Different is Good

Amazing how some will say this and not mean it. Yeah, that you can count on as other than true.

Not in all cases, just when you deal with certain people. The ones with their head stuck where the sun don’t shine.

But who think they are free spirits. Just take so much pride in being what they consider to be liberal minded.

Only they aren’t. And you find it out the hard way. When you ask for their help. Which you find out about the rule.

The ones they never mention up front. And they say they are not about control. But they really are.

So a few ways to tell this is by observation. First of all if they were shoes other than sneakers that have laces.

That is a big clue they have a problem. Then they can do other wonderful things. Not lots, but a few.

Such as having way to clean desk. Or if you go to their house and everything is totally neat.

I mean to the point you could feel comfortable eating off places you would never thing. Yeah that kind of clean.

Anyway it is a big clue there is something different with them. And you sure can tell it isn’t wonderful.

But that is okay. Just don’t waste time making stupid suggestions. Be careful to not act spontaneous.

It will freak them out. Such people can handle change or even variety. Offer it and you are in trouble.

Oh they might not say it, but it is a problem. Well at least as far as it goes. But that is okay.

At least they are not the world. There are enough sane people out there. And you got to love them.

Just finding them can be tough. Got to sort through all the puckered minds to find them. Can be so hard.

But worthwhile when you do.

DISAPPOINTED

This sucks when it happens to you. Nothing worse that having your dreams destroyed. Yep, can say I love it.

Now for some this may not be a problem. Yep, one can always celebrate the times when what you crave becomes reality.

Doesn’t mean you give up though. That is not the way you like to think of life. Not if you are wanting more than to get depressed.

So the best cure is to be sure you take the time to never give up. You just plot along and enjoy when things work.

Now for me the one thing I do is try to decrease the times of disappointment. This happens by passing it on.

Oh I know that sucks in the eyes of some, but what the heck, I love it. Life deserves to be about joy.

Only I figure there isn’t enough to go around. So you need this type of approach that makes things more realistic.

Okay I know this is the old Limburger dodge. Some might have even called it that. But well I don’t.

After all I do need my fantasies. Yeah, come on tell me that doesn’t appeal to you. Come on admit it.

In any case I find it all something that gets boring without a little creativity. And who needs that?

Nope what we need is sanity. A realistic option. Times we can take this to a level that works for the rest of us.

Oh you can find the types who decide their approach works best. Which is fine except when they want you to do it too.

But that is why I do make sure that I find ways to journey the road of options. Yep, not to get bogged down in life.

Oh it would be so much better to find this as an option. Yep, got to keep it in perspective here.

So while some might not appreciate my slang on joy, I will continue to keep it as part of my goal in life.

Well to some degree.

This sucks when it happens to you. Nothing worse that having your dreams destroyed. Yep, can say I love it.

Now for some this may not be a problem. Yep, one can always celebrate the times when what you crave becomes reality.

Doesn’t mean you give up though. That is not the way you like to think of life. Not if you are wanting more than to get depressed.

So the best cure is to be sure you take the time to never give up. You just plot along and enjoy when things work.

Now for me the one thing I do is try to decrease the times of disappointment. This happens by passing it on.

Oh I know that sucks in the eyes of some, but what the heck, I love it. Life deserves to be about joy.

Only I figure there isn’t enough to go around. So you need this type of approach that makes things more realistic.

Okay I know this is the old Limburger dodge. Some might have even called it that. But well I don’t.

After all I do need my fantasies. Yeah, come on tell me that doesn’t appeal to you. Come on admit it.

In any case I find it all something that gets boring without a little creativity. And who needs that?

Nope what we need is sanity. A realistic option. Times we can take this to a level that works for the rest of us.

Oh you can find the types who decide their approach works best. Which is fine except when they want you to do it too.

But that is why I do make sure that I find ways to journey the road of options. Yep, not to get bogged down in life.

Oh it would be so much better to find this as an option. Yep, got to keep it in perspective here.

So while some might not appreciate my slang on joy, I will continue to keep it as part of my goal in life.

Well to some degree.

SOME

The inevitable accounting of what can’t really be counted. It is the vague bookkeeping of paranoia.

All the times we take and decide somebody we can describe is to blame for the problems in life. Feels so good.

Just a pity that you have to leave this without finding the right person to truly make a scapegoat. Always so messy making one up.

But that is how it works the best for certain people. Yep, life can be such a joy. If you work it right.

This is the challenge you have to live by. A willingness to refuse to just ramble without purpose.

Personally, I prefer to make sure I always find a person for this. Even if I have to make them up.

Some just works so much better when you can give them a personality. Then you have a specific kind of face to say is the bad guy.

Ah it is just a cherished memory. How I savor those times. The joy of ruining the moment by letting someone take the fall
It is such a thrill when you create an enemy. And if they don’t know it even better. Yep, I love it.

So you just find the selected person you can say did all the wrong things. Then you just pass on the info.

Now the joy comes when you find somebody you can tell who you let know this is a secret. That guarantees they will tell everyone.

Now the fun part would be picking out somebody who you can think you like them. So they treat this as being a confidant.

Which is wonderful. Because they will truly believe you like them. And when they accept it that is the best part.

That is when you can tell them anything and they will believe you. This is such a joy for you can let them have any kinds of lies.

Then the fun really begins. Why you can have them looking all over for the some who are going to destroy the world.

Now that I love.

