BIG TOMORROWS

I love talking about some pending event that holds lots of promise. As Mayor I of course use this as a ploy to do what I can to distract people who are disgruntled over something I promised to do, but didn’t do. I know that I should probably do the so-called right thing and actually try to keep the promise when they nail me for not doing my job, but where would the fun be in that?

Instead I prefer the Limburger sneaky, spineless, speech method. That’s where I get up and give some speech about a celebration we are going to have because something they expected didn’t happen, but the celebration is part of a show of confidence that it will take place. You know this is the visionary bit, where I have a dream and such that is intended to inspire, but in reality it is just a way to buy time.

And the really great part is how I get two chances to suck money out of the city in the process. First is when I get the promise originally added to the budget. Which naturally ends up in my pocket.

Then later I get the funds to have the celebration, which I always inflate in estimate so I can get even more bucks. Ah when the celebration takes place naturally what I say is the reason for the celebration has nothing to do with why I’m celebrating.

Now you may ask, “yeah, but what happens after the celebration when you still don’t keep the promise?”

A fair question. Well it depends. Sometimes I have to get up and you know give some double talk about unexpected complications. That is a nice dodge. Plus I also end up in “fact finding” meetings to attempt to investigate why the promise wasn’t kept.

Generally those take place at some bar where I get a receipt for buying lunch for all the committee members to turn in on my expense account. Since in reality I’m the only person on the committee then I end up getting a little extra “tip” for my original unkept promise.

Then when all of that time is used up and there happens to be a person or two left that is still asking those darn questions, my next move is to look around for some city employee to take the fall for things not working out. Now that is for me the best part since I have so many people I can’t eventually blame for my lies!

And if I’m really lucky I can excuse the whole thing on some federal cutback or other complication. Those are always great to use as excuses too.

So I suppose a few of you might be sitting there and shaking your head and grumbling how this is totally disgusting. Good for you, I’m glad if it made you feel better and more content with your own city government. You see I consider that to be a good service to perform if I can make you happier with your own situation. And the real beauty is that if I do it right, I can weasel a way to come up with some bogus expense I can claim in the process. Admit it folks, aren’t I such a gem? No you can’t say what kind!