Don’t Tread On Me!

I am the freedom loving Captain Yul B. Bombed

in my basement is where so many guns accrue,

dreams of shooting liberals make me feel calmed

and anyone who loves our flag of red, white and blue.

 

Can’t say when I’ll have another of my Vietnam flashbacks

though if you’re a long haired weirdo I’ll shoot you just the same,

because I know there’s some commies out there planning attacks,

besides everyone does something worthy of my sniper’s aim.

 

That camouflage green jeep that is parked in my driveway

is a nice storage spot for my secret stash of the plastic C4,

which I’ll use on you if you insult the good ole USA,

making sure it explodes the moment you open your front door.

 

At nights when those voices come I go out on my patrol

sneak through the neighbor’s bushes to check for any threats,

thank goodness we have a sewer I can use as a foxhole,

then use my broken walking talkie to call for a strike by air force jets.

 

So be careful when you come around my front porch

be sure you are a patriot and don’t look like any freak,

otherwise my flamer thrower might make you a human torch

thus ending another possible homeland security leak.

 

We will get along just fine if you obey my every command

since I can’t think without giving orders unto everyone,

now don’t tread on me or disagree with my democratic stand

or I’ll end up burying you after I reply with my machine gun.