PASS THE PLATE AND DON'T SPILL IT

Ah, the joy of fund raising. Just does my heart good to see such activities prosper. And that really makes me happy when I get to participate.

Now that truly is a blessing. You know when you have that beautiful opportunity to sit back and spread a little joy by making people think you care and really need their help.

And the whole time all you need is their money. Now that is a real art. Being able to sway some sucker into thinking you care about him when all you want is his check book.

I know, I know that seems like a pathetic reality, but what can I say, would it be better to make it up? I can do that if it will help.

But the problem is that I just don't need to get involved with that kind of silliness. Honestly, this is a big program from my view of making this whole fund raising thing seem legitimate.

That way people feel good about it. And you know I just think it is so much better when somebody actually enjoys forking over their money. They are less likely to complain.

Course the tricky part is being able to you know sit down and enlist helpers in this process who don't have glue on their fingers. The kind that ends up keeping way to much of the funds in their hands.

That is not helpful. And trust me that is a big problem. For they just seem to get this urge of thinking the money works great finding its way into their pocket.

Which is not my idea of asking for them help. That just doesn't help me at all. Because I have enough problems with shifting the funds around so that the majority end up in my pocket anyway.

I sure don't need any help with that part. And finding helpers that unlike me are not greedy.

Oh they are out there, just not as visible as I would like. The problem is that they often hide their greed. And if I don't ferret it out in time, I really pay for it later.

Now that really bugs me when I find out too late. Boy does it piss me off to find out somebody is a bigger crook than I am.

Thank goodness most of the people with that problem usually fail my first test. Which is on where I pretend to trust them with money.

Only it is generally counterfeit. So I don't mention that part. Just if it ends up missing, I turn them end. Yeah, I can be funny that way. But hey you don't get screwed twice that way.