FRONT PAGE NEWS

This can be a good thing if it is a positive story. In my case as a politician I love front page news that I can invent. And since I do have the benefit of a pal who is a newspaper reporter, when I do make the front page news in my story, it is always a good story.

What cracks me up is the people who are obsessed with publicity, but no clue on how to actually get any decent type. They are so pathetic as they sit there totally desperate for any type of attention and no real clue on how to get any.

I think part of it comes from a poor self-esteemed. We’re talking about people who are striving for some affirmation of their worth outside of their own lives. Or they may just have incredible egos that are begging to have others know about their greatness (yawn.)

The problem is that with such agenda you let your desires blind your reason. You end up acting totally stupid and silly and it becomes evident to others.

Some people are desperate for things like publicity so they hire what are called publicists. Now this is supposed to be some clown with his or her act together that will make sure you look like a god even if you are a jerk.

All of that is fine and good if it works. But some of these morons will only end up making your situation worse.

That is why I like my approach. I simply made a bud out of the leading newspaper reporter in my city, Hugo Muckraker. And since he is a booze hound a lot of what ends up on the front page in our city is the result of what I decide when we meet at some bar.

Plus I do also cut Hugo in on some of my action. A few bucks for basically printing a lie that will pass for the truth. Works for us, that’s for sure.

I do have to admit that it does take some of the fun out of life when I can read the headlines the day before in a rough draft. But I don’t know, I find that comforting in some ways.

And the real joy is knowing that most readers won’t care anyway. If they try they might get around to reading the actual story sometime instead of just the headlines.

What is nice for me is that even if they take the time to read it they will end up with no better clue as to what the truth really is. Frankly to me the truth is overrated anyway. And far too depressing.

Which is why I savor the joy of just creating a nice safe image for believe to read about. It also helps when those nasty little tongues start flying. God I hate it when my staff does that!