KEEPING SCORE WITH THE TONGUE

There’s an old saying about making up the rules as you go along. It is one of those alternate ways of talking about lying or cheating. And I’m all for it. That for me is what keeping score with your tongue is all about.

I mean for a lazy person who lacks the legitimate qualifications to do most things I couldn’t function if I wasn’t able to lie about it. That is part of the reason I went into politics in the first place. It gave me plenty of opportunity to steal and lie and not have to work hard in the process.

Years ago I decided that this route was better for me than trying to go the corporate route. There was too much chance I might end up in a position where I would have to actually produce results. And for a guy like me that is one thing I definitely didn’t want to have to risk.

Actually I had given thought to not being sure, which was a better career choice for me. It was either politics or religion. I don’t want to piss off the bible thumpers, but frankly to be honest I think they would admit that among their ranks there are definitely a few television evangelists who are a little questionable in terms of their activities. Hey, all I can say is that my view of that isn’t one where I say all evangelists are that way, but from what I’ve seen a few at least have been exposed over the years for being something other than honest.

In any case, I decided to elect to choose the politics route. I just figured that if I messed up and got caught as a politician I would only manage to get in trouble with the law. I didn’t see any point of risking offending God too. Even though I don’t want to get on any spiritual detour here, I’m not inclined to want to get the Lord unhappier with me than he probably is already. I think that he likely is a little more inclined to want to get pissed at those who steal in his name than those of us who just steal in general. Call it being picky, but that was my thinking.

So here I am, a player on a small field and in the glorious position of being both umpire and player. Plus when I lie about the score, I can lie to the fans as well as the other players and even get paid for it! Now who can get a better deal than that?

And speaking of being a player that reminds me I got a big game coming up. Only this one isn’t going to take place in any stadium. If I’m really lucky it will take place in a motel room with only one other playing. Too bad I won’t be able to give the details of how the game turned out in a posting. But there is enough adult content in blogs already, I don’t want to try and compete with them.

The one good thing is that this kind of scoring is the type that once you get to the motel you know you are going to make it to home base and not strike out. Of course with my friends it wouldn’t matter anyway, because the way I keep score you know I would end up claiming I won no matter what happens.

And that folks is why I’ll always enjoy my version of sports, which I’m sure there are plenty of others who love to play the same way too. We just can’t always mention their names!