Personal Ads

There’s a gal looking for Prince Charming,
he needs to be generous, loving and affluent,
be everything her last two insane husbands weren’t,
because this time she’s ready and lost her rage,
this time she’s out of rehab no longer screaming all night,
and her therapist says she so much better
can even hold a butcher knife without stabbing at the air,
next month she’s even be able to look for work
without risk she’ll lose it just from being asked a question,
thank goodness it will be before her unemployment runs out,
so helpful all her kids are in school now
giving her a chance to find her soul mate to keep her calm.

There’s a guy looking for Cinderella,
she should be affectionate, caring and understanding,
able to fulfill his every need,
even the ones when he uses a bat to attack invisible enemies,
someone totally supportive unlike all the girlfriends he’s had
who he couldn’t bring himself to marry since they didn’t appreciate
the times he would go nuts over dirty laundry,
or suddenly start hitting the wall with his first
from the toilet being plugged.
But he’s grown so much since joining AA,
his parole officer is sure he’ll not break the law again,
just like the three how had the case before him.
It’s all going to be okay since the cult he’s joined
has showed him a better way,
they’ve assured him God loves everyone
despite those times he stumbles and commits another crime.

Oh Cupid is a twisted prankster,
how his bow will stab these two in the heart,
it be another love story that ends with hate and hospital visit,
one more sick tale of broken lives
who will try to glue their shattered pasts together
no matter how many times the beauty is fled into a fit of anger.
They will fix it all by posting another ad
where they paint over the truth
to hide the hideous nature of existence.