FINE AND LOUSY

You might think these two items having nothing in common. And you would be right in a world where people based their thoughts on logic. However, in my world, that simply doesn't not compute.

Why? Well because it is the city of Mediocrity and you can something that is fine as in fine with the majority, but view as lousy by an individual. Ah, now you are seeing the simple challenge of relationship.

Yes, I have the joy of being surrounded by people who love to play the suffering whatever. I might say servant, but that probably doesn't apply as enough of a term to some who see themselves as martyrs.

I have been rather disappointed that we haven't had the chance to open a cross shop yet. I have a feeling a do-it-yourself crucifixion kit would do very well in our city. And you might even make an even bigger, er, killing if you were to have classes on how to use the kit. Perhaps a diploma that would be written in blood later to prove you graduated.

Well enough of that macabre joy I suppose. And I assume you think I am exaggerating. But while I might be stretching the truth just a tad for obvious reasons, I must confess that I'm not stretching it as much as you might imagine.

Honestly, for some of the people I know they are never truly happy unless they have convinced you they are suffering. Oh, I didn't say they were in fact suffering, only that they wanted you to believe it.

And when you don't have a chance to appreciate their suffering enough, you can count on them to visit you to give you a chance to appreciate their misery. Which is why I always cringe whenever we are getting ready to have some special type of social event.

Because I know that is when these folks will most likely come out of the woodwork. They will come to my office to share their concerns over the event and express their complaint over how that event won't be one that respects their needs. However, you can depend upon them to also be sure you know that they will make the sacrifice of enduring the unfairness for the sake of the majority.

This is when the fun really starts. For that is when I will be sure I offer to correct whatever is wrong to make sure they can enjoy the event.

What comes out of their mouth is pure, fertilizer. They will come up with the most laughable forms of lies and excuses in order to be sure they can still suffer.

And in the midst of all that, I get to sit and savor the little act like it really is the truth. I do manage to keep from laughing. Although at times that is very difficult. But I always figured it is important that as a politician I don't allow somebody else to put on a better act than me.

IN AGREEMENT

Oh boy is this a fantasy or what? The only time you really have people agreeing on something is when it is to get together to beat up on somebody else. So, hate produces loyalty, but it is tenuous and unpredictable at best.

I know that seems very negative, but I just think by nature most of us want to be in control. And depending on others requires trust, which is a form of surrendering control. So instead we give lip service to the idea and smile, but inside we are filled with doubts and thoughts of how are we going to spare ourselves from any risk this person will stab us in the back.

Still, we love to make the show don't we? To demonstrate how trusting we are even if we really aren't. It all looks and sounds wonderful no matter how much it is crap.

Anyway, I had to laugh the other day. I was over at the mall doing a little poking around. That is my term for checking out the action in hopes that a small city Mayor who is bored might get lucky and find some equally bored housewife. No sale this time I'm afraid.

I did run into this woman I knew though. Not someone I would care to take home in a shopping bag unfortunately. Oh she is attractive enough and probably a pretty good sale, but she's a control freak. One of those types who knows everything and wants to constantly tell you what to do.

So naturally whenever I see her she wants to tell me how things could be done better in the city if I took her advice. I never do. Oh I pretend to agree, but that is just to shut her up.

I don't know, but when you are talking about a person who is recovering from an addiction to pain killers and working on her third marriage to a guy who spends most of his time working so he doesn't have to come home it doesn't impress. Plus her kids won't ever talk to her any longer, which she claims is because they are too lacking in will power and hate having her tell them so.

I just have a hard time seeing her as a good source for advice since it is obvious she's not exactly that functional herself. But what is really sad is that she thinks she is the opposite. To me that is a tragedy.

Personally, I know I barely function at times. And most of the people I deal with are in serious need of therapy, which probably wouldn't help anyway since I think they do love their dementia.

So I just smile and we do the agreement thing. I agree to not ask too many questions and they agree to not share too much information that will depress or tell me just how demented they really.

It has been said silence is golden. Sometimes it is shear survival, providing you don't talk about it for the sake of agreement.

REPLANNING

There is an old saying about the best laid plans. Which has to do with the idea I think that no matter how well you plan something it doesn't mean things will always work out the way you expect.

That is because of the little pain in the butt reality called circumstance. Now there are some plans that do lend themselves easier to success than others. Such as making a plan to go to the store and buy groceries. Normally that kind of plan has reasonable chance of success.

On the other hand, let us suppose your plan involves something more ambitious such as conquering the world. Outside of being far more complicated there just are so many things in such situations that you can't honestly control.

Which is probably a good thing that such plans are so complicated because so far it appears that no one has come up with a perfect plan. Thus we have been spared being controlled by some evil person who wants us for his slaves. After all you know the person just has to be evil since nobody ever wants to take over the world for good reasons.

At least I've not known of anyone so far that wanted to invade and commit wholesale slaughter of others for the specific purpose of improving life in the world. I just think seeing a tank coming your way that was blowing up everything own and had a loud speaker broadcasting "I'm here to help you," would lack a little credibility.

But alas I do digress. The point of my little rambling is to emphasize that planning does have its merits, but you do have to be realistic.

And naturally when you plan something and blow it then you have to replan. Which is a way of saying, I was totally stupid and didn't know what I was doing.

We never admit that part though. It would be too, um lacking in confidence. And if we didn't ooze with confidence as politicians then nobody is going to take us serious.

However, in reality there are plenty of times when we aren't confident. So in order to avoid the obvious we lie.

Yep, a good lie is far better than admitting I have no idea what I'm doing. And frankly it is far more in keeping with the basic nature of how politics and life is suppose to work.

I didn't say there weren't better methods for dealing with problems. Just that those would require honesty and truth. And there just isn't any room in my opinion in the world of politics for those types of values. Okay, that is Rash's rules. Hey, whatever allows us to use a plan that is broken and not have to use it again is something I vote for.

Come to think of it when it comes to deception I pretty much vote for anything. Which I don't even have to plan either.

UNDERSTANDING

This is a great word that from my point of view means very little in terms of real life. Understanding is more than truth, it is actually KNOWING something and ACCEPTING it is real.

Which is the big problem. There are a lot of things that are real and true in life, but it doesn't mean we accept them, even if we know them.

See that is what we have to struggle with on many levels. Because we are basically selfish, prep-occupied little buggers of being who want what we want, when we want it. That is as plain and simple as I can make it from my point of view.

So that means the whole process of understanding takes longer than just doling out a spoonful of reality at a time. Some people refuse to swallow it!

How do we get around this problem? A hammer might work. You just sneak up behind a person and whack them in the head and the next thing you know, TA-DAH, you get results. Well, at least while the person is unconscious they won't be complaining or saying 'huh' too much.

Unfortunately, we do live in a civilized world, which means you have to tolerate a certain degree of communication that is other than direct and easy to express. Instead, we have to be clever. That is the polite way of saying, lying through our asses, but for a good reason.

Doesn't all this sound like fun? I'm not sure the fun part gets too real at times, but it does just the same become part of life in my opinion.

Now I suppose if people were different and we were not by nature lazy, dull minds of preoccupation, then shouting wouldn't be necessary. However, these days what with all the darn cell phones glued to people's ears you almost have to shout to get anyone's attention.

Thank goodness most of what we deal with in life is crap anyone. God knows how we would deal with a real life-threatening experience? Like say if you wanted to tell somebody that a meteor was headed straight for their head. I doubt seeing a crater in the ground with the person's shoes by the edge would qualify as understanding.

