THE NIGHT IS YOUNG

Awww, such a great concept. Meaning naturally that we have all the time in the world to do what we want.

And being night even better. For we have the blackness to give us a chance to hide our secret desires.

That is so extra special. Now for those of us so inclined there is the added joy of when we have certain special priorities.

As in some glorious moment of pure inspiration. You know when we are inclined by the eve to search for things where we can hide from possible witnesses.

What is extra amazing to me is that in addition to night, the most popular place for my kind of recreation is in dimly lit bars. Sort of like it helps to justify the mood.

Then there is also the parking lots at motels where they have those nice dark areas so you can park you can without it being seen from the street. Now that is such a blessing.

Okay I do admit for some the night is young is other than an inspiration for my kind of entertainment. They want to do wholesome forms of joys.

Like going out to eat or some other thing you can do anytime. For them young is say six p.m.

And late is eight o'clock. Heck, I'm just getting started at eight. Barely had a chance to even get my mind in gear.

However, that is not the way these addicts of boredom are. The crazies. Why they even enjoy spending time with their families.

I dread the idea of what inspired that mindset. Most likely came from their parents. So unbelievable.

Still you do what you can. And that means letting poor afflicted souls of dullness live in the delusions.

Meanwhile for the rest of us. The ones who love to party and find darkness as good a time to do it as any, if not better, then we are happy.

I am grateful I guess that I don't have to mess with such lovers of bland too much at night. They don't tend to hang out at my watering holes.

But their defectors do. And there are many of them. I sure do love it when one of them comes into my lair.

I can buy them a drink and hope the night will give them such a reason to celebrate this moment of enlightenment. And if it is a woman, even better! Then I can really make her glow.

HEADING THEM OFF AT THE PASS

I love this in westerns. Like you totally screwed up and let the bad guys steal the world, but no problem, you'll get to the pass before them.

This all assumes they will actually go to pass. Yeah, that is an underlying detail that must be in play for this to work.

And that also work providing the bad guys don't give a though to the fact that you will be heading to the pass. As if they wouldn't remember.

Plus what is the deal here? I mean did every town in the old west exist next to some pass?

One has to wonder. I mean really doesn't that sound a bit ridiculous to you? I know it does to me.

Which is why if I had my way I would make the perfect Western movie. If I had my way they bad guys would be smart for a change.

So they would post a sign next to the pass showing it in the wrong direction. Then when the clown of good guys followed the sign they would fall off a cliff.

See, doesn't that give off such a wonderful image? I think it is so creative. After all I don't think they give bad guys enough credit for their imaginations.

They do have to think up all their plots. That shows lots of talent for invention. Nobody even mentions that part.

Which really is dumb if you ask me. I want a movie where the bad guys are idiots. Where they don't end up acting stupid and predictable.

Yeah, that sucks from my view. And before anyone assumes otherwise, I didn't say I expected the bad guys to necessarily win.

I would settle for them having a happening ending of sorts. You know where maybe they didn't get to keep the loot, but were able to get the gal.

I think that would be fair. I mean don't bad guys have a right to have a few groupies? So why can't we allow for that?

Then along the way to an orgy or some cowboy nudist camp they learn the error of their ways. Turning over a new leaf and becoming swindlers.

Hey, that is a start in the right direction. Well it is to me. Might need a few sequels to make it all sensible.

I wouldn't complain.

THE GOOD GUYS

Westerns always made this so easy to figure out. White hats for good guys, black ones for the bad guys.

And the bad guys were poor shots, while the good guys never miss. Ah, to have life be so simple.

But in the real world, things don't quite work that way. Oh it is a wonderful fantasy, but in truth, things stay very muddy and unclear in terms of heroes and villains.

For example I am able thanks to good press to perpetrate the persona of being a good guy. Which is such a blessing compared to the truth.

Now I have savored this blessing. Relished in its reality while dreaming of how I can best further my selfish plots and not get caught.

At the same time I must confess there are other problems involved with this. Because the same system that benefits me also benefits others.

So another bad guy can find ways of making life look perfect and good even if they are the essence of evil. Yep, that works that way too well.

This puts a burden on me to be sure I don't accept at first glance the image others use for publicity. I know that game too well.

And it does complicate the process. I mean I really need to know the times that people are thieves and liars.

Especially if my goal is to have them enlisted as possible partner in my evil dealings. Yep, that really is important.

Just have to be so careful. I have to be sure I scope out what they say and do it with caution.

I also know that they are doing the same. So I do the best I can to take time and just chat. Find out if they have any real bad guy qualities.

That generally will be obvious in due time. Which comes up in so many ways. But not without a little game of guessing.

And then if all works out, we can both go shopping for white hats. Practice strutting around and saying noble things.

Which is so fun to try and impress. And if we work it right, I will be able to even have them help me create a diversion.

Then we can rob the bank when nobody is watching.

DO IT

A very simple rule that applies to life in so many ways. Whatever you say, whatever you love to boast about, they will be only words without some action.

That is easy to understand, but hard at times to practice. Those are the occasions when something intrudes upon our desires.

Such as the law. Yep, that is a really form of discouragement. Unless you have some very creative forms of inspiration.

Which normally means finding some appropriate loophole. Just a quite way of doing what you want without complaint or boasting.

That can be just as hard though. We like to talk about success. Really does keep us happy.

And it we can impress, even better. This is not easy when you are talking about something where you can't exactly claim credit for some little legal indulgence.

So you end up finding more inventive ways to deal with need to breed the tale. A little detour into the joys of diversion.

That means talking in hypothetical terms. Even though you are really talking about yourself.

Not making it obvious is hard. You have to really struggle to keep it other than something one would recognize as being you.

But this does become easier with practice. A little tempered effort and you can savor the delicacy of bragging without having the icing of consequence end in food poisoning.

