SLEEP EASY

Being able to sleep without worrying is something I’ve invested a fair amount of time trying to accomplish. And let me tell you that is never easy.

The big problem is that I consider myself to be a victim of circumstance. Yep, a victim! See I have the problem of being a hopeless selfish rat. I just can’t help it. Well it sounds good at least.

Now I ask you how in the world does a person honestly deal with greed without breaking the law? I’m sorry, but honestly might be the best policy, but let’s be realistic in that regard. The only kind of policy you actually get with honesty is a life insurance policy that your widow gets to spend when you die, broke, miserably and a loser. Hey, you might not like it, but then if you don’t I bet you are one of those “I’ll never cheat anyone” lying types who manages to steal when nobody is looking. Good for you is what I say.

Meanwhile for the rest of us real people who know lying, cheating and stealing are facts of life then I offer up the Limburger method of surviving and getting a decent nights rest. For starters I say never turn down any helpers. You know those little helpful aids that makes life go by so much easier. I won’t bother to go into details. I’m sure most people are experts at knowing how to “score” in that regard.

Beyond that option the other thing to consider it what I call the detour method. It is amazing how if you can get somebody else to worry about a problem it makes it some much peaceful for yourself.

Yep, just think of somebody to call or tell a friend or whoever, but if you do it at night and get them to panic you just automatically can relax. I used to try that with my wife, but she got smart and started reversing on me. She would tell me crap and I would end up staying up half the night worrying.

Now I call my secretary. Edna is a natural born worrier. She has such an incredibly talent for it.

So if something is on my mind I just call Edna and tell her to be sure she doesn’t let me forget about the next day. I can always tell by her voice when she has taken it to heart and beginning to think about it to the point she’ll worry all night.

Then I mosey off to bed and feel so much better. It really calms me down. Of course I realize that you may not have an Edna in your life who is a natural at worrying.

If you are poor in that regard. Then let me know. I bet I can work out a deal where you can reach her to worry for you.

Of course we will have to work out the details in terms of compensation. But don’t let that stop you, I won’t charge you too much.