IN THE SWEET BUY AND BUY

Ah the joy of shopping. Yep, there is nothing more satisfying, more utterly driving to the bone with shear euphoria than that taste of buy me.

Well, that is for some of us. I have no doubt there are some people of restraint in the world who don't in to the impulse of buy now, buy later and hope you never have to pay it back.

That is the main down side to the whole buying process. Sooner or later you have to pay for all the crap you buy.

If somebody could figure a way to let you have access to a credit card that has no limit and no payments he or she would no doubt be remembered as a genius. Statues would be erected to this person who truly brought a shopper's utopia to the world.

Alas, it is to dream. I imagine the only place you find such things is in heaven. Although I've never heard any bible thumpers answer the question of whether there are malls in heaven. They always seem to focus on stuff like harps, haloes and wings.

But what if you get a wrinkle in that white robe? Do they have a dry cleaners outlet in heaven just in case.

See that is the problem to me with the concept of heaven. The bible thumpers never toss out any of the details about the kinds of things that might make going there so extra exciting and appealing.

Maybe they have a group of huge malls that never close. And you get to shop forever if you want and never pay for what you charged.

And imagine if you will, the glorious idea of a food court with the most incredible array of choices possible. But, BUT, adding to the joy is the fact that none of the food has any calories and you can eat all you want.

See, if they were to play up those options I'm sure people would be lining up to sign up for a chance just to get in on the action. Yeah, I know I would.

Now if you added to the deal by mentioning how in hell all they have is discount stores where you have to cough up a lung just to buy a piece of crap, that would help too. Yeah, I bet you could really make a good case with that detail to inspire more people to see the light. That's the neon one, which is located on Heaven's biggest mall that says 'We never close.'

I guess for now though I will just have to be the only one to toss out that idea. Why some of these bible thumpers don't come to me for a few pointers in terms of convincing people to join their point of view, I'll never know. As for myself, well I know if you were able to add the sweet buy and buy feature, I'd be there. I'm sure others would too.