TAKING IT ALL

Well this is one dream I think most people have. Just that small wish to have it all. And feel good about it.

Not something we honestly get to say happens that often though. This is never our preference.

But unless you happen to have access to a genie or know where the magic lamp store is located you are out of luck. I am still hopeful though.

Just keep believing that somewhere this does exist. All we need is a map. And that would be enough.

Providing it was written so you could understand it. Not one of those deals where they ask a fortune and lie about what happens.

Yeah, that never is a good option. Oh I have used it a few times myself. You know to sort of inspire.

Inspire being something that I do in a way that I will build hope. Let the person believe anything is possible.

Naturally that is all illusion. A little dose of lies that will maybe get the person to be cooperate.

And you can add a few dreams in there too. The kind that makes a person drool at the possibilities.

Yep it is called greed. This is one thing you can count on with most. They will be selfish in some way.

But that is totally to be expected. After all what fun is life if you can have a little fantasy?

So I peddle a few promises. And it gets people all excited. They are going to start looking for the genie.

Which may take forever. That is the whole point. It needs to. You want them slaving away and dreaming.

They will work so much harder if they think it bring results. Oh sure the mind will struggle with the contradictions, but that is okay.

Because by the time they figure out it is a crock it is too late. You already took their money and are on vacation.

Just has to be somewhere they don’t go.

ADJUSTMENTS

Now this is an issue of civil priority. Translation, you have to massage the numbers. Yep very important.

When you are in a position of serving the public. That is when this has to happen. And it is such a pain.

Essentially it is the gap between reality and expectations. A regrettable aspect to life when you work for the government.

Now the problem lies with the fact that we are the government. People think we should be able to fix all problems.

But not with any way for us to be offer any realistic options. Just dig out that imaginary wand.

Go ahead you have to have it in a drawer somewhere. So come on you can do it. Yeah, that is so unreal.

But you can’t tell the ordinary citizen that. They will flash the tax card. Why surely we are rolling in money.

Yep that is all we do all day, sit around on our lazy butts and count money. Oh we do stop long enough to take a nap.

Or perhaps you know we’ll pause long enough to waste some, on ourselves. Which means we will get long lunches and little work.

Oh not everyone will say that. Nope some will just give you that look. The one that screams you are butthead.

And you know after they leave even if you help them they will still say your are a jerk. They are good at that.

So knowing all of this we still have to help them. Which makes us all that much more thrilled.

It sucks and we still do what we can. But it seldom makes us happy. And whoa to us should they want what is against the rules.

Oh talk about a crisis. Boy is that something that inspires speeches. All those you’re a bunch of jackasses.

Sure makes life so much fun. And leads to all those adjustments. Mainly they are illusion, but they shut the people up.

At least for the moment.

BETTER THAN WAY

A wonderful final word for a disaster. Which makes it all so much ore satisfying than getting upset.

Well been there and done that. Know the “moral victories.” All those terrific times you define as a learning experience.

It all sounds great. At least on the surface. However deep down it sucks. None of us is thrilled by these times.

So you make up this stuff about how great it is and blessed. If you say it long enough you might even believe it.

But while all that sounds uplifting it is a crock. At least to anyone that loves winning. Sorry not a joy.

Personally this is all part of a speech I give to others. Yeah, once they have tried something and failed.

It works great with causes. Yep, love those times. All those do-gooders who want change.

Which naturally most of the time I’ve been working against the change. Not that I admit it.

That would never be a wise idea on my part. Just part of my doing business on the side. And not admitting it.

This can be so tricky. I mean I get involved with some investment deal and just see it as business as usual.

So once and a while you have to make certain choices. Like when I had to foreclose on that shelter.

Didn’t want to do it, but a strip mall just cried to be built there. So that is what I did. And I did make my attempt to not cause problems.

We have a nice park with plenty of bushes for them to use. Yeah, I thought it was a good idea.

Well some activist complained. Then asked me to help as Mayor. Boy was that exhausting.

All those lies and fake committees. Just too much work. And I was sure glad when I gave that well get even next time.

Just didn’t say how.

FOR CHEAP, BUT NOT CHEAP

Now affordable is a good thing. You can truly benefit from such options. Providing you don’t sacrifice quality.

When you do that it really sucks. You can put any spin on it you want, but you will not gain if the stuff is crap

My view you understand. And proud of it. Yeah, that is what I have come to appreciate. This is critical.

Oh not so some. Yeah a bargain is all they care about. And that is what I try to convey to some.

I consider it as an important lesson. And I work very hard to be sure I make it possible. Really I do.

Oh yeah that is such an important form of education. Pity more don’t love it the way I offer it.

But that is the part I am trying to work on more. I want the message to get out there and that is the important aspect.

Just to set free the people who are sold on bargains without the quality. Yeah, that is the pits.

And so part of how I work is to show the quality. So I do have to take time to show them the difference.

Yep, I work hard at that part. And you can be sure I have helped many along the way. I just let them see all my goods.

I don’t know, I can do it without bragging. Just doing my best to make them anxious. Give them a taste of the good life

But then it just doesn’t always get the desired results. Some will never get it. They just will only expect a few things.

The hard part is to no let the need you create turn into greed. You want them trying, but not obsessed.

So you just take time to drop little hints and do all you can to see them grow. Once they can’t live without something you are done.

Then you sell it to them. And when I do that I keep it at a price they can afford. With increase as they can handle them.

With later options for loans.

