REWARDS

You know at Christmas time they always talk about many happy returns. Only I don't think they mean what I think it ought to mean.

When they say many happy returns so often it seems like they are talking about returns as in the feel goods. Having them return to you over and over.

Wish that my relatives understood how they don't count with me as part of the returns that make me happy. For me the many happy returns would be them returning home without bothering to visit me.

Alas that is my Christmas wish and it never comes true. I do get to dream about it though. And the fun part is every once and a while one of them moves away. Then the many happy returns is when they never return here.

Only somehow they still manage some excuse to show up during the holidays. I even tried moving and they still found me. Like that made my Christmas.

But let me tell you, the best part of the holiday is when I finally return home and they have left. That makes the holiday so special.

If I'm truly fortunate then my wife and kids have returned to the stores or wherever else I can inspire them to go so I can be left alone. That is for me the best part.

Because while they are our returning to their idea of fun, I'm returning to home to return to my own idea of fun. Which is so much easier without their interference.

Now naturally, the best part is when I can also manage to buy enough crap so they end up with a need to return it after the holidays and get what they want. Funny how they never appreciate how that is planned on my part.

But they never complain either. They just go out with lust in their hearts and traveling by a tail wind of greed.

If I have worked it right, they won't come home for hours. By then I can work up my strategy for bogus meetings to attend so I can return to my own idea of my night life.

Funny how returns can be such a blessing. The best part is when you have them for one plan and nobody knows the truth.

Those are the moments I cherish the best. It is a return on my evil plans that truly works. Makes me so proud too.

Only I can't say anything. That is the hard part. If I did then it would totally ruin the return feature.

Alas there are times when silence is gold, even if you are doing it to make something trash so it will get returned.