Ah, a nice literary expression. Love when I can inspire those. Sort of gives the whole thing some extra color.

Meanwhile, back at the old homestead there is the daily diet to contend with. Those little flavorings of bland you have to use.

And let me tell you they sure do bore too. My goodness how the appetite craves more. A chance for some season of excitement.

Which comes with time and the right recipe. Oh yes, you need that. Even a decent cookbook too.

I have my own. Copies available for the right price. Providing you pass my aptitude test.

That can take forever with people who have a conscience.

SUCCULENT

Ah, juicy. What can you say about that, which doesn't inspire a bout of drooling. Feels so good.

But then you have to be picky about what inspiring mouth watering moment. Have to show some restraint.

At least in principle. You do have to create the illusion you are easily addict to pleasure. Not sure it matters in life, but some need that kind of fantasy.

But for me, I prefer the illusion when it gets me what I want. Now that makes it worth pretending I don't want all that yummy stuff.

But one does have to be selective on such things. You have to make sure with certain people they never find out you have a taste for certain sugars.

In reality everyone does. But that is not how you can let it be seen. Nope there are those who want to make it seem that they don't like candy.

Which is of course a silly game. So absurd and ridiculous, but seems to be necessary for some people.

So when I'm dealing with the family values people I do not confess my fondness for bar snacks. Nope they would never appreciate that.

And thus begins the "not me" moments. You sit and agree that candy is bad. The whole time you know it is crap.

And what bugs me the most is that you know they do too. Only they can't admit it. So they make it sound like that is real.

As if I've ever know a soul that truly enjoys doing without candy. Doesn't matter the flavor or form, they will claim they don't like it.

I just love when I can make a liar out of them. I can so enjoy when I get this person to sit back and fall victim to some seduction.

It really isn't that much of a challenge. They all have some sweet tooth. You just have to be sure you find out the right flavor.

The only exception that I know of is that darn do-gooder, Lance Allworthy. He is disgusting.

I don't even like to think what excitement and candy is in his world. Too scary to imagine.

But I'm not going to try his dessert to find out. Probably made out of raw vegetables.

EMBELLISHMENTS

Awww, this is such a wonderful option. Those seasonings for the life that add some extra zest to a day.

Now there is no way to diminish the merit of this process. I mean it is so satisfying when you can take the dull off some moment.

Give it a nice luster of excitement. Well that luster will a tad on outside elements. Such as available resources.

Those will definitely impact the embellishments options. So you have to keep a practical approach to the arena of spice.

Ah, I like that, arena of spice. Really sounds so inspiring. A place you can go and browse for whatever gives you a smile.

Pity there are no malls that have this type of option. I think it would be a big draw. Only perhaps not quite the likely chance this will ever get built.

Oh well it is to dream. A treasure for the mind that we can all enjoy. Well in theory at least.

Like so many things lots of things work in theory. And the nice thing in this situation is that you can make the theory a reality.

In some cases. A little creativity is needed naturally. Only not always in a way one hopes.

This is matter of how imaginative one can be about such things. To be able to savor the right types of embellishments.

What are the right types? Well for starters not ones that get you in trouble. That is a big option.

Kind of ruins the whole joy if you don't end up you know coming through to the play time without facing a souvenir of handcuffs. Really cuts down on the joy.

But with the right kind of effort then and correct focus it can all work out great. A little chance to enjoy some hot tasty options and not get heartburn.

I like that definition. Has a ring of joy to it. Ah, that is when life really can be fun. A chance to slay monotony.

Well okay maybe wound it a little. Just a way to make it all better. And that will always be a reason to smile.

Pass those spices please or I can sell you some.

CAN'T GO WRONG

Prophesies bordering on the stupid. Advice that really never helps. Ah, the world of well intentioned, totally worthless advisors.

One thing the world doesn't lack is for opinions. That doesn't mean they are helpful or accurate.

But we sure do love to express ourselves. That is not something you need and education for acting on.

All you need is a mouth. Not even a working brain, just one that can make the lips move. Yep, so helpful.

I just wish this was that easy to accept. I mean in terms of it being profitable. That is with a dollar sign that you benefit from in some way.

Not cash directly, just you know some way that brings a plus sign to your life. And if a person is passing out slugs of thoughts, forget it.

That seems to be my main experience. Far too often I end up getting the know it all types who really know so little, if anything.

And the worse problem is that they end up continuing to offer their advice no matter how many times it fails. So the result is that you just get bored.

But it is hard to get mad at them. I mean after all they do have the best of intentions. Perhaps misdirected, but good ones just the same.

Now if they in any way happened to be right once, oooh forget it. Now they are a god. You can depend upon them to dole out the wisdom no matter how dumb it is.

And they will live off that reputation no matter who ridiculous it can get. Oh yeah they are really good at that part.

Now I do my best to try and not encourage them in the process. Oh that is definitely necessary.

Because any degree of encouragement will make them keep trying. Which gets really screwy since any discouragement they take as envy.

So basically once their brain gets bent in a given direction you can be sure it will stay that way. Forget the fact, just accept they will keep in a certain frame of thought.

As for me, well I smile and just totally go deaf to whatever they say. And that will always be a good choice.

Just can't tell them that. It only leads to lectures.

THE PRICE IS SORT OF RIGHT

THE PRICE IS SORT OF RIGHT

Ah, when a bribe is a bribe and you love it. Only you don't quite get the price you want. You have to negotiate.

And naturally since there is no specific agreement on the correct rate of exchange on bribes it can be a tad vague. At least there are no sales taxes.

Now as long as you are dealing with a reasonable person everything is great. Somebody who is willing to be flexible on this issue.

I normally have different rates. Those for first time customers and those for repeat customers.

