OVER THE RAINBOW

This is one of those phrases that probably will be best remembered in connection with a cute and amusing tale about a Mid West farm girl who gets caught in a twister and ends up in some magical land full of enchanted beings. Now days I’m sure it would be told in totally different in an updated version.

For starters, she would probably end up being sued by the sister of the witch that got squashed. I’m sure since the farm girl did live in the farmhouse that landed on the witch it would constitute some kind of negligence. I imagine there would be some lawyer hiding in the bushes with the right papers.

As for the people in “Munchkinland.’ or however you spell it, well I bet some other lawyer would be representing people of a short persuasion to claim that the characters of that land were politically incorrect stereotypes. So to avoid potential discrimination legalities the characters would have to be changed those of average height. Of if they were small, only portrayed in a positive, uplifting and respectful manner as heroes with admirable qualities.

You could forget the idea of the Lollipop Guild since that would be endorsing bad nutritional habits. So they would probably be changed to the Vegetable Guild and give the farm gal a bag of fresh, organically grown squash.

With respect to the “Good Witch” from the North, I’m sure that would have to change too. I mean it might insult the people of other geographical locations to suggest that goodness was only associated with people living in the North.

Plus, you couldn’t have her be a witch either since that might offend the religious group by glorifying the occult or witchcraft. So she would probably be changed to say a charismatic social worker that volunteered to help the underprivileged in Munkinland achieve equality through an affirmative action program.

Now you also know that the straw man would need changing since that might be interpreted somehow as making fun of people with eating disorders. Hey I’m just speculating you understand. Perhaps changing him to a fitness guru would be the perfect role model alternative for this revision.

How about the tin man, you ask? He does carry an axe. That could be a suggestion of somehow condoning or promoting violence. So perhaps he could become a counselor who teaches people non-violent ways of dealing with their hostility.

One certainly couldn’t include a cowardly lion either. That could be regarded as insulting to pet lovers and suggesting that labeling animal with negative imagines provokes their abuse. Instead he could be a Veterinarian who spends his time crusading for the ethical treatment of all living things, including plants!

That leaves us with the Wizard. Which is another name that risks offending. Perhaps he could be a therapist who specializes in inner healing and helping people get in touch with their feelings.

So the new version might be, farm girl accidentally gets on the wrong school bus and is befriended by a commune of heath food advocates and then is guiding back home with the help of a fitness trainer who was jogging, a counselor who was helping a group of handicapped kids on a picnic and a Veterinarian that stopped by to give an inspirational speech.

They all end up in the therapist’s office who provides them free therapy that enables them to appreciate how everyone is special and loved. Afterwards the farm girl is taken home in an energy efficient hybrid vehicle where she goes on to live a more ecological and socially responsible life.

God, there are times I hate living in this age. I think I’ll finish this posting and go get a drink.