READY, SET , WAIT

I thing this is almost a law in civil service work. You do all this planning and you can't forget the regulations. Lord knows the world would come to an end if there weren't any regulations.

Of course then you have to have the required number of meetings and speeches to make it all believable that you really are ready even if you aren't. That is the important part you know. You have to have the illusion of being organized no matter how untrue it happens to be.

Then comes the most important part. The waiting. You can't invest all that energy and effort and just rush out and do something. You have to show it was important so you put in on a calendar.

The farther in the future, the more it will appear to be important even if it really isn't. This is naturally all window dressing when I do it.

What I strive for in these situations is to inspire confidence. You have to when you are dealing with incompetence. One can't tell the truth that the ready part never really makes you ready. It doesn't even bring you close.

Then you come to the set part. Well that is a good option. For we sit down and spend the whole time having a meeting to explain why the ready part is ready even though it isn't.

Oh yeah, it takes a lot of effort to make that work correctly. Which is why I need the speeches. I have to have all that double talk so nobody finds out how utterly impossible the whole process truly happens to be.

Now when it is all over with we come to the wait part. Only we never call it that. Why would we waste all that effort telling really creative lies to be honest at that juncture?

No, no, no, no. What you need is a chance to arrange a time schedule for completion of the project.

That is the time schedule you never plan on following, but want to create the impression you are. When in reality the whole time you are just stalling so you can figure out who best to blame when nothing actually happens as you said in our speeches.

If you work it right, then you get the money out of the budget to line your pockets, everyone thinks you are a hero and some poor sucker takes the fall. And that makes it all a joy.

Now if I really work it right then not only do I get some extra bucks without doing anything, but I also hook up with some hot little cutie in a meeting. That is the kind of bonus I never complain about. I just can't exactly report it on my income tax. Just like too many other things.