OF RHYME AND SEASON

Number one on the Limburger guide to sanity in an insane world is that there is no rhyme to the holiday season. Which is because they were invented by people who are not in my opinion logical by nature. That is because we have emotions and from time to time just have to do things because it feels good and not because it makes sense.

For me, once you get beyond all the crap and fluff about the meanings of a given holiday you get to the cold hard fact. They are about having pleasure. In some ancient forms that translated into the kinds of pleasures that in some cases today are considered illegal. Yeah, we are talking adult forms of pleasure.

But we have a matured in our thinking these days. Which means we are supposed to have a conscience. So we can admit to lust being one of the primary forms of pleasure we want to appease. Nope, that just wouldn't do these days.

Thus we invent all these fairy tales for the reasons we have holidays. Everyone runs around pretending it is a good thing and those who aren't getting any stuff their faces as a substitute for what they would rather satisfy in terms of hunger.

Now for me the end result of all this is that we get lunacy. But we can't admit it because if we did we would have to confess that lust is a big form of pleasure. Yeah, I'm going to make that connection.

Instead we go through all this other form of nonsense and silliness and call it tradition. Somebody tries to create a few stories that will make us feel better about not getting any and we all go home to a big dinner where we can think stuffing our faces is a good thing.

As for me, well I do the season thing along with the rest of the world. I didn't say I have given up on the lust part. I just have to be more creative on how I deal with that pleasure.

Alas, life is a smile waiting to happen. But you got to smile with the right set of lips if you want it to be a happy smile.

You can sit around and sing carols and drink egg nog all night if you want and call that being happy. Me, I'm going to sneak off to somewhere and find a nice young female elf time of helper to be sure I get the kind of present that will really make me smile.

Yeah, it's depraved I know. I never said it wasn't. But you know, if more of us were willing to admit it, wouldn't the holidays be more fun with more times spent under the mistletoe and less at the table full of food?

I don't think you have to answer that one. In fact I imagine you already have. Well not openly naturally. Nope, I imagine it happen when you were passing out presents to the kid while wondering if the blonde cutie next door would be doing for the holiday.

Keep smiling and celebrating. You never know, sometimes dreams can come true. Just hopefully they won't be found out by your spouse when they do.