I Can Explain That

Hello Dr. Um, Fartsworthy right?
No? Sorry, just all the shrinks where I come from
have fart in their name, so…
And where is that?
Well I know this may surprise you,
but you see I come from the year 2525,
yeah, like in the song, remember?
Anyway, it is very nice there,
I live in a suburb called, Crapozania.
Actually, we don’t have cities any longer
so everyone lives in a suburbs,
gave up cities, too boring and time consuming.


Why do you have that odd look on your face?
Now the thing is you see,
everything got so much easier after 2319.
That is when this guy, a real genius,
Blutark Upyour-anamus-slime,
really changed things.
He had this revelation,
decided all life’s problems
were caused by either religion, politics or money.
Once we got rid of them,
along with lawyers, evangelists, politicians and salesmen
it really made everything so much easier.
Sadly, he sort of cracked up after that
concluded weather was the result of insects
controlling the seasons,
had to send him off to a loony bin
after he claimed spiders were mating with rainbows.

Oh the world sucked for a while,
then the aliens took over,
was nice they just wanted franchise rights
to convenience stores, escort services and fast food places.
In return they solved our energy problems,
made everything powered by methane,
course we had to accept these insert in our rear-ends
for collecting the fuel, but it is a pain, literally,
yet we can use our vehicles for free.

Yep, life in 2525 is just fine,
spend most of our time just having sex and watching cable.
Lost our creativity I admit,
which means we come back here for anything we can’t produce,
personally I was here fetching a dozen Krispy Kremes,
my time mogrifying thingie messed up on coordinates,
landing me in that girls restroom stall at that junior high,
honestly if I had known, I would have put on more than a raincoat.

Now about that water fountain,
the reason I freaked
is because in my time they are all accounts,
which is really tough since we only use credit cards,
darn aliens run the charges, have to work off debt in trade,
can imagine that you would see my behavior as odd.

Yes, I can explain those other things
such as grabbing that woman’s crotch,
where I am that is a form of greeting.
Is this going to take long?
See I do have a hot date waiting for me back home,
hey you can’t be serious!
Very well, we can talk about the vending machine incident,
honestly where I am all the hookers look like them
surely you can understand my confusion
and why I thought it, er she, was trying to help me get a thrill.

What are those two men here
and what is that needle for?
Strange looking jacket,
no holes in the sleeves.