As a politician I have to wade through all this craziness and still try to have it make sense. I can't say it works all the time, but I do my best to keep my sanity, despite this nature of human behavior.

In any case I cover it most of the time with the joy of speeches. Nobody listens to them anyway. So if you play it right you talk about something in an understanding tone and then later when the person gripes because they weren't listening you just smile and give them the part of the speech where you can say I told you so. Yeah, it absurd, but so is life at times.

OUTSTANDING

Outstanding can be a good thing. It ought to mean something truly extraordinary that stands out because of its uniqueness.

Where this gets sort of muddle in my opinion is when you are talking about extraordinary in a realm where things are, well, shall we say pathetic. When you get bland and dull as your standard then average can end up in that arena seeming like extraordinary.

Of course if such individuals or whatever find themselves in the real world with real outstanding people the whole illusion gets shattered. But as long as you don't venture beyond a given arena you're safe.

So I have learned over the years to sort of tone down my definition of outstanding when it applies to my city. Shoot, there are times when I have had to restrict it to someone that was able to function without drooling.

Naturally, I have sort of felt the need to avoid applying the term normal or sane to any relevant definition of outstanding in my city. Shoot, I don't even allow functional to be a factor in some cases.

And as long as the people I'm dealing with manage to take vacations and go somewhere other than a big city they generally avoid the risk of seeing what outstanding it really like. That can be a real blessing, let me tell you.

What sort of strains my brain is the times we end up having things like employee of the month or year. The winner often wins not because they are outstanding, but they screwed up less than anyone else.

I hardly consider that to be a source of pride, but let me tell you the people who work for me who win the trophies or certificate sure feel proud about them. I just do my best not to laugh to loud when they show them to me.

About the only time I really get concerned I guess is when I have to content with visitors to our city. It is rare that someone frequents our city for vacation, but it does happen.

And when it does you really have to work hard to make sure they don't do anything to upset the fragile balance of myth and incompetence that exists. That can happen if you manage to point out some gap in our logic.

So I do my best to isolate such people from our city workers. If I hear they are in our city I immediately send them discounts for various places to be sure they don't come to city hall.

I consider that to be an investment. When you spend all your time living in a balloon of myth the last thing you need in somebody coming around with a pin of reason to burst you fantasy.

INTERVENTION

Who has never dream in an emergency of the cavalry arriving in time to save the day? Or better yet to the cavalry yourself and have a chance to be the hero and win fame, fortune and all the other good things that happen to heroes.

Regardless of the fun of happy endings and those where some miracle happens at the last minute to save whoever, they just don't always end up happening in real life. Not that we don't wish it were reality more often, it just doesn't happen as often we would like.

Basically in real life intervention as I prefer to think of it comes from one of several predictable sources. It depends on the kind of intervention you need.

The first one that comes to mind is the police. I suppose I ought to mention the fire department too, but I'm thinking more in this case of the traditional good guy, bad guy time of intervention. As terrible as fire is, it just isn't the same I think as a villain you get to root against and will celebrate when the good guys wipe them out.

So let me just think in terms of the cops for the moment. Okay let's do that. They are there to protect and serve us. Which is a great thing naturally. Hopefully it even happens that way.

Then you do have the misunderstanding though. Like the time you call the cops to help because somebody is breaking into your house and when they get there they mistake you for the burglar. That can be a tad disconcerting too if they happen to be in one of those shoot first and ask questions later routines.

My point is that with such intervention when it works right it is great. When it works wrong you probably can't fix the mistake with a band-aid very easy.

As for other fairly well known forms of intervention there is always the government naturally. They specialize in intervention even when you don't want it.

Of course they can be rather unpredictable such as in a natural disaster. Oh I think they mean well, but sometimes rules can be so confusing and it is very difficult with all those rules to get across the simple idea of "help please a tornado just ate my house."

So again it is not a perfect form of intervention. Well, I guess one should include when the military intervenes in something. But I guess when your job is to essential wipe out the bad guys and if you have to totally destroy a few cities along the way, nobody can't say it isn't part of the intervention.

I didn't say we all agree that it is a good kind, just that it is part of the intervention format of options. What I'm looking for is a nice young gorgeous woman to intervene in my life in a way that leaves me feeling so good I don't care about the types of intervention that don't work. Yeah, I don't good luck finding it. Hey, I can dream, even if my idea of cavalry is other than one that rides horse and wears a nightgown instead of a uniform.

A SLICE OF PASSION

Nope, I'm not talking about passion fruit. Nor am I going to dribble off into some erotic abyss. Oh I might do that later, but I'm not going to put it in a posting.

For me when I mention passion I'm talking about that we truly love the most in life. Well, okay, I'm sure the erotic side fits in there, but I think I'll save that for my memoirs. That will give me extra time for rewrite and to think up new — um, anyway, let me get back to this passion deal as it relates to life.

I think passion is a good thing. And I think for people hooked on passion and the simple joy of being alive they can pretty much find that flame in almost anything.

Then there are the others. Those people who probably couldn't get excited about anything. They are hardly the life of the party. Shoot, I doubt they ever even go to a party.

The funny thing is to me, I actually don't think those who are dull are being unwise to just celebrate there dullness in a honest way. If you can't find a way to shoot, then learn to pout really good. That's a Limburger rule of advice, but I don't think I'm going to get lots of people accepting it.

Which is probably the biggest problem with getting the right slice of passion. If you are all set to enjoy it and then somebody comes along to try and tell you why you can't have it, that really doesn't help the taste.

I call such people the passion police. They have no clue how to enjoy a decent slice of passion whatever and are bound and determined to keep everyone else from enjoying it either.

I have figured my own way around that problem. I don't tell them about it. Secrecy is really important if you are talking about something where you don't want to broadcast certain kinds of passion. Being a public figure that is extra important.

That again is something I will probably decide to eventually put in my Rash's guide to the feel goods. I think it has potential for being a best seller.

Of course that probably depends on whether I keep that chapter in it devoted to Saturday nights. I haven't decided if that will be a good idea or not.

Part of me thinks it would since it might sell plenty of books. And the other part of me says no way since I would possibly end up divulging some of my little secrets for having a good time that fall under the gray area of what is consider legal.

So I think for the moment, I'll just be content to savor my little slice of passion when I find it. And as long as it doesn't involve too many people who want the same piece, then I can always look forward to the next helping.

DIVINE PIE

There are all kinds of dessert. Most are considered fattening and without much nutritional value. But that doesn't keep us from craving them, does it?

Nope, no matter the lack of value they have in terms of sustaining life, we still will eagerly gobble down some nice dessert any chance we can. Well that is to say, some of us will, not all. There are some strange folks out there with will power who don't eat dessert. They are in serious need of help in my opinion, but that is for another posting.

There is one kind of dessert though that isn't fattening. That is the one that comes through revenge. But then sometimes you have to worry about the possible aftertaste of guilt that can sort of ruin the flavor a bit.

Which is why I love what I call divine pie. That is where some misery befalls somebody you hate and you didn't have a thing to do with it.

You can sit back and smile while person knows nothing, but misery and feel really good about it. Oh, I didn't say you do that to the person or others.

That is considered to be lacking class. And even though plenty of us would do that in private, we probably won't announce it to others openly.

Still, I got to admit that if I find out that some jerk I hate just got in trouble big time, I hardly feel sorry for them. Nope, I just prefer to savor the moment in quite and hope that it will last a very long time.

Of course I realize that God isn't about to take my advice on that subject. Which is probably a good thing. Because I might end up with him decided to serve me a big dish of divine pie in the process and I sure don't need that.