Course first time customers must have some kind of referral. A name that I already know who will verify them as a reference.

Otherwise forget it. Now naturally I am able to take time to also solicit new clients. I do so with new businesses in town.

Not that I come out and advertise. Just probe gently with questions to test the reaction. Things like what kind of problems they have that I might make easier.

Being careful to listen for things such as complains over the laws or another things where they might appreciate some help. Oh yeah, made several friends that way.

Now if I work it right then I can give them some kind of special offer to get them hooked on my help. And once they are, my price goes up.

Course that always involves making sure I also end up incriminating them too. Blackmail or the threat of blackmail works so well in that regard.

But then I consider that a form of insurance. Keeps my sales steady. And makes my personal budget work so much better.

Yep, can't be unhappy about that part. And the only sad part is how I can't send the clients a postcard when I'm off on some vacation.

Oh not that they would hate me for taking a vacation, but just a little grouchy if they think I'm living it up too much on their funds. Then it leads to debates over my prices.

That can be so annoying. And so it is just easier to leave the impression that I'm just squeaking by.

Yep, got to keep a low profile in terms of my appearance. Alone, well that is a different story.

Just not one I can talk about to my customers.

BEST DEAL

Aww now this is the wonderful joy. One you can truly savor. The perfect measure of life when things go the way you want.

But then the challenge is often to find that deal. Best really a challenge you understand. Yep, it really is necessary to discover.

For best can be a vague term to be sure. It can sound so great in some ways, but in reality totally suck.

Why? Because we are so easily seduced. Oh yeah that happens a lot. We are suckers for what sounds good.

And if it appeals to our lust, even more so. Why? Simple, because pleasure will always over power the mind's will.

We can't help ourselves. You appeal to one's sense of lust and the rest will take care of itself.

People will willingly walk into a walk if you get them drooling. We love that part. Just makes the whole day special.

Tack on the word best deal and you got a friend for life. Well right up to the point they find out you made the whole thing up.

Then forget it. They will not see it as a best deal. They will get totally pissed and upset over any deal.

At that point they become a bad customer. A real hard sell and you will not earn their respect.

Yep, that can be so wonderful. If you offer some phony best deal to turn them off then later have the real best deal available, they will not take it.

Which is so cool. Because you can say you offered it to them. They will even agree. And that will be the most fun part.

Because later they can't come back and say, you didn't give me a chance. Oh they may be willing to gripe, but that happens.

Meanwhile you get the perk of keeping the best deal for yourself. And you don't even have to feel guilty.

Just sit back and enjoy. It will be so much fun. Even take a picture to show the other person.

Yeah, they will really hate that.

ALL FOR THE LOVE OF IT

What the joy when you don't care about consequences or rewards. Just prance around in blind joy, no cares, no worries, pure bliss of not caring.

Such a sweet and savoring time. Occasions when nothing happens to make you upset or fret the next moment.

Being carefree and happy, free as a bird to sail wherever and not be concerned. That is not my idea of a bad day.

And how nice it would be if every day this was truth. But it isn't. Instead it is only a dream most of the time.

Nice one when we live it. Or make somebody else think we have. Oh yeah that is really the fun isn't it?

But alas dreams are dreams and we all know that. Still we love to make this a fact when we can.

Just hard to keep it the real reason for doing things. Oh it is nice when we can, really love doing what I love, but somebody has to pay the bills.

Now if you can manage to do both together, wonderful. Haven't seen that as an option though.

I mean I do enjoy my job. Sometimes. There are others it sucks like everyone. And we all understand that.

So I do my best to try and savor what love I can find. Okay I do admit I take it to extremes.

I tend to look for more of the real type of love. You know savor some nice and loving friendly type.

And go off to a place where having fun makes it all worthwhile. Ah the joy of such moments.

Well alas that is not the every day type of experience. Nope, not for me. Sometimes it doesn't even come close.

So I have to take my time to work harder at finding the right occasions to make this a reality. And that is even more fun.

Well in the meantime there is that need to keep it all in the focus of the real world. That means you have to take time to lie enough when at work so they don't know what you are really thinking.

WIN, PLACE AND SHOW

In a horse race this means something good if you bet right. And if you happen to take the time to even bet in the first place.

In life though it can be so different. See in the real world, where things are always fixed, the race is more an illusion.

So some old plug can actually win regardless of the facts or ability. And of course nobody really gets to vote either.

We just get the illusion that we do. Which really I do favor. It is such a joy to give people the myth that democracy works.

Only problem is that it works for the ones who make all the rules. Freedom by intent is still freedom, just for the few.

And from my view this is the natural order of things. I didn't say it was fair. But then not much in life is.

So it is more fun to keep it as a game. That way we can all get a smile or two in the process.

I mean why let guilt and all those other elements ruin your day? Let's live a little. Take off our shoes and party.

While we are at it, we can toss away the rule book. It is just for show anyway. Another illusion to create the fantasy that we will act fairly.

Of course when the mood strikes we actually love to be honest on this subject. Oh and naturally vent too.

But the truth is we don't change a thing. Just make it appear we want to. Still we all need our oats.

So you get them from the power feed store. We end up not exactly bothering to make it a priority.

Just pay our tab in blood and sweat. If we are clever it belongs to somebody else. That makes a difference.

They say no pain, no gain. But what is missing in that is the fact of whose pain? See they don't say it has to be your own.

Ah-so, you say? Well I do. And you can count on that being a fact for the future. Yep, I will always love this kind of race.

Providing I can cheat at get to the finish line first and without a photo finish too.

SPORTING EVENTS

You got to love them. Well most guys seem to. And why not? It is the last place guys can feel some illusion of being superior.

Plus if you work it right you can claim to be the world champion. Even if you aren't actually champion over the whole planet.

