I BELIEVE

No way I’m going to finish that comment with anything I actually believe, which might tend to get me busted. Ah you see that is the big problem. I mean whenever anyone uses this comment it always is for saying what he or she believes that sounds impressive.

Come on admit it. You never hear anybody saying something like I believe my goal in life to is suck everyone dry and leave behind a huge family of illegitimate kids as well as a diary that would burn the eyes from my depravity. It’s simple believe is suppose to be about noble crap.

So let’s play the game. I believe in puppy dogs, rain, loving the neighbor and world peace. In reality what lies behind that cute and fuzzy statement is a whole different kind of believe. Like say, I believe in treating people like puppy dogs, rain of misfortune falling on everyone else and a downpour of fortune on me, loving the neighbor’s wife when he’s gone and a piece of the world for ME.

Yep, that might be the real I believe just don’t expect it to be confessed. That would never do. And for a darn good reason. It is simple folks. If you blab your real I believe it warns people and then it cuts down on your action.

Plus there sure doesn’t hurt to have the chance to create the illusion that you are a decent person. It helps decrease the risk of people not trusting you even if they shouldn’t.

But if it helps I’ll play the word game. Okay I believe in a fair day’s pay for a fair days work. (Basically that means fair too me in terms of a low way for you and fair to me in terms of you doing two days work in one day).

Another I believe is treating people equally. Why spoil the fun by picking out some poor slob to victimize? You never know when that other goofy looking guy can be suckered into some kind of con job that lines your pocket with extra cash.

However I guess for those silly people out there that insist I guess we will still have to tolerate the I believe comments that make it sound like somebody cares or loves others. Yeah we need our fantasies don’t we?

That is the real beauty of it all isn’t it? I think we don’t have to worry ever about I believe remotely be associated with truth. Oh it might be fun as a novelty, but on a daily basis, it’s story time all the way folks.

Well that’s my I believe slant on life and one, which I’m darn proud of. Okay I guess I am proud in a way that I can’t always boast about. I wish I could, but I know that doesn’t get votes.

Funny, I guess. But to really have an, I believe, that works means you have to keep it to yourself. After all there isn’t much value in telling the world if it doesn’t pay. So above all I believe in winning no matter how many things I have to lie about regarding I believe for it to work.