ON ACCOUNT OF

Excuses. I love them when I use them and hate them when I hear them. Is that being a hypocrite? You are darn right and I'm proud of it.

How can I justify such an attitude? Easy, I'm a politician and a liar by nature. So a natural extension of that is being flexible in my values and standards. Too me being flexible translates into pretty much making them up as needed.

I don't always hate it when I hear the on account of from somebody. Some people are so creative and talented that when they give me an excuse it is practically a work of art. Which is probably what gripes me with most of the other times. They lack originality. So call it a matter of judging creativity more than anything else.

So I can almost applaud when a person does it right. You better believe that is so cool. I have nothing, but admiration for an artful use of the tongue by someone who can spread the manure as well as I can. That's pure talent.

However, I do really get more than a little annoyed with the ones seeking to dodge responsibility by coming up with some lame account of. Now I've used enough of those in my days to know a really piss poor one when I hear.

It just really bores the crap out of me. And that is no fun. Which is probably my main issue. I like to have fun, regardless of the situation.

Go ahead tell me a story. Make it as clever and interesting as possible. Just please, don't bore me. I will hate that more than anything.

You see the driving force for this with me is a matter of knowing when somebody gives me a lame story that it generally means I have to in turn rewrite it before I give it to somebody else. And that means work. I hate having to do extra work.

Whereas a thoughtful employee who is kind enough to have thought through this issue and really come up with a winning on account of almost deserves a medal or trophy. True, I can't give them one, but you can be darn sure I put them on my list of favorite employees.

Perhaps the day will come when I can take a whole different approach to this thing. I'm not sure when or how, but I might give it some thought. Maybe I can even come up with some award for most successful pile of manure dressed up to smell sweet as on account of. That would be cool too.

The hard part is figuring out how I could reward the great liars and still not tell them it is okay to lie. Sort of will be kind of tricky. But I'm sure if I can sucker the people every election with lies, then I can figure something out.

In the meantime, I'm going to work up a computer file. And create a list of on account excuses I've already heard too many times. That should help.