Answer Machines

Oh the plethora of trite phrases
played as presumptuous recording brilliance,
seems the true sages of answer machine philosophy
are content to speak in simplest ways
providing precise point and purpose for their data.

But whoa is the ear that gets the number of some home
where the owner has to babble endlessly
using his redundant panoply of predictable prose.

Starting with the mundane and unimaginable,
“we can’t come to the phone right now.”
Like that isn’t obvious,
meaning they are too uncreative
for a thoughtful comment
or intentionally sitting their screening their calls.

Then comes the compulsory dribble
about what they are doing,
as if I really need to know or care.
Guaranteeing the longer the explanation,
the less I need the information.

Now if they think they are clever
they’ll add some other sound effects,
never once letting you know
what number you called
so you aren’t even sure
that you dialed the right number.

Meanwhile the wise
having a respect for time,
don’t pontificate their greetings,
just speak the facts without the baloney,
making it apparent
they are smart enough to talk
without showing off their damaged brain cells.