SHOP, STEAL AND DEAL

This is sort of the mechanical aspect of my life. My “con man” chore if you will. But that doesn’t mean it necessarily gets boring.

Essentially I do treat prospective customers as shoppers. Although I don’t have a catalogue I do have a price list. Well in my head at least. I’m not stupid enough to put it in writing.

And I always encourage those looking for bargains on bribes to shop around. It is difficult to browse in some ways. I mean unless you have some word of mouth reference you can hardly waltz up to some politician and ask to see his schedule of fees for services rendered that don’t fall under the category of necessarily legal.

Knowing that of course makes it easier to invite people to shop around. But even if they can I still pride myself on offering some great “steals” for the price.

Plus, for my regular customers I often have special seasonal deals. So while I don’t to claim to be the best bargain in the world I do feel I’m competitive.

I’m sure there might be a few people out there who would be shocked or angry to see me treats things like bribery as a business. But the way I see it if I am being honest and know I am planning to be a crook up front it allows me to plan so I can be as efficient as possible.

So you see from my point of view that means I’m actually saving the tax payers money since I plan these things out to make them as competitive and affordable as possible to the most number of people. Oh I wish when I said something like that it didn’t leave me with a feeling there were people groaning out there. Gosh some people can be so uncooperative in terms of understanding the need to make a living.

Which is why I regret I just can’t offer my services to everyone. There are just certain unreasonable folks that can’t adjust to such inventive approaches.

As for the rest, well if you are in the market to own a politician for fun or profit then let’s talk. Of course you will have to agree to things like being searched for hidden microphones and submitting to a background search. I mean I’m sure you wouldn’t begrudge me the right to a little protection.

Well I hate to cut this short, but I have to have a staff meeting with my sales staff. Yeah that’s what I call them. I know perhaps blood sucking leeches might be more appropriate to some. However I just don’t see the value in degrading my help.

In the meantime I hope you are satisfied with your current political “contributions” if you are presently enjoying some “arrangement” with an elected official. If not, then maybe we can have a chat sometime.

After all if you don’t “shop” you might miss out on a steal of a deal. And we sure wouldn’t want that now would we?