But in the meantime I'm just thrilled to savor the good news when it comes my way. I might even muster an 'ain't it a shame' if the mood strikes.

I didn't say I would honestly feel sorry for the person I just said I wouldn't mind uttering the shame thing in any case.

Ah, it really is fun at times when life takes an unexpected detour and somebody falls off a cliff. It is even better if they do it in a way where you can somehow profit.

Now that really is divine pie. It is just a shame one can't succeed in buying the recipe so you can fix your own version any time you want.

But I doubt that will happen any time soon. After all it could get really boring if everyone was tasting the same dessert at the same time.

I just want my plateful when I can. Which at times is a lot less that I would like, but more often that perhaps it might be. Works for me I guess.

BIG VERSES LITTLE

In the simplest context this is an easy contrast understand. It is all about size. And you can be sure, outside of any salacious relevance, that there are plenty of places where size definitely matters.

I don't care how hard a person tries to explain how some dinky economy car has benefits over the gas guzzles, I still think if you could put the issue of money aside, people would for ego sake go for the luxury car. I haven't notice their sales disappearing just because of gas prices either.

Naturally, big is only good if it is a positive. Having a big zit on your nose would not be a choice for most people. Nor would getting stuck with a big debt. We might enjoy all the big crap we can buy in return for the debt, but otherwise big debt is not a cause for smiles.

Now we come to the basic difficulty from my point of view in terms of big and little. That is in the area of politics.

On the one hand we want BIG benefits from the government. However, we want LITTLE taxes to pay for them. Which of course doesn't make the two realistic.

In the same thinking vein, we want BIG government in terms of having a military than can kick the butt of everyone who pisses us off or in terms of cops to fight the bad guys, but we want LITTLE government in terms of telling us want to do.

Realistically the two will never go together. And regardless of how silly such notions are, you can be pretty sure people will still have those kinds of expectations.

The real fun part is trying to mesh that insanity with what government does and how one as a politician attempts to make it all have some logic without totally disappointing people. All of which is normally more than a little impossible, but that is why politicians have to work so hard thinking up new lies to explain how a screw up is in reality a miracle.

Which is okay since I sort of like to keep my edge in the fabrication department anyway. If I allow myself to get too rusty it just makes things extra hard during the times when I have to make all those campaign promises.

When it is all over though, I just sit back and give thanks that most people are as a rule too disinterested in the whole government process they never want to know the details. So that is one thing I count as a blessing. It really makes my life so much easier when people don't ask too many questions.

And the best part of it is knowing how people can be counted on to always deal with issue the same way. Thank god they have big egos, but little common sense. That works so much better with lies!

WHEN MORE IS REALLY MORE

I have decided that people who manufacture things such as cereal and chips are masters at the concept of selling air as product. Anytime you open on of their packages the contents never fill up the containers. At least not when I open them.

As I understand it the standard excuse is that the product settles when it is packaged. It sounds good at least, but I am a little skeptical regarding the validity of that comment.

However, it does sound a lot better than saying something like we are only going to fill this container three-quarters full and still charge you like it was full. That might be the reality in terms of impression, but I doubt you'll ever hear anyone admit such.

Now complicating this whole process you have the added problem of when they add some comment on a box that says something about more. Which is really easy to do considering we have no way to prove it is more or not more.

The big key to all of this from my point of view resides in the issue of measurements. Oh they do label a box with the weight, but how many of us lug around a scale to see if it weighs what they claim.

And frankly, I'm not sure we even care actually. I'm inclined to think we don't. Which is another detail I think relates to the issue. The manufacturers know we don't care.

So the comply with things like federal laws regarding ingredients, but who of us is honestly going to inspect a package for whether it conforms to the label? This is a case of when more really is more in terms of the stuff that might end up in our packages they don't list on the label.

I'm speaking of things like little bugs. Oh yeah, that is a more they aren't required to tell us about providing the bugs aren't above a certain percentage. That is a cheery thought from my point of view.

Outside of that little more, the rest is all in the opinion of manufacturer from my point of view. They can savor the wondrous indifference of the consumer and feed us all the more they want in terms of print.

But when you get passed all the more they print the one more you can count on is the one in the price. That is the more that will always be really more.

It might be nice if they price reflected the settling the way the product does. Like you get a box where the price slides down the face three-quarters of the way and is twenty-five per cent less. I could accept that change.

I would even suggest it to the cereal and potato chip people. But I got a feeling if I did they would have a different kind of more in mind to share with me. I doubt it would be very nutritious though.

BARGAINS

Discounts are a wonderful concept. And if you can manage to get the best, I mean the absolute best quality for the cheapest price possible, then I call that living. Well, having a great moment at least.

But the problem with sales and discounts is that so many times they don't end up with you getting the best for less. To often it seems what they offer is the so-so for less, which is because it is of poor quality in the first place.

So what happens is they lure you into the store to show you this big bargain. Then you look at it thinking you are going to get something good. But by the time you look at the piece of crap they call a bargain you know you don't want it.

That's when they sucker you end to look at the best. Which naturally looks like the best. Well you can resist so you buy their "for a few dollars more" sales pitch. Before you know it you've probably paid more than the regular price for the best product all because the bargain stuff was pure crap.

Which is my way of saying how in reality you never do get the best for less. And that is something we all ought to know, but we still get suckered by it on plenty of occasions.

That to me is because no matter how smart we think we are, we are all stupid when it comes to greed. If we think we can get something good for less, we toss aside our brain and say "give it to me."

Of course when they do give it to us, what they give us in terms of it is not the it we were expecting. This is the kind you bend over for and you do not say thank you may I have another. At least most of us don't.

Ah, it is all the cause of life in its own way. I call it a lesson we never learn since we keep repeating it.

On the other hand if we didn't then I would be out of a job. Because nobody is better at passing off the crap for less thing than politicians.

That is why there probably ever reason to put salesman, politicians and lawyers in the same camp for a variety of reasons. In a way I enjoy it. That kind of sucker punch that you can rely upon makes for something you can count on.

Sometimes it is the little things that truly makes life special. But then unfortunately this is one of those situations where you can only enjoy it without bragging.

As a rule, people are gullible and buy the most unbelievable crap. But the problem is if you shove it in their face they don't say thank you.

So enjoy, but don't brag. The price for that kind of pride is a lot higher than you might care to pay.

OF RHYME AND SEASON

Number one on the Limburger guide to sanity in an insane world is that there is no rhyme to the holiday season. Which is because they were invented by people who are not in my opinion logical by nature. That is because we have emotions and from time to time just have to do things because it feels good and not because it makes sense.

For me, once you get beyond all the crap and fluff about the meanings of a given holiday you get to the cold hard fact. They are about having pleasure. In some ancient forms that translated into the kinds of pleasures that in some cases today are considered illegal. Yeah, we are talking adult forms of pleasure.

But we have a matured in our thinking these days. Which means we are supposed to have a conscience. So we can admit to lust being one of the primary forms of pleasure we want to appease. Nope, that just wouldn't do these days.

Thus we invent all these fairy tales for the reasons we have holidays. Everyone runs around pretending it is a good thing and those who aren't getting any stuff their faces as a substitute for what they would rather satisfy in terms of hunger.

Now for me the end result of all this is that we get lunacy. But we can't admit it because if we did we would have to confess that lust is a big form of pleasure. Yeah, I'm going to make that connection.