SURPRISE AND YES

Now surprises can be a nice thing. Those little unexpected pleasures that really can make you smile.

Perhaps they don’t happen when we want. Maybe they are often something you dream more than experience.

But when it happens, aww, the joy. The pure rapture of fun and excitement. Yes, one can truly savor that option.

Now what is even better is if you can something plan this. Set the wheels of life in motion so they are like a time bomb.

Yet in a good way. Which is a joy when it happens. A chance to feel so darn good about life.

All of this depends on the time we can create for miracles to happen. This required investing.

For some this is a bad word. They don’t like risk. And that is not surprising. Just a way to make life such a time of magic.

In any event I still am a firm believer that this is a process you can in some way influence. Which is great.

Now some won’t agree. They would prefer to have no such possibilities. Not if it involves risk.

Which is why I want to start the idea of saying yes to hope. We have the no concept own, so why not a yes one?

I think that ought to catch on. Got to play it up. Yeah, that would be such a good idea. But then some would need convincing.

That can be hard. Yeah that is the part we need to truly get into our minds as ready as possible for some joy.

You would think that would be easy. But it sure isn’t. Not with most. I try to make myself a source of inspiration.

To do that I often need to push people a little. Take them out of their comfort zone. Oh they hardly say thanks.

But that isn’t surprising. So if that means I have to like take a price out of their pocket books to make them free, I do it.

Just a ministry of sorts.

HELP NOT

Help is such a good thing. Providing some crazy person isn’t doing the helping. I’m really not thrilled in those times

And unfortunately I sure don’t love when I have to be the bad guy in these situations. That happens far to often.

Mainly because I have so many employees who are good at this. They are so skilled at not helping.

Most never even had a lesson. Just seem to have a natural talent for it. And lucky me I get the phone calls.

Now some times it does make sense. I mean people do have to go to the bathroom. Can’t help that.

And there are also lunch hours and breaks. You have to take those some time. Well seems like it.

Only I’m not sure that extends to things like surfing the internet. That is the part that I find a tad annoying.

You know I can appreciate they might be checking something. But not some of the stuff they look at.

I have to admit that it is hard to get too upset when they are looking at things like fertilizer sites. To find some mix for their gardens.

Talk about getting silly. Now they don’t even do something I can complain over. Like if they were surfing porn sites.

That really I could gripe about. Means they would be in competition with me. And I don’t like that kind of opponent

Want to keep those places all mine. Still I know they can be totally expected to not check things out.

Be nice if it wasn’t so boring. What sane person really wants to take time to check out yarn bids on ebay?

It is just too depressing to even think about. Which is even harder to talk about when some citizen is pissed.

They don’t want to hear that they were held up for too long while some employee was checking out yard. Don’t work.

I keep pretending it will get better, but there are only so many lies you can tell.

DO IT FOR ME

Now this for me is a fun aspect of life. Those times when you get to expect certain things from people.

No lies needed just a request. And if you are dealing with the right person even better. Some just understand this type of thing better.

Course it can get complicated. You have those times when the person may not appreciate your situation.

So you have to tolerate their attitudes. And that means other that times of joy. Well that is from my view.

I just have this thing about not wanting to have too many on my list of friends that don’t accept this option. They really don’t get on my priority list.

Now I’m not talking here constant abuse or anything. More of an understanding. The simple cooperative nature of helping each other.

Only perhaps with some variables. Since this does include such things as special favors. Yes those count.

Now perhaps I can let this be one of those oh yeah times. The ones that you love because they feel so darn good.

Once again this is one of those accommodation areas that exists, but you can’t brag about it. You just have to try and not advertise directly.

So instead it comes through the routine of dealing with people. A nice friendly chat to earn a few smiles.

Then once you are convinced the person won’t rat you out then you can talk about options. Hopefully promising ones.

Oh how I long for the good old days. The simpler times when you just didn’t worry about things like wire taps.

But then today with the rates of bribery having gone up it works great. You just have to pass on the cost to others.

I didn’t say they would enjoy it. Just that you would be thrilled to have a chance to do so. At least when it can happen.

Which for me is never enough. So that is why I keep trying to expand my circle of friends.

And my sources of bribes.

ONCE AGAIN, BUT...

Got to love those repeats. And if they are things you enjoy even better. Yep, you go to feel so good when hope comes your way.

Now it might not work best when you can plan it. Those times when life just was so perfect you can’t imagine it being better.

So you just get so excited about the idea of replaying the moment of wow. The times will sure be worth remembering.

Providing you can find the wow and it is still in season. Which is the problem with wow, it can be a temporary joy.

Like when you go to some restaurant and have a great meal. But the place goes out of business later.

You can always find some meal elsewhere, just may not have the same joy. The same chance to impress.

But that is where you have to be creative. Have a chance to learn and discover is this paradise a fluke?

Yeah, there are fake paradises. To darn many of them. Wish it was otherwise, but it isn’t.

Now I do have a nice recovery system for people in this situation. I will be glad to create some opportunity for smiles.

A little dash of memorabilia and some creative ways to make it all seem great and they will be happy. Well at least they will seem to be.

Fantasy is a big part of this. You need that in order to be thrilled when the lies get results.

Now this doesn’t always happen the way I want. Yeah, that can be a big challenge. But it can and does happen.

So I celebrate the time of such service. It will make the difference. And so much fun when it does.

Well then I feel the joy when it all comes out the way I want. Might not be when I want it, but nice when it happens.

