SPIES LIKE THEM

The city where I live isn’t exactly a haven for government agencies. So when I’m speaking of spies, I’m not talking about the kind looking for classified data. I would pity the poor spy who would come to our city looking for that kind of info. About the best he might manage is to steal some old ladies secret recipe for stew prune casserole or some other god awful food. If he wants that kind of secret he can have it as far as I’m concerned.

I suppose I could talk about corporate spies. That is if we had any big corporations in our city that had a branch office or headquarters that was their secret hiding place for secrets. I reckon I could manage to hide a few details about where we keep our office supplies at city hall if that would entice some super spy to visit. However I doubt knowing where we store our extra paper clips would do them much good.

However we do have a brand of spy that is far more deadly and threatening to our lifestyle and freedom than any of those types. I’m speaking of the most despicable and malevolent of creatures. The ones that love to spy out your pleasure and stealing it from you.

They have many faces and come in many sizes. Some carry a bible, others have some form of boredom torture device that if it doesn’t kill your with monotony will possible drive you insane.

Normally the bible thumpers have the best handle of ruining one’s attempts at having a party. However in my city we have the groups who aren’t necessarily so adamant in the religious area, but are totally concerned with decency. That is almost as bad if not worse in some cases.

That’s because I can generally use that cope out about the separation of church and religion when it comes to the bible thumpers. They do understand the law thank goodness.

With the decency folks it is a lot tougher to blow them off. Because if they even think you are doing that boy will they find a new way to be extra cruel.

Plus you can pretty much figure they will also be parents. Which means they will blab to other parents too. And that folks is extra scary because nothing can frightening me more than a bunch of middle aged housewives and mothers who are on the warpath about morality or some other thing that pisses them off. A sense of humor they don’t have!

Lucky thing for me is that among that babble rabble there are the few angels. They are the ones I get to visit for private meetings at their homes while their husbands are out doing whatever. And let me tell you those darlings can do all the spying they want. I never complain when they bring me to heaven in their bedrooms. Of course I do have to worry some about how they keep secrets. But then I also know that is a risk you have to take with spies.