Instead we go through all this other form of nonsense and silliness and call it tradition. Somebody tries to create a few stories that will make us feel better about not getting any and we all go home to a big dinner where we can think stuffing our faces is a good thing.

As for me, well I do the season thing along with the rest of the world. I didn't say I have given up on the lust part. I just have to be more creative on how I deal with that pleasure.

Alas, life is a smile waiting to happen. But you got to smile with the right set of lips if you want it to be a happy smile.

You can sit around and sing carols and drink egg nog all night if you want and call that being happy. Me, I'm going to sneak off to somewhere and find a nice young female elf time of helper to be sure I get the kind of present that will really make me smile.

Yeah, it's depraved I know. I never said it wasn't. But you know, if more of us were willing to admit it, wouldn't the holidays be more fun with more times spent under the mistletoe and less at the table full of food?

I don't think you have to answer that one. In fact I imagine you already have. Well not openly naturally. Nope, I imagine it happen when you were passing out presents to the kid while wondering if the blonde cutie next door would be doing for the holiday.

Keep smiling and celebrating. You never know, sometimes dreams can come true. Just hopefully they won't be found out by your spouse when they do.

A JOYFUL MESS

For me this is a place located somewhere in between "Oh my god" and "works for me." It isn't quite paradise, but it isn't hell either. Sort of a yuppie purgatory if you will.

And the nice thing is how you both hate and love it at the same time. You love the chaos of having all kind of toys, but hate the problems when they don't work as intended.

Still, fretting over a form of pleasure that doesn't work right as opposed to disease, death and dismemberment is definitely a far more joyful mess. You just don't mind it considering the option.

But the problem is being able to stay in that territory without it slowly driving you insane with anxiety. That is the real challenge for most of us.

However, we do endure it because there is no way we are willingly going to separate ourselves from the joy of our toys if we can avoid it. That just wouldn't work.

So eventually, we become owners of our own techno closet graveyard. That is where we put our old toys when we get updated versions.

Holding onto the old ones just seems to make us feel better about the new crap. And in reality the only time we will open that closet is when we want to put new/old crap into it.

This is called, er, fun. Well at least it is some people's version of fun. I call it being addicted to crap. And in my case I'm proud of it.

Oh you can talk all you want about what makes man different than the animals. Personally, I think it is our joyful messes that do the job best.

You can talk about pack rats if you want or ants who store up stuff for winter. But let's face it we are the only creatures who will spend what money we have in order to buy stuff we really don't need in anyway.

All I can say, it that I love it. Yep, I'm proud of all the people who are willing to join in my the joyful mess mentality.

We are the inheritors of real society. Long after all the generous and caring people have died off, we will still be around standing in a line somewhere to buy new crap.

That is what keeps us alive. We are off somewhere being totally frivolous while the caring people are off risking their butts to save the world.

They are welcome to try naturally. I just see it as having less people in the waiting line. And plus they make good targets for whoever.

Meanwhile, I will lay in a new stock of batteries and celebrate another joyful mess. It wll always make me proud and a little crazy.

I LOVE...

This gets shorten a lot these days to where you have people put the I and follow it with a heart. Which means you love whatever follows.

I mean I guess the people who do this think it is being clever or impressive somehow. And if you notice the thing they love is always something like their family, pets or something consider good and natural.

You never seem them saying I heart lying my ass off. I can't imagine you could ever expect somebody to boldly admit to that do you?

Plain fact is that you probably never see anyone admitting on a bumper sticker or label some of the stuff they really do love. Basically, we want the credit for seeming like a good person, even if we are a jerk.

I do wonder how people would react if we started being honest with this heart thing? It could be very interesting.

I can picture it now. You look down on the bumper of some luxury car and see a bumper sticker that says, I love stealing from people and surfing porn sites on the net. Oh yeah, that would probably get some nice reactions.

But I doubt we will ever find out. I just can't imagine anyone is going to get inspired to advertise such fact no matter how true they are.

This is another case of honesty is not always the best policy. Oh perhaps they really do love a given whatever, but it isn't all they love.

Like the one where the person loves their spouse. Not a bad thing. But would they also say, I love my spouse, but I really love scoring with the hot neighbor next door when her husband is out of town.

Personally, I would applaud such a daring effort. That is the kind of person I could envy for their honesty. But then you would have to worry about the fun assassins. There are plenty of them out there that love to ruin your day just to ruin it.

Now for fun, I wonder how it would go over if you had a bumper sticker that said, I love my Fido and then in parenthesis you added, Fried with a side order of potato salad. You have to admit that would no doubt get a comment or two. Just perhaps not the kind you would want.

So here we are with the age old dilemma, which comes first, the chicken (on the inside for lying about what you love) or the egg on your face from admitting to something really stupid. Ah those are the times that try means, um, I should say soul, but that is too obvious. It is more like one's vision from rubbing your eyes to see if that bumper sticker really says what you think it says.

CLONES AND DRONES

I think to me the idea of a clone is something that is a duplicate of an original. And while people debate the issue of cloning humans, I think from what I've seen there are a whole lot of people who have their own version of this practice.

I'm not saying they are involved with trying to use some scientific method. Merely that they are attempting to make some existing human into a replica of their thinking and values.

Parents do this as a rule in many cases. So do corporations, schools and even government. Nobody complains about that type of cloning.

But in reality I think the whole process is hopelessly flawed. What you get if you try hard enough is not a clone, but a drone.

Drones are like clones in that they are replicates of your thinking. However, they are mindless and only can thing as you tell them to think.

Personally, I like drones. They don't ask too many questions. And they work cheap, which is an added plus from my point of view.

Still, I will always strive to create drones. I just am not worried about duplicating a bunch of Rash Limburgers in hopes they will be just like me. God who needs that many crooks in my city anyway?

Nope, drones are far better. They will work hard and never complain or at least not to my face. And in the end they can't betray you because they have no idea what is really going on.

That is the real perk to this whole process from my point of view. Which naturally I intended to follow as much as possible.

Right now I do have a spot in my organization for a couple of drones in training. The qualified applicant must be willing to enjoy humiliation, work cheap and never, ever ask why I want them to do something.

On the plus side the hours are lousy and the benefits suck. But you do get Christmas off. At least half a day.

So if you feel up to the challenge, then by all means let me know. You can laugh if you want, but believe me I know that I will get plenty of responses.

That is the extra nice thing about drones that they have over clones, they don't even know when they are having a bad time. It sure makes it easy to plan things like Christmas parties. And if I work it right I get them to do all the work, pay for the refreshments and think it is a bonus.

STATUES

I think as a rule we generally only erect statues to people regarded in some way to be a hero. Which is probably a good thing since I doubt any of us wants to see some statue of a wimp.

Of course heroes come in a wide variety of types. And a lot of them will no doubt never be remembered. Let's face it, trying to chose it as a career is not a good choice. Not if you want to have things like a retirement program or dental plan.

That's because most of the time heroes often have to die in order to be consider heroes. Which to me is kind of a drawback to the appeal so such jobs.

Perhaps if you could just die in theory that might work. You know be dead enough on the record so you could get the hero status, but in reality still be breathing. I could see a little merit in that option. At least that way you could possibly write a book and make a few bucks.

What I've been toying with is an idea to sort of expand our concept of heroes and also increase the options in terms of who gets a statue. Heck, we could even try a rent a space deal for wanna be heroes.

You know we could even set up a statue making place where we could charge for making the person a statue. Then we could have a second place where somebody would write up and appropriate tribute to the statue.

I can see a lot of potential with this whole deal. Imagine the people who could enjoy a new whole aspect of life as a result of this option?

