NOT A BIG DEAL

Most of the time when I hear somebody say this it seems like they are saying it to convince themselves because they don’t really mean it. It is like this person I knew once. She was a woman who was probably as close to being a walking martyr as you could find. She was fond of saying “I feel fine” even when she was deathly sick.

In her case she spent all her time helping others and neglected her own health in the process. What can I say, it was sad, but eventually one of her health problems lead to a disaster.

No she didn’t die. But she nearly did in the emergency room. However her story had sort of a happy ending from my view. That experience shook her up so much that she stopped trying to be a martyr. Actually she became down right selfish in the process.

Well that is the subject I will best leave for another posting I suppose. The point is, honestly, that her “I feel fine” was a lie, plain and simple. And when events became a catalyst, it caused her true nature to finally surface.

Which is sort of my point with this whole not a big deal thing. When I hear it I almost always know the person is basically saying, “I’m screaming on the inside, but can’t admit it.”

My basic approach when I hear that is not to tell the person he or she is a liar. Instead I just smile and then let time work against them. Sooner or later I know the person will come back to me and this time it will not only be a big deal, but an out of control fire.

Sometimes if I am lucky and not too distracted by whatever I will manage to figure a way to be sure the fire doesn’t happen. Not because I like the person or care about them, just because it will save me grief later.

The major drawback is that if I do that then the person is free to avoid the danger of it becoming a crisis later. So they can sit and continue believing the lie they tell themselves.

All of this for me is a game of emotional checkers I guess. It is hoping that somehow I can keep the person from giving up or running to try and find more checkers when they lose the ones they were given. The whole time of course I listen to their saying it was no big deal.

You know I love the times in life when somebody lies besides me. Somehow it makes me feel better about myself to know that denial is in reality just another form of fabrication.

In the meantime life goes on and I just keep hoping I can avoid too many cases of big deals that somebody claims is no big deal. Who knows perhaps one of these days and one of the times they claim it will be true. But it’s no big deal.