TO GLOVE, ARMOR AND STAY

Isn’t it wonderful how some things that are totally stupid stick in your head? And for me the one thing that causes that more than anything is having to dealing with certain people who are shall we say, reality challenged?

I’ve learned to cope with that for the most part out of necessity because as a politician the one thing I have to do is put up with crap from people and smile in the process. Sucking up is just of those things I learned to accept if I wanted to stay in office.

It disgusting at times having to nod and agree with some moron that his myopic view of life is credible, but I do the best I can. And about the only time that it really gets tough is when I’m dealing with certain individuals who love to constantly recite some favorite quote. No big deal, but they always quote it wrong. Those are the ones I have the hardest time dealing with and not end up giving in to the urge to strangle them.

I have way to many such people in my city, but there is this one kid who is worst than the others. I won’t bore you with things like his name, but let me tell you folks if there is one thing you don’t want to do is have him quote anybody.

Unfortunately there are situations where I simply have to deal with him, so that means getting stuck with knowing somewhere in the conversation he’ll try to impress me with some dribble that is totally inaccurate. Talk about a time that tries a man’s soul, that tops it for me.

The other day for example I ended up having to deal with him before I had to go to this wedding. Those can be very wonderful events. (Personally I love to go because of the women there who are single and desperate. Some cousin of the bride who will need comforting! And I never pass up the chance to offer such comment.)

Well that was when this guy I was dealing with decide to pass on his comments regarding wedding vows. Which amounted to his rambling about how he would never get married since he didn’t like having to wear an armored suit.

I stupidly decided to ask for an explanation. And he gave me one that was equally stupid. Basically in his demented view the wedding vows started with each person promising to “glove, armor and stay.” So to him that meant that you couldn’t really be married unless you own a suit of armor that you wore at times.

A further “proof” of this in his opinion was because of the fact that is why when people go on a honeymoon they always look forward to the wedding “knight.” Hey folks please don’t groan. I’m just reporting here.

I have to admit that by the time he got to talking about how wedding knights all spent time at some place owned by a guy name Keen Arthur who sold used camels on a lot I had elected to pretend I had gone deaf. And the only thing that allowed me to survive was thinking about all the ladies at the wedding I could comfort. That’s my secret to surviving such people in my city, think about whatever pleasure I can find once I escape them!