I also recognize that with such a program it might get a tad confusing on who really is a hero. But I think it merits consideration just the same. And the nice thing is that nobody would have to die in order to get a statue of them put up somewhere.

Of course to give this project the kind of credibility it deserves I think I would be more than willing to be the first one to be in it. I'd be willing to endure that kind of sacrifice of my time and effort in order to encourage others to join the program.

Is that heroic or what? Well, I guess I have to allow for people who are less than understanding when someone like me takes such bold and courageous steps.

However, I refuse to allow such negativity and criticism intrude upon m dreams. After all for a guy like me who can't afford a spine transplant to replace the lack of one I have now, it might be my only shot at a statue.

And I intend to be sure I make the same possibility so they to can know the joy of feeling they have courage even if they don't. Now if that is helping the public, I don't know what is. (Which is one of those criticism, I've learned to ignore.)

THE WEATHER REPORT

You want to know what the weather is going to be like? Well do you? I can tell you in four words, it will be lousy. Yep, I don't care if it is sunshine or cloudy, when you have to be around too many verbal storms it is always bad weather.

I love sunshine and really try to spread some myself, but let me tell you it sure isn't easy to always find. Oh I can find plenty of dark gray clouds to ruin my day, but sunshine that honestly warms, forget it.

Now if I want to find artificial sunshine, it's everywhere. I can think of plenty of places I can pay to get sunshine. There are all kinds of people who I can pay to lie to me if that is what I want.

Only you can't get a tan from that kind of sunshine. The best you can get is warmed inside providing you are willing to accept all that sunny crap is real.

I have had enough practice lying myself to know how that works and let me tell you, I'm not impressed with it. Oh I do it for the sake of benefits to my saving my own butt, but it isn't that I love it.

Finding real sunshine is tough. I mean the kind where people actually like you or care and say so from an honest point of view. That just doesn't happen that often.

At least not to me. Which isn't that surprising since the sun is so darn hot. It is just too much heat for people to hold onto for very long so they have to share it.

Instead you end up with so many people who are forced for a variety of reasons to be a walking personification of rainfall. They just can't help themselves. They are consumed with a need to pour out their misery on others, the precious little darlings.

As for me, well I've got an umbrella and am not afraid to use it. Yep, it works for me. Only the truth is I have to use it on some occasions to shade me from the artificial sunshine.

That is the kind where you hear way to much light that is actually not genuine. Light as in words of encouragement that really are all that encouraging.

So I shall move on and be happy that I can. Perhaps along the way I'll spread a little sunshine myself. And hopefully some of it will be real.

Or at least that it won't be noticed for being unreal by the person that I'm lying to. That always is important from my point of view. At least in terms of my own needs.

Ah, what joy, what rapture when I find the happiness that comes from real laughter. And hopefully without any clouds to darken my day or give me reason to run away. A small thought of life to brighten, hopefully.

SIZING UP THE SITUATION

This is one occasion where size definitely counts. Rule number one in the Limburger hat of thoughts is if you are dealing with a real fat head, expect to tolerate lots of crap piling up everywhere.

Or if you are coping with somebody that suffers from diarrhea of the mouth, not only will you get crap piling up everywhere, but it will stink too. So just make sure you can hold your breath a real long time.

If you can then, RUN! Yep, the best advice I have for some situations is to avoid them. Find a place to hide and stay there till the problem goes away. Trust me you thank me later.

Essentially for me this about being prudent in regards to sparing your butt the pain of being stuck in all the wrong places where you will get squeezed. Unless you have a thing for being treated like a lemon.

This particular problem is a big challenge for me as a Mayor. I have to tolerate a whole lot of situations where you have to size up the situation in order to keep from getting stuck crowded out of freedom. It happens when way too many people do their imitation of a pillow being sued to smother people.

Ah the moments I can drool over when I successfully found a way to avoid such disasters. The primary tool to surviving such catastrophes is to find an escape. Those come in the form of sticking some other poor slob take your position as the own being squeezed.

I know it sucks, but hey, it is a matter of them or me. That is my view. Of course I never volunteer to the person I stiffing with my problem that I'm dumping the crap on them.

That would never do. Why ruin the fun of being able to smile because I managed to size up the situation and the size said more than one is too many.

Well that is the joy I thrive upon this moment. It really is extra important during the holidays. That is when people need to have a reason to crowd you more than others.

Like you are supposed to pretend they aren't picking your pocket while patting you on the back. Yeah, that is going to really work.

At least it doesn't work for me. And that is what counts. Nope, I manage to reserve the right to lie my way into a passport for escaping problems that are much bigger than I care to deal with on a given day.

Even if I don't tell the other person that, it sure works well enough in most situations. When it doesn't then I have to resort to bribe. Or find some other slob to take the place of the one who wouldn't let me dump on them.

WHAT A WAY TO GO

Well the first idea of "go" in this phrase is not about a trip that I think we are all anxious to make. I know I have to go eventually, but I'm not sure I want to rush the appointment with the grim reaper.

As for the 'what' part, I think that is often related to the concept of the manner in which you do the going. Like in an accident. When it is a comment such as this then the idea is suggested that it was perhaps something other than what you might call cool. As in being a terrible tragedy.

However associated with going that none of is anxious to experience, I want to focus instead on the merits of sprucing up the what and way part. Not that I want to prevent the going, just make it more interesting.

Personally, my first choice for what and a way would be the result of a week long bout of unbridled passion in the company of several young beautiful women. I think that would be worth it. Well maybe not worth going, but while I was headed in that direction, I don't think I would mind a few pit stops somewhere that included plenty of heavy breathing.

Somehow I don't think that will be my luck. I have a feeling I won't get to vote on that subject no matter my desires.

But if that isn't an option I think dying while laughing would have some merit. You make everyone think you were totally enjoying the moment no matter how much you were scared.

I suppose if you were to hire a few comedians and have them follow you around constantly it might work. But that could get expensive and it would be hard to make that a reality considering you couldn't give the people any date no doubt for when you would actually be going. When you hire people for temporary employment they can be so picky about things like that.

Why am I even tossing this idea around? Probably because part of me still clings to the illusion that with enough time and thought I can figure a way to change the going part.

See that is my first complaint. How come you can bribe the grim reaper? I'm sure even death could use the benefit of a few bucks.

I don't think I want to try and contact him to ask for sure. With my luck he would have no sense of humor and decide to zap me just for bugging me.

In any case, if I do have to go, I think I'll work on figuring a way to make it more agreeable. Hmmm, I wonder if I could swing a way to control the where part. As in where you end up? I know plenty of people who might say that is impossible. Perhaps we just haven't done enough research. At least it would be worth a try to some degree I reckon. Can't hurt. I just hope it can help.

SPEAK, ROLL OVER AND PLAY (YAWN)

These are times that try men's spines. I added the last part. Being a politician and professional brown nosing suck-up, I am well aware of the nature of power.

And even though on the surface I do possess a certain degree of power, the truth is that I have to tolerate being nothing more than a trained monkey in some cases. Naturally, I don't mind the speak part. That part is easy. I can do that without any real practice.

As for the rolling over and playing whatever, well as long as I sacrifice my dignity, then it works. Maybe not if I decide I'm not content with humiliation, but those occasions are rare when you have to pay bills or are dependent on somebody else for survival.

So from time to time I go through the motions of stupid dog tricks. Those are not my most favorite memories. But I do the best I can to try and make them pass as quickly as possible.

Sometimes that is easier to accomplish than others. Which is okay in many ways. I guess I try to remain philosophical about it.

