NOW AND AGAIN

Okay, basically I'm thinking of some crisis that occurs NOW and then when you stop between gasps of panic you remember AGAIN! Yep, I'm talking about a rear ending you swore to yourself would only happen once and it takes place all over again. That makes it suck even worse.

Oh there is the compulsory moment of reflection where you get out your mental boxing gloves and beat yourself up. Then while you are sitting there feeling sorry for yourself you make the NOW vow one more time. Never again.

That generally makes you happy and guilt free right up to the point stupidity strikes again and you are left feeling like a moron for a second or third time or even more times than that. All I can say is, when it is all over, I just am happy to forget it. I don't dwell on it and do my best to hope and pray, well hope at least, that I can manage to luck out and avoid the case of stupids one more time.

It never works permanently, but let me tell you it sure feels great at the time. Naturally all of this takes place without ever once me having to confess the truth to another living soul.

Perhaps that is the more important part. Being stupid and admitting it are not the same thing. They are only nearly the same thing if you really are stupid on more than one level.

So I at least take a small degree of pride in the fact that I manage to lie sufficiently to avoid in any way letting others know the truth. I have heard it said the truth shall set you free. But let me tell you being free and looking like a jerk hardly make the price tag for the truth worthwhile in some cases.

Thus I rejoice the subtle capacity to pretend whenever necessary. It just thrills me when I can avoid looking as dumb as I managed to be through my choices.

This is not what I advocate to others. When I speak on the subject of tolerance and understanding it never comes down to something that applies to me. That just will never do.

And as long as I'm able to play the game with a modicum of joy and happiness, not to mention a lack of embarrassment, then I'm happy. As for others, well I do savor the chance to put their stupidity on display.

Meanwhile life does go on. For that I am partially grateful. Not totally when the times occur that I have to go through another case of NOW and AGAIN.

Which I can only feel a small sense of satisfaction if it translates into the simple knowledge that most likely tomorrow somebody else will go through the same thing. There is no cure for feeling miserable as the capacity to laugh at somebody else's stupidity.