DEAL, FEEL AND SQUEAL

Now this particular posting probably falls best under the category of Rash’s helpful hints for surviving in the real world where lying, cheating and stealing are NOT fantasies or NO-NO’s. They are a fact of life not a myth of life!

That means in order to survive, in particularly as a politician, that you have to do more than your share of dealing. I’m talking about the kind of bargaining that isn’t a compromise, it is a down right bribe.

Okay so enough of the fundamentals of breathing and existence on planet, “Oh my god it sucks down air without a dollar air freshener!” Um that’s my little side note of a touching and sentimental nickname for earth.

So the thing is to me that you have to be sure when making these deals that your mark, er, associate or partner comes away “feeling” happy about the deal. The more larcenous and illegal the deal, the more critical it is that the other person “feels” happy about it.

Otherwise it can get real ugly and that means they might end up deciding an option is to “squeal,” which can definitely ruin any deal. Ignoring or failing to remember that part can be so regrettable, especially if later you are standing before some judge and he’s giving you a nice vacation in one of those places with bars. I’m speaking of the type of bars that affect your eyesight, not the ones where you get to order a drink.

The first rule to a truly successful deal then is making sure you know your partner. I’m speaking more of what makes the person freak out. For example there are some people who if they find out you “borrowed” an extra quarter in terms of expenses they go ballistic. There are others who will let you pick their pocket and then say thank you and even give you a tip!

Being able to recognize the difference does take time. You have to actually pretend to like the person long enough to let them spill their guts about their life and joys and dislikes. Heck with some people that means spending time socializing with them.

Hopefully they enjoy doing some of the things you enjoy. I hate to talk about the times I’ve spend doing things that lead to a yawn in order to make sure I could seal some deal. I don’t want to even think how many truly boring events I’ve attended and tried to show and interest in to suck up to somebody just to get a few extra bucks. I would hate myself if I wasn’t so in love with how great I am at conniving!

Perhaps the hardest part is staying in touch with the person I just ripped off. That way I cut down on the risk of them getting offended and finding out the truth about how I was just using them. I mean why should I have to suffer by letting them find out the truth? Is that really fair? Well okay, don’t answer it, but it doesn’t mean I have to enjoy it and it doesn’t mean I have to accept that option if I can avoid it. What can I say, I’m a leech who just doesn’t want to allow spending my time acting scummy ever interfere with me having a good time!