I do get a chance to have all kinds of extra practice and enhancing my communicate and social skills. Perhaps not always in the way I would prefer, but we do manage at times.

About the best part is when I can turn around after some truly vicious bout of abuse and degradation and find somebody to make do the same tricks. Oh yeah, those are very special joys.

There is nothing to help remove the scars of feeling embarrassed like embarrassing somebody else. I tell myself that is an object lesson.

But I'm not sure that it always works out that way from the standpoint of some employee that I make go through the motions of doing a few stupid dog tricks. Yep, it is cruel, it is debasing, but hey, I do have to share the joy somehow.

I call it sharing the joy. And my slant on that is after the misery, I get to feel the joy of when it gets better. That rush of relief when the abuse is over is so exhilarating.

That kind of joy naturally is so good to pass on. Admittedly, at the time they may not appreciate this effort on my part to make them find a new form of happiness.

In such cases I like to remind them that part of my job is to enhance their work experience that they may become a more viable and profitable member of city hall. That is a nice pile of crock that I feed them.

Sometimes they actually buy it too. Perhaps not all the time as I wish, but then another aspect of going through the stupid dog trick scenario is when you are calling out the tricks you never bent over to void getting bitten.

WHAT THE?

Why is it that when I'm the busiest people pick that time to bother me with something truly stupid? I tell you it is as if some people have a sixth sense about knowing when to totally ruin my day and ask for things they don't really need. Or for things that they don't need at the time.

The other day for example, I was working on this budget problem and my secretary came in all frantic because she was out of staples. She was totally upset and wanted a supply request signed so she could go to the stationary store to get some more staples. Our supply closet was out and so she was worried that the world might come to an end if she didn't get some more immediately.

Now bear in mind that at the time it was five minutes to quitting time. It wasn't like she had anything emergency stapling to do in the next five minutes. Honestly, it was so absurd from my point of view.

I would have had no problem letting her stop by the stationary store in the morning to get some more, but she said she could get any peace that night if she was worrying about staples. Oh that is mild compared to some of the things she sometimes stresses over.

Even though I didn't exactly have much reason to worry about it, I finally stopped what I was doing in order to sign the stupid request. I just got wore out sitting there watching her freak out over the problem of staples.

Plus, regardless of how appealing the whole process of watching her grovel might have been, it just didn't have the same value at that moment as it might have when I wasn't busy. So even though I did find a certain value in her prostrating herself on my carpet and begging, I just couldn't muster the enthusiasm to keep savoring it as entertainment.

So in order to keep her from having a heart attack, imagined or otherwise, I quickly signed the paper. I will admit that it didn't satisfy me to have to end her misery. There are times I get a certain joy from seeing her face turn so many shades of purple.

Alas, I do have to make choices. And serving the public's need in this case was more of a priority. I will confess that my idea of serving the public's needs might be a tad different than some people's, but it is the one that sounds to darn good.

Of course I do have to admit that I'm not about to tell the public that my idea of working on a budget problem wasn't perhaps one that matches their idea of serving their needs. In this case, I was figuring new ways to suck more funds out of the system for my own benefit. That is such a minor detail from my point of view. Obviously, it isn't not the kind of fact that I will repeat in terms of the press without a little massaging of the information.

Ah, in the meantime, I do savor the times when I can avoid those pressing demands from unreasonable employees. It just gives me pause to be grateful for when I can myself be unreasonable.

BEING PREPARED, SORT OF

I don't know how many times I've head people speak in endearing terms about the subject of prevention. And as wonderful as all those concepts are, they seldom seem to get implemented.

I've been working on the basic idea because of this type of fact in human nature that basically we don't like doing anything painful if we can avoid it. Preparation and prevention in my opinion will involve a certain amount of sacrifice.

That is how I view it. Essentially, that is because both items mean we need something in terms of resources in order to accomplish this goal. And that means taking them from some other source. Hence, it produces a predictable condition of sacrifice and we never want to stop the party if there is any way of avoiding it.

And you don't even have to be a party animal to have that philosophy. It all amounts to people not wanting to endure any pain that can be avoided.

In part it is naturally a form of freedom. Pleasure is associated with joy and we want it as much as possible. Whereas pain is not pleasant so we give up any freedom at time in order to avoid it.

That is Rash's rule of course. And I have to say I'm darn proud of it too. I say, pass the party hats call out request to the band to keep playing favorites and worry about the bill later.

If you are really luck you can manage to find a sucker to pay the bill so you don't even have to leave a tip. Now that is the kind of party I really like.

And being a politician I have to admit that getting others to pay the bill is one of my favorite things to do. Some call it taxes. I call it allowing others to share in the joy of keeping the party going.

Of course, I don't bother to mention how the taxpayers are necessarily invited to the party. Oh they were sort of sent invitations. Well, that way I can blame the post office for them getting lost even if they were never sent.

Ah, it is to savor from my point of view. I just love the joy of letting someone else worry about the issue of prevention. And as long as they don't expect me to participate I will always encourage their efforts.

Meanwhile, with them out there being utterly bored and having no fun whatsoever, I will take up the slack with having more parties. It would be such a shame to have to put up with sacrifice as long as I can find somebody else willing to do it.

Well, time for me to run. I have a party to attend. We will be celebrating a new program for improving something. Can't remember what, but we will have new taxes to foot the bill. Shoot we might even spend part of them on the program instead of having fun.

BEING REPAIRED

I think repairing things is always better than replacing them if you can actually repair them. Only in some cases, there are items that are just plain worn out and so the most logical thing you can do is toss them away and buy a new whatever.

I appreciate how that is nothing new in terms of philosophy. I'm sure lots of people feel that way. So how come we manage to cling to so much crap that we will never repair or ever use again?

Now come on and be honest. There are way too many of us that have some closet or storage unit full of junk we will never use in any way.

Do we part with it? Nope. And why not? Because the yearbook from High School or college textbook might come in handy someday. Yeah, right.

Let's face it we are often pack rats. We keep all kinds of stuff we don't need and naturally when something we like is broken, we are always quick to toss it even if it is beyond repair.

In a way I see the merit of this approach. After all if we weren't sentimental to some degree then it is hard to say where it would end.

It might seem rather absurd, but honestly, couldn't we easily bring ourselves to decide that old granny is too worn out and not repairable so it is time to recycle. You know see how much we can get for her organs and well, you get the idea.

Ah, I can sense the mouths dropping open as I speak. I'm only speaking of the fact that this might be our attitude if it weren't for our obsession with hording junk. So granny can wipe off her brow and doesn't have to hide her walker for fear she'll be toss out for being other than useful.

On the flip side, however, I think we do have to confess that when it comes to people in positions of power we often keep them in power even when they are in need of serious repair. This is the part that should be changed, but I doubt it will.

Instead what happens is that we never quite toss old granny onto the trash heap, but we do farm her out to some old folks home were she is out of sight. Meanwhile, we will keep some old geezer who can remember what day it is continuing to make critical decisions.

Yep, it all makes sense to me. Basically, if you wanted to honestly face the truth we could all benefit from some form of repair to our thinking. I don't imagine that is gong to happen though.

It is just too much fun clinging to the trash and pretending we care. That makes it all okay no matter how stupid it is in reality. I'm proud of you for without that approach I'm sure I would have been voted out of office years ago.

COW SURFING

I'm sure there are a lot of people who have heard of a thing called cow tipping. That is where people supposedly sneak into a dairy at night where some cow is sleeping while standing and tip them till the fall down. I hardly see the fun in all of that, but it seems to be on the hit parade for some people.