In any event this is the part I do enjoy. The chances to truly know what is all means in terms of fun.

I have a translator.

MORE THAN THAT

Aw, yes, the joy of need. It does bite at us. That desire to be in position to have more than enough.

You sure can’t be unhappy with that choice. Just need to accept dull is not always a happy option.

Now maybe if you rule out all the people who are nuts and don’t really want more then cool. They are welcome to dull.

I don’t mind. That is enough for me. Well at least as long I am the one who gets to fill in the other more.

Now where I live this is a common problem. Mediocrity is known for dull. Boredom sort of is almost a law here.

Not one I voted for. But it does end up being a big part of life. To the point that it truly dominates to much of our city.

So when people here talk of more, oh man that is not about excitement to be sure. Well that is the one thing I can count on.

So that is why I work more on the aspect of trying to be sure I get more than dull. Now since so many have no clue on it that helps.

Maybe it doesn’t help enough, but I try. So this becomes a case of my pursuing alternatives without them knowing it.

True it is complicated when I can’t take the chance and always explain it to those who don’t get it. They will just mess me up.

Only the problem is that I have to be creative at times. Explain things in ways that makes sense to them.

This is a matter of time. Well and opportunity. Yep, got to have both. And if I do then cool.

I’m working on the Limburger survival guide for such things. I figure it might benefit lots of people.

At least those not hopelessly corrupted by monotony. For them it my be too late. Sad, but true.

Perhaps I could start a school? Limburger U has a nice ring to it. And I’m sure I could make it affordable.

Eventually.

Be A Star

Well sure is a joy to have this as an ambition. Even better if it happens. But the problem with stars is they do fall.

So the old rule whatever goes up, must come down applies. There are the shooting stars. They are the ones that rise so spectacularly.

Oh they burn so bright. You just are sure they will shine forever. But sooner or later a brighter star rises.

And all the star watchers stop looking at the old one to check out the new one. And before long they have forgot the previous one.

Now that is called life. Really does happen so much. Sort of fact in life that you can depend to always happen.

And the sad thing is when you expect otherwise. That is when you really will have problems.

If you are one of these types who love to be a star, but think doing so will make you stay up in space forever, then you are in big trouble. Yeah, that will be the fact.

However, if you prefer to be a rocket then there is hope for you. Rockets can be refueled. And that means you have a been chance of surviving.

Now you see that is the main difference. A star tries to only fly by its own talent. Never thinks of not continuing to fly.

Thinks it doesn’t need any help. And that is the biggest weakness of a star. Yep, being stupid.

Whereas a rocket is smart enough to seek some help. Find some source for fuel. Oh yeah that really works.

And I do feel so inclined to be realistic on that part. Because you sure will get so much more success with some help.

That is called wisdom. It doesn’t work well with pride. They sort of fight against each other.

And that is the part that matters. You just need to take the time to plan ahead. Get that launching pad primed.

Then you can take off and feel confident. The ability to function without any silliness. Plus no risk of leaving a crater.

Nope that never is a good choice unless being moron is your idea of fame.

ERRATIC

A wonderful word. Yep we truly have to be happy over this one. To heck with plans, forget the rules.

We need to be sure we just don’t let this get to us. Nope I refuse to give in to the panic. Those times you lose control.

Well in any case that is my goal here. To try and make things work for me. Always the most important part.

Just not the quite a thing I prefer. Well at least unless I can make it fun. Then it is great. Course the fun comes from when you make others crazy.

This might be on purpose, but heck you have to like take the time to do it right. Can’t let the person know you planned it.

Plain fact is this happens all the time. And the basic nature of life seems to make this even more likely.

Yeah, I got to admit that is one thing I do surely love. Just let the crazy moments cause plenty of screams.

Well screams for others. Not for me. Unless it is screams from happiness of watching somebody freak out.

Now you have to be sure you love watching others go goofy. That can be hard for some. But not for all.

In any case we do have to take time to like explore just how insane the world truly can be. To let it all fall apart.

Well for a little while. Not forever. Nope that would be a big mistake. And I would rather just toss it out for a thought at times.

It is great when that can happen. Just allow people to gravitate to where stress is in a way they can’t handle. And you have to pretend to care.

That is the big key. You don’t do that and it will drive you nuts. So this is a case of making sure it is the other guy.

If you achieve that then you have won. And we all can savor the joy. Well maybe some won’t see it that way, but it is.

Just another friendly service from Limburger Industries. The simple service of helping others.

Even if they go insane in the process.

TWINKLE

Oh my there is nothing like the starry moments in life. Those with a special sparkle. And you feel they are perfect.

So naturally you look for any chance you can make them happen. Which is a challenge since they are rare.

In that sense they are like stars. Only happening at certain times. And you can be sure that is never when you want them the most.

Really do hate that part. Little slices of joy you can’t have when you desire. Just left to be at a whim of fate.

Oh yes this is not the timing we have a reason to celebrate. Because we can’t control them.

Which gives them that special quality of being something you love and hate at the same time. Not always a joy.

Still we are addicted to it all. Those sparklers that make us feel so alive. And really can’t complain either.

Just need ways to improve them. Oh yeah that would be great. Well in theory. And the problem relate to how.

This is defined by our view of what constitute a twinkle. There can be so many and naturally they are not the same for two people.

Now needless to say where I live in dullsville, the stars some love are so bland and unexciting. Totally boring.

