COVER THIS

I love the concept of cover-ups. Only providing nobody knows you are really hiding something. The trickiest part about trying to cover up a mess is being sure you do it well enough nobody can tell. That is the real important part and it means the difference between the times you end up looking like a saint or a demon.

I didn’t say I was either one. Well you should avoid talking to that one nut that sits outside city hall at times with a sign that accuses me of being the Antichrist. I’m grateful that in his case he uses a cardboard sign and has crossed out one person’s name to replace it with another.

All I can say is in his case his list of Antichrist candidates including a few fairly well known celebrities. So you’ll excuse me if I don’t worry about him too much. Besides the only time he ever shows up as I understand it is when he runs out of his meds.

Beyond him, however, I do manage to foster a nice illusion regarding my public image. It does take work, but I just consider it necessary to my functioning. Which also means being sure that I don’t allow any bungling to end up being charged to my credit or watch.

So part of a successful cover up is having an adequate number of patsies. That really helps. And it is very important that above all they be so gullible and naïve that they honestly think you ratting them out is a good thing.

I have worked very hard on that aspect. And I’m very happy to say I have managed to surround myself with more than my share of such personalities. It really isn’t as hard as it might seem when you consider we are talking about career bureaucrats. In my city they somehow almost go to school to study the art of being suckers.

Okay that might be a tad of an exaggeration, but not as much as you might assume. Nope, that is part of living in Mediocrity that I can say I do enjoy. It gives me a special joy just to know when the chips are down, I get to cash them in and let someone else pick up the tab.

So given that criteria the rest of the issue of cover ups involves denial. That amounts to being sure I also keep my newspaper pal well provided for. After all there is no successful cover up unless you are darn sure you got a friend who write the story so it says what you need it to say.

And when you have all those things going for you then you can avoid that other great means of cover up called denial. I do save that as a backup. It is just a problem because that requires me to remember all the lies I end up telling. There is no bigger way to unravel a mantle of cover up than a loose thread of fabrication.

You may quote me on that one. I didn’t say that I would admit it, just that you could quote me.