SURVIVING

The Limburger concept of surviving will probably not quite fit the more traditional view. I do get to watch movies and normally survival in the movies seems to be one guy, who is wounded, unarmed and alone managing to kill an army of enemy bad guys that are heavily armed.

Now I admit that is a great way to survive, but a little shall we say “creative.” It might work in the movies, but in real life if you try that about the only survival your are going to get is having your widow survive the funeral bill!

So while some might want to imagine they are superman for myself I’d rather invest in a little more practical application for survival. And it is the one time when I recommend honesty. Now listen carefully. I said honesty, not truth. What is the difference? For me honesty is what you tell yourself. Truth is what others expect you to tell them.

In this case for example when it comes to what I tell others I say whatever version of truth that appeases. However for the sake of survival I do have to be honest with myself.

I didn’t say I liked it, just that I recognize that without that honesty I can plan a good survival strategy. So it means among other things admitting that I’m not the bravest, strongest or smartest person on the planet. In terms of survival that means accepting there are times I’m going to need help and lots of it.

The tricky part is being able to know all of that while maintaining a fantasy image with my voters. They aren’t as inclined to vote for a guy with all my flaws. So there is no way I’m going to admit them to others. Not as a form of denial, just for the sake of not opening myself up to any added threats.

It is sort of like sitting and cheering for the cavalry while the whole time having sold guns to the Indians. Only you don’t tell the Indians that half the bullets you sold them were blanks. Then once the battle is over you arrange to send out the medics and of course later since the medics work for you then you get to bill both sides for the medical expenses! Now I call that a real classy way of surviving.

Of course I also forgot to mention that while the troops and Indians are duking it out you are sneaking around comforting the women. Hey the poor ladies deserve some attention too.

And when it is all over, you get to go on vacation with all the extra profit you made. Which is a good thing in case one of the ladies you comforted happens to end up expecting.

Which brings me to the final aspect of survival. Following my form of survival it is critical that one be sure under no circumstances that you give the ladies your real name. A little prevention in thinking up a good alias can save a fortune in paternity suits and visits from angry husbands.