Okay I’m sorry, but reruns on television don’t make the night shine for me. And a night out strolling the mall and window shopping don’t cut it either.

I’m not complaining in some ways. I mean the nice part is that those things make it easier for me.

Because with them off consuming the boring stuff I can be free to pursue the real forms of sparkle. A little extra flash to produce smiles.

That is all I ask. Might not seem like it is important to some, but it is to me. So that is what I do.

And I won’t even brag about it. Just smile a lot when it happens. This always is enough for me.

Well at least that any body knows.

WHAT?

Oh the perfect question to cover a lie. It is a way to pause and try to pretend you are innocent.

It also takes some good effort to make this convincing. And if you work it right it gives you time to find a patsy.

After all you know you’ve been caught. It isn’t the problem. So you just take time to find out who you are going to blame.

All of which has to be done without spilling your guts. Nope that will never do. You can’t enjoy that option.

Because if that happens it is an admission of guilt. That is one thing you don’t want under any circumstances.

As long as you take time to relax and act innocent that is the first part. The you can sit down and give that belief me look.

The one that looks so wounded. Now that is so important. Because it is part of the game.
Which is the key.

Once that happens then you never know. It can be a point where you can enjoy this whole process.

You just have to be able to appear calm. I didn’t say you were calm. Just appeared that way.

And now after you have achieved that part then all is well. Providing you can keep up that image.

This calls for stamina. No weakening at the last moment. No giving up at the last second from the pressure.

It is so important to remember that part. I have know plenty who have forgotten. They just panic and cave.

In any case we mosey along here. I keep hat in hand as some say. Got to look needy. Lambs get sympathy lions get accuse.

Um that is a Limburger philosophy. You just have to be willing to accept it based on my experience.

Which trust me will help you survive such experiences. And that will make it all worth while.

Enough said, I hope so.

I SAW THAT

Oh yeah this is a wonderful option. To be able to say you witnessed, stupidity and even brag about it.

Well you might say that this is a good idea if you are the one doing the seeing. However if you are the one who got caught, forget it.

Pretty much works like most things. But then if you aren’t careful you end up getting this whole deal confused.

At the heart I suppose it would be great if it was a good experience. However this doesn’t mean others will agree.

Now it is important that we don’t give ourselves any reason to get depressed over this. I mean it is very critical we stay calm.

That is always a very important thing to remember. After all, there might be times when we don’t want to let the realty spoil our fun.

This is not a good option. So there are so many ways this can be a joy. If you keep the right attitude.

Which is not always our choice. Depends on what maniac is in charge of the game. So you do have to make allowance for that.

What I do love is this fabulous occasion when I can use my eyes for a bank deposit. Hmm, sounds so much more fun that to use the word blackmail.

Now in order to give this subject a honest approach I have focused on some other issues. Namely that we all take time to smile.

Yeah, come on we can be crabby any old time. This takes practice. Yeah, you have to admit it is fun.

I want to you know have a chance to celebrate. To make spying on others a reason to party.

Now who doesn’t need that? Really I so feel that is an important issue. Just come on be happy.

Okay maybe you can’t. Perhaps you got a serious case of the dulls. Now quite the joy we want.

Which is why I’m working here to cheer you up. That way you can feel better about ratting people out.

Take a bow if you can.

STRUGGLES

Oh the joy when you have to work extra hard. Yeah, it isn’t enough to just cope you got somebody adding to the problem.

Now there are other factors naturally. Circumstance can toss a few surprises into the process.

Which never makes the whole process more fun. So naturally the one thing we do is end up having to battle something to get from point a to point b.

My joy is working hard finding ways to avoid such difficulties. Always looking for those little short cuts.

One can really enjoy discovering creative ways of being lazy. Oh yeah, you can’t complain when you get to do that.

At least I don’t. But some do. There are those strange people out there who think it is better to work hard.

They love wading through problems. Like it is some kind of victory that you can brag about.

Now if they do have some value in making it the hard way through some struggle I’m happy for them. Just don’t ask me to participate.

So that is the part I try to encourage. Give them all the time they need to knock themselves out on that part.

I will be happy sitting back and just being me. To be able to find the easy ways to take care of challenges.

Bribes really help too. As does blackmail if it applies. Intimidation has been known to work also.

Just like finding so many ways to excuse what I do in a way that makes it seem realistic. That is the part I work on.

Now the time comes I guess when it will all work out in my favor. All the ambitious people will knock themselves out for the chance to brag.

Yep, they can have all that fun. I will let them. As for me, I will be so happy to sit back and just avoid the pain.

Yeah, that works for me. They can have the scars. I save my butt and feel good about it. Can’t be sad over that choice.

Which I think is smart.

IF ONLY

Ah, these are the two words you hear too often when it is too late. They come after some bone head move.

And you sure would love to redo the blunder. Make it seem genius instead of moron. Sure love to have that option.

However I think you would need a time machine. And even then it might be tricky. Since you might end up guessing about the time.

At least hopefully you would have more than one chance to fix the problem. I have learn that when we blow it there is a good chance we will do it again.

Well that is with the same type of choices. Sort of like your brain goes out of service for a while.

So you need to have more than one chance to fix it. That way you can stand a chance of it actually working.

You know sort of like the idea that if you try something enough times sooner or later it will come out right. Which is what I try to do.

Still the difficulty with the current nature of life is that doesn’t happen. We need to figure a way to make that possible.

Now I wish I had a way to make it a law. But that you know gets way too complicated. Yeah, never works.