But since we do seem to enjoy doling out so many titles, why can't we expand the concept of champions? They are accurate to start with, so let's pass out some extra joy.

Come on we can do it. Yeah, we can have all kinds of sporting events and titles. My personal favorite would be in the arena of lying.

And it wouldn't even matter who won, because everyone could claim victory. Who would complain?

Just has such possibilities. I love the idea. And heck talk about trophies, we can make up all kinds.

Why we can make everyone a champion of something. Now that would be real class. Well at least it would be different.

I guess the problem is some expect there to be truth attached to this. As if you need to have credibility.

To which I wish to point out that this isn't the way things have been handled. Like we don't have more than one World Heavyweight Boxing Champ.

Which is my point. We need to stop being silly on this. We just need to really get woun up with making it all fun.

All kinds of sports events can be included. Dash of tongues. Liars tosses. Tag team fabrication.

Oh yeah, you got to say it would be interesting. And a lot of fun too. Providing we cont' complicated it with lot of rules.

Those are such a pain. People get too many of them and all they do is cut down on the joy.

I say, let's make up the rules as we go along. Yeah, that would be impressive. And I will even agree to write the rule book.

For a small fee I can even come up with a set of rules to fit any given sports. Oh yeah that would be great.

Price list to follow.

ODDS MAKERS

I always enjoy when the predict sports event. All that expression of their expert opinion. Yeah really is so inspiring.

Might be more so if they were always right. But then that might take some of the fun out of it.

If you knew for sure how things would always turn out it could get a little boring. At least from my view.

I do like a little risk at times, just not all the time. And I don't mind having some edge, but not to the point it is totally easy.

Then it can be so predictable. We need a little tension to be sure it has some fun and keeps the joy flowing.

Save is good, but can be dull. Which is why so many who don't like to risk often end up being miserable. My view you understand.

Which is the one that counts from my standpoint. Really is important. Have to be at least a little happy.

But for myself I do enjoy how this works in my favor. Less competition. At least for the winning part

The challenge is inspiring those I can to risk. Oh only in ways that will result in them risking something I don't plan on risking.

For it is no fun if you have them taking risks in areas that you hope to profit. It is best to get them motivated in areas you not sure.

Yeah, that can be a disaster for them. But what they heck, we all need to learn in life, right?

At least it is better when it works out that way. I do so enjoy seeing a person finally get the courage to rise above their fears.

And you can be sure if I can keep that person trying, then I am extra happy. For that means I have t risk less.

Ah such a challenge it can be. Playing in life's casino and doing it with somebody else's chips.

Now that is really fun. And even better if you get to collect the winnings while they think they lost.

You can buy that kind of joy.

CANDY STORES

Well I'm not talking about the usual places full of sugar. That would be too predictable. Nope life is far more interesting when your idea of sugar goes beyond the usual.

Just depends on your sweet tooth. Yeah, that really is the issue here. And I love that ability to savor a variety of snacks.

Life is in a way one big candy shop. Most of the time without any ingredients and many without a single calories.

I thought I would toss that in just in case it helped with the appeal. What can I say? Honey has many forms and you best know them all.

It can come in green or some times other appealing colors. And always does us good to see all the joy that comes from such snacks.

To be prepared to celebrate their reality. Go shopping when possible. And that is the part I think is important.

For the outlets belonging to this kind of candy can be found in lots of place. Oh yeah that is a joy.

I even have taken the time on occasions to look for a map. Well made one for myself. Wasn't that hard.

Just have to be careful to not give it away to others. That will never do. Nope that is not my view of fun.

So I prefer to keep the information to myself. On the other hand I will provide it when I feel I can gain in the process.

By that I mean I have some benefit to me from taking time to point out where a person can find their favorite tasty. That is a nice option.

As long as it isn't something I crave. Then I might not share. Well you know that does make me guarded.

I will grant them joy if they give me the same. Which is a rather iffy prospect. For people are hardly trustworthy.

They don't exactly do what they say. And of course I have learned to expect it. All the better from my view.

Yeah, that will be a time of reflection to me. I will just mosey along to the old sweet shop of my choice and take the bargains.

Then let some other clown have taste. If they learn to grovel well enough. Which is naturally a good dessert in itself.

LOVE OF YOUR LIFE

Ah, now some might presume this is about one's love life. Well sorry, that isn't my agenda here.

When I speak of the love or your life, I'm talking about that one special mistress who really makes you extra crazy. It can be anything.

This is extra important to me as a Mayor. For most of the time people do not end up admitting to the real thing they love.

Oh they will peddle the rhetoric. You know how they have family values and care about all the usual things that most say are important.

But then if you really listen to what they say that turns out to be baloney. Oh they will make comments without realizing it.

Little hints that they are not truly happy in the myth they are peddling. Nope not going to stand up under pressure.

Still the feel it works. So that is why they will spew out the usual words. It won't be the truth, but sounds great.

And that is okay. Because to me I just find in all they say the excuses. Those nice little comments that easily fall apart.

This becomes a nice little test for me. Can I find that item they really value. The one thing that gets them truly excited.

Lots of people tend to be so casual about this. It is amazing how the one thing that lies at the heart of their desires is often something simple.

Which is the fun part. Because so many make the mistake of assuming this is something forbidden.

You know like a mistress or money. Well those are good side roads, but it is not their passion.

That is the key. Forget what you think, learn that it will be what really gets them excited. That is often something that is amazing easy to understand.

For example it can be something as basic as homeownership or even owning a given type of car.

Basic rule, if they have in a picture, that is a big hint. Once I find that truth, the rest is easy.

I just dangle that type of gem before them and they will pretty much do whatever I want. So much fun.

NOT THAT BAD

Ever hear anyone say this that you believed? I have. And it is always ends up just pissing me off.

Because the truth is that they are just you know trying to con you. Most of the time they are not even close to realistic.

