack of imagination. It is so hard to inspire people who actually think dull is cool.

You can't exactly spend time making such people want to be excited. They will resist. That is the sad part.

And you can be sure I've given that plenty of thought. Only so far I haven't come up with any solutions.

How about the best I can accomplish is to take them and give them a day off. That way they end up boring their neighbor or spouses. Which keeps me from yawning and that is a start.

STUFF IT, STUFF IT BIG TIME

Now in this case this is a good thing. Yep, a very good thing. Providing you want to stuff the things I like to stuff.

No, I'm not talking about the obvious either. That kind of stuffing I don't generally try to discuss too much. There is too much temptation to talk about naming who I stuffing and too much risk the wrong person will find out it was his wife. Er, enough said on that one.

As a politician the first thing I always want to stuff is a person's mind. Only you have to be careful of the type of crap you used.

Believe it or not it really matters. Yeah, if you make it to foul smelly they person will resist. You have to cover it in honey. Lots and lots in some cases.

Course you can't always tell them that. I mean if you let them know up front you are going to stuff them with crap some are smart enough to resent it. Which is never a good thing if you need them brain dead so they don't question what you are telling them.

Actually, the fun part is when you take time to be sure you go overboard on this one. That is when you make the crap so obvious people assume it isn't crap.

People are funny that way. If you exaggerate big enough they assume you have to making it up since you wouldn't think they are that stupid.

And it works! I can sugar coat a small lie and they will still smell the stench. However, if I soak a really big lie in barrel of honey, they go, wow, this must be true.

Oh yeah, it is weird, but it honestly works. Trust me, I've seen it work all the time. And I just love the way it works.

Sort of like a formula I get to use and always be guaranteed of the results. Kind of pathetic I guess, but why mess with what works.

I just have to be sure I never let the crap get to out of control. It can pile up at times if you let it. And that is not a good thing.

So I have to be sure I stuff it constantly. That's a full time job with some people. They actually can build up an intolerance if you don't keep stuffing it enough.

They just actually will figure out you are stuffing them with crap if you aren't careful. That is why you have to never stop.

Oh it can be tiring. But no where near as tiring as when you stop and then have to work twice as hard the next time.

Which is never easy. So that is why I never stop.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH

Ah, this one of those things you are not saying out of gratitude. It is more something you mention in sarcasm. Which for me that does happen a lot.

Mainly because you end up saying it when somebody acts like a jerk and treats you like crap. I'm sorry to say it happens a lot at work too.

Wish that wasn't the case, but it is. There's just something sad I guess over at city hall where people feel so darn comfortable adding grief to the world.

To be honest I don't even mind when one of my employees does this to a regular citizen. I know I should, but I don't.

I suppose it is because I know how often the average citizen only contact us at city hall when they want to complain. Oh they call to in order to ask for something, but never to say thank you.

So in part I appreciate how the people I deal with are not without a motivation to try and get some revenge. And naturally that includes dumping grief on those who give them headaches.

Which I certainly don't object to it being the option. What I do object to is when they do this to me.

After all they do work for me. And that is not a fun thing. At least not for me. So you can imagine if I call up and ask for something from one of my departments and they give attitude it doesn't not make me happy. Nor do I care to say that you either.

So instead I try to gently remind them they are talking to their boss. Oh I do give them plenty of hints first in hopes they will improve their attitude.

If that doesn't work, well then it is object lesson time. That comes in terms of changes. Little bureaucratic darts of busyness to heap a headache on this shoulders.

Then it is heaven help them if the call and whine. All I do is leave them on hold forever. Thus it the that comes from power.

Of course in the end what happens is the trickle down effect. Which always shares the joy with the public. Who in turn pass on the grief to others.

Funny, but since it all started with some complaint from the public I'm not all upset when it comes back to haunt them.

But as long as I don't end up with another thank you very much episode, then all the world is joy in Mediocrity. You just would be best to not ask someone else that in the process. Not sure you would like their answer.

UNITED

Ah, this is such a great feeling. It is when everyone works together in happiness and harmony. Now if this really happened it would even be better.

Instead, united is more like a wonderful illusion. One of those, if we say it long enough we will actually believe it is true.

For me I think the only time people really get united about something is when facing a common enemy. Otherwise it is every person for themselves. Now who can really complain about that?

To me that is just part of human nature. And a good one too. If we didn't have that sense of self survival and greed then we wouldn't be prone to be so creative.

Oh I'm sure there are plenty who regard creativity as something to do with art or some other form of traditional expression. But as far as I'm concerned it takes all kinds of imagination to think up the best way to rip others off.

