Monday's Fangs

Heading home from work in the morning,
flat tire ends up freeway cruise,
then find out the spare is also flat
and my cell phone is dead.

Find a pay phone and call tow service,
wait and hour and call them back,
then am told they got lost!

At last they show up and take my car to a tire store,
only then they tell me I need four tires,
yet only have three in stock!
I waited two hours for them to get the missing one
from some place across town.

After leaving I run out of gas,
walk to the service station
pay twenty dollars for a gas can that leaks!

Manage to get home to find out electricity was out,
then they called me while I was sleeping
just to let me know
it would be fixed by the evening.

Mail brought a bill from somebody I didn’t know,
took an hour on the phone to find out it was a mistake.
Decided to go to the mall to hide from the insanity,
hoping to find some relief in the movie rental store,
got harassed by this security guard who mistook me
for somebody else that had been there last week
and was caught shop lifting.

Dragged my behind to the food court,
ordered a chicken salad,
thought it was okay,
until I got deathly sick later.

Ended up at emergency room
where they gave me antacid for two hundred dollars
before sending me home.

There my neighbor was so excited
he had just one some contest
was all excited about going to Hawaii.

That really made me more distressed
since he seems to live to give me grief,
tried to enjoy knowing he would be gone
until he mentioned his cousin
the one on parole and called “Psycho”
would be staying at his house.

Went inside wondering if Monday could be worse
at least the electricity was back on,
turned on the television
in time to find out the cable news channel
let me know they were raising our rates.