NICE AND EASY

There are plenty of options for the best meaning of this phrase. My personal favorite though is when some con I’ve plan goes incredibly smooth.

That for me is a form of heaven. I just don’t get to brag about it to most people. Oh I do tell my buddy newspaper reporter Hugo Muckraker. And he generally if motivated will put some slant on the facts so I end up looking like a super star. You can talk about freedom of the press, but for me it is the bribe of the press that really counts!

I recall in this big epic comedy once that I saw how there was this athlete, Mr. Nice Guy Hero, who was discussing the concept of competition and victory with this Mr. Uniform Anal Retentive Creep. (Obviously I’m paraphrasing their characters in case somehow you didn’t know.) And in the movie the Hero was talking about in his view winning too easy took away from the thrill. The Military guy disagreed. In his view winning easy was fantastic.

And even though I have no use for the people who want you to stand at attention so you won’t move when they are shooting you, I have to admit I side with the Military guy in this situation.

In fact for me the best kind of victory is the one that is so easy your victim doesn’t even know he lost. Now that is perfection. The kind of success rip off where you leave somebody bleeding and he ends up apologizing for dripping blood on the floor. Then he cleans it up! Ah there is no joy as cool for me than that kind of pure conquest with the deployment of strategic avarice tongue bombs, which inflict permanent damage on an unarmed victim.

Now don’t sneer. Would you expect otherwise from me. We are talking reality here. And in a dog eat dog world as some say. Only I don’t intend to get dog bit if I can avoid it. I might do all the biting myself, but why not? Try to answer that with something other than a bunch of morality fluff!

So I’m sure you’ve heard the rule from the scriptures about doing unto others as you want done to yourself. All I do is take it one step further to make it applicable to the realities of the climate in which I live. Basically it is to do unto the other guy in a way so he is left with no chance to do the same to you. I call it survival. I won’t say what a few others have called it.

However that is the basic way I have learned to cope with survival in a concrete zoo I call home. Most are too busy lying about wishing they had the chance to rip others off like I do. So I figure I sort of owe it to them to not disappoint them in terms of their expectations. I call it being the kind of role model that conforms to the wishes of my constituents.

And believe me that telling myself that is one of the real ways that I manage to preserve my theory on nice and easy. After all it wouldn’t be easy if I had to actually try and do things honestly. That is way too much work!