Come on tell me you can accomplish that without some degree of talent? And you have to really work at it in order for it to be successful.

Now in the ordinary day to day affairs were you can afford to be noble and giving without much risk, united can be an illusion one can afford. And when you aren't risking your behind then you don't worry if the guy who is watching your backside falls asleep at the wheel.

Whereas when you are conning people and all, fully knowing that if they discover your deceit it could spell disaster, then the creativity truly is critical. And even more so when you are very concerned about their cooperation.

I mean you have to be sure they cooperate and never get pissed off. Otherwise united needs in divided. And that can included somebody dividing up your assets when you get ratted out.

Well, despite all these problems, I still do strive to achieve some form of united effort on any one of my scams. It just is almost expected in many ways.

Honestly, if I didn't make is sound like the person was my best friend, I would never get their cooperation. Which would naturally prevent the whole con from working.

And the worst part is that afterwards I have to then sit down and figure a way to be sure they still feel I'm their pal even after I've betrayed them. Honestly, you just can't let them ever discover you aren't united with them.

I didn't say you stayed united, just create the illusion of continued unity. And sometimes that is such a cherished and thoughtful element that keeps you from being busted.

FRIENDS FOREVER

A wonderful sentiment. Wish it were reality more. Friends are great to have. When they are really friends.

Which creates the main problem. A friend to me is somebody you trust. Now that gets complicated with the people I have to deal with.

I mean when you take bribed from someone who is perfectly happy breaking the law you can hardly expect trust to be one of their strong points. So that pretty much rules out most of them as a good choice in terms of being a real friend.

As for those who work for me like my assistant, Willie Bendover, forget it. He has trouble getting through the day and remember what he did five minutes ago. Thank god he writes down what I expect him to do. I only have to worry about him not forgetting where he put his list.

Then there is my Vice Mayor, Millard Fillpoor. What can I say? This is a man who thinks a drinking fountain is his secretary and the janitor's supply closet is his office. Think you appreciate how trust is not his strong point.

Of course that leaves me with my secretary. Edna is kind of different you understand. She sort of sees life a tad less than factual. So I can hardly trust her when she thinks I'm honest and all.

This all comes down to me as one choice. First of all I naturally rule out any relatives. Well in my case I do. Too many are way too much like me and therefore I know I can't trust them.

That all comes down to one choice in my case. Basically my partner in crime, ace reporter, Hugo Muckraker.

We get along fine. And for the most part things work between us. However I am totally aware that our relationship is based up the fact that we share the same liability of guilt.

That has so far kept us going over the years. And it is enough for us to keep functioning. At least for the present.

Now if by chance I do figure a way to pin all our misdeeds on him, well then I would have to give some thought to our friendship's future. Yeah, I can be that way.

I assume you wouldn't expect me to be otherwise. If you did then I guess you would be presuming the wrong thing.

As for me, well I do savor the moment. Even if it isn't perfect and friends are less than plentiful.

Better one good friend than a dozen that lie. I do enough of that myself.

UP AGAINST THE WALL

Well, this doesn't have to be a bad thing. I mean I realize it can relate to something such as being executed or forced into a line up. Those are the down side aspects.

But there is always a flip side. At least in my thinking. That is when you are up against a wall for the sake of being worshipped.

Now that is always a good thing. Yep, I truly savor when I have the chance to be regarded as a god.

Course sometimes you have to sort of give people a hint by getting the ball rolling so to speak. Basically it means hiring some clown to come up to me somewhere and tell everyone how great I am.

I do have to at times naturally have to pay for a few props to help make the act more convincing, but if I work it right it always gets the results I want. Which for most occasions comes down to the attention of a woman.

Yeah, I know that is kind of silly I guess. All that trouble just to seduce a gal. But despite the occasional set backs, I do have my successes with that approach.

Now you might be thinking, don't I have better thing to do with my time. And the truth is, of course.

However, my view is the other crap is got to do crap. Meaning, I have no choice, which translates into it not being fun!

So since I do have to put up with all that junk too often, I figure I am entitled to a little diversion. After all, I am considered to be a servant of the people.

Which means that if I intended to have a little fun what is a more appropriate way that by spending time with the people. Okay, not all people. That would be too crowded and messy.

It only stands to reason that I would prefer to focus my efforts on only one person at a time. That was I give it a more personalized touch.

But you know, I don't want to limit myself in terms of being sensitive to everyone's situation so I do like to spend time with different people. And for the moment I've been concentrating on women voters.