As for cow surfing, well that made for a wonderful title from my point of view. Maybe it isn't quite the subject as such, but it made for a great title.

For me this is where you surf through the residue of cows as in manure. Surfing is different that wading through it. Wading means you have to get your feet really deep in the muck. And buddy that means some of the crap is going to stick. Which can be a real pain to cope with at times.

Surfing is where you see the crap before you step on it. And you figure a way to avoid stepping it in while still having a good time. Oh yeah, that can be a challenge.

There is just so much challenge to this subject. Mainly because you can make it look like you are avoiding the whole subject. You have to figure a graceful way to miss the crap without making it look like you missed it.

The reason you have to do this is because if you do manage to get somebody else to not notice then you can be assured they will end up actually stepping on the crap themselves. So that is definitely a plus. Oh yeah, it is the best fun in the world.

There just isn't anything more excited that seeing somebody wading through crap they didn't know was there. Oh man, it is a very wonderful Kodak moment.

Being in politics and working at a city hall you can be sure that we have more than our share of crap here too. Enough to start a farm. And I'm proud of it.

Which is fine as long as I find the way to do my share of cow surfing in terms of not dealing with the crap myself. The big challenge it making sure at the same time I let others step in it as much as possible.

Oh I agree that is a crappy way of dealing with others. But from my view it is better for them to walk in the crap that me.

It is a matter of safety. If I already smell like one form of crap how am I going to get anyone to keep from smelling the other crap I have to sell them?

So I have to take a practical approach to this whole subject you understand. That and make sure I stand down wind as much as possible.

Oh and let us not forget the ever popular point finger ploy so when something stinks you make somebody else gets the blame. I love traditions that have a happy ending.

IT, THEY, WHO CARES?

I always love hearing those people banter around about plots, plans and other such dribble where somebody who is faceless, nameless and otherwise invisible is the villain. This "imaginary" villain naturally never appears and you can even proof the individual exists. But in the mind of that person the individual is responsible for everything wrong in life.

Now as I see it, who cares? I mean come on isn't it silly to fret over something you can't prove or change? See even if tomorrow the alleged 'they' were to make themselves known would it really matter? What are we going to do, take away their power? I don't think so.

Which is why I don't waste time in that effort. I'm not saying there isn't any such dreaded powers out there. Personally, I wish I knew where to locate them. I would love to apply for membership. Yeah, I'm that kind of guy.

So in my case, I don't want to get rid of them, I want to sign up to be one of their group. Hmmm, I wonder if they have a good dental plan? Well, I doubt I'll ever get a chance to find out.

If there is one thing I do know about people with that kind of power is that they aren't looking for buddies. Slaves perhaps, but never buddies. Oh you could probably have a shot at say jester or lackey, but you are definitely not going to go out to lunch with them or sleep with their sister. Yeah, those things go together in my thinking. No, sneers please.

Well, the joy of all of this for me is letting the people who think they are so perceptive and smart continue to vent on this subject. If it makes them feel better to pretend they are superior because they know about the they then find.

And I will even grant them the option of being a drone to some corporation for whatever pittance they are getting paid. Why, I'll even be happy to let them tell all the lies they want about being in control too.

From my view it is all a wonderful and fun game. Only problem is that there aren't any winners. That is because the real champions are all staying out of the limelight. They keep their crowns in vaults and spend most of their time sitting around drinking and laughing at the rest of us.

Yeah, that's reality. I didn't say we had to enjoy it. I just suggest we should play the game to whatever level works for us.

And if we have to cheat in order to have and illusion of victory, then by all means lie your little butt off. Then we can all head over to the bar for a nice big glass of denial and some pretzels. Oh and booze of course. For nothing goes better with a fresh hot plate of denial than a few cocktails.

NIGHT VISION

I know you are probably asking what on earth does this even need to be discussed. And you would be right I suppose if I was talking just about seeing at night.

However, that would be too easy. I've been forced lately to spend time with this one neighbor. He's only lived on my block for a few months, having moved here from a larger city. From as best as I can tell he just got tired of the faster pace of life in the big city so he wanted some place quiet.

Plus, he works as a professor, I think of either sociology or philosophy. He's on this sabbatical and working on a book dealing with things like the purpose of life. I don't imagine that is a lot different than the meaning of life, but in his case it means he spends a lot of time pondering things in general. And because of a variety of reasons, I've been around him a lot and had to listen to some of those ponderings during our conversation.

So because of him, I'm having this moment of metaphysical impulse and a need to see metaphors in all kinds of aspect of life. No biggie, except it isn't my favorite thing if it doesn't translate into a way to scam money, it doesn't thrill me.

In any case, this whole issue of night vision to me because of that context makes it about seeing into the darkness of the soul. Yuck, that sounds too religious for me, but what the heck am I suppose to do? He's got me talking like that.

Anyway, this darkness thing is about seeing in others what they try to keep hidden. Is this a good thing? Don't ask him. Because if you do he'll spend an hour using all kinds of big words and in the end you still won't know the answer.

Basically, I'm not a big fan of looking that hard into those dark places. It is too depressing. I do like lying about it. That way you can make some jerk look like a hero or at least a decent person.

And as long as they don't drag me into the dark areas, I'm happy. I do have plenty of shadows myself. Which is why since I spend enough time there I know I see into those places fairly well.

About the only upside to all of this is when you have spent enough time looking at the dark spots then you know everyone has them. And as long as they don't bore me by trying to pretend they are sunshine through and through, I'm happy.

So just pass the shades we are all going to put on so we can make the night part of our lives look the same as the bright spots. After a while it just seems all the same in a good way.

If not, well there are ways around that too. You just have to learn to enjoy when you have to know somebody else is looking at your shadows that you thought you had manage to hide better. Just smile and at least they will think you are having a good time in the process.

THE JOY OF...

I may have used this as the title for one of my postings in the past, but I thought it was worth repeating. And considering that we are in the holiday seasons it seems even more appropriate.

Okay, I have one observation to make. You can find this as the lead in title to all kinds of items such as books. But have you ever seen one titled, "The Sad of...?" No? I haven't either.

You know why that is? I will just give you an opinion on that issue. Basically I think that is because none of us wants a book to tell us what is sad. I think we probably manage we know what depresses us without requiring anyone to point it out. And the last thing we desire is to have a book to remind us of the crap we would rather forget too.

So thus, we only find books to tell us about the joy of whatever. Which I still find a tad annoying because I feel that implies that I'm too stupid to recognize what the joy is in a given subject.

True, none of us can be an expert on all subjects. So why even try? But that still doesn't mean to me that I can figured out when something makes me happy.

My basic rule is that if it involves pain or sacrifice that it will probably not involve a whole lot of pain. Oh I know there are those fitness jocks out there that love that slogan, no pain, no gain. They're entitled to their dementia. Yeah, that is what I said, dementia.

But that is a different issue from my point of view. I'm just more venting over what I feel is an attempt to in a small and subtle way strip of our sense of independence.

In my opinion what is involved here is somebody wanting us to trust them to be guided by the nose to wherever they think we belong. They can't just point the way, they have to lead us.

And if we accept their help, then we get a small case of brain mush in the process. Well, that is how it starts as far as I'm concerned.

You can of course treat this as a situation where I'm overreacting. That I am somehow making more of this that is true.

This is exactly what I'm sure a lot of people want us to believe. That way they can help condition us to regard a certain interpretation of happy as correct.