But then it isn't their butts that are having a problem. They are not the ones that will in anyway be likely affect by this.

So they can say, hey it isn't that much of a problem. They can spend time doing all kinds of speculating about how life is perfect.

And as long as it doesn't impact them they are happy. But you can be sure that they will not say the same thing if it applies to them.

Oh no, you can be sure they will not place the same kind of indifferent attitude if things impact them. That would never do.

I always love it when they act so thoughtful. Like cool, let's just let this serve the purpose of making you feel better.

Then they never really do say or do something to make you feel better. Just offer up some tidbits of thought to placate your mind.

Which might work if they really meant it. Or if in some way it really helped. But most of the time it doesn't.

All it does is in some way give you the illusion they care. One that quickly fails when you start experiencing reality.

So you just have to not let yourself get upset. You just sit back and cope. Which means a lot of biting your lip.

And screaming when you are by yourself. Unless you by chance can turn the tables on them.

Then you can really find a reason to be happy. If for a chance they are the ones who feel the could be worse words and it bites them in them in the butt.

Oh that really gives the whole process a fun twist. Then you can just take time to feel like you have passed on the misery.

And maybe in the process that will all end with a smile. Which is the best part. For when you feel crappy that makes a few reasons to be happy.

Yep, it is to dream.

SHAKE AND BAKE

Leave them hot under the collar and shaking with anger. A fine philosophy when talking about how to treat your enemies.

See I think how you treat your enemies is far more important than how you treat your friends. Nobody really needs that instruction.

So you get all kinds of advice on dealing with enemies. We're told things such as love thy neighbor as thyself. Well in this case I am talking about some neighbor you a hate.

So you are suppose to somehow be nice to the rat. With the logic being he will be nice back.

In my experience that never works that way. If a person gave you a reason to hate them they are not likely to improve with time.

All they are most likely to do is fine new ways to piss you off. And if they enjoy it, even more so.

As for the issue of forgiveness, well nice idea in theory. Hardly very realistic. At least as long as you figure the jerk is going to do it again.

But then this all comes down to some illusion that you can make it all better by some nice act. Forget revenge, don't ever think of getting even. Just figure a way to be nice.

WRONG! That is my view. The person that said this is something other than realistic. You let some jerk get away with stealing from you and he will do it again.

So what is the best approach then to dealing with an enemy? Well I recommend an approach that allows for pain without scars.

To inflict harm in a mental way that leaves no witnesses. This mainly harmful to the mind.

But if you work it right the person spends the whole time worried. And to then have no time to enjoy anything.

Isn't that glorious? I love it. And trust me this sure is fun. I savor every chance I get to give such grief.

Along the way I might get inspired to even find other ways to inflict a little sadness. And while they are worried is even better.

But that is all the joy of plotting an smiling. It is part of the good ole days that I love to reflect on.

Just a good smile when I can find it.

WHAT YOU GOING TO DO?

Man have I been there too many times in life. You know those aggravating points of complete futility.

Now the natural reaction is to look for someone to blame. And then the quest begin to find anyone you can say was responsible.

Of course the problem is that there is no one to find. You may even know this deep down, but can't admit it.

Because that would mean you had to accept responsibility for the mess up. It would also mean accepting there was something in life you couldn't control.

This is not exactly on most people's list of things to enjoy. Or even take time to acknowledge as true.

All of this works to my favor as a Mayor. Because I can be that shoulder to cry on and then also a person who offers help.

Which I am more than happy to present myself in such capacity as long as I get some assistance in the process. This can come from various sources.

First of all I will always accept contributions. And that I leave open to possibilities. There are so many options.

Of course when I end up as their sounding board that makes it a wonderful place to take the person. They are so grateful they become very vulnerable.

If I play it right and massage it correctly then they will pretty much give me whatever I want. This is Aladdin's Lamp time.

Add to it the chance to create the illusion that I even found and punished their enemies really helps. Then they will be extra cooperative.

Let me tell you this is a time when truly tests the heart. In my case it is the heart of greed. Like you would expect otherwise?

I don't imagine you would if you have been reading my other postings. Ah, the joy of being consistent.

Really gives me such a sense of confidence. I know that these types of situations happen so often.

Sooner or later many will drop by to see me. And when they do I am ready. I listen and then cry with them.

Even keep crying while helping them reach for their check books.

ALONE, BUT...

ALONE, BUT...

Well for me there is alone as in without a date on Saturday night. Then there is the kind of alone where you are hiding.

One is boring and depressing. The other a tad stressful. And that is the kind of alone I get stuck with too often.

Mainly because I can be guaranteed the more I want to hide the more some will try to find me. And they are relentless.

I try to turn off my cell phone and not listening to my pager, but they still have this uncanny way to track me down. So I constantly have to work even harder to be not found.

I also generally have to switch cars. But then I can rent one. For the rental place would immediately recognize me.

I have tried to buy some old clunker, however the problem is that again the sales person might recognize me. And I can't use a pal's car because they can't be trusted to tell the truth either.

So this can get real complicated at times. Which has made me get real creative on new ways to disappear.

Now I used to have a secretary who was very good at lying. And that helped a lot. She was so helpful and making up stories about why I am not available.

Pity she moved on. But a woman of that kind of talent is in big demand. So I had to settle for a less than cooperative secretary.

She insists upon telling the truth. At least she is very gullible. So she will believe pretty much any crap I say.

Unless she finds out I was lying. Which so far hasn't happen. Grateful for that. Now all I have to do is hope she doesn't find out some of the places I say I'm going are bogus.

Yeah, that would really diminish the joy. But I am so far grateful it works. Now just a question if it will stay that way.

In the meantime, I keep my places of alternative sanctuaries in my computer. They have to be in the city you understand.

