LET US PREY

Oh yeah, this is great fun. All the thinking about it, dreaming about it and then the actual hunt — ah, you just can’t get that type of entertainment every where.

There are some clowns out there who honestly think there is a bigger thrill to being some humanitarian. I won’t say that is isn’t a good thing, but I would like to point out we have no word in our language for an “animalitarian.” Think about it, animals hardly sit around giving speeches and fretting over the economy. Nor do they have fun raises, taxes or I suppose I should say “ahem” politicians either.

What is my point? Have you ever been overly concerned about a homeless penguin? I haven’t. Now penguins are cute in their own way, but I never lose any sleep fretting how they get by. Frankly I never give any thought to that with any animal.

Yet, despite this fact and I’m sure I’m not alone, animals do manage to survive. Well except for the ones that decide to play tag on the freeway with some car. Those aren’t too smart.

I realize they don’t all survive. But would we really want to have to spend time or money funding some rest home for old baboons and goats? Not me.

Nature has its own solution then to the whole issue of taking care of the animal kingdom. It is called survival of the fitness. Or perhaps the leanest or meanest too. In any case, predators rule! Yep, that is the way I view it.

So I figure that in life for humans it is also the predators that rule. And I would rather be the one doing the hunting than the one who ends up dinner. Call it a silly preference, but then it just works so much better from my point of view than being on some predator’s plate.

The big problem for me is that I am a devout couch potato to some degree. Oh I can hold my stomach in when I need to give a speech on something like fitness. But then those are normally for me very short speeches.

So how do I end up a good predator when I’m out of shape? Easy, I rent a predator. The real goons who are in shape normally have their price. So I just make sure I promise then anything to have the do my hunting. And if I work it right then I manage to find an even bigger and meaner predator to deal with them when the time comes.

Of course you can’t always find a bigger predator. In those cases the big trick is knowing where to hide till I can figure out a good trap to catch them. And of course you need decent bait, preferably a female about eighteen and blonde. Then make great bait. As long as you don’t let them get caught. Otherwise you can enjoy their offering yourself once you’ve sprung your trap.

Ah, it is all the wonderful joy of let us prey. And I’m always in a preying mood.