From that juncture slowly they can massage us into accepting any other ideas they want to peddle. Thus is born the capacity to make us obedient to their whims. Then comes the advertising, the crap we are convinced we can't live without and them toddling off to the bank with a bag of cash they suckered us into giving them. Well, you don't have to take my word for it, but then just remember it the next time you are ought paying through the nose to buy some thing you really don't need using a credit card with a high interest rate.

BEND OVER AND TAKE IT LIKE A WIMP

Come on and do me proud. Have the guts for once to admit you have no guts. Yeah, be macho with a plain honest confession of wimpdom. You heard me right, just take off that shirt and boldly show off you lack of spine.

And if you give it a shot, I might even join you. That's because even though nobody likes admitting it, we are all wimps to some degree.

Which is why being gutless is hated so much. Because deep down we all will bend over and give into some fear.

I know it hardly sounds encouraging. But is lying about it any better? Not from my point of view.

What the other extreme leads to is other complications. Like say having some huge giant of a athlete that faints at the sight of needles. Hardly something you stand up and cheer about.

Now that I've managed to depress let me also say the opposite is true. Even the worst wimp in the world can still find a moment of courage. Yes, I've seen it happen.

Which is why you just can not presume anything about people in terms of them never changing. People who make that mistake often pay the price later in ways they never expected.

It is called being stupid in a worst way. Because you thought you were too smart and your ego got in the way of your reason.

So you end up being bent over and taking it from somebody you assumed was a wimp. Only to find out they are a wimp, but not quite as impotent as you thought.

Those are the moments of aggression that bullies never imagine. They live in hopes to avoid them, but like I said even wimps can have a moment of courage in the right situation.

That is why I say, when you are in one of your wimp moods, just smile and bend over and take it like a good wimp. Smile and keep dreaming of the day when things will be different.

I can't promise when it will happen, I'm just suggesting it can. And that fellow wimps is a rainbow worth waiting for.

I just hope rambling on this encourage a few folks If I did that then I earned my wimp points for a week. As a politician I have to earn a certain number every week in order to feel good about the times I act like a complete jerk. Good thing I never bother to keep score though.

LET US REASON APART

Sometimes getting people to reason together only works when you never see each other. Sound crazy?

I don't really feel it is all that surprising. After all you don' t have to look that hard to appreciate how much disharmony there is in the world. Peace exists in some settings until you have more than one person show up and then you have big problems.

So I think at times it would just be better for us if we simply went off somewhere and pondered the world by ourselves. Then we could fax or email or insights to somebody else. Afterwards, wait for a decent response and then do all of our debating in the same form.

Later when we got passed all the finger pointing and insults we could at least meet when we were calm and smile without it being phony or forced. Ah, I like that part.

Of course my choice of meeting spots would be a local bar. That way we could both soak up enough booze that pretty soon we wouldn't even care what we didn't agree about.

Under our current social game plan it seems that we prefer the illusion of a harmony that really doesn't exist. So we sit in our meetings exchange comments that aren't truly a reflection of our feelings and go through the motions of acting like everything is fine when it isn't.

Later, in private or with somebody we think we can really trust, the real truth about how we feel gets expressed. Love is not a word for this kind of practice in my opinion.

Which is why I think a far better approach would be for us all to simply do this kind of comments from the heart in a setting where we would feel safe. That way we could avoid this reasoning together that never actually works.

All in all, I consider this is a very practical approach. An honest one that doesn't grant us a need to play as many games.

But I suppose that there are enough lovers of abuse who will cling to the old traditions. They will make sure we keep going through the same process, no matter how much it doesn't work.

It's call defending the faith by some. Only the problem is the faith they have is in something we just tolerate whether it works or not.

In the meantime, I'm developing a special score keeping system to keep tract of the highs and lows of this type of process. The hard part will be figuring out who is the winner.

I don't know if I would want to compete for the championship. It is the kind of challenge where sometimes winning is getting a chance to not play.

SIT ON IT

Yeah, that is such a sentimental thought from my point of view. Something you just crave to tell some people, but can't in all cases.

I think the thing is what I really want people to do is sit on a bomb and then press the button to make it explode. Only too often even if you could get a person to sit on the bomb, with the appropriate lies you understand, I doubt you could get them to press the button.

Life can be so frustrating in that regard at times. Which is why I just like to cling to this thought even if it only remains a thought.

Of course there are some wonderful alternatives to bombs you understand. I've often toyed with the idea that turning one of the chairs in front of my desk into an electric chair would be worth exploring. And perhaps I could even rig up some way so they would end up flipping a switch to barbecue their bodies without knowing tell it was too late that was going to happen.

I just relish the marvelous image of seeing some jerk sitting there and suddenly the restraints appear to tie him or her to the chair. Then comes the marvelous presence of the switch.

I look at them after producing a revolver and pointing it at them. Then I tell them the only way to keep from me filling them full of bullet holes is to flip that switch, which will cause a shield to cover their body.

Then at the last moment when they hear the crackle of electricity I just smile and say, "do you feel lucky punk?" Okay I know that is a worn out phrase, but it just seemed to fit in my opinion.

Alas, some creativity just never is given the freedom to be expressed as intended. That is the problem with the law, it doesn't allow for inspiration at times.

But none of that keeps me from savory the precious concept of sit on it as I think God intended. And that helps to keep me smiling at times.

That truly applies when I'm sitting in my office and some jerk is in the chair across from my desk. He's going on and on with his complain and the whole time I just imagining the joy of electricity.

Then I sit back, pretend there is a imaginary switch I can flip to make this person's day. The real beauty is that after the vision fills my head of this person being charred and looking utterly shock, I end up having a big smile.

And the whole time they think it is because I am agreeing with their point of view. Naturally, I never interview with such fantasies.

THE END IS NEAR

I've thought that would be a great sign to put on a billboard near the edge of town. But put it in big bright red letters.

Then in really small black letters you put (boundary line for city of Mediocrity one mile ahead.) Think me stupid or absurd?

Hey, it wouldn't be false advertising. And in my city that might even get a nod from people who have been hoping for the end of something most of their lives.

At least it seems that way to me. I just can't believe the number of people I know who are practically waiting to die. It is like a hobby with them.

All I got to wonder is how in the world do you get much joy out of that type of insanity? I call it being insane. Because life is short enough, why do you have to rush to the end?

After all, some people believe eternity is better, but what if it isn't? Oh now don't give me this business about heaven and hell. I know all about them. And the only thing I haven't ever seen is any kind of pamphlet for them.

Not that I'm saying it will be a good deal to think of the afterlife is a plus. Unless you have a way to give me a videotour, then at the moment I'm just going to leave it in the uncertain department.

Besides we all will find out soon enough. So why worry about getting their before hand? And why live like this is hell just because you think it somehow will make eternity look all the more rosier.

I mean come on folks, if you are all that jazzed about heaven, great. I think it is wonderful.

The only thing is I wonder if you don't enjoy life now, how are you going to enjoy it later. Do you suddenly get freed up of a bad attitude if you die?

I'm not convinced it works that way. And frankly with as negative and unhappy as some people are, I don't think I want to hang around with them forever. Just creeps me out to even imagine.

Oh well, in the meantime, I'm going to at least try and enjoy what is here. As for the end being near, well my interpretation would be the end of boring.

Only you probably won't find it in Mediocrity if you ask the wrong people. They are the ones that look like the spend all their time in mourning.

You can enjoy if you want, I prefer to go where a smile is still legal and the only end I have to worry about is the one that comes when the party ends. Yep, that works for me.