One involves using a disguise and taking a public bus. But then I do have to be sure I take exact change.

Not a good thing to forget once you get on the bus.

PICTURE PERFECT

Well the big issue with this is that the picture not be perfect in terms of being incriminating. That kind of perfect I don't need.

And you can be sure that I don't care to make that a habit either. But you can be sure that the people holding their hidden cameras are not going to ask you to say cheese.

One of the regrettable aspects to our current climate of surveillance. It does sort of goes against the basic idea of personal freedom.

Just too bad so many have to violate that freedom. They end up messing it up for the rest of us.

So big brother gets even more chances to have a good reason to abuse our privacy. And it rather causes the predictable contradiction.

For on the one hand if we were behaving ourselves then we wouldn't need the freedom in the first place. But then when we do get it we end up violating it in crazy ways and that always gets us in trouble.

Because we are never content to just have our fun. Sooner or later we have to brag about it. I call it being stupid, but that is life.

And seems to be the normal nature of things for a lot of people. Which is fine with me. Because we end up having so much business in the process.

Oh yeah somebody has to provide services for such situations. But at times it is so annoying.

I mean if I do provide a great service then fun, they get so excited they start telling the world. And the world is full of rats.

All of which are more than happy to spill their guts even if it is just for fun. That is when the film gets purchased.

You never even hear the shutter while they are taking the pictures. Oh you will recognized them on the news.

Not quite a Kodak moment if you are looking for some form of privacy. Nope it will be more likely shouted to the world.

Hardly something you can savor. Unless looking like an idiot makes you feel good. Then by all means smile.

It might even make your day. Not mine unless I am able to sell tickets. Then I might have a chance to make it work.

PRIDE IN DEPRAVITY

One would assume that this was not a wise choice. Normally we don't exactly expect those included to depraved behavior to boast.

It is like, well if you must be disgusting, fine, but don't tell me about it. And definitely doesn't quite add to the list of things we want to have put on some pedestal.

Still that doesn't mean some will not feel this is a good thing. They don't have a problem in being liberated.

Well that is a way of saying it is cool to want to drool. And if it happens to be about something slightly perverted even better.

Okay maybe better is not the optimum word choice, but I think the idea is that this is a time when one chose to ignore convention. To say it is okay to be honest about those dirty little secrets you normally don't want to admit to keeping.

And thus we spend our time in the little detours from our real nature. See, I find this essential to true and meaningful clarity.

Discard the essence of charade. All those little masks of morality we wear as if they really are true.

Now that is the aspect I work so hard to eliminate. We need to face the facts here and not pretend any longer.

I want to help free others. I want them to hold their heads up high and not feel a need to apologize for being human.

And where is the profit in that? I mean if we are going to indulge anyway and lie about it then why not stop playing the games?

Oh I imagine there are plenty who wouldn't mind if somebody else volunteered their vices first. Then would no down lie about actually doing it themselves.

Nope that will never work. We need our illusions. Just have to have those little games. And even if there is no winner.

Because otherwise the whole fabric of the universe as we view it might be treated as a joke. Yeah, that would really suck.

Still I am willing to start a grass roots movement to get this thing a decent foundation. Let us leap off that cliff of fears.

Well sounds good. I will most likely sit back while the others do that leaping. Somebody needs to comfort the widows.

SNARLS AND GIGGLES

Strange part of life when you have to tolerate days when you think you are in heaven and hell sneaks in with a sucker punch. Now that really stings.

I hate when that happens. And let me tell you I sure don't cherish those moments. Naturally they happen most when you least expect them.

Probably because you aren't expecting them either. That is okay, you can survive that problem.

What is no cool is when they come at the price of some trust. As when somebody makes this part of your grief.

Then it is a matter of coping with this insanity. Like why did this jerk do this to me? Really adds to the irritation.

What is really even worse is how the person makes it worse by being sorry. They act so sorry.

Now that would hardly replace the knife wound in my back. Being sorry won't even make the pain less either.

All it does is make the whole thing where you have someone you want to strangle, but can't. Because they feel sorry.

Like that makes it all better somehow. Never changes a darn thing. But they seem to think it does.

You just can't take time to you know beat them up over it. And revenge is out of the question too.

It shouldn't be, but it is for me. I just can't bring myself to figure a way to get even. Oh normally don't have a conscience about such things, but that does bother me.

Unless I luck out and discover the person lied. Oh that makes it all better. I can feel good about getting revenge.

Well sadly life doesn't work that way in terms of being easily interpreted. You have to spend so much darn time figuring out the times you are a sucker and those a victim of some stupidity.

Which all comes down to the joy of waiting and watching. And if that is all I end up with something that gives me a smile cool.

If it ends with a snarl, then well back to the drawing board. The one where I have plans for my latest secret weapon.

SOLD FOR...

There is this illusion milling around in the world that for some reason a person exists who will not be bribed or sell his or her values for the right price. To which I say, uh-huh.

Why? Because so far I have not found this to be true. Oh the ones with values do tend to be stubborn.

You can't appeal to them with your usual variety of bribes. You have to be creative. And that includes the bible thumping types too.

See the problem is a matter of knowing what is their bank. That is the place inside where they love to keep their real treasures.

Find out what currency they use and how much of it you can manage to counterfeit and they will hand you a deposit ticket. Or give you a checking account to draw money out of their bank whenever you want.

Oh I do admit from a lazy standpoint I really cherish when I can you know work with the obvious types. Businessmen who understand the simple practical approaches to this.

Essentially that bucks get you anything you can want, providing where you plan on shopping. Not all malls have signs.

Sometimes you have to read them in the eyes of a given person, then no problem. Just a matter of checking the price tags.

The hardest ones to deal with are the ones of traditional values. I'm not talking about the bible thumpers either.

