IT'S ALL A BIG MISTAKE

Honestly, this has to be a big mistake,
I would never do a thing naughty enough
to be put on Santa's bad list.

I'm just a hard working businessman
trying to make a decent living,
was it really my fault
that the shipment of produce I ordered
had been exposed to toxic waste?
Just attempting to give my customers
a break on the cost,
and besides that warning label on the boxes,
figured it was some silly joke.

As for that nursing home,
which I acquired and then foreclosed
so I could build a mini mall,
those old folks needed the fresh air,
sleeping in tents over at the park
should be regarded as an uplifting experience.

Plus, those rumors about my employees being disgruntled
are pure myth.
They all love me and I'm very popular,
in fact I really made their Christmas this year
when I announced that I was going to give them a big raise.
After struggling for years
and getting by driving last year's luxury car,
it gives me such joy to able to increase their pay
so they will get the minimum wage.

Finally, I also wish to say,
that the tests aren't back yet,
so I don't think it is fair to hold that question
of who fathered my secretary's child
against me until then.

Gee, I sure hope Santa is more compassionate
than those lawyers of my three ex-wives
all trying to collect back child support from me,
after all, I did send them a Christmas card
filled with coupons my secretary clipped out of the newspaper