HOW DID YOU KNOW?

Oh yeah there are times when you really, really want to know this. It is especially important when dealing with somebody you think you can control and it turns out they blind side you with some insight you didn’t think they could possibly know.

Being your typical manipulative, lying, back stabbing, spineless leech I always assume the person I’m dealing with is as big of a jerk as I am. Naturally, these inspires me with the worst case of paranoia. So I am extra obsessed with reading between the lines of what they say and presuming it is going to be laced with the same ulterior motives I would have.

Of course in many cases that isn’t true and so when I treat the person unfairly to protect my paranoia driven butt they really have a reason to be upset. However, the problem is since I figure most people are like me and would cut your throat just for fun, I do not in any way desire to take chances. Thus it is my practice to shoot first and never ask questions later. If I asked questions that might depress me since I would have to deal with being such a jerk.

Most of the time since I invest so much time and energy trying to be sure I victimize everyone and do it with as many lies as possible, I’m so grateful when the person doesn’t ruin my game. Those are the times when I really breathe a sigh of relief when that little gambit of deception works. It is like, “Whew! I got out of that one!”

Those are the times worth cherishing. And they almost make up for the times when I have to deal with those nasty “How did you know” moments. God are those so darn ugly. I mean they are the kind of gut stabbing event you just want to find some corner to crawl into and forget life.

Perhaps the part I hate the most is when I have to cope with this happening with someone I totally thought was utterly gullible. Not to be unkind, but I’m talking about a person that at least on the surface appears to be less than the brightest bulb on the planet.

And for the most part they don’t disappoint while you are dealing with you. So you think, “ah, here’s a done deal. I can relax and take this little con to the bank.”

Then come the bomb. Normally when you least expect it and savoring those fantasies of having won one not for the Gipper, but yourself.

It is when that sucker looks you in the eyes and says something like “Do you really expect to buy that crap?”

That’s enough make me have an involuntary bowel movement out of shear panic. Oh I do try to lie my way out of it. You know with some feigned sincerity and pretend they are mistaken. It is a last ditch effort to save face. I wish I could say it ever works, but it seldom makes any difference.

It becomes a case of “no sale.” At least the only good part, is that I cover my tracks so that I can also say, “no jail!”