I'm talking about the family values groups. You know the ones that make families a sort of god.

And they want you to worship their little angel Junior because he is so adorable. Never mind that he has a demon smirk and will stab you in the back with a pitch fork at first chance.

To them little Junior is perfect. You offer to do something nice for the rug rat and they will gladly give you whatever you want.

Oh yeah that is such a blessing to understand. Some never seem to get it. They will presume that you have to agree with their point of view.

All you have to do is buy their point of view. A little tip of lies is enough. They will drool and go blind.

Then they won't even notice that you picked their pocket.

DAYLIGHT

Light is such a wonderful tool. Even better when it isn't like artificial so it gives you the illusion you can have it anytime you want.

Then comes a black out and you end up totally crippled. Like what the heck happened? Oh yeah we all need that type of experience.

Which is part of the problem. We have those marvelous moments when life gives us certain expectations and we think we can depend upon given results.

But then we get addiction to thinking we will get certain results and naturally that never results in realism. Oh we get plenty of day dreams, but not truth.

So at times we need to move on and then allow ourselves the joy of seeing the whole process as a learning experience. Meaning we gain from the event with some knowledge helpful to future times.

That is the kind of light that will shine enough to even make night feel like day. Well sounds good at least.

And I generally try to believe it is true. Most of the time I just sit back and keep telling myself it will work.

Now I do confess there are occasions when this is harder than others. Like wen things totally seem to be falling apart.

Then seeing other than night and darkness can be a challenge. I do the best I can, but it does not quite work out that way.

Still one has to hold onto the hope that time will some how make it all better. A nice dream, but seldom does it work out that way.

So instead we live with the fun of dreaming about matches. You know those lights we can create without help.

And you can be sure that this also means we are vulnerable to match salesman. Oh yeah they are everywhere.

They do abound in the world. After all they do sell a valuable commodity so you can hardly complain.

Course the problems with matches is they don't always work. They can be very unpredictable.

So we just have the joy of life in the hope they will work. And those times when we can savor finding light from other sources too. Fun when it works out that way.

TRUSTWORTHY

Ah, such as an admirable quality. Makes one feel so comfortable if dealing with someone you know you can trust.

And hoping along the way that will somehow remain true. Normally the past has a way of intruding on such hopes.

You remember some person you assumed was loyal as a hound dog who turned out to be totally without any principles. They just were real good at lying about it.

Which doesn't quite make for a pleasant trip down memory lane. Still you do cling to illusion that this time might be different.

Oh it might be just an illusion, but it is better than giving up completely. That is the option and it never feels good.

Still we hope for better. And if we didn't then each day would hardly be something to look towards with more than complain.

Oh plenty do that. Only never in a way that really ends up as a plus. Unless in the category of things we add to denial diary.

Now come on admit it, you have one. It's okay to make that confession. You are not alone.

I bet you keep yours next to the television remote like I do. You know next to those receipts for things such as self improvement items bought of some infomercial that you keep in the closet with the box never opened.

Un-huh, those. See, been there and done that so you don't have to feel alone in that regard.

Meanwhile of course in between times we are adding entries to our denial diary or chapters to our fantasy life novel, we do visit reality on occasions.

Those are the times when it seems that we need to find those pals who will be best friends an not break out hearts. At least lie to us in a way that makes it sound good.

Which I think is a reasonable request. I mean it sure does cut down on the anxiety if we feel somebody cares.

But then hopefully, our need doesn't impact our judgment. That is not a good thing. Making stupid and gullible choices is never a way to make friends.

At least none that you want who won't sell you out for the right price when the time comes. Life is full of those.

STINKY

Ah the impact of smells. The things that snarl the nose hairs and leave you feeling really pissed in general.

Now I am not strictly limiting this to things such as actual smells such as body odor or farts. That would be way to obvious.

I'm talking about fertilizer. As in the verbal kind. Lord knows I have spread enough of that in my day.

So I consider myself to be an expert on that subject. Thus I know the aspects of what can really stink big time.

The main chore is to not let somebody else know it is fertilizer. That requires ample amounts of perfume.

You do this with flattery. Oh yeah that is so much honey for the ears. Amazing how it will coat the mind.

Before you know it the person is so numb from that smothering to his or her reason that the smell doesn't even become an issue. You make the person feel like a god and the rest will fall right into place.

You know take them to heaven in their attitude and thinking and they will be so caught up with it that shoot they will never care about what is stinking. Only it doesn't last forever.

Sooner or later they will stop being thrilled with flattering words. Instead they will be expecting at some point for you to be more balance and less upbeat.

Otherwise they know off the bat is it a lie. And that really doesn't impress anyone. Nope that will be a big clue this is all phony.

Finding the right balance can be tricky. It can take lots of practice to in any way end up a positive thing.

Emphasis here on positive meaning the person actually benefits from all the manure until you get what you want. Then you have chance to focus on getting away

At least before their common sense nostrils kick in. That can be a real pain. They will really be pissed then.

Oh yeah if you stick around too long to admire your work it will not be a good thing. That will not be the kind of option that will end up in thanks.

More like a necktie in the shape of a noose.

COME HERE LOOKS

Ah, the joy of invitations. You get one of these you can feel so thrilled. Providing it comes from the right source.

If it comes from a wrong source you can be in big trouble. Now right and wrong are hardly terms with universal meaning.

Depends on who you ask as to what would be right or wrong. Basically for me a wrong source is one that would entice, but end up causing grief.

There has to be you know a certain appeal in the first place or you wouldn't fall for their hype. Only you get so jazzed you brain forgets that it isn't reality.

So they sneak in with the seductive words and make you slave to their desires. Really disgusting.

This happen to me the other day. I was tooling down the road when I saw this young gal holding up a car wash sign.

