NOT TODAY

Actually I think to be completely accurate with this I have to say not only not today, but not tonight either. I’m speaking of those dreaded times where your mind isn’t functioning on all cylinders and the last thing you want to do is have to think too hard about anything.

What truly dumbfounds me about such moments is how when I feel the worse that is when everybody seems extra intent on expecting my help. It is like I’m wearing a sign that says, “Hey Rash is feeling really crappy so be sure you stop by and say something to make him feel worse.”

The other day for example I woke up feeling like an elephant was lying on my chest. Physically I was okay, just emotionally I was really depressed.

What most likely lead to my feeling that way was a rather disappointing rendezvous with a “date” the previous night. There I was in the bar and laying all my best lines on this little cutie. Okay no groans folks, yeah I know I’m not suppose to do that being married and all, but heck I figure why should my wife have all the fun finding those young guys to show the inside of a motel room. So there!

Anyway there I was playing it like a genuine Mr. Cool and convinced I was impressing the gal. In fact I felt that way right up to the point we went to the motel room. And then afterwards, sorry I’m going to skip over the sordid details of what we did. Does anyone have a reason to think we spent the time reading the Gideon publication? No, I didn’t think so.

Well the thing was afterwards my date decide to point out to me that she was a professional. And I don’t mean at selling used cars either.

At first I was angry since she didn’t tell me that up front. Then I was confused since normally in such situations the protocol is that you discuss the fee before conducting business. Her explanation was that she knew who I was and also that was her regular stomping grounds so she didn’t see any reason to assume that I didn’t understand the situation. I did pay for services rendered. But I was definitely depressed to find out my best lines didn’t mean squat. My view at least.

So there I was the next morning just not wanting to go anywhere and just about to call in sick when the phone rang. Guess what there was an emergency at City Hall and according to my secretary only the Mayor could help.

She was so panicked that she couldn’t even explain what the emergency was. But when I got there all I know is that I didn’t even get to my office before I was descended upon by several different people all who thought their emergency was the most important.

By the afternoon, I had listened to such dribble way too many times. I never did find out, which silly concern was the one that my secretary decided couldn’t be solved without my help. I did get a very nice headache though. Hardly my solution to a bad day, but at least the bartender listened even if it was for a fee.