FROM BIRTH

Ah I love this excuse. I can’t help myself. That is the one that works for me because you can truly blame your screw up on nature, your parents or circumstance. It is so wonderful and satisfying to find a perfect fall guy for my blunders.

And I really do spend a fair amount of time giving this a lot of thought. After all I do have an image to preserve. Which is really tough at times when I screw up so much.

So I personally have all the reason in the world to say, something like, “this has been my problem since I was born.” Heck if I get inspired I can even figure a way to blame it on my parents. They are both in convalescent homes and senile so they could call me a liar at this point!

I know that claiming you have problems that are the result of your childhood can be rather lame in some ways. People just get tired of hearing that kind of crap from a middle aged dude. So I have to be careful to avoid doing that too much.

Still, I do enjoy when I can appeal to somebody’s sympathy as a sucker move to get them to feel sorry for me. That way they will let their guard down and not pay attention when I’m plotting to rip them off. Making them shed tears out of compassion are really great as a prelude to making them cry because you just screwed them over big time.

Yeah I know it is pretty sleazy. What can I say? You go it, it was my parent’s fault. And my grandfather too. After all he was Mayor in our city when I was a kid so he was my political role model.

Who knows what kind of Mayor I might have been if my grandfather had been someone with morals? I often wonder myself.

Did I succeed in tugging at your heart in any way? Was my little comment enough to engender even a fraction of sympathy? Probably not, but I do have to keep practicing.

One just has to invest the time refining this process to make it really work you understand. And that means also sure I do what I can to colorize my childhood as much as possible to make it sound even more credible.

Heck, right now I’m toying with whether I would sound more needy if I had been from a large family and found out I was adopted or just a poor one? Neither is true of course, but I never worry about that part.

They nice thing about story telling in terms of blaming things on childhood is I can’t change the tale as often as I want and it really doesn’t matter. It is just an issue of who I really want to blame.

That is a question of what mood I’m in. Plus who I can lie about the most and not get caught.