IN THE WASH

A washer is such an amazing tool. I wonder sometimes how people got by without them. And I’m grateful that at least at my house we have a house keeper who washes clothes as part of her duties. That makes an easy task even easier from my point of view.

I just wish there was a way to put a whole lot of other things in life through a washer. But instead if I want to clean up my little acts of indiscretion I have to rely upon my news paper/washing machine reporter pal, Hugo Muckraker. He is such a master at taking the times when I blunder and let my conniving plans get discovered and covering it up. Heck on really great occasions he can even figure a way to be sure somebody else gets the blame for my mistakes. Now let’s see you do that with a regular washer.

The thing I find fascinating is how some people would take my comments and be shocked in their opinion. To which I would like to point out that as far as I can tell there is a whole lot of washing going on by other politicians, corporations and basically anyone who has an image that gets tainted from time to time and they need to bleach it of its stains.

To that end I would like to protest. Here I am, just an small city Mayor doing my best to keep my image clean and spotless all for the sake of my voters. (Okay for the sake of making sure they don’t find out what a jerk I really am.) But the point is I do it for a specific reason and it only affects my city. And outside of the little plans that get messed up from time to time, basically in my city life goes on and nobody is really all that concerned when my image ends up in the wash.

Still there are those that would be all pissed off by my laundry and never utter a word when some corporation or the boys in Washington do this on a larger scale. Hey those guys have far more dirty laundry that I could ever own. And you sure can’t blame them for making sure the mistakes they do end up going in the wash when nobody is looking. Who needs the grief of having people criticize you preference in the kind of scandal soap you need to use? Like they would really offer up some alternative.

Some crazy people would call the truth the ultimate form of wash, but not to me. If you use it on your dirty laundry that is hopelessly stained due to you being a crook the only thing that is going to happen when you clean it with truth is that it will fall apart. And I happen to like my clothes, stain or not with greed. So excuse the heck out of me for not enjoying the idea of being stuck having to fabricate a whole new wardrobe of deception.

Unfortunately in reality I know that no matter how hard I try there are times when what ends up in the wash in terms of my activities is never going to end up quite as clean as some people would expect. And it becomes my job to be sure I get the wrinkles of the flaws in activities ironed out with some form of cover up before they get noticed by the wrong people. That is the part of being in the wash that I’ve learned to be really good at from my point of view. I just hope the voters never find out how many wrinkles were there before I lied about them being ironed.