See the problem is if you fix the mess ups for one person you have to do it for all. Otherwise you get even more complaints.

So we would have to come up with some kind of waiting list. Then you would have to figure a way to decide the order on the list.

I would take care of it no doubt with some kinds of bribes. Heck this is a service. So that is only fair.

After all I am the one who is offering this deal. So I figure my effort deserves some credit.

Naturally I would expect to be first on the list. Then take time to be sure I get all my problems fixed.

Just to be sure the whole thing worked correctly. Which seems only reasonable. Well that is under the Limburger plan.

Maybe some will even accept it too.

HELP

I wish this was something everyone understood the same way. But that never works the way you want.

Mainly it seems you get your choice of help that either helps in away that makes things worse or doesn’t help at all. And they sure get upset if you complain.

Course I do feel a special obligation to see that as a Mayor I assist people in a way that reflects the real meaning of help. So they have the right expectations.

Now the proper way is to be sure they have to fill out a form. That is very important.. They need to be given the illusion they need is important.

Notice I said illusion. See this is important. I think the most important need is for knowledge.

It is the key to be sure others understand help in the proper perspective. At least in terms of what government does.

Which is why we use forms. And make them as complicated a possible. Being sure they are confusing.

Then naturally you make sure you never answer questions in a way that makes sense or is logical. Hoping it will discourage.

If they are stubborn and still expect help then you go to level two. This is where you make sure you let them talk to a supervisor.

The person can be a complete idiot, but you give them the title and then let them drone on about whatever. This really is such a great ploy.

In the end most leave. But there is always the strange person that still thinks we will help them in some way.

That is the part you have to really work at. The die hards that just won’t give up. You really have to work hard to educate them.

This is the time for appointments. Yep, you only have ones available they can’t use. Make them months away too.

Really is the fun of it all. And if you are fortunate they will give up. Which is the fun part.

Alas it doesn’t always work. There are a few who you end up having to actually help. Got to hate that.

But guess that is one of those risks we take seeing how we are civil service.

SEWN

Sewing is a simple process that requires three things. You need a needle, thread and some fabric.

Now the issue is that in order to do sewing you must have kind of pattern. Otherwise the materials are kind of waste to own.

And let me till you that in no way does this fact impact how people treat this subject. Essentially it means you need some idea of what you need to sew.

Now this does happen with government a lot. We get all kinds of regulations regarding needles and threads.

And naturally their will be countless laws regarding fabric safety. Oh yeah you got to have those.

Now to have any kind of pattern you must get a license. Yep, they want to be sure they can inspect your idea of a pattern.

So once you do all of that and applied for some kind of license, completed the forms and done all is required, you get a permit. Doesn’t mean it gets anything sewn.

Just as far as the government is concerned you are approved to sew. And this doesn’t mean in the end you will have a sewn item.

It means that they will forget how you afterwards. This is called freedom. Or democracy in process.

At least by certain forms of definition. None of which is concerned with things like efficiency or competency.

And that is a time honored tradition that I truly support. Yeah, I love to peddle the concept that I care.

I love when I can make that appear I am helping out the little guy. Now he might end up with no clothes, but heck at least we tried.

Trying is always the important part. It is the we in we the people. Ooh, I like that. Have to save it for some speech.

After all that is part of what make the government work. We might you know get anyone dressed, but we sure tried.

Well sort of. Just perhaps not enough to actually end up with a clothing store being created.

Just to leave the illusion it will be there someday.

WAITING

Okay, so does anyone actually like this? If there is than you get a nice trophy. For being stupid!

Yep, that is what I said. I never thought waiting as a good thing. I’m sorry, but from my view this plain sucks.

I say that not to diminish the value of patience. Just that most of the waiting is not of type that is necessary.

I say that from personal experience. And that is because it is a tool I use all the time. Yep, love to make people crazy that way.

Not that others agree. I think it does tend to aggravate some. Only hope it is the ones that I love to upset.

Course the best way to enhance the process is to be sure you increase the person’s desires. Make them have a craving for something.

Then make it so bad they have to have something right away. Do that and you can be so sure they will go nuts from anxiety.

This becomes such a joy to inflict upon needy people. You just make sure you always develop the right means to create the biggest problems.

Oh this does take effort. Yeah, you can’t accomplish it without the right practice and I do certain savor that skill.

There are certain ways I make this happen more than others. One is to create the take a number system.

Then you put a big clock up on the wall. Have to watch it really makes such a difference. People will get so cranky in the process.

Now it also helps to pick out help for things like customer service who are incredibly slow. That way they take forever helping anyone.

Promoting the incompetent is a plus in that regard. Giving bonus to the inefficient even better.

It all enhances the process. Take a normal problem and makes it insane. Which then destroys a person since of calm.

After that it is all a matter of how long before the person truly goes crazy. Yeah, you can be so grateful.

Well providing it is the person they get mad at and no you.

BELIEVE IT OR ELSE

Now this is one of those great options. You just the thrill of pointing a gun to somebody’s heard.

And making sure they either accept you baloney as true or suffer the consequences. Which can be so painful.

Now the way this works is more through subtle comments that direction intimidation. That is way to obvious.

Just need a more casual touch. A word or two that cause pure fear. Hints of agony that is waiting.

It all can be so beautiful and creative. A really masterpiece of fear if you manage it right. And I do.

