ONE MORE FINE

Have you ever dealt with someone that said he or she was fine even if that wasn’t true? You can always tell because of the mournful way they say “I’m fine.” It is the sigh of but that isn’t said, which tells you the person really isn’t fine.

The big problem is how in the world do you managed to help a person who doesn’t admit there is a something wrong? Now the logical reply might be, “Hey if the person says there is no problem, then I don’t need to worry about it.”

I would be the first to admit that not worrying about others is my normal way of dealing with people. However if I know that “I’m fine” really means “I don’t want to talk about it right now, but later I’ll really drop a bomb on you!”

That’s when I get concerned. Because the problem is I know when the person does get around to admitting to not being fine it will be ten times more of a crisis than if he or she had said so in the first place. Which is the part I really hate.

The reason for that is because generally when the “I’m fine” condition shifts to a problem it is now an emergency and out of control fire. Which means I will end up spending twice as much time and energy making the “I’m fine” that wasn’t really “I’m fine” actually into a real “I’m fine.”

I don’t think it would matter that much if I hadn’t made the mistake of asking how the person was doing in the first place. I meant it as a courtesy. I honestly don’t care how they are going, I’m just saying it.

However once I’ve made the blunder of asking then it opens the door to them coming back later and dumping the real problem on me. This I need? Not from my point of view.

It probably wouldn’t be so bad if I had the joy of saying I told you so. But with a person who is frantic and feeling down already that kind of response is sort of wasted.

Thus, reluctantly, I find myself the shoulder to cry on. Yeah and I feel all wet at times because of it too!

The only joy that comes out of this is normally the “I’m fine” comments don’t come up every day and generally whatever is the problem it doesn’t come up again. So once we’ve got to the “oh my god I’m not fine” stage the great thing is I know I won’t have to worry about going to the same crisis again.

So in a way I treat this as a challenge. The type of problem solving exercise that gives me a chance to stretch my old brain cells.

Plus the great part is I get to compile a nice little file of “I’m fine” situations according to whoever it applies to. Someday maybe I’ll try publishing them. Or perhaps making the people they apply to pay me not to publish them. I see that as a retirement income and then I’ll be the one that can say, “I’m fine.”