UNCLE RASH WANTS YOU

Yup, I'm looking for volunteers. Now unlike Uncle Sam, I'm not going to stuff you in a green uniform, put a gun in your hand and scream charge?

No, no, no, that would never do. I just don't feel in the mood to expect people to die for their country when it is MY country I'm talking about. Somehow telling people that I want them to bite the bullet just for the cause of greed sort of loses some merit in terms of patriotism.

That's why I'm looking for volunteers. People willing to commit themselves to my cause with the main risk being a possible paper cut.

Oh, I'm offering the chance for some benefits naturally. No medals or parades, but perhaps a nice letter of commendation. Maybe a nice to whom it may concern letter where I brag on you a little.

Now I know it might be helpful if I happen to mention WHAT I want you to do as a volunteer. I knew that sooner or later people would ask that question.

What I'm seeking to do here is enlighten a select band of dedicated souls as to the wisdom of politics as it applies to a small city's dynamics. And once the person is finished they would have a chance to go forth and share the mysteries of life in a social setting and do some good for others.

Well, that is how it would work in theory. I always love when you use the term in theory. It has such a ring of being inspired from my point of view.

And the really nice thing is if things don't work out, you can just shrug your shoulders and say, "oh well." Then you can promise to do better next time.

All in all I consider this a win, win situation. Win for me because no matter what happens, I don't take the fall. Win for the other person because they learn to never trust a politician.

And believe me that will be a valuable lesson if by chance they end up, um, in the sad predicament of faced with some kind of charges against them. They will have plenty of time to contemplate this lesson while sitting in a room with bars.

I will of course do everything I can to make sure I support you through the process. True, it will no doubt be from afar. I mean I really can't afford to admit any actual involvement with your situation.

But the nice thing is once you are finally paroled you can look forward to always having a job when you get out. I'm sure somebody out there will be happy to give you a chance. Maybe not me you understand. But somebody. Isn't that so encouraging and inspiring? I thought so. It is just a matter of finding somebody who agrees, but most people aren't that er, pliable with reality or the truth.