Oh I do plan on giving some thought to the male voters eventually. It's on my schedule of things to do.

I just haven't got around to it yet. And I know I will just as soon as the opportunity arises. It might not be in this century, but eventually.

TRIAL OF THE CENTURY

I don't imagine any of us would long to be the person associated with this kind of trial. And over the years a number of different types of trials have fallen under this title. Of course it isn't the kind of title you take pride in. At least I wouldn't.

I can't speak for others though. There are some who might find themselves having a reason to regard such events as a good thing.

But for the most part, I can't imagine the average person finding this to be their preference. Which is why in part I'm grateful that this doesn't come up all that often.

Now there are trials that don't take place in a courtroom of course. They are the ones that happen in people's minds in terms of opinion.

And the difference with those kinds of trials, it there is not actual trial that takes place. It doesn't require a judge or prosecutor for it to happen.

As for facts, well you can forget that part too. It is all the product of gossip and whatever people decide it true.

Course you don't go to jail for such trials. Not in terms of being sent to any prison. Instead you are sentenced to being an outcast in society.

Oh not in the sense of being banished. They would never like force you out of the city. Rather they love to just exclude you from things.

Not by even telling you either. No that would never do. They just prefer to be sure you don't find out that you are not wanted either.

And there is no appeal for such a trial. You will be guilty even if you did nothing wrong. isn't that wonderful?

There are times when I have admittedly used this type of trial myself. Oh yeah it is fun when you get it to work on somebody else.

But it can be the pits when it happens to you. That is something you can't even hire a lawyer to defend yourself.

Fortunately for me, I am grateful that I do a better job and accusing others with this and not actually ending up a victim. Oh yeah, that is a wonderful source of joy.

Even more so when I can achieve it with some political opponent. Ah, the fond memories that so inspires.

Alas it is a shame they don't come up every day. But then you can't have your dreams come true all the time.

LISTEN UP AND THEN FORGET IT

This is the process of politics and bureaucracy that often is where I find myself dwelling. A place where you are expected to pay attention like you really care about what is being said, but then nobody asks if you remember it later.

Which hardly makes having to look like you remember it as actually a good thing. Only you can't tell the people who expect this you aren't going to do it. They just won't understand.

You would think they could fathom how stupid this all is, but they never do. And naturally there are times when they do have a reason for you to listen. Such as if they are discussing something like emergency plans.

Now with something as important as that, you definitely want to pay attention. At least on the surface.

However, let's be honest, if I'm being told to do in the event of a natural disaster and it requires lot of memory, will I actually recall it during a crisis? I doubt it.

Truth is I'll probably be so panic and stressed out it will be all I can do just to function. But that isn't factored into these discussions.

And it doesn't work to expect somebody else to remember it either. Wish that was the case.

Oh I have tried it. But it never works. In a disaster you can count the other person won't be any better at not freaking out that you are. So forget it helping.

Except for perhaps being able to blame them. Which hardly helps if you get wiped out by some disaster. Somehow being able to say, "It's all your fault, when you are about to die, just doesn't cut it for me."

I wish it was really that simple, but it never is. Instead, life never gives you that kind of joy. There is never a last minute scapegoat to fit every situation.

So I play the game like the rest of the world. Sitting in some meeting listening to somebody drone on and on about you know something that is important. Only totally aware I'll never remember it.

Yeah, that's the reality. It bugs me naturally. But I keep thinking to myself, how in the world do these people seriously think I can possibly remember all the vivid details they are giving me if I don't need them for years?

That is one little aspect nobody seems to worry about. Which never allows me any chance to even question the logic. So I pretend to listen and hope that when I need it the booklet they give me will make sense. If not, I'll dream of a scapegoat just before I end up kissing my behind goodbye.

MORE THAN HAPPY

Now there is a difference between being happy and being insane. Sometimes it might be hard to appreciate how they are different when it comes to feeling good, but there is a difference.

And as a rule where I live it is hard enough to even find the happy level, so I don't worry too much about the over the top kind of happy. At least most of the time.

Then it happens. I run into one of those. Which is what I call those sick people who seem to get joy from everything.

Now that is happiness taken to extreme. It is when a person simply can't gauge happiness from what ought to make you unhappy.

The first clue is their smile. It looks like it has been surgically implanted. Which even if it wasn't would make you puke from being so sugary.

But beyond that is the absurdity of trying to be happy when you feel so crappy. Now never works for me or anyone else I know that is reasonably intelligent and sane.

