TOPPING IT OFF

I think there are lots of things you can top off in life. But I imagine for some people this is mainly about filling up one's gas tank. It is that practice where the nozzle clicks off and you keep pumping so you can make sure you get just that little extra in the tank so you can avoid having to fill up as long as possible.

And even though the gas stations tell you this is a dumb practice and wasteful we, um I should say I and those I know still do it. Why? Because we are morons who think we are experts at everything. Pardon me if you don't feel that definition applies to your life.

In any case I think what I'm referring to here is the sacred practice of topping things off for the sake of getting an edge of some kind. It doesn't matter how much it is stupid, we are going to do it just in case in makes a difference.

To me this is in fact just a form of gluttony and a practice of extremism as well as the joyous display of shear excess. And I say so being totally willing to admit my own involvement.

Oh I would never mention it to the public you understand. Any more than I would confess how I steal, lie and fool around with female voters. Being lecherous and deprave person by nature doesn't not mean I want to announce that fact to people who vote for me. They have a tendency to not have any sense of humor about such behavior or compassion either.

So, I live the double life, which works for me. My style is to espouse moral tradition while picking pockets on the side. It is a wonderful hobby from my point of view.

The best part is I can subtly introduce to a few more pliable minds the wisdom of my approach. Normally this works best when I catch them in an act of excess.

I have contemplated ways to try and enhance these occasions whenever possible. I just haven't work out the workable strategy for such situations.

You see the problem is people love excess as a practice, just not as a confession. Who wants to really be treated as a pig? Oink if you do. I will applaud your honesty.

As for me, well I will always cherish those glorious moments when I can salvage the occasions of reaping more than I sow and getting some other clown to get the blame. That is the best of both worlds.

If only I had a way to get that insipid do-gooder Lance Allworthy to take the fall for some of these acts of excess. Shoot I can't even get him to fudge on his expense account.

Oh I have tried. But you know it is so hard for me to concentrate on a good lie when I have to put up with that darn harp music that is always playing when I see him. It just spoils my concentration.