Now this does depend upon the person you are dealing with. Can’t do this with everyone the same way.
Yeah
So that is where you need to know what somebody love and is afraid of at the same time. Making sure you always appeal to that area.

Just strip away any security till the panic. Then leave them totally convinced they are screwed.

That way they can’t weasel out or pretend it doesn’t matter. Instead they will think the end of the world is coming.

Which is exactly what you want. Let them panic and feel it is beyond hope. Then they will accept any crap you say.

This is the joy. The time of pure happiness. Getting what you want even if you don’t really need it.

There is no better joy than that. And if you make somebody grovel even better. It is a such a joy.

Course the opportunities are rare. Not as abundant as I wish. And for that reason I do cherish these great options.

Now all we have to do is make sure this comes when I want it. I need my grovel fix like any tyrant.

Yeah can’t pass up those gems. Just making sure they come along when I need them. Pretty easy to plan though.

Just look for needy and gullible. You may quote me.

BAH HUM JOY

Well tis the season as they say. But not sure this means we have to smile all the time. Lord knows they make every effort to try and make us smile.

Might be a good thing in some places. Personally, I prefer the real thing. Not some artificial cheer.

What is gained from all this silliness of forcing some lame idea of cheer on a person is beyond me. But that is what happens.

Yeah, we all get intimidated by all the holiday stuff. And then come the songs, the food and all the sappy things we are suppose to like.

Does it really work? Well must for some because they keep doing it. Which I don’t personally enjoy.

Not that it will change much. But that is an aspect I am working to change. Slowly to be sure, but change just the same.

Yeah, I think Scrooge got a bad rap. He was the victim of stereotyping. Naturally you know the poor handicapped kid gets all the sympathy.

And poor old Ebenezer is the one who gets forced to change. Yeah, what happen to the bit about respecting your elders?

Why I wouldn’t be surprised if some servant plotting the whole deal. Slipped some drug into his soup.

A little induced suggestion of ghosts and before you know it old Scrooge is talking to the wall and having hallucinations. What a great con job.

Yeah, I think they did a great successful ploy. Got him to part with some of his money and then left him convinced all would get better.

Course we only see part of the story. The part that says, it had a happy ending for the kid and his dad.

As for Scrooge, well we never are told if he ever found out he had been con. Heck he was so old they probably just snuck in past him.

It is the part they don’t talk about. In a way it is another of those share the wealth deals. So very skillfully done.

Always got to love when that happens. Might be fantasy, but as long as somebody enjoys it great.

I’ll just hope next time I get to be the kid and get all the stuff.

READING BETWEEN THE FINES

This is a habit I developed some time ago. There are times when we get more than our share of complaints over parking fines.

We do have parking meters in our city. And I do not plan on changing that part either. Nope I like the revenue.

But some people are not crazy about them. Mainly when they get a parking ticket. That tends to get less than smiles.

And you can depend on people not taking time to say thank you for the ticket. What they will do is lie.

The stuff they come up with is amazing. Heart attacks, aliens, even being a secret agent, anything except I messed up.

None of those has really impressed much. But they do make for good conversation at times.

Perhaps not quite the type of entertainment I enjoy very often though. Not in any way. And you can be sure that means I will hear it a lot.

What that is when they insist upon talking to me. If the clerk doesn’t give them a break then it is go see the Mayor.

Am I thrilled to hear all the crap? Not in any way. What I am is bored. So it makes for some form of entertainment.

This is when I try to make it a game. I spent the time listening to their story, trying to act concerned.

Then have them fill out a form to be reviewed by our parking committee. Course there is no such committee.

But they don’t need to know that. Instead they will just accept the form. That always buys me time.

And naturally when the form comes in when say we never got it. So they have to apply for a replacement.

Then when the do provide a second one we put in a file for a month. If they call we say it was in committee.

In the end, they don’t get out of the fine. But they sure have lots of time getting pissed off about it.

Which makes it all worthwhile.

STANDARD

Now this is of course basically sort of like average. Which is some level of expectation that is the minimum.

Essentially that is the least we want out of something. As if should all else fail we can still be satisfied.

Now this is not the desire choice. You know it is one we accept, but not are thrilled about.

So you tolerate it, hold the griping since it is the minimum, but always thinking why can it be better? Yeah we do that.

Oh maybe we don’t say it, but we sure think it often. What can I say it sucks , but coping is all part of the joy.

Now perhaps there are ways to improve on this. Find the means to increase the standard.
Yet we do have to be careful.

See the problem is the standard is for everyone. So if we get it so do others. One of the flaws with democracy.

I think equality is over rated in that regard. We have to set standards that are never really appealing.

Which is why I want a different approach. A varied level of standards. There can be the ones we started out with for everyone and then a private one.

See that will make it far more practical to me. You know have one level that everyone says is okay.

Then a different one when can use in private. Yeah that will be my standard. So you can say to levels of minimum wage.

One for the ordinary workers then a supplement for people like me. Yeah that will fall under tips.

Seems reasonable. Nobody would have to complain because it would seem equal. Just have a quiet side.

It is those moments of hush when nobody talks about that are my standard. Got to love them.

But there are always the complainers out there. Yeah the ones that will gripe over the smallest things.

That is why we have to have these standards and lie about the other ones. Keeps things so peaceful.

ALL HEAR

Well what can I say on this one? Er, nobody is bothering to put on attention’s headphones.

I mean really I have such fun trying to understand the nature of our deafness. Between cell phones, emails and all the other crap we have it isn’t like we can communicate.