That to me doesn't not include putting on a happy face when you feel crappy or are down right unhappy. I'm sorry, but that doesn't work for me.

And frankly I don't think it works for them either. But they will never admit it. Nope that would be too easy.

It is much more fun to sit down and look stupid while pretending you never get upset and actually enjoy everything. Yeah, I call that being stupid.

Fortunately, such sick people just are in limited supply in my city. I would dread the idea if they were to multiply.

If that happen, I think I would have to get creative in order to survive. I would probably have to figure a way of encouraging them to work in another city.

As long as they only had to stay in the city at night that would help out. I mean I would prefer if they didn't move out of the city. Would hate to give up the tax base.

Just as long as they didn't have to be around the rest of the time then it would work. However, I guess I am grateful that most of the time I'm spared that issue.

But there are the occasions no matter how rare that come around. When that takes place, I let my mind drift to those great fantasies of life without such headaches. And sometimes it works better than others.

Meanwhile, life goes on. If I'm really lucky, without the happy face nuts.

WHAT'S THE POINT

There are way too many occasions to suit me where I have to ask this. Perhaps it is just a matter of where I live. I mean in the city of Mediocrity there are plenty of times when you do have to sit back and find any excuse to do something that will give you a break from the yawns.

It can be really tough at times too. Let's be honest here, when you live in a place where things suck and dull is the order of the day, you can hardly sit down and get excited much.

So you end up inventing reasons to not be bored. Let me tell you that isn't easy either. There are occasions when it just down right is almost impossible.

But we do attempt it whenever we can. And that is almost all the time. Which I don't mind since it really does help you from going insane.

Honestly all that is important in my city. I mean we do need so much to have a break from the monotony.

That is enough reason from my point of view. And I don't ask for more reason than when somebody says, "man I bored to death and need to do something."

However, that can be really frustrating when somebody feels a need to make some silliness have a point. It really gets silly.

What's wrong with just having fun to have fun? Instead it is like if we don't justify having fun they we aren't allowed to enjoy ourselves.

So this naturally leads to stupidity. That comes in the form of explaining things in a way that is totally ridiculous.

But does that prevent them from doing it? No way! It always ends up instead with them boring me to death with the why they are doing whatever.

It is so absurd. But you know I don't enjoy getting those stares if I do attempt to point out it was a totally silly need to invent some reason for having fun.

There is nothing that will destroy their joy of lying like telling them they are lying. It does not get a smile that is for sure.

So the result is I end up showing up for these events and hope that nobody bothers to have to explain why it is for fun. And along the way I honestly try to have fun too.

Which gets rather strained at times, but I have managed. Providing I find a good place to hide from the people who think they need to tell me all the reason this is fun. Believe me fun is the hardest thing to get from some of these deals.

DAYS OF SO-SO INFAMY

I get more of these that the regular infamy types. Those you really try to avoid. Not in terms of enjoying the days of real infamy.

It is one thing to you know to do something absolutely disgusting and downright awful, it is another to have anyone know about it. That is the down side of infamy. Getting caught never makes it wonderful.

I didn't say the act of infamy was something I found dissatisfying. Just actually getting caught.

See when you have to do things the way I do in order to accommodate all my lustful habits, infamy just sort of goes along with. Okay, I do get a little wore out when I end up shafting somebody who trusted me. But business is business.

And I mean heck, when I totally ruin somebody that way and then afterwards end up sleeping with his wife, yep I have a moment of regret. Never enough to you know change, but enough to think about it.

But I figure those moments will pass. That is one thing I've always enjoyed about such things, the conscience can be exhausted if you let it long enough.

True, it doesn't die easy. Sometimes it actually comes back to haunt you. That really is the heart part.

For you can be sitting there, so content and happy and enjoying some time you totally ripped off somebody and then the next thing you now, wham, you feel guilty. That is the part I hate the most.

Just have to love when you can avoid that crap. It really does make me so happy when I manage with shear will power and gallons of booze to stop feeling lousy over ripping a person off.

I do have to admit that there are times when I wish I had a way to profit more from such activities. You know, write a nice guidebook for want to be con men. Give the benefit of my years of experience.

And while I would like the money for the book sales, I wouldn't exactly love the competition. That would really not appeal to me.

So I must be content with those precious moments of having passed on some misery in a most ugly and evil way. Without benefit of taking credit.

But then who needs the fame, when you get all the joy of money and fun with those ladies who you lie to and get to make you believe that you care about them. Ah, those are the days of infamy that really I savor the most.