There are a lot of those around. So nothing surprise. But I have to admit she was extra appealing.

Yeah, a guy thing, what can I say? And naturally it worked. I mean she sure knew how to make the most of her comments.

At least I wasn't alone. There as a whole line of middle aged farts out there that all were figuring we could get more than a car wash for our contribution.

Yep, not quite a moment of real clarity or wisdom here. And we did get our cars washed. Didn't pay that much attention though.

Were too busy watching the gal. Pathetic huh? Yep. And let me tell you it did not thrill me to find out later the windows on my car weren't rolled up when it was being washed.

I was just feeling so thrilled by her comments didn't pay attention. Not tell much later. Like after my pants leg was soaked from when I opened the door.

And when I noticed my car seat was totally squishing. Oh I did turn around and go back. Had to try.

But by then they were gone. I did notice several of the other guys, also soak who were driving around in circles.

We did share the same thought and stupid faces. Plus extra cleaning bills. Ah, let me tell you that as almost worth the abuse.

But not completely.

GO SEE...

Advice from somebody you trust to suggest that you can be helped by seeking out a given source of wisdom. Some of this is very practical.

You have car problems, see a mechanic, plumbing problems see a plumber. Not much mystery in that process.

I only wish it were based only on fact. See the problem is a person can claim to be one of those trades and not really be skilled at them.

So this is where we turn to friends for references. Like give me a name of somebody who didn't turn out to be a crook when you used their services.

A few helpful hints in that regard though. For example, if your buddy tells you to go and see someone there are a few clues it might not be a good recommendation.

If for example your pal casually mentions how he and this other person often go on trips together. And the other person picks up the tab. Hmm, might be a conflict of interests.

Then there are the other aspects too. Like for example if you take time to check out the reference and the person is on probation for a crime related to another business, that is not encouraging.

Ah it is sad indeed that we must endure some realities. I suppose we wouldn't if people were honest.

However, we know that this is not going to be the way that leads to hope. Or much else in the plus side for that matter.

Doesn't keep it from happening though. You can be sure of that. For people are if nothing else predictable.

So you can sort of assume that referrals will have the same elements of risk as most things in life. Only you tend to get more annoyed when it ends up being somebody you really thought was a friend.

Now that is not a thing I like to find out about somebody after taking their advice. Nope I would prefer if they weren't that great at masking their stupidity.

But that is all part of life. Well until you sort it out. You know find out who you can trust and not trust.

This can take forever with some. Because they might throw you off the track and be right a time or two.

That really is the pits when later it is like, the sleeping moron awakes. Then you learn you own lesson at being dumb.

ADDITION

Great when this means more in your pocket. More in a way that you view the events of a given situation. Hoping they are not as bad as they seem.

Something you can somehow correct with the right math. Just a little addiction of details to be able to take things from point a to point b in a painless process.

And the way you can achieve this without it being too costly is even more important. For that will may the whole thing even more satisfying.

Well for me at least. Maybe not for others, but I see it that way. Just not sure everyone would agree.

But life should be about numbers don't you think. The kind that add up in a positive way. Providing you don't have a person coming around an eraser.

That is the part, which is the important when you are dealing with those who want to add things while subtracting from you. Oh yes, this is so much fun.

Well I will tell you this is not a good way to apply mathematics if you are on the side facing the subtraction. But then I assume this is understood.

At least one would think it would be easily understood, however, I have a feeling whatever is the thinking or knowledge it does not translate into action. Basically we do what we want regardless of the math.

So far that does seem to be the guiding principle. And it doesn't surprise me. Only thing that doesn't work is the way people talk about it.

You see that is the defining issue here. It isn't enough to do the math in your favor you have to be willing to tell the truth about it.

Well at least that is the way I chose to view it. And so far I think that is not the way everyone else treats it.

But that is okay, because with my book of record keeping things always add up perfectly. Yeah, it does make a difference.

And that is such a wonderful option when looking at numbers you don't want to read. That is less than a joy.

Now as for the meaning of joy, ah, well that too depends on who you ask. We just can't always make sure we know the way others do math.

I've spent a lifetime looking for others math books and haven't found them yet. So I don't quite feel to be sure that is a good choice from my point of view, but it does make for some interesting numbers.

SMILES THAT KEEP ON GIVING

Ah, memories, that will do it. They kind where you have a reason to cherish the event. As in when somebody got deserved grief.

Oh yeah that is a fun thing. You can sit back and relish the moment Remember each vivid detail and smile.

Now if you are talking about giving somebody else a gift of smiles then this is different. You need to focus on happiness.

I like to think in terms of what would make me happy. Perhaps this is not the right focus to some, but I think it is important.

For if I am happy the others will find some happiness too. Primarily because I won't be thinking of ways to victimize them.

I know I shouldn't think it those terms, but hey so many others do, I hate to miss out and being normal. Well being in a position to feel that is normal.

Okay some would toss in the issue of charity. Okay fine with me. I believe in being generous.

Just you know in a way that produces good feelings in the process. Which only happens if I do manage to gain in the process.

Yep, we are talking giving to get. Tell me nobody else thinks of that? I think it comes up all the time.

See, what really is the difference between say giving and expecting something in return than giving and having a tax write off in the process? I think they are the same.

Now some won't agree. And that is fine. But then I want to see their tax returns. Buddy, if Uncle Sam picked up the tab for your charity then don't pretend.

Yeah, that is simple enough. Let's just get this straighten out for all our sakes. Then we can make the whole thing fun.

A little joy and happiness can be spread around for all. Fair enough to me. No big deal as far as I 'm concerned.

Just have to cope with those darn nit picky types. They want help with no conditions. Oh yeah like that works.

Come on buddy, give me a break. Take my gift and then help me out in the process. And don't pretend either.

Fair enough? Always is on the Limburger plan.