But do we? Not even close. I wish it was otherwise. I could be rich if I got all the emails that were never written.

And with all these options the brain still doesn’t function better. It still can’t remember squat.

So then the whole effort here to communicate gets thwarted by this stupidity that even if we do get the info we don’t remember it. Which does rather kill the value.

I have tried to make allowances for this reality. Just isn’t easy at times. Can be so darn hard with coping over the silliness.

You sit there holding that email you sent, knowing it was totally clear and there is no way the person didn’t get it. Then you sit back assuming what you said would get a response.

You know the person isn’t blind or impaired. So there is no reason for them to not do at is needed.

And stupidly you decide to just assume the person will act on the thing. No reason to think in any way they won’t take care of the problem.

Naturally that doesn’t quite end up helping when nothing happens. And when I stand there and wave that email before them, nothing.

Oh the lies they come up with. Just jammed packed with excuses that are utterly stupid and silly.

Does this thrill me? Heck no. Am I smiling when it happens? Not at all. I just have to spend the time restraining my desire to shove that email up their nose.

Oh we always have a nice talk about the problem. They vow to do better. Now this never happens.

See even if they bother to say it, they will not do it. Which is what I deal with by not doing things for them.

Then it all ends with a compromise. Sent by email, lost in the celebration of cooperation that never happens.

At least we get a free drink out of the deal.

DEAD ZONES

Well there are places this happens for things like cell phones. But I am referring to the place between a person’s ears.

Yeah, this is when you are dealing with a person that has no life so they don’t have much reason to think. Just meander around places, generally bored.

So they are less than what one would call helpful. No creative ability noticeable. Just a mind in search of place to sleep.

Now in my town this isn’t all bad. When you are talking about voters it is a good thing. And you can be sure I love that part.

However when it comes to employees forget it. I don’t want ambitious types, but I do need functional.

Just isn’t easy to find at times. The two items don’t always go together that well. They sometimes just don’t work at all.

So to that end I have a certain need to take care that they don’t infect the rest of the workers. I need their help, but not their sickness.

It is hard at times to always make this into a deal that functions. There is just a fine line between incompetence and apathy.

I can handle apathy as long as they get their work done. Which does seem to be a problem at times.

But that is the part that I do so love to work on. Just find ways to nearly motivate the ones that aren’t hopeless.

If they are beyond help then you just put them in the corner and let them take long naps. Really is easy.

And the nice thing is the others don’t even complain. You just have to be sure you keep them from bothering the rest.

Somehow we do make it work. Not that it matters to some degree. After all the other never complain.

Which makes me so happy. And for that I will always be grateful. Yeah, that is what I truly enjoy.

And let me tell you I do cherish when that all comes to a point that I don’t have to panic. Just keep it quiet.

Love when I can do that.

RESPECT

RESPECT

Well one thing we know is we all love this. I think everyone enjoys the feel of being admired.

Yet, we also know it doesn’t happen that often. Oh you do get the times when some will try.

Only most of the time that is merely a fake effort as some good and sound brown nosing. Yep, works, but is not reality.

Still it feels better than complaints. Yeah that is the good part. A chance to enjoy when life works.

At least in terms of things that count. Well some might not think that is important. But sure beats other options

So we will truly enjoy when this is part of the way things take place for us. And since we do then we can all be happy.

Providing this takes place when we want it to. That is the tricky aspect. Because you just can’t get this to happen when you want.

Which comes down to deciding to invent moments when it happens. Yeah, to dole out some good joy to get some back.

I call that reaping. Others call it sucking up. I think that is a wonderful practice. Really do love it.

Now in order to make it function correctly this requires a little game. What I call bend over and thrill me.

Really have to love that title. I know I do. Just a chance to you know make it more fun and creative.

See the problem is we all treat this as a bad thing. Like there is no chance it is other than disgusting.

Only fact is that it happens all the time in other ways. We just don’t admit it. And that is what I try to do.

Come on be happy. Celebrate this in a way that gives you smiles. After all this is one of those special moments.

A chance to celebrate what will make life easier. Doesn’t happen all the time. So enjoy when it does.

Yep, better than frowning.

ELEMENTS TO COME

Now these are important elements. The ones you use to sing enough excuses that it rings a bell.

That is the recess bell. It would be so great. Yeah, just to get away from somebody who annoys.

Now some you can avoid by easy ways. The old committee dodge works great. But that is only with some.

What I’m talking about here is somebody you can’t completely lie to. They might be a client or friend, but they will not when you are making stuff up.

However, the problem is you need a break from them. Something that drives you nuts and you need some escape.

Not for always, just for the now. Just long enough to keep from going insane. That can’t be easy at times.

So this is where you need to have a convincing song of explanation. Just that has the ring of truth.

Therein lies the key. You have to make it sound correct. No words that smell or sound like crap.

No ifs or and or buts. Always have to look them in the eyes. You got to have that sincere stare.

It takes practice. Can’t do it without some rehearsal. Otherwise you might end up you know smiling.

That is a big hint that you are faking it. And nobody likes it that way. So you have to be so careful.

Again this where you are dealing with some situation that requires the illusion of fact. So that is what counts.

Which is very important when you are talking future issues. Because you know this person is somebody you will need down the road.

That is what is important too . Is this a person that you don’t need. Then it doesn’t matter.

Hate to be so practical, but what the heck it is life. Well for those of us in this kind of racket.

Which is never tennis.